"Daria" is owned and copyrighted by MTV. All rights reserved.  This is 
*not* an episode, but the best imitation of an episode that I could 
write.  Thanks to the creators of "Daria" for providing so much rich 
material for fanfics....

This is [or should be] the twentieth episode of The Driven Wild Universe.  
It follows 1) "Rose-Colored Lenses," 2) "The Tie That Chokes," 3) "That 
Thing You Say," 4) "'Shipped Out," 5) "Andrea Speaks!", 6) "Cheered Down," 
7) "None in the Family, Part One, "8) "None in the Family, Part Two," 9) 
"Outvoted," 10) "Of Absolute Value," 11) "Breaking the Mold," 12) 
"Surreal World," 13) "Erin the Head," 14) "Primarily Color," 15) "The 
Age of Cynicism," 16) "Charge of the Math Brigade," 17) "An Uneasy Marriage," 
18) "In Her Own Words," and 19) "All But Forgotten."


(Black screen.  Suddenly two circles, encasing two eyes, appear.)

DARIA: (VO)  Oh joy, another recap.  Is it just me, or do these get
longer each time I watch television?  Just another reminder to trade
mine in for that stainless steel knife collection.  (Bt)  After "Sick 
Sad World" goes off the air, of course.

(Pause)

DARIA: (sighing)  Previously on "Daria"...

... Quinn learns she has a major vision problem and needs
glasses.
... Quinn's glasses conspire with her math teacher to turn
her into a completely unfashionable math geek.
... Mom discovers she has a knack for sculpting.
... Dad discovers he has a knack for tutoring Quinn, just as I
learn I have a knack for torturing Quinn.
... And just when I'd stopped worrying about dying alone, 
Aunt Amy sends over pictures of her peachy keen life with 
her boyfriend.
... The ensuing raging envy I feel leads me to set up Trent Lane 
with my cousin Erin.  &%#$@^%?!!
... And later I moan about my depressing life to people even more 
pathetic than me on an underground newspaper. 

(Pause)

DARIA:  Oh, wait... you want a recap of the previous *episode*.  
Why didn't you say so?  (Bt)  Previously on "Daria"...

[Helen's office]

ERIC:  Helen.  (meaningful look.)  You need rest.  So you don't end up 
getting a much longer rest.

(Helen catches his meaning, swallows hard.  Marianne glances at her with 
sympathy.)


[Amy and Joel, with Helen, in their apartment]

AMY: (sleepy) It's not your *habit* to drop in on people after midnight, 
is it?

[another shot]

AMY:  Hel--

(Helen reaches forward and grabs her sister around the waste.  Pressing her 
face against Amy's side, she starts shivering and crying noiselessly.  Amy 
looks down at her, stunned.  Then she leans down awkwardly and lays her 
arms around her.)

[Amy and Joel in bed]

JOEL:  She came to *you* with her problems, didn't she?

AMY:  Which brings us to the great mystery.  Why *me*?  

[Daria and Quinn watching Jake leave the kitchen.]

QUINN:  He didn't even *ask* where Mom was.  It's like he doesn't even *care*.

DARIA: (more calm, but still alarmed)  Now, now.  Let's not jump to any 
conclusions.

[Jane, Daria, and Quinn in the Pizza King]

JANE:  So what would be the harm in following him?

[Driving shot of them arriving at the park.]

[Daria, Jane, and Quinn watch Jake play ball.]

(In preparation, Jake beats his bat against the ground -- one time so 
hard, it sends pain shocks through his hands and causes him to drop 
the bat.  He yelps with pain.  Daria cocks a brow: "Typical Dad."  
Just then DeMartino bounds out of the dug-out, claps Jake on the 
back.)

VOICES ALL AROUND:  Yeahhhh Prof!  Whoo-hoo!

JAKE: (warm gratitude)  Thanks, Tony!  This one's gonna be for you.

[Daria to Jane, angry.  Quinn watches from afar, wearing a left-out 
expression.]

DARIA: (devoid of sarcasm) They should have 
told us the truth, Jane.  What they're up to could have major 
impact on our family, yet they're too selfish to let me and 
Quinn come to terms with it.  

[Helen and Amy at the car.]

HELEN:  It was you.  I kept wondering what my main reason for visiting was, 
and now I know: you're the cause of my problems.  You *started* everything. 

AMY: (winces at her angry tone)  You're not just looking for a convenient 
villain?

[Flashback shot of Helen and Greg kissing from "An Uneasy Marriage."]

[Helen and Amy in the car.]

AMY:  I don't think you can put things back the way they were, 
and I don't think *you* think so, either.  (more gentle.)  And 
in spite of the pain and confusion you're feeling, do you really 
believe it'd be better to go back?

HELEN:  It's selfish of me to even *think* 
I could walk out on my sweet Jakey and turn my girls' lives 
upside down because of some fleeting moment of satisfaction.  

[Significant look from Amy.] 

[Amy and Joel in the living room.] 

AMY: (softly)  I just need more time with her. 

[Amy and Daria on the phone.]

AMY:  Please Daria, if there's any time you should trust me, it's now.  
I want your mom to get better, too.

DARIA: (as though there's a painful knot in her throat)  All right.  I 
trust you.  

AMY:  Thanks.

DARIA:  But...

AMY:  Yeah?

DARIA:  Just... (can't get the last words out.)  

AMY: (inviting)  What?  What's on your mind?

DARIA:  Nothing.

[The phone slides from her hand.]
















[intro theme music...................]

MEMORY LANE -- by Kara Wild


ACT ONE

SCENE 1 (Amy's place, middle of the night)

(Shot of the outside of the apartment building, entirely dark
except for a thin glowing outline from the moonlight.  Cut
to shot of Amy and Joel in bed.  Amy is sound asleep, looking as
though every fiber of her being needs rest.  Joel shifts around
beside her, his eyes open.  A couple of times he turns to look
at his sleeping lover before focusing his gaze on the ceiling.)

(Cut to shot of Helen lying sideways in the guest bed with the
sheets tangled around her.  Her eyes are also open, and her mind
moves at a mile a minute.)

(Dissolve to a flashback.  Close-up of a young Helen, less than
half a dozen years old.  Her hair is a couple of shades lighter,
and in contrast to the breezy confidence she shows as an adult,
she looks withdrawn.  Zoom out to show that she's sitting on a
couch in the Barksdale family den, her legs drawn to her chest.
Several seconds pass in silence, until we cut to a shot of a woman
peeking at her through the door.  She turns, and we recognize her as
Helen's mother, Evelyn Barksdale.  Frowning with concern, or perhaps
annoyance, she walks into the posh living room, where a few
relative are seated.  A young Rita plays with her dolls on the
floor.)

EVELYN:  I honestly don't know what's gotten into her.  She's
been like this for weeks.

EVELYN'S MOTHER: She's probably just nervous.  It's a big change,
after all.

RITA: (chipper) I'm not nervous.  I'm excited.

(Evelyn smiles indulgently, then tries to bend over and stroke Rita's
hair, but finds it too difficult.)

EVELYN: Yes, you are a good sister, aren't you?

EVELYN'S MOTHER-IN-LAW: (Helen and Rita's Grandma Barksdale)  It's
too bad Howard's been so busy lately.  He could talk some sense
into her.

EVELYN:  I don't think even he can help.

(Cut to shot of young Helen, sitting there silently.)

EVELYN: (VO) She barely eats and sleeps.  She cries on and off and
hates to leave the house.  And she hardly ever talks.  (stressed.)
I don't know what to do for her!  I'm in no position to deal with
this right now.

EVELYN's MOTHER: (sympathetic)  Of course not.  You just rest, dear.

(The voices fade as we return to the present.  Helen shifts in the
guest bed, then sighs and sits up.)

HELEN: (thought VO)  I hate bad memories.  Why can't I just keep
my mind on the positive?  (frowns.)  But if I could do that, would
I be here?

(After a few more seconds, she stands and walks out of the room.)

(cut to: )

SCENE 2 (living room)

(Shot of Helen seated on the couch, holding a framed photograph in
her hands.  In contrast to her earlier mood, she looks quietly
thoughtful.)

HELEN: (thought VO)  All right, Helen. You've cried yourself
dry.  You've run away.  Now what are you going to do?

(She looks at the photograph, as if wishing it would yield a
response.)

HELEN: (thought VO)  That sounds like something Amy would say.
You're lucky she talks to you at all, after what you accused her of.

(Helen takes a deep breath, and her eyes narrow with resolve.)

HELEN:  First thing you'll do is apologize to her in the morning.
And then, you'll go home and talk to Jake.  And if he loves you,
he'll forgive you.  Then we'll get help... and you'll refocus on
your career and get everything back on track.

(Her expression becomes more vulnerable.)

HELEN:  You won't let fear paralyze you.  You're not a child anymore.

(She presses her chin to her chest and rocks slowly back and forth,
trying to take comfort in these thoughts.  Suddenly there's a faint
creaking sound off screen.  Helen turns toward the doorway and sees
a faint shadow across the floor.)

HELEN:  Amy?

(After another beat, Joel steps into full view.)

HELEN:  Joel.

JOEL:  (tired, gruff)  Lovely middle of the night, isn't it?

HELEN: (concern)  I didn't wake you, did I?

JOEL:  Not unless you made the greasy hoagie that's
churning inside of me.

HELEN:  But after the way I was... (chuckles, embarrassed.)  Oh, 
that's right -- I wasn't actually saying any of it out loud.

(Joel looks at her a bit strangely.  From his POV, Helen is
slumped over on the couch, the moonlight falling against her, looking
like the loneliest creature on earth.)

JOEL:  I'm on my way to the kitchen for some of the pink stuff.

HELEN:  I see. (smiles a bit awkwardly.)  Well I hope you feel better.

JOEL:  Thanks.  (raises a brow at the photograph.)  Hope you
and the picture have a nice time together.

HELEN:  What, this? (She looks at it, as though seeing it for the
first time.)  Oh I just picked it up off the mantle over there.  It's
nothing.  (smiles faintly.)  Actually, it's not "nothing."

(Joel walks over and sits down on an arm of the couch.)

JOEL: (glancing over, smiles)  Amy as a smoochy-poo baby.  I like 
this one.

HELEN:  I'm surprised she'd display this.  (wry.)  It's almost as if 
she's willing to be vulnerable.

JOEL:  She put it up a few months ago.  Also unearthed a couple of photo 
albums from when she was really young. 

HELEN:  That's interesting.  Why?

JOEL:  Just because.  No explanation.  (looks at the picture.)  Here 
she looks like she could be five months, maybe --

HELEN:  Six months.  I took the picture.  (Joel raises a brow.)  I 
was pretty young myself, so that's why it's a little out of focus.

JOEL:  You caught her at a good time, though.  She looks so happy.

HELEN:  She was.  (smiles with the warmth of someone about to 
relive a pleasant experience.)  Every day when I came home from 
school, she would crawl toward me with a big toothless smile and a 
trail of drool down her chin.  

JOEL: (smirks)  Was she a naughty kid?

HELEN:  Not really.  Not as much as you might think.  We played 
Peek-a-boo, I stole her nose, taught her the names of every female 
head of state.  I loved her so much.  (looks at Joel, her cheeks 
flushing.)  I'll confess, both of my girls were beautiful babies, 
but neither of them was as darling as Amy.  I don't know what it 
was. (looks back at the photo.)  Yesterday, when she invited me to 
stay a little longer, I wasn't sure I wanted to, until I saw this.

(Joel looks at the photograph again; something about it speaks to
him, as well as to Helen.  He catches Helen's eye, and Joel suddenly
finds her less of a pain in the ass.  He nods toward the door.)

(cut to: )

SCENE 3 (kitchen, a short time later)

(Joel stands in front of the refrigerator, shaking a bottle
of Pepto Bismol to see how much is left.  Helen sits at the table,
sipping tea and looking much improved.)

HELEN:  You used coasters at the *dinner table*??

JOEL:  When you don't have a mother around, you tend to overcompensate. 
In high school I was voted "most likely to shampoo your rug."

(Helen chuckles.)

JOEL:  So yes, I'm a neat freak.  Could've been much worse, though.

HELEN:  Was it hard living with just your father?

JOEL:  Not really, since I never saw him much.  My dad was
a department store manager, so he worked long hours.  (faces Helen.)
Still, when he was around, he made it count by limiting my
life to school, music, and "pre-selected community-building activities."
A lot of gangs in my neighborhood could've claimed me, but they never did.

HELEN:  Good for you. (brow crease.)  But it doesn't sound very
appealing.

JOEL:  You'd have to meet my father.  He's really a loving
guy.  Now that he's retired, he and I spend more time just hanging out.  
Amy likes him, so he must be worth something, right?

(He and Helen both chuckle at that.)

JOEL:  I think she wishes she could get to know her own father
as an adult.

(Helen's face goes solemn.  Joel remembers that he's talking
to Amy's sister, and looks at her apologetically.)

HELEN:  Oh no... (shakes her head.)  So it sounds as though you and
your father have been like Amy's family.  (smiles.)  Does that
mean you two are...

JOEL:  We are...?

HELEN:  That there won't be any more phone calls to my office?

(Joel looks at her blankly.  Then he gets an "Oh yeah!" expression,
remembering the conversation in "That Thing You Say.")

JOEL:  I thought you were going to ask if we planned to tie the knot.

HELEN:  I meant: are things all right between you two?

JOEL: (shrugs a little)  Better than they were.

HELEN:  Any thoughts of marriage?

JOEL:  I know I have... but we're still getting used to living 
together.

HELEN:  But you moved in *months* ago.  *Not* that I'm trying to 
dictate a time table, but --

JOEL: (raising a brow)  We've needed those months.  I just told
you what I'm like.  I lived alone for a long time before we started 
dating.  Whatever Amy's said --

HELEN: (too quickly)  Nothing.  Nothing at all.

JOEL:  -- isn't completely off the mark.  I'm kind of an asshole.

HELEN:  Oh Joel, no.

JOEL:  No, it's true.  I'm impatient, moody, a neat freak, I drive 
into hurricanes instead of asking for directions.  

HELEN: (amused)  You make well-ordered lists.

JOEL:  I don't share my feelings when asked, but I make others 
share theirs when they don't want to.  If that's not asshole 
behavior, I don't know what is. 

HELEN:  Or maybe you're just human.

JOEL:  You think?  Then again, I think Amy can be a bit of an asshole 
herself.

HELEN: (not sure she'd put it in those terms)  Oh...

JOEL:  We're both so used to telling people who disagree with 
us to fuck off, it's hard when that person and you share a bed.  
(sees Helen's expression.)  We still have a lot to learn.  I don't 
want to deal with another divorce. 

HELEN:  You say you've thought of marriage. (cocks brow.)  Has Amy?

JOEL:  She's made murmurings in that direction.  At some
point she'll actually speak of it at normal volume.

(Helen groans softly.)

JOEL:  I think she would, if she weren't going through a
personal crisis.  (Helen looks at him.)  Which I take 
it she never mentioned.

HELEN:  No.

JOEL:  Job dissatisfaction.  She makes a lot of money, but she 
no longer enjoys her work, if she ever did.  She was going to 
attend a clinic that would help her explore other options.

HELEN:  "Was"?  Are you saying she missed it?  Why on earth 
would she do that?

(Joel looks at her.)

HELEN:  Because of me?  (closes her eyes.)  Oh Amy... she never 
once mentioned it.

JOEL:  She didn't want to leave you alone.

HELEN: (brow crease)  But I'd have let her go if I'd known 
how important it was to her.  (Her expression becomes pained.)  
But after the awful things I said, who could blame her 
for not wanting to tell me?

(Joel looks at her questioningly, wondering if she'll 
elaborate.  Instead, Helen turns away and looks as though 
she's deeply pondering.)

HELEN: (softly)  It's all my fault.  Everything's my fault.  

JOEL:  Helen, don't be so hard on yourself.

HELEN:  No, it's true. (groans) Which makes it that much more 
imperative that I set it right.

JOEL:  So what are you going to do?

(cut to: )

SCENE 4 (Morgendorffer kitchen, morning)

(Shot of the outside.  Cut to shot of Daria at the table,
cordless phone to her ear.  Quinn enters, looking tired and 
crabby, and silently sits down on one of the counter stools.
Daria glances at her as she continues to listen to Helen on 
the other end.)

DARIA: (into the phone)  Yes, Dad and Quinn are fine.
(Pause) Dad's still in bed.

JAKE: (suddenly, from out back)  AGHHHHH!  Work, you stupid
machine!

DARIA:  I mean destroying the lawn mower.  (Bt)  Yes, I know 
where the tourniquets are.  (Bt)  See you soon.

(Seconds later, she clicks off the phone.)

DARIA: (to Quinn, with relief)  Mom said she'll be home this 
afternoon.  Commence normal boring weekend.

QUINN: (distant, flips through an open newspaper nearby)  Great.

DARIA:  So Aunt Amy worked her magic.  (thought VO.)  In
spite of what she said.

QUINN:  Yeah.

DARIA:  Our parents might not be cozy, but at least they'll 
share a zip code.

QUINN:  Yeah.

DARIA: (cocking an eyelid)  And soon aliens from Planet X will
land and perform a happy jig.

(Quinn pushes aside the newspaper and sits up, looking angry.)

QUINN:  I *heard* you, Daria.  I was paying attention.

DARIA: I could tell.  (Bt)  Frankly I'd've thought you of
all people would be thrilled by the news.

(Quinn hops off of the stool.)

QUINN:  Since when do you know anything about me?!

(She walks briskly out of the room, leaving a puzzled Daria
to stare after her.)

DARIA: (to the empty room)  And once again, melodrama rears
its ugly head in the Morgendorffer household.

(cut to:)

SCENE 5 (Amy's place, a little later)

(Shot of the outside.  Cut to shot of Amy sitting up in bed, 
Indian-style.  Helen rushes between her bedroom and the bathroom, 
dressed in her usual business suit.)  

HELEN:  I have to leave, Amy.  I have to face this, and I can't 
do it here.

AMY:  You don't need to explain yourself, Helen.  

HELEN:  And I'd stay for breakfast, but if I do I might wind up 
making some silly excuse to avoid leaving, and there's no way 
I can keep doing that!  Not when it's so unfair to Jake and the 
girls, and for me to just *drive* away and not explain to Jake 
what I've been feeling, I can't believe I've let it sit for so 
long!  That's not me.  *This* is me.

(Her face, now done up in its usual fashion, takes on a hard, 
determined expression.  Amy looks her over and leans back against 
her pillows.) 

HELEN:  I know that means I won't see your favorite spots, but 
I promise you, honey, I do want to.  (face softens.)  I won't let 
another twenty years go by before I see your home again.

AMY:  Since by then, it could be on the new Mars colony. 

(She chuckles, as does Helen.  But Helen notices that something 
is off about Amy's behavior.  She doesn't seem angry, but lacks 
energy.)

HELEN:  I hope you're not upset.

AMY:  Upset to have my weekend back?  When I can finally make 
that needlepoint class?

(This brings to mind the comment Joel made about the clinic.  
Helen looks at Amy with a mixture of gratitude and guilt.)      

HELEN:  I want to thank you and Joel for putting up with me.

AMY:  Think nothing of it.  I know you'd do the same.

HELEN:  Maybe so, but I haven't said "thank you" nearly enough 
the past couple of days.  And the words I *have* said haven't been 
all that kind.

AMY: (sardonic)  Really?

HELEN:  I shouldn't have blamed you for my problems.  (sighs.)  
I was upset, I needed a scapegoat, but it wasn't your fault.

AMY: (softer)  Really...

HELEN:  I know you sacrificed a lot to keep me here.  (eyes Amy.)  
Probably more than you're willing to admit.  I'm sorry to have 
behaved so thoughtlessly.

AMY:  Helen... (Her cheeks flush, as though embarrassed by the
strong emotions she's feeling.  She looks at her sister and smiles.)  
Apology accepted.  And for what it's worth, you weren't the burden 
I thought you would be.  In fact...

HELEN:  Yes?      

AMY:  I... never mind.  There were some things I wanted to ask.  
Nothing important.

HELEN: (coaxing)  Come on, Amy: no secrets.  Remember?

AMY:  It's nothing that can't wait for e-mail.

HELEN:  All right, but don't be shy.  

(She looks at Amy a moment longer before reaching over to give 
her a hug.  We see Amy's face over Helen's shoulder, solemn 
and thoughtful.)

HELEN: (pulling away)  I'll call you when I get home.

(She brushes a few stray hairs off of Amy's face, and moves 
toward the door.)

AMY:  Helen, wait.  Don't go.

(Helen turns, sees Amy's serious expression.)

HELEN:  What's the matter?

AMY: (shaking her head)  Believe me, I want to let you go, but 
something doesn't feel right.  I... just hear me out. 

(Concerned, Helen comes back over and sits beside Amy on the bed.)

AMY:  A piece of our puzzle is missing.  Now maybe I'm overstepping 
my boundaries and misreading things and what have you, but I have 
to ask.

HELEN:  Ask what?

AMY:  Are you still in love with Jake?  

HELEN: (after a slight pause, stunned)  Why Amy, what on earth 
kind of question is that?

AMY:  A valid one.  (softer.)  Hey, if the answer's yes, then all 
the pain and heartache you've suffered or have yet to suffer will 
be worth it.

(Helen just looks at Amy.)

(fade-out.  fade-in to:)

SCENE 6 (Morgendorffer garage, that same time)

JAKE:  *Damn* it!  That's the second one I've busted in two 
weeks!  Lousy cheap piece of tin - OW!  You bit me!  (He snaps 
back his hand, revealing a cut on his finger, then puts it in 
his mouth.)

DARIA:  Um... Father?

JAKE:  Thtoopid... (removes his hand.)  Dammit, you're ALL AGAINST ME!

(He starts kicking the lawn equipment viciously, causing it to 
fall every which way.  Daria just stands there watching, until 
Jake finally turns around.)

JAKE: (brightens immediately)  Oh.  Hey kiddo.

DARIA:  Not to interrupt your struggle for survival, but Mom called.  
She's coming home from... (Suddenly she frowns, not remembering what 
excuse she gave him.)

JAKE:  Helping your aunt shop for new clothes after her old ones 
were destroyed by that traumatic moth invasion?  (shudders.)  Ewww.  

DARIA:  Er... yes.  Yes, exactly.  

JAKE:  Quinn told me.

DARIA:  Of course.  Though don't be surprised if Mom gives it a 
different spin.  

JAKE:  So she'll be home this afternoon, then.

DARIA:  Yep.  (tries to sound suggestive.)  I'm sure you two will 
have a lot of catching up to do.
 
JAKE:  Yeah, great.  

(Daria notes a subtle, yet definite lack of enthusiasm.  Her brow 
creases with concern.) 

DARIA:  If you need Quinn and me to spend the night elsewhere --

JAKE: (laughing)  Aw don't be silly, kiddo! 

DARIA:  Silly... of course.  (awkward.)  Well now that I've told 
you, I'll be on my merry way.

(She turns to leave.)

JAKE:  Daria?

DARIA: (turning)  Yes?

JAKE:  Ah... erm... nothing.

(Daria looks at him a bit longer, preparing to speak.  Finally 
she leaves.)

(cut to: )

SCENE 7 (Daria's room, shortly after)

(Daria sits at her computer desk, the cordless phone to her ear.)

DARIA:  I had my chance, and I blew it.

(Intercut between her and Jane, on the other end.  Jane is still 
lying in bed, looking as though she's struggling to keep the 
conversation straight.)

JANE:  So go find him and ask him again.  

DARIA: (flustered)  I can't do it now, the moment has passed.  
It would be too awkward.  But I have to ask him, I've put it 
off for too long.  But it's none of my business.  Of *course* 
it's my business.

JANE:  For this, you woke me up in the wee hours of late morning? 

DARIA:  My mother's coming home, anyway.  I should wait until 
they're in the same room.

JANE:  Where I'm sure you'll find the confidence that wasn't 
there the countless other times they were together.  (long Pause)  
I'm sorry.  If you need me to --

DARIA:  Thanks.  But I can handle it.

JANE:  What about Quinn?

DARIA: (irritated)  Quinn suffers from what the experts call 
"acute schitzoid bratosis."  Which lets her go from being 
my best friend to an injured party in ten seconds flat.

JANE:  Most cars wish for that speed.

DARIA:  She's mad at me, again.  No reason, again.

JANE:  No reason?  That can't be true.

DARIA:  Or one she'd rather not tell me.  One that makes 
sense only after she's twisted it to suit her logic.  God I'm 
sick of this.

JANE:  Maybe you need a little Jane detective work to squeeze 
it out of her.

DARIA:  I couldn't ask you to do that.

JANE:  Anything to help out.  Face it, amiga: you guys are gonna 
need each other.

DARIA: (dispirited)  Yeah.

(Moments later, she hangs up the phone and leans back in her 
chair to think.  Cut to shot of Jake, standing outside her door.  
He looks as though he's come over to have a word with Daria, but 
has overheard some of her conversation instead.  His face is bleak.)

(cut to: )

SCENE 

(Shot of the outside.  Cut to a shot of Joel lying on top of Amy 
on the living room couch.  Pan up their clothed [for now] bodies 
and rest on a shot of them kissing, with the ease and insistence 
of people who know that they are not being spied on.  Joel presses 
against Amy gently, cupping her breasts with his hands.  Amy reaches 
into his jeans, and...)

JOEL:  This I like.  (kisses her gently on the neck.) 

AMY: (murmured)  Weren't we supposed to be making a shopping list?

JOEL:  "First ingredient: Cayenne pepper."  (He kisses her 
on the lips.)

AMY: (liking it)  Mmmm... real subtle.

JOEL: (smiles)  We've been responsible grown-ups all weekend; we can 
let it go for a few hours.  (kisses the indentation in her collar 
bone.)  We've got no place to go, the day in front of us...

AMY:  Not exactly.  (clearly reluctant to mention this.)  She's 
coming back.

JOEL:  Who?  Helen?  (pulls back a little.)  But her car's gone.

AMY:  No... I just asked her to move it to the street.  You know 
how those parking nazis get when you're in someone's spot longer 
than twenty-four hours.

JOEL:  She's been gone longer than ten minutes.

AMY:  Yeah, well, maybe she decided to go on home anyway.  
(reflective.)  Though after what we talked about, I doubt it.

(Joel sits up, the moment all but passed.)

JOEL:  She seemed so damned determined to go home, I thought she 
might actually go through it.

AMY:  She would have, but I asked her to stay.  (Joel stares at her.  
Amy looks back at him with a hard-eyed expression.)  Look, she'll 
still be leaving today; it will just be later. 

JOEL:  May I ask why?

AMY:  Why, what?

JOEL:  Why you kept her from leaving?

AMY: (trace of annoyance)  Because, as much as she thinks she's 
got a handle on her problems, she doesn't.  She'd be making a 
big mistake if she went home like nothing happened.  

JOEL: (groaning)  But she *knows* she still has problems, *that's* 
why she's leaving.  Can't you just trust her to do for herself?

AMY: (raises a brow)  If I did, what kind of hostess would that make me?

(Her tone is light, but her eyes still glitter with "Don't question 
me" rebellion.  Joel looks at her once more and shakes his head, 
"Fine: do whatever the hell you want."  He grits his teeth in a smile.)

JOEL:  You're getting as much mileage as you can out of being a 
guru, aren't you?

AMY:  Say what?

JOEL:  Come on... you the strong one.  She the misguided one.  How 
often do you get to have control over your big sister?

AMY:  What happened to "If she pisses you off this much, why not 
just let her go"?  What am I to you: a schitzo?

JOEL: (smiles faintly)  It's what I love.  (then, serious.)  
Just what can you tell her that you haven't already said?  I mean 
Jesus, Amy, what is it you want her to do??

AMY: (after a slight pause)  What she really wants... for once.

JOEL:  And just how do you know so well what she wants?!

(Amy looks away, the fear of her boyfriend's tone not lost 
on her.  Then she looks back at him, takes his face gently in her 
hands, and kisses him deeply on the lips.  She reaches down 
and pulls off her shirt, so she's just wearing a bra, and reaches 
toward Joel to pull his off.  He does it himself.  He presses her 
against him and they kiss some more.  There are sounds of fumbling 
off screen, as though things are sliding off.)

JOEL: (husky)  She could catch us, you know.

AMY:  At least she'll learn how it's done.



****************
END OF ACT ONE
             
[Shot of    .]

***You are now entering commercial *HELL*.  Please keep your seatbelt 
securely fastened.  You are about to see some of the lamest commercials 
put on television.***

1) "At an undetermined time, only at MTV's discretion: Daria finally 
confronts Quinn's sinister math teacher, only to find he has an ace 
up his sleeve.  And Quinn finally learns what Sandi has been up to 
since she quit Student Council.  Next week... or the week after... or 
when MTV decides to shave a half-hour off of a Road Rules marathon... 
on an all-new 'Daria.'"

2) Heyloh... we need to find some way to make "Daria" palatable to the 
general MTV audience, so we're squeezing in a video by a well-known 
rock group.  Although it does not contain any footage or lyrics relating 
to "Daria," we're sure the vapid MTV VJ's can make some tenuous connection... 

3) 

***You are now leaving commercial *HELL*. Aren't you happy you survived?***


ACT TWO


SCENE 1 (driving)

[Helen and Amy are driving along the coast.  The top is down on the car.  
There's tension, some 
dread.  H looks at her cell phone, which has been turned off this 
whole time.  Looks startled, as though she didn't realize it.  Checks 
her watch, too, as though she feels she should be somewhere else.]

[When H and A reminisce, H ought to bring up the photo, which leads 
to a little embarrassment by A, and more reminiscing.]

HELEN:  You know what this reminds me of?  Those summer trips we used 
to take to our cabin.

AMY: (glancing over)  There is that familiar feeling of sunburn and 
whiplash hair.

HELEN:  We used to take that awful winding road to the coast, the one 
that made us all carsick.  And you would look out the back window and 
make faces at the drivers behind us, like you were being tortured.   

AMY: (quietly pleased)  You actually remembered that.

HELEN:  We got pulled over and investigated.

AMY: (embarrassed)  Uh-huh.

[there's going to be more: I want to expand this scene a little.  May 
want to end it with H saying "It's not that I don't love Jake.  It's 
more complicated than that."]

(cut to: )

SCENE 2 (Morgendorffer residence, early afternoon)

(Shot of the outside.)

DARIA: (OS)  Why are all adults such idiots?

(Cut to shot of her and Jane in Daria's room.  Jane is curled 
up on the bed, still drowsy, while Daria sits at the desk.)

JANE: [quip]

[There ought to be some quippy reference made to Daria wanting to 
retire as investigator after the underground.]
DARIA: [response quip]

DARIA:  It's almost *too* simple.  Would my dad be so secretive if 
that's all there was to it?  It's not like one hasn't been jealous 
of the other before.

(She stands up, heads to the door.)  

DARIA:  Either Dad is protecting Mom, or he's protecting himself.  
Either way, there's something he's not telling.  And I'm going to 
find out what.  

JANE:  Do I have to get up?

DARIA:  No, you can stay there.  I'll go get Quinn.

(She freezes at the open door, as if filled with sudden dread. [Brief 
flashback of Quinn's door slamming in her face.]  Jane 
waits a few seconds, then sits up.  She yawns and walks over.)  

JANE:  It's the funniest thing: back when I gave Quinn coloring tips, 
I think I left a paint brush in there.  Better go get it.

(With that, she walks out into the hall, to Daria's gratitude.)

(cut to: )

SCENE 3 (Quinn's room)

(Jane peers inside.  At first she doesn't see Quinn, until she has 
come almost all the way into the room.  Then she finds her at her 
desk, concentrating deeply on a math text as if in a trance.  Jane 
comes over and stands really close, waiting for the right moment:)

JANE:  Knocky, knocky.  

QUINN: (surprised)  Jane?  

JANE:  Wow, your room still looks like this?

QUINN: (now annoyed) What are you doing in here?

JANE:  I wanted to invite you to join Daria on a fun-filled excursion 
downstairs to talk to your dad.

QUINN: (suspicious)  Why doesn't she ask me?

JANE:  Oh you know Daria.  Always on the go, too busy to handle 
her own affairs.

(Quinn turns back to her math.)

QUINN:  She can go down and talk to Dad herself, then.  

JANE:  Quinn, you can't afford to be angry at Daria.  She's your 
one ally, the one person who's on equal footing with you on this.  
It's your right to go to your parents and raise hell for the way 
they've been behaving, and dammit, it's way easier to be annoying 
if there are two of you.

QUINN:  You act like you really care, or something.

JANE:  It's a reflex: this whole situation has made my childhood 
and young adulthood flash before my eyes.  Be glad neither of your 
parents is on a balloon trip over the Andes. 

(Quinn smiles, albeit briefly.)

QUINN:  I'm sorry.  But it doesn't matter: there's no point in me coming 
with her.  

JANE:  And why not?

QUINN:  Because I already talked to my dad.

JANE: (surprised)  When?

QUINN:  This morning.  He was, like, standing out in the hallway, 
looking depressed, and I was all "Dad, enough is enough.  Are 
you and Mom fighting?  Are you gonna get a divorce?"

JANE:  What'd he do?

QUINN:  Well first he kind of went all pale and laughed really 
nervously and put his hand on his heart like he was about to have 
another heart attack, and --

JANE:  Okay, okay: but did he *say* anything?   

QUINN: (quieter)  He said to ask Mom.  Then he had to check the 
freezer to make sure the lasagna hadn't gone bad, and ran off.

JANE:  Yeesh.  

QUINN:  Then okay, so I called Mom on her cell phone, right?  
But it went right to her voicemail, which is so weird, 'cause Mom's 
phone is *never* turned off, so I called Aunt Amy's house and her 
boyfriend answered.  And I swear, he sounded all slurry, like he'd 
just woken up, but then *who* takes a nap before *noon*??

JANE: (sardonic)  Tired little Janey.

QUINN: (not hearing)  And he told me Aunt Amy wanted to show Mom 
something before she left so Mom's really *not* on her way home 
after all, and I'm just *so* confused and I don't know what to 
do.

JANE:  Well I gotta admire your footwork.  But don't you think this 
is something you could've might've *should*'ve told Daria?

(Quinn's expression darkens into one of resentment.)

QUINN:  *Why* should I?  She didn't tell *me* Mom's real reason 
for visiting Aunt Amy.  

JANE:  Oh?

QUINN: (storming)  She thought I was too stupid, like I couldn't 
handle the truth!  Well this time I wanted to know something 
*she* didn't know, something really important.  (more solemn.)  
I was gonna tell her eventually.

JANE:  First day at the retirement community?  (Quinn shoots a 
look of defiance.)  Look, Daria doesn't think you're stupid; she 
just has incredibly high standards that very few people meet.  
So to her, you're not *uniquely* stupid --

QUINN: (angry/amused)  Yeah, yeah, I know.  I've only lived with 
her since *birth*.  And I know when she thinks you're really 
stupid, and I know she thinks *I* am.

JANE:  Quinn, I think you're --

QUINN:  And you want to know why??  'Cause she doesn't *want* 
me to be smart. 

JANE:  Pfft, come *on*.  Who encouraged you to wear glasses?  
Who wanted you to do well in school, and with the math --

QUINN:  I used to think that.  

JANE:  What??

QUINN:  Like you, that she just wanted me to meet her standards.  
So I've tried.  But the smarter I get at math, the less she 
seems to like it.       

JANE:  And how can you prove that?

QUINN:  When I was doing badly, she always used to say I wasn't 
living up to my potential.  *Now* she says I'm only doing well 
because my math teacher is a big creep.

JANE:  You think there's something to her criticisms?

QUINN:  NO!

(The vehemence of her outburst startles Jane, and even seems to 
startle Quinn, who then looks embarrassed if only briefly.)

QUINN:  Okay, so he gives me some extra attention.  But I've come  
most of the way myself!

JANE:  I believe you.  (puts up her hands in a jovial "back off" 
manner.)  But devil's advocate: when have you ever doled out 
compliments to her?  Like, say, on her appearance?

QUINN:  But she hasn't changed her appearance.  She hasn't 
changed *anything*!  It's all been me. 

JANE:  Well no matter how much you think she's wronged you, it's 
not gonna help if all you do is growl at her.  You've gotta be 
honest, which means you've gotta face her.

QUINN: (resistant)  If I tell her, she'll just say something real 
smart and clever to twist it around, so I look even stupider.  She's 
good at that.  (squeezes her eyes shut.)  I'm tired of it.

(Jane looks at Quinn a moment, as if understanding absolutely everything 
she feels.  She then pats Quinn lightly on the shoulder.)       

JANE:  'Kay fine, we won't mention this conversation.  But for the 
greater good, you think you could at least tell Daria what you know?

(Quinn pauses, looks from Jane to her book.)

JANE:  How 'bout if *I* tell her what you know??

(Silently, Quinn stands up and walks out of the room.  Jane follows.)

(cut to: )

SCENE 3

(They keep driving, until the road pulls away from the coast.  Helen 
looks confused as Amy drives into the parking lot of a slightly rundown, 
yet otherwise bland strip mall.  She pulls up in front of a secondhand 
store.)  

AMY:  Here we are.

HELEN:  Not quite what I expected. 

AMY:  You thought a private cliff overlooking the sea?  (smiles.)  No, 
that route was just for pleasure.  (opens the car door, climbs out.)  
To make the trip worthwhile for you.

HELEN: (protesting)  I told you, if it's special to you --

AMY:  Come on.

(Cut to the inside.  The shelves are packed with slightly dusty, 
interesting artifacts, such as old board games, lamps, exercise 
equipment, collectors' plates, etc.)

AMY:  Does it appeal to your artistic eye?

HELEN:  Why... (She remembers Jake's junk sculpture in "An Uneasy 
Marriage," and her face falls.) sure.

AMY: (not noticing)  I found this place years ago, when I broke down 
on my way home from college.  I was trying to pass time, waiting 
for the autoshop to fix my engine... and suddenly it hit me.

HELEN:  What?

AMY:  I didn't want to be a chemist.  (smiles at Helen's puzzled reaction.)  
I took chemistry courses to please Mom and Dad, because I thought it made 
me sound important.  I was good at it, but I didn't enjoy it.  

HELEN:  Oh.  What happened?

AMY:  I switched majors... Mom and Dad said I was spoiled and lacked 
direction, of course.  I headed down the path of liberal arts and haven't 
looked back.  (She sighs a little, then smirks.)

HELEN:  And it was *this* shop that brought your epiphany?

AMY:  No, I think it was coincidence.  (looks around her, eyes filling 
with feeling.)  But since that time, I've come back now and then.  It's 
where I decided to call Joel, after Mom's anniversary party, when we hadn't 
spoken in weeks.  There's something about it.  (glances at Helen, speaks 
more pointedly.)  Maybe that it's cluttered and unfinished, when everything 
in life is supposed to be so well-ordered, yet somehow it's all right that 
it's unfinished.

HELEN:  Hmmm.  (She's still looking around her rather blankly, with pain 
in her eyes.  Then she comes to, and gets a look of quiet gratitude.)  
Thank you for showing me this.  And for... telling me the story behind it.

(Amy flushes, looking pleased; she had hoped for this reaction from her 
sister.)

AMY:  Hey, why not?  It was liberating.  And how often in life do we 
get to feel liberated?  (more pointed.)  I wish I could feel that more... 
don't you?

(She looks hopefully at Helen, waiting to see if it would spark any 
new revelations from her.  Yet the word "liberating," combined with the 
secondhand wares that look like the makings of Jake's sculpture, cause the 
sadness in her eyes to deepen.)

HELEN:  I know you think that I fell out of love with Jake, but I 
haven't.  It's far more complicated than that.

AMY:  Complicated, how?

HELEN: (with difficulty)  We just... we've changed.  Both of us.  I mean 
when we were younger, we were learning about ourselves, as well as each 
other, so of course expectations were different.  (brow furrows.)  But 
as we got older, a question came up of whether our relationship would grow 
with us.  Or whether it would get caught in *1985*, drifting aimlessly 
throughthe same sea of disappointment, frustration, accusations --

AMY:  What?

HELEN:  Nothing.

AMY:  So you're saying you love Jake, but feel that your relationship 
is holding you back?

HELEN:  No, it's holding *him* back.

(Beat)

AMY: (thrown for a loop)  But... what about all that talk last night about 
"discovering" yourself through sculpting?  Kissing your instructor?

HELEN: (looking pained)  Yes, of course that can't be overlooked.  (closes 
her eyes.)  But the truth is, that day I kissed Greg, I learned some 
things about Jake as well.

AMY:  Such as?

HELEN:  Such as with the proper encouragement, he can do *so* much.  
(smiles faintly.)  You know he's been teaching night classes?  A
friend of his got him involved.  It really seems to be doing him a lot
of good.

AMY:  So then what's the problem?

HELEN:  His *friend* encouraged him.  Not me.

AMY:  You mean to say you've never encouraged him?

HELEN:  Of course I have.  But somehow *my* encouragement never got 
him anywhere. (Bt)  Sometimes it just made things worse. 

AMY:  What about when he encourages you?

HELEN: (not hearing)  I just think of what else he might have done
in the proper environment.  He might have fulfilled his dreams
*years* ago, and then he wouldn't have spent all this time feeling
so hurt and resentful --

AMY:  So his failings are your fault.

HELEN:  Maybe he deserves someone else.  Someone... who... can
help him be the kind of man he wants.  

AMY:  Then what would you do?

HELEN:  I don't know.

AMY: (softer)  See Greg?

HELEN:  Amy, honestly!  (reasonable tone.)  I don't think Greg will be 
in the picture anymore.

AMY:  The man you *kissed*?

HELEN: (firm)  The man I kissed *once*, almost by accident.  I've 
been giving this some serious thought, and I really do believe 
it was a fluke.

AMY:  A "fluke."  (Her lips purse with irritation.)  A fluke??

HELEN:  Yes.  (hint of surprise.)  What, is that so bad?
  
AMY:  A fluke that's been killing you.  Admit it.  

HELEN:  Only because it could hurt Jake, *not* for what it says 
about me as a person.

(Amy looks at her incredulously, but before she can speak, the 
shopkeeper comes over.)

SHOPKEEPER:  Anything I can help you with, ladies?

HELEN:  This has actually made me feel a little better.  (to Amy.)  
I can see why you like it here.

SHOPKEEPER: (to Amy)  Ma'am, I've told you: if you "like it here" 
so much, you need to *buy* something.

(Sighing softly, Amy pulls the closest object to her off of the 
shelf -- an over mitt shaped like a cow -- and tosses it to him.)

SHOPKEEPER: (pleased)  Good choice.

(cut to: )

SCENE 4


JAKE: (distressed) I was hoping you girls wouldn't find out.  I 
wanted to preserve your childlike innocence about having a normal 
happy family.

DARIA:  Dad, even if Mom hadn't pulled a vanishing act this weekend.  
Or if you two hadn't had a big blow-out at the anniversary party in 
front of everyone.  We never would have thought that.

QUINN:  Right.

DARIA:  Please don't tell us Mom shared your view.

JAKE: (more to himself)  I don't know; she hasn't said.  We haven't 
really talked.  (burst.)  But it's all my fault!  I just know it!  
She wasn't like this until I made those accusations.

DARIA:  Accusations?

QUINN:  At Grandma Barksdale's party?

JAKE:  No.  (His face flushes, as he realizes he'll have to 'fess 
up about more recent events.)  I-I thought she had feelings for 
someone... but she said she didn't.  I thought we'd made up, but 
then she just sort of drifted away... (his voice grows small and 
trails off.)

(Daria nods faintly, recalling what Jane said about Greg, the 
sculpting teacher.  Quinn's eyes grow large as she absorbs the 
information.)

JAKE:  I didn't know what to say.  She didn't act upset.  But 
she didn't do the cute little attentive things your Mom usually 
does.  You know, when she's not too busy working.  (His face 
darkens, then fills with guilt.)

QUINN:  Could you try-- 

JAKE: (exploding)  I'm such an IDIOT!  How could *I* say that 
to her?!  I hurt her so much, and then I turn around and -- !

DARIA:  Dad.

QUINN:  Calm down!

JAKE: (hands over his eyes)  GOD, I'm so weak!  I'm such a jerk!  
A terrible mean-hearted jerk!  It's my fault!!

QUINN:  Dad!

(Daria looks at Jake's face and sees a level of anguish almost 
out-of-proportion to the situation.  She frowns thoughtfully.)

QUINN:  Dad, you can fix this.  You want to fix it, don't you?

(The color drains from Jake's face.  He looks a little stunned.)

JAKE:  Well... sure.  Of course.

QUINN: (business tone)  Look, it sounds like you were Mr. Insensitive 
and a trifle insecure, which always turns girls off.  You could buy 
Mom gifts, which works for most girls, but Mom has this weird thing 
against material rewards, so you should probably try to boost the 
sensitivity.

JAKE: (nods slowly)  Okay.

QUINN:  If you need help, I can show you how.

DARIA:  That'll place him in good hands.

(Quinn ignores Daria as she dashes over to give her father a hug.)

(cut to: )
   
SCENE 5

(Amy and Helen drive the scenic way back.  The tension has lifted 
in the car, and in its place is an air of fatigue.  Helen makes 
weary gestures as she talks, while Amy drives in silence.)

HELEN: (relieved) ... You know it really does make sense.  That dreadful, 
crushing anxiety I've been feeling... it wasn't guilt, it was worry!

(Amy glances at her probingly, new lines under her eyes evident.  She 
seems about to say something, but instead thinks better of it.  Her 
expression is mostly blank, but her eyes show bewilderment.  "Could 
I have been wrong, too?")

HELEN: (uttering a small laugh)  I felt so horrible, thinking that 
a kiss meant *so* much, that maybe *I* wasn't getting enough 
out of my marriage, when in fact my fear came from feeling I'm not 
*giving* enough, so the kiss meant nothing!  (Bt)  Did that make sense 
to you?  Because it sounded clearer in my head.

(Amy's face turns glum.  Apparently, she had been wrong.)

HELEN:  But no matter: everything's *much* easier now.  I really 
think things will be all right, I really do.

AMY:  Good.  That's good.  

HELEN:  But I guess it doesn't surprise me too much.  You know in the 
past I've had these fits of anxiety where I just completely shut down?  
I'd get concerned about a loved one, and I'd either withdraw 
from human contact or seek comfort in another human being.  *That's* 
all the kiss was -- no different from my running to visit you.

AMY:  I see.

HELEN:  I really should be quiet now, I've been prattling on this 
entire time.  (looks at Amy, smiles softly.)  For someone who wanted 
to show me her sacred place so much, you don't look all that satisfied.

AMY:  I don't always go there to cheer up.

HELEN: (quieter)  Why would you need to cheer up at all?  (Bt)  Amy, 
is something wrong?

AMY:  I told you earlier --

HELEN: (gentle, forceful)  What's the matter?  (Bt)  What was all that 
talk earlier about feeling "liberated"?

AMY:  Just showing support for my sisters in Afghanistan.  Great thing, 
their newly-won freedom.     
  
HELEN: (skeptical of Amy's excuse)  Yes.  

AMY: (faintly amused)  Believe it or not, Helen, when I'm not in the 
best mood, it isn't because of you and it isn't a world-shattering 
crisis.

HELEN:  All right.

AMY:  Nothing a quart of ice cream and a trashy paperback won't ease.

HELEN:  You sure?

AMY:  When it doesn't, you'll know.  

(A few moments of silence pass, as Helen looks at Amy with resigned 
skepticism, and some frustration, while Amy tries to adjust to her 
plummeted expectations.  She glances at Helen.)

AMY:  You suffered from anxiety attacks?

HELEN:  Oh, most of them were from when I was very young, which meant 
you were much younger, or maybe not even born.

AMY:  What happened then?

HELEN:  Well when you're a child, you have so much less control over 
your life.  (sheepish.)  And when you're a child with *my* personality, 
that can be even harder.  I would always yell when I shouldn't, run 
when I shouldn't, say things that "good little girls" shouldn't say.

AMY: 

HELEN:  So every once in a while, I would get these stress attacks 
about school, or on visits to relatives.  I'd get so worried that people 
would think I was "bad," and that no one would love me anymore.

AMY:  Why would you think that?

HELEN: (resigned)  You know what our mother is like.  Well she was no 
different in those days.  It was obvious that Rita was her favorite 
and I was the misfit daughter she had to keep under tight reign.

AMY: (knowing, but sympathetic)  Helen...   
   
HELEN:  But at least I knew Dad loved me, so I'd do whatever it 
took to keep him happy.  When he got angry, I would think that he'd 
stopped loving me, and become so depressed.  I'd get those anxiety 
attacks just *worrying* that I would do something wrong in school, or 
what not, to take his love away.

AMY: (softly)  I know how that is.

HELEN:  I think the worst one was after we'd moved into our house in 
Rutherford.  I became so withdrawn that I lost weight, couldn't sleep.  
Mom and Dad even put me in the hospital for a short while.

AMY: (stunned)  I didn't know that.

HELEN: (smiles sheepishly)  It's not something I tell many people.  
Jake and the girls don't know.  

AMY:  Well God, what happened?

HELEN:  It's all right, it's all right... it went away after you were 
born.

AMY:  What was the magic cure-all?

HELEN:  You.  You were a girl.

AMY:  What does that mean?

HELEN: (sighing a little)  Everyone was so convinced you would be a 
boy, especially Dad.  He kept talking about what he would teach his 
"son," and the things he and his "son" would do together.  I was 
sure that this would make me the odd man out in the family.  But then 
you were born, and all that talk... sort of went away. 

(Amy glances at her for a long beat, and almost forgets to brake at 
a stop sign.)

HELEN:  Amy, watch it!  (realizes the effects of her words.) I know 
that must sound awful to you, but really it was *such* a long time ago, 
and it doesn't have any bearings on how I feel today. (long Pause)  Amy?

(cut to: )

SCENE

JANE:  So good, you see?  You took the problem by the horns and now 
your dad's downstairs trying to think up ways to win your mom back.

DARIA:  Oh yes.  His enthusiasm was palpable.

JANE:  What's wrong?

DARIA:  I don't know.  Dad really does seem to miss Mom.

[Intercut downstairs with scene between Quinn and Jake, Quinn giving 
advice.]

DARIA:  Something just feels off, and I'm not sure if Quinn's little 
strategy is the key to success.

JANE:  So you're questioning Quinn's wisdom?

DARIA:  Don't I always?  (relenting.)  It's not that she doesn't mean 
well.  We both mean well.

JANE:  Why be so quick to assume Quinn doesn't know what she's doing?  
This relationship stuff is her thing.

DARIA:  Dating is her thing.  Relationships require a level of maturity 
that's beyond her.  

JANE: (scorn creeping in)  Don't be so picky.  At least she's trying.

DARIA:  I'm not being picky.  Even *I* don't... (raises a lid.) boy, 
she must have really won your sympathy when you went and talked to her.  
(Bt)  What did she say?

JANE:  The usual stuff about how you make fun of her because you don't 
want her to be as smart as you.

(Daria rolls her eyes, unsurprised by this statement.)

DARIA:  Of course.  Well she's got it all wrong.

JANE:  So you don't think she's cheating in math, say.

DARIA:  I think *she* doesn't think she is.

JANE:  But do you?

DARIA: (after a pause)  No.  I don't.  

JANE:  And you wouldn't be upset if she got as high grades as you did?

DARIA:  I would lead the Brain Pride Parade.

JANE:  And if everyone started saying "Hey Quinn, you're just like your 
sister.  You'll have the same success, the same privileges.  You might 
even go to the same college and--"

DARIA:  That wouldn't happen.

JANE:  Why not?

DARIA: (frowning a little while remaining even toned)  Because she hasn't 
been a brain for that long, and only in one area.  People don't catch 
up that fast. 

JANE:  Yeah, but remember how everyone praised her for that "Academic 
Imprisonment" essay that wound up in the paper?  

DARIA:  She couldn't have kept it up, even if I hadn't done anything to 
stop it.  That requires work and effort, which she may be starting to 
learn, but still has a long way to go.  She can't just take a short cut 
and expect everyone to love her for it.

(Jane just looks at Daria, who realizes that she has at least partially 
confirmed Quinn's suspicion.)

DARIA:  All right, you want to know what I think?  I am happy that my 
sister is taking her course work seriously.  As I have often said, it is 
long overdue.  But if she expects me to treat her as my equal, pretend 
away the majority of years she spent belittling me for being smart or 
wiggling her way out of the tough assignments, she's got another thing coming.

JANE:  So you just want her to pay her dues.  You don't really care if 
people say she's as smart as you.

DARIA:  Who knows if she's as smart as me??  If *I* spent as much time 
on one subject as she does, maybe they would call *me* maestro.  
It's excelling in *all* areas that shows what you're made of.

JANE:  Can't argue there.  (fingers her artist clothes.)  Though what 
does that say about me?

DARIA:  At least you spent years developing your art.  You didn't just 
plunge in to a subject because your teacher made you, get a few A's,
win a few tournaments, and expect to silence your critics.

JANE:  Because God knows they shall [never be silenced.]     

DARIA:  It's the continued effort that's the key, and the growth that 
goes with it.  Once Quinn shows me she's serious about learning over 
a sustained period of time, I'll give her the credit she deserves.  
Until then...

JANE:  She's overrated?

DARIA:  Not the word I would choose.  But not inaccurate either.  

JANE:  So does that go for everything else she does?

(Jane gestures toward the downstairs, implying Quinn's help with Jake.  
Daria's brow furrows.)

(cut to: )

SCENE

AMY:  Goodbye, Helen.

(Her voice is cold and tight.  Helen looks at her imploringly.)

HELEN:  Come on, Amy, not even a hug?  We don't know when we'll see 
each other again.

(They stand out on the curb, besides Helen's parked SUV and Amy's double- 
parked convertible.  Their demeanors speak of a ride home that ended 
up silent and uncomfortable.)

AMY:  I have to go inside.

(She backs toward her car, but Helen won't give up just yet.)

HELEN:  This goes beyond a simple down mood.  You're upset with me.  

AMY:  Sharp as a tack, Helen.

HELEN:  Why?  What did I say?  (thinks.)  Was it that stuff about Dad?  
I was a little girl, Amy.  You can't hold that against me.

AMY:  Why not?

HELEN: (after an incredulous beat)  Well then I guess I'll just 
nurse some old grudges against you. (lips twitch a bit with 
amusement.)  What about those diapers Mom made me change?  The Elvis 
record you broke, my favorite --

AMY: (tired)  You'll never understand, so why don't you just shut the 
hell up and go home?

(The harshness of her words kill Helen's attempt at light-heartedness.) 

HELEN:  You're right, I won't understand. (disgust.)  You never give 
me the chance to understand.

(Amy looks as though she wants to retort, but sucks it in, holding 
herself rigid as she walks toward the driver's side of her car.)

HELEN:  Like about your clinic?  Amy, I would have let you go yesterday.  
Hell, I probably would have driven you myself.  If you'd just *told* me.

(Pausing in opening her door, Amy looks at her.)

AMY: (two and two)  But instead Joel told you.

HELEN: (remorse)  Don't blame him.  He didn't know you hadn't said 
anything.  We were both up late last night talking, and --

AMY: (chilly)  Since you and Joel love talking about me behind my back, 
maybe you should have this conversation with him.     

HELEN: (fed up)  All *right*.  Forget it.  (Whipping out her purse, 
she walks over to the car and tosses some bills into the passenger side 
seat.)  Here, this should cover the gas money.  This pays for half of that 
silly oven mitt.  This covers the cost of food and staying in your 
apartment for two nights.  And here's a bonus for your trouble.  

(Amy reaches over and fingers the money, a hint of remorse creeping into 
her expression.)

AMY: Take it back, Helen.

HELEN: (stubborn)  I won't leave with you feeling I owe anything.

AMY:  Well all right, but you'd be paying me twice.  (Bt)  You gave 
me some money this morning, remember?

(Helen pauses, then slowly reaches back over and takes some of the money 
from Amy, leaving a few bills.)

HELEN:  That should cover everything since this morning.  (bitter, sad.)  
I guess it's too much to think we can end things with a nice talk.

(Amy's demeanor thaws a bit further.)

HELEN:  But instead, I open up to you, while you only tell *me* what 
you think I should know, when you think I should know it.  After I've 
exhausted myself trying to reach out.         

(Now she turns to leave, while Amy, strapped into the driver's seat, 
glowers.)

AMY: (sits up)  You don't know the first thing about opening up.  
For that, you need to know what you want in the first place.

HELEN:  But I --

AMY: (continuing)  You need to be honest about what you want, but 
that's not you.  You only see your actions in terms of other people.  
How it's for Jake's own good, or that it could harm the girls, or 
it's because of something *I* did to you.  

HELEN: (now coldly calm)  And just how should I see them?

AMY:  *Helen* is sick of her life and *Helen* wants to change it, 
but Helen is scared of the consequences.  It's easy enough to say 
-- is it so hard to admit??           

([something -- Amy's not used to talking so much, so fast, with such 
emotion.  adrenaline drains])

HELEN: (hard)  Why all this interest in my "true" feelings?  I came 
here to deal with a personal problem, and I've dealt with it.  I was 
upset, and now I'm not.  Or at least I *wasn't*.  What do you care 
beyond that?? 
 
AMY: (opening her door)  Because a person in denial of her true 
feelings can do as much damage as someone who intends to harm.  

HELEN:  I didn't know you majored in pop psychology.

AMY: (undeterred, standing up)  What will happen when you go home, 
intending to use Insta-fix 5000 on your marriage, only to find that 
everything you do is an attempt to wreck it?? 

HELEN:  How do you know that will happen??  Why do you assume that's 
I *really* want??  Just because I told you about the kiss and my 
sculpting class... (Something sinks in.)  Wait -- that's what *you* 
want me to want, isn't it?

(The chill in her tone drains the last dregs of Amy's adrenaline.  
She leans against the car, feeling a little light-headed.)

HELEN: (incredulous)  Why?  (Amy averts her gaze.)  I didn't think 
you had anything against Jake.  Or is it *me* you think so poorly of?

(Amy puts her hand on the door latch.)

HELEN:  Dammit, don't turn away from me!  For once in your life, answer 
me straight, without sarcasm. 

AMY:  I don't blame Jake.  When a chimp can't master basic logic, you 
don't blame the chimp.  You blame the human who married him.  

(Her face grows scarlet with embarrassment; clearly she's saying more 
than she would like.  Helen's expression is wide-eyed and menacing.  
suddenly her hand is gripping Amy's arm, threatening to cut off the circulation.)  

AMY: (quiet)  I don't hate Jake, either.  But I don't think he's the 
man you should have chosen.

HELEN:  Well it's a little late now.

AMY:  Are you surprised??  (wrenches her arm free.)  You think I'm 
the only one in our family with that opinion?  

HELEN:  Well none of you know him the way I do! (digging in further.)  
And *you*, you'd feel the same whether he were a Nobel Prize winner or 
a shoplifter!

AMY: (cheeks hot)  I may not be the fairest judge, but I'm sure as hell 
good enough to know the real reason you married Jake.  You were scared.    

HELEN: (terse)  What??  
 
AMY: (defiant)  That's right, my intelligent, ambitious sibling, who 
could move mountains if she chose, got scared.  And not just of marrying 
someone who could control her like Dad.

HELEN: (dark, half-mocking)  Of what, then?

AMY:  Of being with someone who didn't need you.  Of having to prove 
your worth.  Of facing your lofty goals and learning whether you had 
the stuff to make them come true.  (eyes piercing.)  You loved other 
men before Jake, but they all had what he didn't have --

HELEN:  How would you know -- you were a kid!

AMY: (with a look that tells her otherwise)  They didn't need you, 
and that made you insecure.  So you chose someone who was bound to 
need you, and cloaked yourself in the nobility of wife and motherhood 
to avoid failing at your ideals.

(She and Helen lock eyes for a tense, angry beat.)

AMY:  And every year since, you've shrunk little by little to 
fit the role of your husband's caretaker.

([H is reeling... etc.  Fearful she could be right.])

HELEN: (controlled)  So what's your solution, Amy?  Shall I just 
go home and say "It's over"?  (more sarcastic.)  Shall I pack 
my things, hurt Jake *and* my daughters, and become a professional 
sculptor?      

AMY:  Jesus Christ, Helen --

HELEN:  Would that make me a better person?!

AMY:  I... (with difficulty.) just thought that if you dealt 
your feelings instead of letting them carry you every which way, 
then rationalizing them to death --

HELEN:  I don't know why I'm listening to you!

AMY: -- you might avoid the types of problems you're having now.  
*And* you might even fulfill your potential.

HELEN:  Because you obviously don't know what you're talking about!

(Helen looks ready to leave, but just as soon as she's turned away, 
she's facing Amy once again.)

HELEN: (dead serious)  Tell me why you care so much.

AMY: I --

HELEN:  The *true* reason.

(Amy tries to speak, then finally sighs.)

AMY:  There is no "true" reason... but okay, I'll admit, there is a 
slightly selfish one.  (Pause)  I thought you could teach me.

HELEN:  Teach you what??

AMY:  How to live.

(Beat)

HELEN:  I don't understand.

AMY:  Last night you told me you were in a rut, but that your felt 
you could see beyond it.  I'm in a rut.

HELEN:  Don't be silly, Amy.  You lead a fine life, what with Joel 
and your lovely apartment --

AMY:  That must be why I dread getting up in the morning.

HELEN:  And as for your career, *you* took the initiative to change 
that, not me.

AMY:  Yes, but no damned aptitude clinic can teach me how to crawl 
outside of my body.  (Bt)  I know I give you a hard time for being so 
tightly wound, but there was once a time when I thought you knew how 
to live better than anyone.  You were always so... *up*, seizing every 
opportunity by the throat. 

([something])

AMY:  Whereas I hid away in my room, avoiding any bold actions, acting 
like the mistake I was.  (slightly embarrassed.)  In those days, I loved 
you better than I loved myself.

HELEN:  Amy...

AMY:  Well those feelings changed -- obviously.  Even before you 
married.  But then you showed up with your "spiritual awakening" talk 
and some of the feelings came back.    

(Helen looks at Amy, still angry, but feeling the edges soften.)

HELEN:  Amy, I swear... 

AMY:  It was a mistake.  I'm sorry.

HELEN:  No, I'm the one who should be sorry.  (Her face grows sad.)  
I kept thinking I could figure you out, but you're right: even when 
you tell me, I don't understand.

(Amy -- [something... looks sad also?])

HELEN:  It wasn't always that way.  You used to be different.  As 
bright and mischievous as you are now, but not upset with the world.  
You seemed content, even gleeful, and I loved that.  I loved you.  

([something])

HELEN:  I just wish I knew what changed.

AMY:  So do I.  

HELEN:  Of course you should be happy.  (anger returns.)  But you put 
your happiness at the expense of my own.  You knew how miserable I was 
last night, but you were determined to prolong it so long as it built 
*you* up.  That's what the drive to the shop was, wasn't it?  Not a place 
to share with your sister, but a place to derail her plan to go home and 
work things out.

AMY:  I --

HELEN:  Do you deny it??

AMY: (soft)  No.

HELEN:  It really hurts, Amy.  When you and Joel broke up, I may have 
urged you to talk about it, but I never forced you in a direction 
you didn't want to go.

AMY:  No.  You're right.  

HELEN:  And if you really, *truly* thought my marriage to Jake was so 
horrible, you could have told me so in the past.  Like before the 
wedding... those years we lived in Highland, when you all but disappeared 
from our lives... the weekend you visited our Lawndale house... the 
anniversary party, when Jake and I were separated --!

(Amy [something... remorse])

HELEN:  But no, you chose to wait until *you* were feeling really 
bad about *your* life to do something.  Well thank you, Amy.  (face 
puckers briefly.)  Thank you *so* much for caring.

AMY: (softly)  I *do* care.  I-I never wanted to hurt anyone.

HELEN:  Save your apologies.  

AMY:  Helen--

HELEN: (curt)  I have to go.

(Amy watches her turn away, her remorse deepening.  She closes her 
eyes... then, like a flash, remembers her feelings from earlier.  When 
her eyes open again, they quickly fill with rage.)

AMY:  You're right: I shouldn't have tried to gain at your expense. 

HELEN:  I told you--

AMY:  The way *you* did at mine, years ago.

HELEN:  What?

AMY:  In the car.  You told me you were scared that if Mom had a son, 
he would be Dad's anointed heir, forcing you out into the cold.  And 
how you were so relieved when I turned out to be a girl, because that 
meant you were still Dad's favorite.

HELEN:  I didn't *make* you a girl, Amy. 

AMY:  No, but you rejoiced at my expense.

HELEN:  You're comparing something silly like that to--?

AMY:  Yes, dammit, I am!  

HELEN:  I was a child.  You are an adult.  There is a *big* difference!
(Now she looks a little uncomfortable.)

AMY:  Oh, but you certainly reaped the benefits into adulthood, didn't 
you??  (walks closer.)  It wasn't *you* who spent your life feeling 
like no one would give a damn if you existed!

HELEN:  I gave a damn!  I loved you more than anyone!  

AMY:  Would you have loved me so much if I *were* male? 

HELEN:  I'm sure I--

AMY:  Wouldn't.  Admit it.  For God's sake, admit it!

HELEN:  Stop trying to shift the blame...

AMY:  Admit it, Helen.

HELEN: (after a moment of speechlessness)  I... well fine, maybe I 
wouldn't have.  (amazed.)  But it means nothing.  Honestly, I can't 
remember the last time... you're shaking!

AMY: (oblivious)  Of course you don't remember: you weren't around 
most of the time.  (looks down at her hands.)  My entire life, all 
*this* that I've been feeling, can be traced back to that beginning... 
and you were happy. 

HELEN:  I never wanted you to suffer.

AMY:  And I was foolish enough to think you loved me because... (a 
shaky pause, as Amy momentarily loses her composure.)  Well that only 
lasted until the joy wore off, then --

HELEN:  Dammit, Amy, I still love you!  I just don't like you right now.

AMY:  That goes for both of us.  Except for the part about love.  (eyes 
narrow.)  Over the past several months, I kept hoping something would 
change between us.  A part of me must have remembered what it used to be 
like.  But every time I've opened my heart to you, you've either 
humiliated me or pushed me away.

[something]

AMY:  You only contact me when it's convenient and you only visit when 
you're hurting, which makes you as selfish and small-minded as me.  
Only I thought you could be better.  But now I see you can't. 
  
HELEN: (rage)  Poor Amy, that must really hurt, doesn't it?  Everyone 
betrays you, no one really loves you -- it's a wonder you can cope.  
It's not as though you've ever had the power to shape your life.

[something]

HELEN:  You had to suffer through a stable upbringing, brains and beauty 
and talent, a Princeton education, a boyfriend who loves you --


HELEN:  *I* never had so many privileges.  Nor did Joel.  (At this, Amy's 
head snaps up, and her eyes flash.)  He had a troubled home life, yet 
he's made something of himself.  (Amy's expression darkens.)  But you, 
you've just drifted along wherever the tide took you, so should 
it come as a surprise that you've been carried away from your destination -- 
whatever that was?!  Oh, but it's easier to blame others than to take 
responsibility. 

AMY:  All right, Helen, I get it.

HELEN:  It wasn't Dad's fault you feel lousy, and it's not mine!  The 
burden falls on one person -- *you*.

AMY:  Please...

HELEN:  And just when I start feeling guilty about calling you a 
bad role model for my daughter, I suddenly realize *exactly* why I did!     

AMY:  ENOUGH!!!!!

(Her last word rises up in a very un-Amy like wail, causing Helen to 
draw back and look at her with a shocked gaze, wondering whether 
she's gone too far.  Amy's shaking noticeably now, and standing rigid 
as if trying to hold it all in.)

HELEN: (toneless)  Good-bye, Amy.

(She walks toward her car, pausing momentarily as though hoping for 
a response.  Amy stands there.)

AMY: (softly)  If you go home, you'll just wreck everything.  You're 
a selfish person at heart, Helen.  You'll twist everything so that it 
goes your way, whether you mean to or not.

(Helen frowns, then looks at her one last beat before opening her car 
door.)



****************
END OF ACT TWO

[Shot of.]



    
SCENE

JOEL: (amazed)  So it wasn't a dream.

AMY:  I did the shopping and got inspired.

JOEL:  You're a saint.  (kisses her on the cheek.)  Except *I* did 
the shopping while you and Helen were gone.

AMY:  So I gathered.  (She nods toward the cabinets, which are brimming with 
similar items.  Smiling faintly, she hands him a plate.)  Here Superman, 
have a seat.  The casserole has ten minutes to go, but the salad's 
almost ready.

JOEL:   

AMY:  Have a good nap?

JOEL:  Yep... though toward the end, it got disturbed by this really 
nasty cat fight.  Lots of screeching and rowling... (grimaces.)

AMY:  You probably just heard me and Helen.

JOEL:  Another argument?

AMY:  It's what we do best.  (She holds the knife as though it is 
extremely heavy, bringing it down slowly on the cucumber.)

JOEL: (observing)  So that's why you look like you need a nap more 
than I did.

AMY:  No, no, it's fine.  She's long gone anyway.  For good, this time.

(The grimness of her tone, as she utters the last sentence, catches 
Joel's attention.  He looks at her intently.)

JOEL:  Good, good?  Like, forever?

(Beat)

AMY:  We both said some things.  I won't be seeing her anymore.

(Up close, her eyes are red-rimmed and the lids are faintly puffy, as 
are her cheeks.  Her eyes are dry now, but they obviously weren't an 
hour ago.  Silently, Joel holds his plate out for Amy to spoon salad 
onto.  As he walks it over to the table:) 

JOEL: (hushed, almost jealous)  Damn, she made you cry.

AMY:  You've seen me cry before.

JOEL:  After a nightmare, maybe.  When you're not yourself.  Otherwise --

AMY: (slight bitter laugh)  What, Helen didn't tell you this was one 
of her talents during your talk last night?

JOEL:  "Our talk"?

AMY:  Well you talked.  About... stuff. 

JOEL:  But there was no special *talk*, per se.  We'd have invited you 
to join in, but it was an exclusive meeting of insomniacs.  You, Snoring 
Beauty, were out.

(Amy smiles a little more, and slaps him playfully.)

AMY:  I do *not* snore.

JOEL: (smirks)  I think I would know.

AMY:  I *can't* snore.  Every part of me that could cause snoring has 
been removed.




JOEL:  As long as they paid you double-time.

AMY: (discouraged, irritated) Actually, drowning myself in the 
shower sounds better.  Join me?

JOEL:  Double suicide?  Romantic.

(They kiss, and Amy starts to draw away, but Joel restrains her gently.)

JOEL:  Look, Ame, I don't know what you hoped would happen --



JOEL: (tight voice)  So you're really convinced it's all his fault, huh?

AMY:  Who the hell knows?  Maybe he's just a smokescreen.

JOEL:  Again, Amy, it's not for you to butt in --

AMY: (angry)  I get it, Joel.

(Joel backs away, his face red.  He sits down slowly on the couch, 
reaches for the remote, very deliberately turns on the T.V.  Amy 
stares at him for a moment.)

AMY:  What?  

JOEL:  Just remembered: basketball game with my alma mater.

AMY:  You hate basketball.  And your college doesn't even 
have a team.  

JOEL:  Can't a man watch a sport without an inquisition?

AMY:  No.  (Pause)  Oh I see: I said something that offended you, 
didn't I?

JOEL:  That's reaching.

AMY:  What was it?

JOEL:  I'm more interested in your take.

AMY: (rolling her eyes)  We were talking about Helen and Jake, 
so I'm guessing you took their names and substituted them with 
"Amy" and "Joel."  Baby, we're nothing like them.

JOEL:  That can't be completely true.  (sits up.)  Otherwise, 
why would you make that connection?

AMY: (glaring)  Because I know how pigheads think.

JOEL: (standing up)  The way I see it, you haven't been happy 
with your life for a while now, and you see living with me as 
a big reason.

AMY: (surprised)  What?  

JOEL:  You broke up with me the first time because you were 
afraid I would cramp your style.  Now your fears have been 
confirmed.  (face reddens.)  Dammit, it isn't for lack of 
trying.  I've tried to be supportive, yet keep my distance, 
yet be involved -- shit, I can only bend myself into a pretzel 
so much before I snap.  I can't do any more.

(Amy looks at him, shocked.  Joel grits his teeth and looks her 
in the eye, but his expression and his posture convey vulnerability.)

AMY: (softly)  How long have you felt like this?  Why didn't you 
say something?

JOEL:  I don't know, to both questions.  (Pause)  I know I've 
been *thinking* about it since your sister came.  You mean to 
tell me you haven't?

(Amy doesn't reply.  She and Joel stand there motionless for a 
few moments before Amy makes a gesture like she's about to hug 
Joel, but he flinches involuntarily, causing her to back off.)

AMY: (dull)  Fine.  I'll see you later.  Enjoy your game.

(She walks out into the hallway, while Joel watches.  He 
then looks at the remote control in his hand, remembers that 
he *does* hate basketball, and sits glumly on the couch.)














      








ACT THREE

(Amy sits on the bed, robed and toweling off her hair.  Slowly 
the door opens, and Joel walks in.  Amy silently looks up at 
him, and he looks back at her with an expression of deep 
affection and remorse.)

JOEL:  I figured you'd go out.

AMY: (after a pause)  All that driving was making my neck sore.  
I figured I'd stay in.    

(She pulls the towel off of her head and lays it on her lap, 
then stares at it for a long beat.  Her face stiffens, as 
though she's trying to hold in tears.)

JOEL:  I love you, you know.

AMY: (husky)  I love you, too...

(Joel comes over and sits down on the bed, where Amy immediately 
wraps her arms around him.  He draws her close to him and rubs 
his cheek against hers.)

AMY:  ... you dope.

(Joel pulls back a little and she smiles at him, the corners of 
her eyes still glistening.)

JOEL:  Brat.

AMY:  Prick.

JOEL:  Tease.

AMY:  Personals Ad Answerer.

(Amy takes Joel's face in her hands, and they kiss deeply on 
the lips.  Joel then pulls back and runs his hand along Amy's 
damp hair.)

JOEL:  I didn't mean to get so pissy earlier.  Sometimes I 
feel like I don't know how to talk to you.

AMY: (slight nod)  Walk on eggshells, right.  (Her face puckers.)  
I would never want you to do that, you know.

JOEL:  I know, I know, it's my own damn fault.  

AMY:  Am I *that* scary to you?

JOEL:  Only in a Cruella way, not a Wicked Witch of the West way.

(Amy's face shows more hurt.)

JOEL:  You're not scary to me at all.  You're beautiful... you're 
everything a guy could want.

(Amy smiles sheepishly, two tears spilling out of her eyes.) 

JOEL:  I'm scared of myself.  I'm trying not to do the shit that 
caused us to split in the first place, but I don't know if it's 
doing any good.  You don't say anything, and there are times when 
you act like you'd be happier on your own again.

AMY:  You think I should go back to living alone?

JOEL: (softly)  I'd rather you not.

(Pause)

AMY:  I'd rather I not, either.  (runs her hand along the back 
of Joel's head.)  Though I'll admit I'm a little afraid of you 
from time to time.  Sure I hide it well behind my wonderfully 
disaffected veneer, but it's there.

JOEL:  Why?

AMY:  You've got everything under control.  You're so talented and 
smart and funny.  You have all these friends... and one day you might 
find a girl with a brighter outlook than yours truly.

JOEL:  I love your outlook.  You're sassy; you make me do things 
I'd otherwise just think about.

AMY:  I do, don't I?  (grows solemn.)  But someday you might not 
want that.

JOEL:  Who knows what we'll want in ten, twenty years.  All I 
care about is if you're happy now.

AMY:  No guy has ever made me happier.

(As if the emotion is 

SCENE

[Jake and Helen talk.  They say stuff, get emotional, but the actual 
resolution will not be made known until Amy visits.]

SCENE  (Lawndale residential streets, Monday, early afternoon)

[Joel and Amy are in Joel's Honda Accord, Joel giving Amy a 
break by doing the driving.]  

JOEL:  So *this* is Lawndale.

AMY:  Just to warn you, it doesn't get better.

[Amy is filled with nervousness 
and dread.  She keeps glancing at Joel, as if to ask whether 
this is the right thing to do.  Joel shoots her a look: "Wait and 
see."]

(They pull up along the curb in front of the Morgendorffer house, 
where the windows are dark, and both cars missing.  Amy 
looks profoundly disappointed, but keeps it out of her tone.) 

AMY:  Looks like they're out.  Maybe on a day trip.  

JOEL:  We can wait.

AMY:  It might be hours before they're back.

JOEL:  So?  We'll get some food, have a picnic on their lawn, 
wait for their return.

AMY: (smirking) 

(Just then, the rumbling another engine can be heard.)

JOEL:  *Amy*.

(He nods toward the approaching red SUV, but he didn't need to: Amy 
has already seen it.  Helen is driving, and she's alone.  As she 
turns into the driveway, she makes note of the unfamiliar car parked 
by the house, then does a double take when she sees who is inside.  
Amy slowly opens the car door, then looks over at Joel.)

AMY:  If she and I take long...

JOEL: (nodding)  I'll just go to the bookstore.  This town *does* 
have a bookstore, right?   

AMY:  If not, you can visit the seven corner intersection.  Watch 
for accidents.

(She then slowly steps out, reads Helen's eyes, and knows what 
happened.)         


SCENE 

[Helen and Amy are driving/walking.  They're not at a point of 
forgiveness, after what they said to each other, but there's no 
hostility, and an undercurrent of gratitude that the other is there.]

AMY:  I'm so sorry.

HELEN: (trying to be brave)  Now, now, a trial separation isn't 
forever.

AMY:  The things I said, if there's anything --

HELEN:  It wasn't you, Amy. (lowers her eyes.)  These were things 
that, deep down, I think Jake and I already knew.  If anything, 
you just helped me see it more clearly.

(Amy smiles faintly, and they continue their awkward, largely silent 
walk.)

HELEN:  It will be good, I think, some time apart.  I may not be in 
love with Greg, but he did awaken something inside me, and I don't 
want to ignore it any longer.  I told Jake... I think he understands.

AMY:  Does Jake know where he's going to...?

HELEN:  We haven't worked out the details yet.

(More silence.)
 
AMY:  If there's anything I can do, for you and the girls...

(Helen turns to her with tears in her eyes.)

HELEN:  You came.

(With that, she takes Amy's hand and squeezes it with an affection 
that cuts through the layers of bitterness they have been harboring.  
She brings her other arm around Amy and pulls her close.  Amy sinks 
into her embrace, resting her head against Helen's shoulder.)

HELEN:  I didn't ask you to, and you came.  You came by your own 
free will.

AMY:  I couldn't leave things as they were. 

 







DARIA:  It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  My aunt was 
over with her boyfriend.  


DARIA: And you know the worst part?

JANE:  What?

DARIA:  Tomorrow's a school day.


(Daria hangs up the phone.  A wide shot shows Quinn lying on the 
bed beside her, legs drawn to her chest, too depressed to be 
alone in her own room.  She flips through a magazine listlessly.)

DARIA:  

QUINN:  Daria...?

DARIA:  Yes?

QUINN:  There's something I've been meaning to tell you.

DARIA: (sensing a revelation)  What?

(Quinn lapses into silence, screwing up her face with dread and 
defiance.)

QUINN:  I *am* good at math.  I've worked really hard, and all 
that success stuff was *my* doing.

DARIA:  You've told me this already.

QUINN:  I know.  I just really want you to hear that.

DARIA: (nods)  All right.  Is that it?

QUINN:  No.  (Pause)  There are some other things I didn't think 
were so important, that now... well...

(She takes a deep breath.  Daria sits up straighter to listen.)

 

**********************
THE END
[roll the credits.........................]

COMMENTARY


It's been a long time.  I said December or January 2001, and it's 
May 2002.  Not all of it is the result of laziness, however.  You 
see, shortly after [explanation]

It's been long enough that several readers have reached the conclusion 
that I meant to cast blame on Helen in this two-parter and make Jake 
the victim.  Please: you know me too well.

Daria on Quinn's intelligence: I meant for her attitude in these fics to 
tie in with how she feels toward Quinn in the regular series.  In the 
regular series, Quinn starts to show hints of real intelligence in 
"Is It Fall Yet?" and episodes of Season Five.  Especially "Lucky 
Strike," the episode in which Daria subs for Quinn's English class 
(a plot with holes you could drive a truck through).  Quinn discovers 
she actually knows Shakespeare and can analyze it effectively on an 
essay test Daria gives.  Daria rewards her with a B+ and hints that 
Quinn was a good student who made her teaching effort worthwhile.  So 
on the surface, this would seem to clash with Daria's reaction to 
Quinn's intelligence in the DWU.  Except...

Quinn in the series never showed the level of excellence in a school 
related subject the way she shows in the DWU.  



If I could do it all over again: I would add some more breadth to 
the relationships in each fanfic in the Helen/Amy arc.  Like in TTTC, 
I might mention somewhere that Amy and Helen had had a close 
relationship when they were very young, before they could relate to 
each other as people.  I might also change Amy's initial behavior 
regarding Joel; hiding him from the family seems a little juvenile.  
I'm very tempted to go back and tinker, but a part of me wants to leave 
things as is, to show the maturation of the story over time.  It really 
is a case of the story growing and growing inside my head, once the 
seed was planted.


**Points of Interest**

Daria's Recap at the Beginning: Daria's recap was meant to be a 
spoof of some of the "Previously"s we see on T.V. shows, where they 
recount EVERY SINGLE PLOT POINT that's gone on since the show began.  
Most guilty: "Buffy the Vampire Slayer."  Also, it was an excuse 
to remind people who either haven't read all of the DWUs, or 
haven't read them for a while, what has happened.

Thoughts on Daria Episode 510, "Aunt Nauseam":  Needless to say, I 
was disappointed with it.  Once again, Amy shows up for all of three 
minutes... in the third act of the episode, no less.  Almost nothing new 
is revealed about her and Rita, except for the fact that Amy read 
Russian novels and Rita's wedding was 6 months before Helen's and had 
a disco theme.  There were some good moments, like when Helen calls 
Amy on her "No one ever paid attention to ME" lament, or when Amy 
gets drawn into the big fight, or when Rita says to Helen: "You couldn't 
make us look lazy enough!  And you wanted encouragement to do *more*??", 
or when Daria slams the door on Tom, but anyway... I'd rather make a list 
of things I found lacking.

1) Amy, whaddey do to you??  Not only was her face drawn differently, 
but it's like they deliberately went out of their way to make her 
less youthful and attractive. <Sandi voice> Bulky sweater and sensible 
shoes?  She must have suffered through some terrible illness to 
get so skinny.

Something about her voice was strange, too.  It lacked the lilt of 
her previous appearances.  I suspect part of this was because Daria's 
own voice grew more deadpan over the last few seasons, but Amy's 
sounded too deadpan.

2) I worked so hard to make it seem like Amy had a life that wasn't 
just lying on the couch reading, waiting for Daria to call.  Then, in 
her first appearance in over two years, what do they have her do?!  

3) Why would Amy drive all the way to Daria's house when a phone 
call to Helen and Rita could have worked just as well?  For that 
matter, why would she even think her words would have an effect, 
given her history?  I suspect she was just overcome by flattery 
that Daria wanted her help, but it still doesn't add up.

4) The fighting was weak.  Tired, even.  After seeing Helen at the 
beginning of "I Don't," I expected screaming and tears.  As for the 
resolution, when Daria and Quinn imitated their mother and aunts, 
it seemed pointless.  Helen already *knew* how ridiculous the fighting 
was; the heart of the matter was *why* they continued to hurt each 
other, not that they looked foolish.

5) Rita's excuse for staying at the Morgendorffer house was silly: 
weren't there any hotels near her apartment?

6) Daria and Quinn's reasons for sticking around the house were even 
sillier.  Rita was only going to be there a week; hence the fighting 
would only last a week.  Why this desire to moderate, unless they 
honestly believed that Helen and Rita would get violent?  If not, it 
seems odd that neither pulled a Jake and went hiding out at a friend's 
for a week until the coast was clear.  (And sheesh, Jake!  It's bad 
enough you gave babies a bad name with your immature disappearing act, 
but don't you have any friends you could have stayed with??)

7) Amy's advice for Daria to "let Tom in" seems rather odd now in 
light of the events of "Is It College Yet?".

And the hugging?  Eh.  I didn't expect any part of "Aunt Nauseam" to 
have the heartfelt angst of this two-parter, but I never thought they 
would pull such a "Full House" maneuver.  Things were only resolved 
in the most facile, shallow fashion, and on a show like "Daria," I 
would have expected if not better, at least a nod to the fact that 
things probably would *not* change between the Barksdales.  Overall, 
the episode had too many filler subplots (Jake hiding out; the 
matching dress; Tom's concern; the Civil War parallels beaten over 
our heads) and not enough meat, and sort of just collapsed under its 
own weight.  I expected the aunts would get a second chance in "Is 
It College Yet?", and was disappointed when none of Daria's extended 
family showed up for her graduation.  Not even a gift or a card?

The "Daria" writers probably never saw Amy as anything more than a nifty 
plot device, a *wink, wink* *nudge, nudge* to how much Daria and Quinn 
resembled their family.  Her popularity and rise to mentor status 
probably took them by surprise.  And given that they had no plans for 
Daria to remain stuck in her anti-social mode with someone of a similar 
type, they didn't really know what to do with Amy.  They certainly 
didn't see her as a separate character in her own right, or even as 
someone who could serve as a cautionary tale for Daria.  Instead, it 
was like: "Okay, the fans want to see her.  Let's remind them that 
Amy isn't a savior and that Daria is mature enough to think for herself."  
Actually, that's what I find most amusing about "Aunt Nauseam": no 
where in the *text* of the series do we get the idea that Amy can "save 
the day."  That notion was completely the result of fan speculation, so 
the writers were answering the fans through the events of the episode.  
See you guys, we *do* matter!  

**Oops!**

Okay, so I was wrong!  I said Phelps would not be referred to in #19 or 
#20, and he was referred to in #19, during the scene when Quinn, Daria, and 
Jane are riding to the park.  What can I say?  I love the man. ; >

A second oops: Daria calls Amy on her cell phone in Act Two of "All But 
Forgotten" to confirm that Helen is staying with her aunt.  Daria mentions 
that she called Helen's work number several times and received no answer.  
Why didn't Daria try to call Helen on her cell phone?  Actually, there is 
an explanation that makes sense.  Helen could answer her cell phone from 
anywhere, whereas the work phone would confirm her location.