TEASER FADE IN: INT. GILMORE RESIDENCE - DINING ROOM - EVENING (NIGHT 1) Friday night, which means LORELAI and RORY are over for dinner. They sit at the dining room table with EMILY, who has just handed them a gold-tipped invitation. They stare at the photo on one side. LORELAI (to Rory) Can you see it? RORY Oh yeah. EMILY (impatient) See what? LORELAI Their arms all meet in an uneven line. EMILY So? LORELAI I sense airbrush. EMILY What?? RORY (to Lorelai) How wide do you think their arms really are? LORELAI I know Mimsy's arms are at least twice as wide. RORY Scary. LORELAI The wonders of technology. EMILY Stop it, you two, you're being ridiculous! LORELAI No Mom, what's ridiculous is trying to pass off that shade of blond as her natural hair color. RORY Are those her roots? LORELAI Airbrush missed a spot. EMILY Lorelai, you've made your reservations perfectly clear. But I think it would be extremely rude of you not to attend your high school reunion when you've been invited. LORELAI Because I sure wouldn't want to leave perfect strangers with the wrong impression. EMILY They're not strangers. They're your former peers and some of the faculty. LORELAI Strangers, Mom. I haven't breathed a syllable to them since I left. RORY (re: the invitation) So many white teeth. It hurts my eyes. EMILY (to Lorelai) Not one?? LORELAI The three friends I managed to scrape together escaped before I did. Two to new cities, one to a place that wouldn't let him wear shoelaces. EMILY Well the others probably just want to get reacquainted. LORELAI Which must be why they couldn't bother to look up my address. EMILY Maybe they wanted the invitation to survive more than two minutes after its arrival. RORY You should go, Mom. LORELAI Excuse me? RORY It could be fun. LORELAI Fun? Fun?? For them, maybe. These are the pampered, uptight people who cold-shouldered me when they found out I was pregnant. Why would I want anything to do with them? RORY To show them how well you've turned out. LORELAI (CONT'D) (unconvinced) And besides, who holds a fifteen year reunion? RORY (CONT'D) You've worked really hard to build a life for yourself. You're no longer some confused kid. Right, Grandma? EMILY I'd say the jury is still out. LORELAI (CONT'D) Ten. Twenty. Twenty-five. Reasonable dates, all. But fifteen doesn't sit well. I sense a conspiracy. RORY At least think about it. LORELAI (CONT'D) A "We Want a Reunion Before Our Looks Go to Hell" conspiracy! EMILY Yes Lorelai, if it's not too much of a strain on you. LORELAI (to Rory) Look, you make good points, but at most you've got me teetering on the fence. I'd need to be hit with a pretty big rock to be forced over to your side. RORY You could see how they look unairbrushed, and come away with enough stories to last a lifetime. Beat. LORELAI I need a camera. And film. The good kind. EMILY Lorelai, for God's sake, don't let your attitude rub off on her! LORELAI I think it's a little late, Mom. EMILY (CONT'D) I mean this sort of thing requires a professional's touch. You'd never get an accurate view of someone's expanded waistline from an amateur. LORELAI Right. Good point. Lorelai and Rory glance at each other, impressed by Emily's rare show of audacity, but also a little spooked. FADE OUT. END OF TEASER ACT ONE FADE IN: INT. LORELAI'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM/ENTRYWAY - EVENING (NIGHT 2) Rory lies on the couch, reading. Just then Lorelai enters, dressed up for a night out. LORELAI Did I mention how glad I am I'm not going to that reunion? RORY A few times, I believe. LORELAI Why deal with real life snots when you have them on reality T.V.? And the power to crush their hopes and dreams with a simple phone call. RORY Necklace. LORELAI What? RORY Your necklace is crooked. LORELAI Ah. (straightens it) Have I ever told you how much it sucked to go to high school in the '80's? RORY Only constantly. LORELAI I swear, every guy in school thought he was Billy Idol. Between the poor dye jobs and the bad renditions of "Rebel Yell," I was ready to become a disciple of bubblegum pop! RORY That's just scary. LORELAI Not as scary as the site of your dad wearing leather and mascara. RORY Thank you for the scarring mental image. LORELAI Anytime. She then looks down and pretends to be surprised by her formal wear. LORELAI Wait a minute: necklace, strapless dress, high heels. That seems like an awfully risky ensemble to wear with buttered popcorn and pepperoni extra cheese. RORY Indeed it does. LORELAI The couch will just make this silk all wrinkly. RORY Without a doubt. LORELAI That can only mean... agh! What have I done?! RORY (smiles) I hope you have fun tonight. LORELAI An hour, tops. Just to make an appearance and show that I am proud of who we are, and that you, too, can face down your classmates when you go to a boring stuffy reunion to prove that you don't need to prove anything to them. RORY Actually, I was planning to cover a Guatemalan coup when my invitation arrived. LORELAI Wimp. RORY Besides, I doubt Fun Time With Paris Geller is a big step up from your evening. LORELAI You're seeing Paris tonight? On a weekend? RORY It was her idea. LORELAI Can't that girl stick to ruining your weekdays? RORY I only agreed because I couldn't make our last meeting. She's so dead set on making an impression at this Student Government conference that isn't for like another millennium. I figured better to defuse the tension early than to have it blow up in my face at a crucial time. LORELAI Hair Don't Movie Night. RORY Is there another time? LORELAI You are wise beyond your years. Even if you are setting yourself up for a splitting headache. RORY (annoyed) You will remember to bring me something back, right? LORELAI My ego on a stick? RORY I was thinking cake, but whatever washes down quickest. LORELAI Sick, twisted child. You make me proud. She leans over to hug Rory, then with a resigned air, heads out the door for the evening. Rory notices something on the ground beside the couch. She leans over to pick it up, just as Lorelai bursts back in. LORELAI (relieved) The darndest thing. I can't find my keys. And if I can't drive -- Rory hands Lorelai her purse. LORELAI Oh. Now pouty, she again leaves. INT. REUNION HALL - EVENING (NIGHT 2) Lorelai enters and looks around her with trepidation. The reunion hall is grand and lavishly decorated. Several richly-dressed former peers have already gathered inside and are mingling in groups. In the corners, attendants take coats, clean up, and attend to the food. LORELAI All right. One hour. Sixty minutes. This is doable. Beat. She glances down at her watch. LORELAI (CONT'D) Ah yes, the time is just whizzing by. She takes a risk and nudges inside a bit further. LORELAI (CONT'D) A long stroll around the edge of the room, amongst the potted plants, good for another five, ten minutes. Try again to get my camera to work properly. ATTENDANT (O.S.) Excuse me? Lorelai freezes and turns to find the tuxedo-clad ATTENDANT approaching her. He has a mildly amused, snooty air. LORELAI Did you just materialize out of thin air? ATTENDANT No, I've heard every single flustered word of your conversation. LORELAI Except the part about annoying staffers who should be lining the tables with duck-shaped napkins instead of eavesdropping. ATTENDANT Are you nervous? LORELAI No. ATTENDANT Do you normally talk to yourself, or is this unusual? LORELAI I was actually talking to my imaginary friend who just flew in from Belgium. ATTENDANT I could recommend a therapist. LORELAI (pretend) Bernice, in this country we do not pick the wallets of extremely nosey men! (beat) Really. Neon? You don't say. ATTENDANT Fine. Could I take your coat? LORELAI I'm not wearing a coat. ATTENDANT Oh, I'm sorry. I thought perhaps that was invisible, too. LORELAI Bernice! Do you kiss your mother with that mouth? The attendant gives her a sympathetic, knowing look. Lorelai wilts, realizing that he is not her enemy. ATTENDANT (hushed) Steer clear of Table Ten. That's where the "popular crowd" has congregated. Also might want to avoid the "Wall Street" table, Number Twelve. LORELAI Saw them. Got it. The attendant points off screen. ATTENDANT The "burn out" table, Number Six. People who have lost their lives to alcohol and drugs, but still have too much money to admit it. It may help you compensate for any perceived inadequacies. LORELAI Ah ha. ATTENDANT But then again, those tend to be the most judgemental, because they want to make themselves feel better. LORELAI Should have guessed. ATTENDANT So my suggestion is that you nudge between the Pseudo Liberal Do Gooders and the Rich But Trying Not to Act Like It Which Makes It All The More Obvious table. LORELAI What about hovering around the appetizers table? ATTENDANT It's a good Plan B. LORELAI I feel a sudden urge for pate. ATTENDANT Go with it. She takes a step toward the table, then stops. LORELAI You know, this really does make me feel like I'm back in high school. ATTENDANT Most things do, sadly. Lorelai waves to the attendant, then leaves. She has made it halfway to the appetizers when a WOMAN comes up behind her and gives a condescending little wave. WOMAN (recognizing) Lorelai Gilmore? Is that you? Lorelai freezes, smiles sheepishly, and tries not to cringe. INT. LORELAI'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM/ENTRYWAY - SAME TIME - EVENING (NIGHT 2) Rory still lies on the couch, where we last saw her. Suddenly, there is an urgent knocking on the front door. Rory sighs, lays her book down, and walks over. She opens the door, and there stands PARIS, in ill humor. PARIS We have work to do. With that, she strides into the living room. Rory looks after her with accustomed weariness. RORY Why thank you, I'm doing quite well. PARIS Can the pointless small talk. We've already lost a day thanks to your insistence on getting your teeth checked. (turns, studies Rory) Are you good and happy with your pearly whites? Because if Chilton crashes and burns, they will be all you have left to console you, believe me. RORY Oh no, you don't have to get the drinks, you're my guest. Fluff my cushions? Now that's too much. Paris just stares at Rory. Rory stares back with equal exasperation. They settle down to work. INT. REUNION HALL - EVENING (NIGHT 2) Lorelai is now trapped in a corner of the room, amongst three of her former classmates. MIMSY, the woman who first spotted her, SUSIE, and a sour-faced man named NEAL who has a visible air of insecurity. He keeps glaring at Lorelai as she speaks. MIMSY (insincere) So you run a business, Lorelai. How very interesting. LORELAI It keeps me in Elvis impersonator collectors' plates. Mimsy and Susie laugh stiffly. SUSIE You own an inn? LORELAI No, but I fully expect to own my own inn someday. Soon. NEAL (disdainful) But by saying it's your "own," doesn't that by default mean you'd own it? LORELAI (awkward) Yes, well, I feel that the double "own" gives it that special emphasis that says "mine." NEAL Clever. I can see why you never felt the need to finish high school. LORELAI (annoyed) Whereas your doctorate in Human Relations must be firing along. MIMSY (to Lorelai) I think it's darling what you're doing. I certainly wouldn't have the courage. LORELAI I'd say it's less about courage than -- MIMSY (CONT'D) I mean my parents just said, "You're taking an investment banking job and that's final." So just to please them I dragged myself to Harvard Business School and voila -- eight years at Schuler and Snyder, recently named VP. LORELAI (a bit jealous) And now the bitterness comes out. NEAL (pointed look at Lorelai) Good for you, Mims. I made partner at Finkley and Farnham last fall. MIMSY Finkley and Farnham? I think they defended Schuler and Snyder in a lawsuit last year. NEAL Yes, they did. LORELAI Two names with the same first letter? Is that some secret prerequisite to success? NEAL I could see why you'd ask, since your little inn isn't quite important enough to have more than one name. Lorelai glares at him. LORELAI Okay, Neal, you've raised the bar of rudeness to a new level tonight. NEAL Excuse me? LORELAI Did I once pee in your swimming pool, or something? NEAL No. You merely dumped me in front of everyone. LORELAI What? Now? NEAL No. LORELAI When? NEAL Spring Fling. Ninth grade. LORELAI I so did not. MIMSY I think I remember. SUSIE So do I. There was shouting. MIMSY Tears. NEAL (indignant) I didn't cry that much. LORELAI I never dumped you! NEAL You did so! So you and old Christopher could plant your own seeds! MIMSY (to Lorelai) The father of your child, right? LORELAI For your information, Chris was just a crush back then. SUSIE (to Lorelai) So when did you get pregnant? NEAL (bitter) A crush, my hide. You loved him the way every other girl at school loved him! Mimsy and Susie exchange guilty looks. NEAL (CONT'D) With his suave Emilio Estevez charm and his leather-clad good looks. I almost wanted to date him myself! LORELAI You are such a liar. NEAL Dumper! LORELAI If I had any interest in Chris at all it was only because your eyeballs were permanently sutured to Sally Norris's suspiciously overripe chest! NEAL How could I not look? Those things just sprung up overnight! LORELAI Awards were given. I know! NEAL But that doesn't change the fact -- LORELAI That you were an eyeball adulterer at least a week before I was! Beat. Neal realizes she has a point, which makes him angrier. NEAL Lorelai Gilmore, always had to have the last word. Well look what good it's done you! Stuck in Stuckyville with your go nowhere job, raising a kid amongst oddballs with names like "Saki." LORELAI Sookie! NEAL (CONT'D) Those of us who have managed to move forward in our lives can only look at you with pity and think of what might have been! SUSIE (embarrassed) Now Neal, mustn't be too blunt... LORELAI Oh yeah?! For your information, my life couldn't be any better than if Mel Gibson gave me rubdowns every evening. I've got a kid that's smarter than you, me, nay, the planet! Who's sweet and nice and will make this world a better place because she's that kind of kid and just can't help herself. Lorelai's high school acquaintances look mildly stunned and amused by her outburst. LORELAI (CONT'D) Fabulous supportive friends who are always there when you need them. Who have more interesting things to say in ten seconds of conversation than any of you tightly-wound, miserable yuppies have said this whole evening! MIMSY (to Susie) My friends tell me I'm quite interesting. LORELAI I'm sure they also tell you that plum is a slenderizing color, but sometimes we all have to face reality. Mimsy looks at her outfit, then at Lorelai, offended. LORELAI (CONT'D) I suspected my life and my past would be called into question, and now that it has, I'm thankful I could portray it in an accurate manner. Good night. See you in hell. She does a condescending little wave, then leaves. Beat. MIMSY They never said anything about plum. We've had no color-themed discussions of any kind! INT. REUNION HALL ENTRANCE/OUTER HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS - EVENING (NIGHT 2) Lorelai makes a beeline for the exit, her walk taking on a jaunty air of triumph. As she passes the attendant, she flashes a V for Victory. She is so eager to get the hell out of there, she almost runs into another FEMALE CLASSMATE coming from the opposite direction. FEMALE CLASSMATE Lorelai Gilmore? LORELAI (rushed) You've identified tonight's Mystery Guest. Now step inside to claim your prize. She is about to continue past, when her classmate puts a hand on her arm. FEMALE CLASSMATE Oh my lord, how are you doing? It's Melanie Redmond! LORELAI Melanie Redmond? Wow! MELANIE It's been ages, hasn't it?? LORELAI Yes, several ages have passed. MELANIE I didn't even want to go to this thing, did you? I'm not sure how they found my address. LORELAI They just did a Net search on "Students Who Would Rather Drink Cyanide Than See Their Old Classmates." MELANIE (amused) At least I ran into you. You've changed so much and yet you're exactly the same as I remember you. LORELAI I feel the same way. (beat) Or I would, if I had a clue who you were. Melanie looks surprised, then laughs. MELANIE I transferred early sophomore year. My dad got a big job promotion that led us to relocate to Helsinki. LORELAI (remembering) That's right. MELANIE (CONT'D) But before that, you and I used to hang out together all the time. Smoke behind the principal's office and blow it toward the window, trying to drive him mad with cravings. LORELAI Then, when he caught us, we'd pretend our bodies had been temporarily hijacked by Satan and before detention, it was our right as citizens to have an exorcism. MELANIE Religious man. We thought it would work. LORELAI But even God was no match for smoker's withdrawal. (beat) Mel! How are you?! They embrace warmly. MELANIE Oh, still the same: trying to live the dream. LORELAI You went to art school? MELANIE (proud) And after years of busting my ass and fighting the fear of being a crushing failure, I finally got my first display in the Metropolitan. LORELAI Congratulations. MELANIE Thanks! Oh, but what about you? I remember you used to be into all kinds of things. Designing, decorating, acting. You swore before you turned twenty-five that you'd have redone the inside of the White House. LORELAI And if not for the Secret Service, those Oval Office walls would glow in the dark, dammit. MELANIE I can't wait to hear what you've been up to. Lorelai starts to tell her. Then for some reason she becomes quiet, and in contrast to her look of triumph earlier, looks oddly sad. FADE OUT. END OF ACT ONE ACT TWO FADE IN: INT. LORELAI'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - EVENING (NIGHT 2) Rory and Paris are seated, each holding several pages of notes full of ideas for the conference. They look as though they have been slowly wearing on each other's nerves. RORY Paris? You do realize that the conference isn't a competitive event. PARIS Rory, you know how I'm charmed by your naivete. But would it kill you to come down from Carebear Land for five minutes and face reality? RORY Which is? PARIS A good showing. Means Recognition. Means nods from Harvard. RORY We'll be talking paper shortages and hall safety rules. I doubt they'll send scouts. PARIS What if you're wrong? RORY Is "wrong" daring to think our record at school is good enough? PARIS Not at all. Under our watch, Chilton has revolutionized its after school sports program, increased its alumni donations by twenty percent, added an ethnic studies curriculum, taken back the night, adopted several highways, and even helped send an impoverished Russian girl to college. RORY Now comes the "but." PARIS No one thinks that's remarkable because we're Chilton. (resentful) But let President Joe Hayseed of Hicksville High install uniform grade pencil sharpeners, and everyone calls him a hero! RORY If they're the kind that don't eat your pencil... PARIS (CONT'D) This is the Cannes festival of school conferences. Any school worth its books tries to make an impression, and being from a wealthy school means we have to work extra hard to prove ourselves. RORY So what do you propose? PARIS This. She shows Rory some notes on a pad. Rory looks them over, doubtful. RORY A high school outreach program. PARIS Simple, yet effective. RORY How would it work? PARIS We find one or more schools that are woefully underfunded. Then offer tutoring, sponsorship, use of our facilities and equipment. RORY So instead of Joe Hayseed, we would install the pencil sharpeners. PARIS Good, you're thinking outside the box. RORY It's awfully cold out here. PARIS Reservations? RORY None whatsoever. Just hope when the conference ends, Higgins, we don't toss the poor school back into the gutter. PARIS Don't be ridiculous. RORY You mean realistic? PARIS The school would receive lasting benefits from us. RORY You're sure? PARIS Sure enough that I'm willing to bet you don't have a better idea. Beat. RORY (resigned) Fine, I'll give it a go. PARIS Excellent. RORY Damn Carebear optimism. (then) So which school will be our first Eliza? PARIS What about the one right here? RORY My old high school?? PARIS You think I came here for the ambiance? Rory rolls her eyes. PARIS Hey, you think it'd be too late to go over tonight? Peak through the windows, get a lay of the land...? INT. REUNION HALL - SAME TIME - EVENING (NIGHT 2) Lorelai and Melanie are now seated at a table. Much time has passed and the crowd has thinned out noticeably. MELANIE Wow. LORELAI I know. MELANIE You never cease to surprise me, Lorelai. LORELAI Nor myself. MELANIE It's just amazing what you've been through. And that you've handled it so well. (beat) Does it ever bother you, though? What you had to give up? LORELAI (too quickly) What? Oh no. I mean what I've gained is so much more. MELANIE I'm sure. Though someday, when you get the chance, maybe you could try on some of your old fantasies, see if they still fit. LORELAI You mean if I get the chance, what with it being all drama, all the time on the Gilmore Channel. MELANIE (smiles) That may be a channel I'd like to tune in to someday. Pay a visit to your house and your town, see that lovely kid of yours. (looks at her watch) But dammit, I have to run. You have my number? Lorelai holds up her cell phone. LORELAI Right in here. MELANIE It was great to see you. She reaches over to hug Lorelai, who again seems depressed, but tries to hide it. INT. LORELAI'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM/ENTRYWAY - NIGHT (NIGHT 2) Rory lies on the couch as she was earlier, decompressing from her evening with Paris. She turns her head toward the front door as it opens, and Lorelai plods inside. LORELAI Hey. RORY (pretend sad) No cake? Ego? LORELAI Caterer put us on an all-liquid diet. As she walks over to the couch, Rory turns to her eagerly. RORY So how come you took so long? Take some pictures? Tear some clothes? I want details, woman! LORELAI Wow, you did spend the evening with Paris, didn't you? RORY And I am trying desperately to blot it from my mind. Spill. LORELAI Let's just say before I left, I made sure all my classmates were turned on their sides. RORY And their mouths open. Never forget that. LORELAI Sure thing, boss. RORY In other words, your evening pretty much sucked the way you thought. LORELAI Oh no, it sucked in ways that were surprising and original. Like how the lighting scheme made every person's outfit look like it came off the rack of Jackson Pollack, LTD. Really, they deserve credit. RORY Did anything actually good happen? LORELAI No. Well, one thing. I met an old friend from sophomore year. RORY I've heard such a thing can happen at school reunions. LORELAI She was the same old cool Mel. We talked. Reminisced. RORY Bitched? LORELAI The technical term. RORY That's great. You should bring her by sometime. LORELAI Already working on it. Before long, she'll be exposed to the same strange glowing liquid that we Stars Hollowites proudly call drinking water. RORY I can't wait. A beat. Lorelai looks as though she's debating whether to mention something else, but then decides against it. Instead: LORELAI You'd have been proud of me tonight. I totally stood up for us when it counted. Left those snobs choking on my victory dust. RORY From you, I never expected anything less. They share an appreciative look. But Lorelai cannot quite hide the fact that something is off, and Rory cannot help but sense it. INT. STARS HOLLOW HIGH SCHOOL - HALLWAY - MORNING (DAY 1) A MALE STUDENT leans over the drinking fountain. From a short distance away, Paris watches intently. The student notices, and makes a gesture like "Are you next?" Paris shakes her head and gestures at him to continue. He shrugs and continues to sip the water. When he's finally through, he lifts his head up, only to find Paris practically on top of him. MALE STUDENT What do you want? PARIS (urgent tone) Were you happy with that drink? MALE STUDENT I guess. But-- PARIS Did it refresh you? MALE STUDENT Look, I asked -- PARIS Don't deflect the question. MALE STUDENT I don't -- PARIS Speak up. MALE STUDENT I... He tries to speak, but cowed by Paris's demeanor, he flees. PARIS (calls after him) If you don't speak up, how can I help you?! Just then Rory ducks out of a classroom and joins her, looking annoyed. RORY Wow. That's, what, your third in the past hour? PARIS This place gives me hives. (rants) The drinking fountains are neither at regulation height nor pumping at full capacity. The classrooms are overcrowded and don't even get me started on the condition of the chalkboards -- RORY We don't have much time before we're due at our school. PARIS (CONT'D) And the tragedy is these poor kids don't even realize it. RORY Let's try to do something relevant in the time we've got here, okay?? PARIS Someone's Ms. Cranky. RORY Family worries. Plus I don't like you treating this school like it's from the Third World. PARIS Why? It's not like you go here. RORY Yes but I did go here. My best friend goes here. My boyfriend goes here. It's a good school, Paris. PARIS Right, the way plain vanilla is a darn good ice cream flavor. But you obviously have a more adventurous palet, or you wouldn't have come to Chilton. Rory is silent, realizing that Paris has a point. Just then LANE dashes over to them. LANE (to Rory) Hey, sorry I'm late. RORY (relieved) No problem, great to see you! (to Paris) Lane's gonna play escort. Paris nods indifferently. LANE I would've been here sooner, but I was having a late rap session with Mr. Wallis. PARIS (dubious) This school teaches rap? LANE I mean music. RORY Lane's an early modern rock junkie. LANE (excited) Soon I'll have mastered the entire drum portion of "Tommy"! PARIS Really? RORY Hey, congratulations! LANE He even thought I could perform it live. Now to convince Mom I have a Bible class bake sale that night. Paris suddenly gets a calculating look on her face. She turns to Lane. PARIS Would you have time to show us? INT. LUKE'S DINER - MORNING (DAY 1) Lorelai sits off to the side, alone, dawdling over her breakfast. She's already late for work, but that doesn't seem to be weighing heavily on her mind. The diner is nearly empty except for KIRK, who sits at the counter eating eggs. Just then LUKE comes over to Lorelai's table, coffee pot in hand. LUKE You plan on finishing sometime soon? LORELAI Within the next century, give or take a decade. Why? LUKE Would that mean you'd require more coffee? LORELAI (holds up her mug) You know me too well. Luke rolls his eyes, empties out his pot into Lorelai's mug. LUKE Or shall I just rent you space on this side of the room? LORELAI Benefits? LUKE (CONT'D) Prime location, scenic view. You can hide from the people you can't stand. LORELAI (eyes Luke) Really? LUKE (CONT'D) Saves me from, oh, having to give this table to new customers willing to increase my profits. LORELAI Tempting offer. LUKE It's not an offer, it's a threat. You keep sucking up my time and space, and I will be forced to ban you from the premises. Not that it matters, since without a job, you couldn't pay anyway. LORELAI But you'd still serve me, wouldn't you? Long beat. LUKE And hate myself for it. Lorelai smiles winningly. LUKE Where is Rory?? LORELAI She got carried off by some scary bird with a maniacal competitive streak. LUKE Oh good. I was starting to think you drank her. He's about to say more, when TAYLOR strides up to the door, looking angry and self-righteous. TAYLOR Luke, I'd like a word with you! LUKE (without turning) Standing here, all ears. TAYLOR No, you come out here! I want you on neutral ground! Groaning, Luke turns and heads out the door. Curious, Lorelai follows. EXT. LUKE'S DINER - CONTINUOUS - MORNING (DAY 1) Luke stands just outside with Taylor. Lorelai hovers in the doorway. TAYLOR Care to know where I was yesterday? LUKE I would so love to know, Taylor. TAYLOR Getting my shirt dry-cleaned. For the fifth time. Because someone spilled gravy on the sleeve. LUKE That someone being you. TAYLOR (CONT'D) Did it come out? No. See?? He holds up his sleeve to Luke. LUKE No. Just like I didn't see it the first time you showed me. TAYLOR (CONT'D) (mocking) How convenient. (then) You know how many times I've told you the dispensers are not sealed properly. LUKE You squeezed the pouch from the wrong end, Taylor. Live with it! TAYLOR (CONT'D) I've done some research around town, and it seems that many people have had similar accidents. LUKE Many people are incapable of reading "This end up" signs. LORELAI I almost had a horrific milk accident for the same reason. TAYLOR (missing her sarcasm) You see, Luke, she understands the public need for proper dispensers! LORELAI It's right at the top of my list, above solving world hunger and an equal rights amendment. LUKE Your screw is even looser than usual, Taylor. TAYLOR (to Luke) If you can't take this seriously, I'm afraid we'll have no choice but to settle this in front of the town council. Kirk, meanwhile, has finished eating and now tries to sneak out of the diner as unobtrusively as possible. LUKE So you're here to collect evidence? TAYLOR (proud) No need. I've already got the incriminating photos. Luke stares at him, then spies Kirk before he can slip away. LUKE Kirk?? (beat) Get back here! Very reluctantly, Kirk turns around and heads over to face Luke's wrath. LUKE Spread. Kirk looks defiant for a moment, but one more glance at Luke's angry face, and he slowly lifts his arms up. Luke pats down his coat, and finds several bulges. He reaches in and pulls out several undeveloped film rolls. LUKE Pants. Shake. A beat. Then Kirk shakes each leg, and a few more rolls fall out onto the ground. Luke grabs them all. LUKE Now beat it! TAYLOR Ooh, that goes on the evidence sheet. LUKE And so will you! (raises his fist) Flat as a damn pancake, Taylor! TAYLOR Not if it's one of yours! KIRK (low voice) Look Luke, it was nothing personal. He offered to sponsor my budding career. (beat) Plus I have issues with the way you scramble eggs. Not waiting for an answer, he hurries off. Taylor stares after him, pissed, then points to Luke. TAYLOR This isn't over! As Taylor storms away: LUKE Yeah, yeah, it never is. INT. LUKE'S DINER - CONTINUOUS - MORNING (DAY 1) Luke and Lorelai return inside. LORELAI Very entertaining pre-lunch theatre. LUKE Thursdays, they open for Blue Man Group. LORELAI I'll tell a friend. LUKE Am I gonna have to get medieval on you, too, or will you tell me what's wrong? LORELAI Depends on the weapons. LUKE My winning personality. LORELAI Ooh, scary. LUKE Look we've had some very big ins and outs, but you're a friend, and friends don't let friends get drunk on self-pity. LORELAI (indignant) Maybe I'm just drunk on the knowledge that nearly everyone in this town is a quirky freak, consumed by issues that mean absolutely nothing to anyone with a life! LUKE Says the High Priestess of Quirk herself. LORELAI Hey, I'm no quirkier than Heckle and Jeckle out there. LUKE Oh really? Does Save the Endangered Plover week ring a bell? LORELAI Oh lord. LUKE (CONT'D) Not a single damn plover in Stars Hollow, yet someone here watched a special on Animal Planet and thought that we needed to rally behind our web-footed friend. LORELAI My kid needed extra-curriculars. LUKE (CONT'D) Tee-shirts, a humanitarian concert, a special designation as the town bird. Fluffy caps with bills shaped like bird beaks. It was scary! LORELAI It was my mother's doing, thank you! LUKE And the caps? LORELAI (concedes) Yes, those were mine. LUKE (CONT'D) Color me shocked. (then) But at the same time, crazy stuff like that is what we love about you. LORELAI Love? LUKE Well, smile and nod in hope that one day you'll grow out of it. LORELAI Guess what? That day is here. LUKE Really. You serious? LORELAI From now on, I'm almost normal. LUKE Why? LORELAI Why what? LUKE Why now? LORELAI No reason. Except that I recently came away from my high school reunion with the gut-wrenching thought that maybe I don't fit in here anymore. LUKE And just how thoroughly did they spike the punch? LORELAI I met a friend there who was living the kind of life I once saw myself living. You know, if... LUKE Right. LORELAI (CONT'D) And it just reminded me more intensely than ever before of what I've missed. LUKE I thought you wanted to leave that elitist crap behind. LORELAI No, Luke, not investment banking jobs or husbands named "Vandy." These were ambitions I had, that had zero to do with what my parents wanted. LUKE Like? LORELAI Lead singer for the Ramones. Touring with the National Shakespeare Company. LUKE You couldn't have aimed high? LORELAI I know, it was stupid! But I never got to learn how stupid, because instead I've been here. Safe. Protected. Sliding ever deeper into a rut. LUKE Because the town made you get pregnant and run away from home. LORELAI No, of course not. (irritated) I hate feeling this way, all right? Whenever I feel anything that approaches resentment for my life or having Rory, I want to gouge my eyes out and fill the holes with lighter fluid. LUKE This new normal thing? Fits you like a glove. LORELAI (CONT'D) Usually I tune it out, but seeing someone actually living the dream and happy, it just makes it too real. I can't let it go this time. LUKE So what do you propose? LORELAI I don't know. LUKE Look, don't stress. Believe me, it'll pass. LORELAI What makes you the expert? LUKE This place. Been working here since I was young, but unlike you, I didn't have much choice about it. LORELAI (sympathetic) Couldn't you have left after your dad died? LUKE I thought about becoming a professional racquetball player -- shut up. But the locals needed food, so rather than tell them what the little flames in their stoves are for, I decided to serve it to them. LORELAI Because hunger is a trait common only to this town. LUKE I've been on the outside, Lorelai. They're no better than we are. LORELAI Do tell. LUKE Once, in New York, I saw a man hold a thirty minute conversation with a hole in his sleeve. LORELAI Did the hole answer back? Was it sympathetic? LUKE The hole made no sound whatsoever! Look, there are weirdos out there, Lorelai. Depraved weirdos. I'd rather be stuck with the ones I know than be forced to talk to a loose thread on someone's pants. LORELAI That's your choice. But as for me... LUKE Yes? LORELAI I think I want some adventure. It made sense to stay here while Rory was growing up, but now with her going off to college, I finally have the chance. LUKE To leave, you mean. LORELAI Possibly. LUKE Possibly? LORELAI Very possibly. LUKE Have you, by chance, broached this upon Rory? LORELAI I have spent every second of the past few days thinking of how I will tell Rory. LUKE (faint sarcasm) Well then, it doesn't matter what your friends think. She's the one whose opinion matters here. LORELAI (deflated) I know. FADE OUT. END OF ACT TWO ACT THREE FADE IN: INT. LORELAI'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING (DAY 2) Rory comes in from her room, dressed in uniform. Lorelai sits at the kitchen table, Net surfing on a lap top and holding a phone against her ear. When she sees Rory, she tries to conceal what she's doing. Of course Rory sees her. She's not surprised: Lorelai has been acting this way for a few weeks. LORELAI Need a lift? RORY Nope. I'm fine. She passes around the back of Lorelai's chair on her way to grab something edible. Lorelai shuts her laptop part-way. RORY See ya. LORELAI Bye. Rory leaves. Lorelai reopens her laptop. Just then, Rory reappears, under the guise that she forgot something. Lorelai quickly shuts it again. Rory looks at her strangely and leaves for real. Lorelai exhales slowly and reopens her laptop. EXT. STARS HOLLOW HIGH - AFTERNOON (DAY 2) Several students are prepping for an upcoming sporting event. Pep rally boosters practice cheers on the front steps. Around the corner, a couple of students spray paint a banner. Nearby, a BASKETBALL PLAYER shoots baskets through a self-standing hoop. Paris walks past all of this with an air of authority, inspecting each of the activities. PARIS (to the boosters) Keep up that school support, girls! (to the banner painters) Like the paint? Designer strength, top of the line. She walks over to the BASKETBALL PLAYER, who has made a shot. PARIS Great job! Keep up the good work. BASKETBALL PLAYER Thanks. (confused) I intend to. Paris pats him on the shoulder as he's about to toss again, disrupting his focus and sending his shot awry. She then heads over to Rory, who is decorating the town green along with some other students. Her strain with Lorelai is affecting her, as is her irritation with Paris's behavior. Paris takes her aside. PARIS I told you. These kids are like fish in the desert and we're their water. RORY I don't recall any mention of seafood. PARIS Come on, be proud. Their school is improving because of us. RORY Well we haven't set it on fire. PARIS Show some enthusiasm. RORY (grudging) Okay. We're doing a good job. PARIS Yet I feel like something's missing. RORY Missing. PARIS A truly grand, sweeping gesture that would be a signature to our efforts. A major show of good will. RORY A bridal shower? PARIS Try a benefit. RORY A benefit. PARIS Invite the bigwig Chilton alums, serve some food, have speeches, entertainment. RORY Isn't that the reason they made P.T.A.'s? PARIS Oh I checked: the P.T.A.'s severely underfunded, they won't get in our way. RORY (uneasy) Look, it's one thing to volunteer-- PARIS (CONT'D) This could really make us stand out at the conference. A video, some sappy music, maybe put some of the more positive examples out in front of the guests to show that yes Virginia, there really is a second chance. RORY Wait, positive examples? PARIS You know, kids with talent, who have hope for bright futures. Like your friend. RORY Lane. PARIS She can bang the drums. I'll bet a number or two would really rev up the guests. RORY (dubious) You want to use Lane for the benefit. PARIS Right. RORY To raise awareness of her impoverished school. PARIS You're a little slow on the uptake today. RORY No, I get what you're saying. (then) And forget it. PARIS Excuse me? RORY It sounds like you want to treat Lane and the others like they're trick ponies or something. PARIS It's not like they'd be obeying my whistle. RORY They'll just get a treat at the end? PARIS You're reading this all wrong. RORY I don't think I am. And I don't think they'll do it. With that she heads off toward the school building. Paris follows. PARIS Rory, I know you want to see your old school in the best light possible, and that's good. But you have to accept -- Rory stops, looks at her. RORY (now angry) This is not "Save the Children," Paris. Do you see Sally Struthers crying on the front steps? No. This is a good school that we are just giving some help that they probably don't even need. PARIS So fine. We'll just drop it then. RORY Good. I'd like that. She continues on. Paris pursues. PARIS We'll just drop the entire outreach program. Banish its name from existence. And when conference time comes, not care that the stapler suppliers get more buzz than we do. RORY You are not exploiting my friend, Paris. PARIS Then what do you suggest we do, Rory? No, really. Any ideas? They near the banner painters. PARIS (CONT'D) (angry) At least I'm making an effort. God forbid you do the same. Rory stops to collect her backpack, near the banner. PARIS (CONT'D) God forbid you do anything other than complain and not offer your own solutions. Just be the same dull Rory Gilmore who can't be bothered to come out of her shell! Rory notices a spray gun lying on the ground. She picks it up, examines it. RORY You were saying? PARIS You wouldn't. RORY If I'm that dull, you wouldn't have to wonder. She aims the spray gun at Paris, who considers calling her bluff. But the thought of her uniform being drenched in primary colors does not sit well. PARIS Fine. Do whatever the hell you want. RORY I don't want to go to the conference with you, Paris. Paris glares at her. PARIS Fine! She stalks off. Rory test squirts the gun after she's left, and realizes that it's empty. She hands it over to one of the banner painters, who has been watching the fight, then walks away. INT. OFFICE - DESIGN FIRM - SAME TIME - AFTERNOON (DAY 2) A LEAD DESIGNER in his late twenties sits at a glass-topped desk, gazing down at a resume. He is dressed in grungy clothes and has a dozen noticeable piercings, but otherwise seems professional. His office surroundings are filled with every color and knickknack imaginable. Across from him sits Lorelai, looking nervous and out of her element. She fiddles with a nearby Beanie Baby to pass the time until he speaks. LEAD DESIGNER Okay, Lorelai. It says here that you've spent... He pauses to wiggle the stud in his nose. Repulsed, Lorelai unconsciously covers her own. LEAD DESIGNER (noticing) Is something wrong? LORELAI What? Oh no. (lowers her hands) Some people rub their lucky rabbit's foot, I rub my nose. LEAD DESIGNER Your nose? LORELAI "Bewitched" was a strong early influence. LEAD DESIGNER But she twitched her nose, she didn't rub it. LORELAI We had bad reception. LEAD DESIGNER Anyway... it says you've spent the past seventeen years in the hotel business? LORELAI That's right. LEAD DESIGNER Which means you've had no industry experience? LORELAI You've obviously never worked at a hotel. Ordering new drapes to match the guests' lingerie is not an infrequent occurrence. LEAD DESIGNER Did you bring a portfolio? LORELAI Um, no. LEAD DESIGNER So you have no record of any skills. LORELAI I might, but I never really expected to get an interview. LEAD DESIGNER You didn't? LORELAI Oh boy. Big interview faux pas. LEAD DESIGNER No, tell me. LORELAI (CONT'D) See, I've passed out resumes to just about every place that has to do with my interests. But they've all given me the big wall of silence, except a few who took the time to laugh me off the phone. LEAD DESIGNER Can't beat the human touch. LORELAI (CONT'D) This was the only place that actually wanted to meet live and in person, so I thought it'd be fun. Take a trip into the city, sit through an interview, see what it was like. LEAD DESIGNER (surprised) You've never been on an interview before? Beat. LORELAI (embarrassed) Well I have. But that one didn't count, seeing as how my screaming baby kept disrupting the nice woman's questions. Her interviewer leans back and wiggles his lip stud, mulling this over. Lorelai tries not to look repulsed. LORELAI (CONT'D) But I've given interviews. For new staff. Loads of them. The designer fingers his eyebrow stud. Lorelai, again, unconsciously touches her own eyebrow. LEAD DESIGNER Lorelai, I'll confess. I wanted to meet with you because you're an unusual case. LORELAI Unusual as in unique? The good kind? LEAD DESIGNER (CONT'D) Most people we get here are right out of college, even out of high school. He rubs his stud harder. Lorelai reciprocates with her eyebrow. The designer notices. LEAD DESIGNER Are you all right? LORELAI Sorry. Nerve. LEAD DESIGNER (CONT'D) They have a definite passion and background for the field. Lorelai tries to avert her eyes, but finally can't take the stud rubbing any longer. LORELAI Hate to ask, but those piercings? Does the pain stay with you, or has the area around them lost all sensation? LEAD DESIGNER I don't notice them. LORELAI What a surprise. LEAD DESIGNER (CONT'D) They're committed to long hours for little to no pay, just the chance to learn the business and make the right contacts. LORELAI (re: piercings) So what if you bang into a door? Is it like getting stabbed three consecutive times? LEAD DESIGNER (truly startled) What? LORELAI I'm sorry! It's just, pieces of metal in your body. Not natural. Like alien implants. Gives me the creeps, I had to say it. The designer looks at her intently. LEAD DESIGNER Frankly, I'm wondering whether you take this seriously. Why does someone like you, with no background and little experience, want out of this? Did one of your friends dare you? LORELAI What? LEAD DESIGNER Is it a joke? LORELAI No. (attempts to explain) Okay, maybe in the sense that I don't have a ten-year plan, gold plated and certified. I mean I'm pretty much winging it here. In fact I expect to be turned down. LEAD DESIGNER Really. LORELAI Yes. LEAD DESIGNER Then why are you here? LORELAI (CONT'D) Because haven't you ever wanted to try something new just to see if you could? Or asked what you would've done if you had time to just stop and think first? The designer looks uncomprehending. LORELAI (CONT'D) (frustrated) No, I guess you wouldn't. You're pretty young, and being a big bad metal head up in your Magical Mystery office must have been a conscious choice. For that I salute you. Now the designer's lips twitch almost imperceptibly. LEAD DESIGNER Listen, this job would require a lot of hard work. LORELAI When I'm so used to synchronized nap time at the inn. LEAD DESIGNER It's not glamorous, and not something to be taken lightly. LORELAI Very good. I get that. LEAD DESIGNER So when can you start? Lorelai is stunned. LORELAI What? LEAD DESIGNER Start. The act of beginning. When can you? LORELAI That sounds suspiciously like an offer. LEAD DESIGNER Just how it was meant to sound. Lorelai doesn't know how to respond. This certainly changes everything. FADE OUT. END OF ACT THREE ACT FOUR FADE IN: INT. LORELAI'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - EVENING (NIGHT 3) Lorelai comes in, dumps her things on the couch. Before she can sit down, Rory appears. RORY Hey. LORELAI Hey. The strain between them is still noticeable. RORY Rough day at the office? LORELAI (nods) One guest caught her husband in bed with another woman. She started screaming, they started screaming. By the time I got everyone to hold their fire, I'd hit overtime. RORY Yikes. LORELAI So what's new on the home front? RORY Nothing. Sookie just called to ask how you were feeling. LORELAI (uneasy) Did she? RORY (CONT'D) And said sorry you had to leave early, that it was her fault the shrimp puffs were bad, and from there pretty much went into a blame spiral. LORELAI Poor, poor Sookie. Rory stares at her. LORELAI Busted? RORY Big time. LORELAI So how long am I grounded? Rory sits down. RORY Look Mom, I've tried to give you space so you could talk to me when you're ready. But this whole keeping secrets thing really doesn't sit well. LORELAI (agrees) Like week-old shrimp puffs. RORY Is something wrong? LORELAI Things are far from wrong. RORY If something were wrong, would you tell me? LORELAI That is a "duh" question, Rory. RORY Would you? LORELAI Yes, of course! RORY Okay. They sit awkwardly for a beat. LORELAI (CONT'D) I'm sorry. I should have been up front with you. I'm just... I'm going through something right now that has very little to do with you. Exactly. RORY Are you seeing someone? LORELAI No, no. I just thought it might be fun, you know, to see what it'd be like to find another job. RORY (surprised) As in not work at the inn? LORELAI Um, yeah. RORY Why, are you in trouble? LORELAI No. RORY Sick of the work? LORELAI No more than usual. RORY Michel? LORELAI Him? Always. RORY Then why the sudden career-shift mode? LORELAI Ooh boy. This is where it gets complicated. She suddenly heads into the kitchen. Rory stands, follows. INT. LORELAI'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS - EVENING (NIGHT 3) LORELAI (CONT'D) (distressed) Just please, please, whatever I say, promise not to hate me? RORY Why would I hate you? LORELAI Trust me, you'll find a way. (then) The gist of it: high school reunion. Wasted my snotty classmates. Met my cool friend who made me think of opportunities I missed. RORY Okay. LORELAI (CONT'D) Missed because I got pregnant. Because I got pregnant, oh God, I just said it! RORY Said what? LORELAI That I actually have regrets about having you. That I'm not one thousand percent grateful for everything that brought you into my life. That I'm a selfish, evil, evil, evil, ungrateful person! RORY You forgot evil. LORELAI Yes, keep 'em coming! Any potshots I receive I fully deserve! Rory shoots her an amused, relieved look, as if to say "That's it?" She slides into a chair. RORY Mom. Don't take this the wrong way, but what you said doesn't surprise me. LORELAI Yes, like that! RORY Mom, listen. You're only thirty three, and last I checked, you're also human. LORELAI No, sorry. You cannot let me off the hook by stating facts like that, you just can't. RORY (CONT'D) These days thirty-three isn't that old. A lot of women your age would be living in overpriced apartments, complaining about men, with no discernible means of employment. LORELAI But still looking like a Cosmo cover. RORY (CONT'D) I don't think I'd be ready to settle down. I mean first I'd be in college, then grad school, then establishing my career. (frazzled) And the thought of kids being any part of that creeps me out beyond belief. LORELAI You mean that? RORY You've had that whole piece of your life taken away. What makes you think I'd ever hate you for having regrets? A beat. Lorelai sit down beside Rory, smiles at her appreciatively and with huge relief. LORELAI Oh honey... it means so much to know that you're capable of being more selfish than I am. RORY Hey, what are daughters for? LORELAI And believe me, not a single second goes by that I don't thank God you're here. RORY (pleased) Okay, I get it. Remember you're telling this to a teenager. LORELAI Breaking the cardinal rule of coolness. So sorry. RORY Getting back to the job. Are we talking something to do on weekends, future plans, or an earth shattering, immediate lifestyle change? LORELAI I'm leaning toward Number Three. RORY (stunned) I was kidding. LORELAI Wish I was. RORY You found a job already?? LORELAI Perhaps. Caught the guy before he left on a vacation. Told him I was still undecided. RORY What job? LORELAI Working for a design firm. Performing the tasks that grunts are too proud to do. In glamorous New York. RORY New York? LORELAI (uneasy) Right, not exactly around the corner. But if I rise at dawn, I can cut an hour out of the commute time. RORY Won't that leave you with an hour? LORELAI Yeah. Though the twelve-hour work day might discourage commuting altogether. RORY So you'd have to live there. (sinks in) We'd have to live there. LORELAI Not quite. You'd be in college. RORY (frets) But still, weekends. Holidays. I'd be in the city, while a new girl lives in my room and touches everything wrong. LORELAI So? It'd be your ex-room. Rory stands up, starts pacing. RORY (CONT'D) What if it's boys?? Boys who like to smear dirt across the walls? I like my walls! I have worked very hard to keep my walls unstreaky. I hate them already. LORELAI So we'll sell it to an old lady whose entire family perished in a freak mudslide. RORY We'll never be that lucky. LORELAI Rory, I'm not even sure I want the job. I mean the guy in charge clearly gets his kicks out of self mutilation. RORY Lovely. LORELAI I'm sure he only offered it to me to psyche me out. Well ha! He succeeded. Rory sinks back into her chair. RORY Have you told Grandma and Grandpa? LORELAI Right, I would so tell them before I told you. RORY They should know. LORELAI Why? So they can rubber stamp my decision? (irritated) Hey, why don't I just put it to a vote at the town council meeting?? RORY If you don't tell them, they'll find out anyhow. Things could get pretty intense. LORELAI Things already are intense. Thanks for the love. RORY I'm sorry. It's just... this is so sudden. Beat. LORELAI (relents) Yeah, I know. RORY I don't remember you ever wanting a career in design. LORELAI It was just something I put in the back of my mind. Believe me, if it had been more in the front, I would have told you. RORY So when do you think you'll know? LORELAI I'm not sure. (quiet) Do you trust me anyway? Rory thinks about it for a moment. She recalls what Paris said to her about being too conservative. RORY You've never given me a reason not to. She and Lorelai hug, both happy their tension is resolved, but well aware that there are rough waters ahead. EXT. STARS HOLLOW HIGH - AFTERNOON (DAY 3) Rory has met up with Lane and is walking her home. RORY I know I shouldn't worry, but I am worried. LANE Understandable. RORY (CONT'D) Like, what if something goes wrong? What if she can't pay her bills? Or does the job for a day and hates it but can't come back because the town's gone Martin Guerre and she's been replaced? LANE Two of your mother? Could the universe hold? RORY (CONT'D) She's not exactly focused on this. Shouldn't she be more focused?? LANE Maybe, and you should breathe. I hear it's vital to life. Rory does so, calms down a hair. RORY (CONT'D) I guess part of me feels responsible for what she's going through. Since I am responsible. LANE For being born? RORY I could've cried less. And did I really need all those shots? LANE Officially worried, now. RORY No, it's okay. I'm just trying to compensate for the other part of me that's selfish and doesn't want things to change. LANE But we'll be leaving for college soon anyway. RORY I know, but I won't come back here. And doing the project reminded me of how much I miss it. The school, I mean. (points to a spot on the green) Like over there's where we sat for the Freshman Formal. LANE (fondly) When they wouldn't let us in without dates. Right. RORY (dispirited) And if I miss a school, imagine how I'll feel if we move away from the town. She and Lane walk silently. Then Lane shoots Rory a meaningful look. LANE Hey, Rory: don't worry. You can always come back if you want to. RORY You think so? LANE Of course. Rory gets the meaning, smiles. RORY Speaking of school: maybe I've been too hard on Paris. LANE Saved by an empty spray gun. RORY (CONT'D) She was just being herself. I shouldn't have let her get to me so much. LANE (nods) I had my doubts, but her outreach thing has gotten us some pretty nice supplies. And the benefit could be useful. RORY She told you about that? LANE Yeah, found my phone number and called me up, begging me to participate. It was so sweet, and not a little pathetic. RORY You don't think it's wrong? LANE Well I'd rather be discovered by talent scout while eating lunch and be instantly transported to rock stardom. But you take whatever support you can get. Rory nods. RORY That Paris. Some humanitarian. LANE Yeah. They walk in silence. LANE I'm switching phone numbers. INT. INDEPENDENCE INN - LOBBY - SAME TIME - AFTERNOON (DAY 3) Lorelai is standing at the front desk, when SOOKIE rushes over, looking pissed. LORELAI Hey, Sook. What's up? Sookie doesn't respond, except to make small angry noises, as though she doesn't know how to express her thoughts in words. LORELAI (CONT'D) You know how I love shooting the breeze, but we both have things to do. So if you don't mind -- SOOKIE (blurts out) Does friendship mean nothing to you?! LORELAI (startled) What? SOOKIE Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought was your friend. LORELAI If this is about Bernice, for the last time, she's make-believe. SOOKIE (CONT'D) No, this is about you ignoring the pact we made to found our own inn, going behind my back, and looking for another job! LORELAI Sookie -- SOOKIE And finding one, too, I might add! LORELAI Where did you hear this? SOOKIE Oh let's see... not from you, like I should have! LORELAI (impatient) Name?? SOOKIE From Jackson. Who heard it from Rune. Who heard it from Kirk, who was across the street from you yesterday and read your lips. LORELAI How does he know I said job? Maybe I said "flob". SOOKIE He's very good. LORELAI Flob! I just got a new flob for my bathroom! SOOKIE Not what he said. LORELAI Flobs are all the rage in Japan! SOOKIE He said j-o-b! LORELAI Hundreds of words rhyme with job! SOOKIE Just admit it! LORELAI (pissed) All right, fine, it's true. I found a job. I didn't realize that in the Republic of Stars Hollow, job searches were a punishable offense! SOOKIE No, just not telling your friends about them. (beat) I could have helped, you know. LORELAI Believe me, Sookie, this isn't something that you or anyone else could have helped me with. SOOKIE What makes you so sure? LORELAI The lingering notion that you might possibly freak out? SOOKIE Well when were you going to say something?? LORELAI I wasn't sure. SOOKIE Probably two weeks after you'd moved away. LORELAI Sookie, would you please drop the Drama Queen act for five minutes?! SOOKIE I just get the sense you weren't thinking of me at all when you changed your plans. Or anyone else. Were you? Lorelai resists the urge to snap back. SOOKIE (CONT'D) I mean did you ever consider how this would affect my plans? (more bashful) Not that, you know, I expected you to think of them a lot, but maybe just a little. Long beat. Lorelai leans against the desk, digesting the accusations. Her expression becomes sober. LORELAI I did think of you. Okay, maybe not at first, but after I talked Rory. I thought about you, and I thought about Jackson and Luke and everyone else until my head hurt from the pressure. And I realized... SOOKIE What? LORELAI (CONT'D) I love you guys. I love this town. I always have. So why have I been acting like I don't? SOOKIE Um yeah, million dollar question. LORELAI (CONT'D) I mean I'd be giving all this up for what? Some grueling, low paying job in design, where if I'm real, real lucky, I might get to hold the pens while the artists draw? SOOKIE You want that badly to design? Lorelai thinks of this for a moment. LORELAI No. What I want is the crazy, full of-possibilities, unattached life I'd get with it. Sookie's anger fades, and she gets a compassionate look. LORELAI (CONT'D) And with Rory leaving, I saw how close I'll be to being the least attached since... well, I first came here. (rueful) I just started firing out resumes, without even thinking. (frustrated) Or else I would have realized that, hey, bailing on the people you care about isn't exactly like turning back the clock. SOOKIE And what about college payments? LORELAI (horrified) Oh God, leave it to my parents and give them an excuse to tighten the noose further? SOOKIE Well if you -- LORELAI (CONT'D) Rory hasn't even graduated yet, and I'm acting like I can just pull up stakes tomorrow! SOOKIE So, then? LORELAI I'm not leaving, Sookie. I was just going through some immature freak-out and now, fortunately, have come to my senses. I'm proud of my life and I won't abandon it, or you, or anyone else and that's final. Sookie smiles, but she's torn. On the one hand, she's obviously relieved that Lorelai isn't leaving, but on the other, she sees that her friend is less than happy about her decision, much as she tries to hide it. SOOKIE Well, I guess there's no point in this, then. Lorelai looks at her questioningly, and Sookie nods toward the kitchen. INT. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS - AFTERNOON (DAY 3) Sookie opens the door, and shows Lorelai a network of kitchen help putting together an elaborate spread, including a multi-layer cake. LORELAI Isn't this for the MacAllister wedding? SOOKIE You're the MacAllister wedding. Lorelai looks at her blankly. SOOKIE (CONT'D) We were going to surprise you. Me, Jackson, Michel, the town, we all chipped in. LORELAI (touched) You guys... you didn't have to do this. SOOKIE Of course we did. There's no way we wouldn't have. (points) See your going-away cake over there? LORELAI Looks good. SOOKIE The frosting has a few pitchfork shapes because, well, I was kind of pissed off at you. But it's the best cake I've ever made, trust me. LORELAI I don't doubt it. SOOKIE Of course, now that you're not leaving... They stare at the mounds of food. LORELAI Wasn't cheap, was it? SOOKIE Think we can book a wedding on short notice? EXT. INDEPENDENCE INN - BACK - EVENING (NIGHT 4) A banner reads "Stars Hollow High Charity Benefit." Underneath it, several distinguished Chilton alums mingle, along with several students and teachers from S.H. High. Also present are many of the townies, including Kirk, Taylor, and MISS PATTY. At one end of the gathering is a platform where a BAND, with Lane on drums, plays jazz tunes. Lorelai, Sookie, and Rory stand off to one side and watch the festivities with interest. Just then Paris comes over, a couple of shades more subdued than usual. PARIS Hey Rory. Thanks for reconsidering, by the way. RORY Yeah well, worthy cause. How could I not get behind that? PARIS (to Lorelai) Impressive that you could set it up on such short notice. LORELAI As they say: money good. Me like. PARIS Only thing I don't get is what all these other people are doing here. They didn't RSVP. She points to the townies milling about. LORELAI Local support. No school can do without it. PARIS Right. Well, I'm going to check on the camera crew. See you all later. She leaves. ON LANE Lane sits with the band, whose members are dressed in classic jazz jackets and ties. LANE Okay, let's hit it! (bangs the drums) A one and a two, and a one, two, three, four! She starts into a fast beat, while the other band members launch into another slow jazz rhythm. Lane stops. LANE Aw! Come on! ON LORELAI, RORY, and SOOKIE MICHEL saunters up to them. MICHEL Lorelai, I wish you the best of luck in your new life. SOOKIE She's not leaving, Michel. MICHEL Oh. (beat) Then I consider this overtime and expect be duly compensated. LORELAI Oh Michel, you don't need to stay and clean up. MICHEL (indignant) That is not what I said. LORELAI And tomorrow, too! You're bringing tears to my eyes. MICHEL I hate you. He stalks off. SOOKIE He's so happy. Just then Miss Patty comes over. She rolls her eyes good naturedly at activity off screen. MISS PATTY I can't believe Taylor's still going on about his silly dispensers... (to Lorelai) Honey, all of us are really glad that you've decided to stay put. LORELAI So am I. MISS PATTY (CONT'D) Can't say I'm not a little surprised, though. Someone with as much spark as you seems like the type to head off to wherever catches your fancy. LORELAI Right. She looks a little dispirited. Rory and Sookie notice. MISS PATTY (CONT'D) At least there's no need for the bust. LORELAI Bust? ON KIRK Kirk sits in a corner, examining Lorelai with an artist's eyes, putting the final touches on a face carved into stone. ON LORELAI, RORY, SOOKIE, and MISS PATTY MISS PATTY (CONT'D) A little something to remember you by. (to Rory) We've already got yours ready for when you leave for college. RORY Oh... good. MISS PATTY (CONT'D) If you'll excuse me: a few of those Chilton alums have been giving me the eye. She wiggles her brows at Lorelai and rushes off. LORELAI That's it: job or no job, I'm finding a new town. Who isn't here, tonight?? SOOKIE (reluctant) Well, Luke. Lorelai gets a faintly disappointed look. RORY (reassuring) He's a workaholic. He made himself work double-shifts on his birthday, remember? LORELAI Yep. Just then Rory and Sookie exchange conspiratorial looks. RORY Mom... SOOKIE We've been talking... LORELAI Yeah? SOOKIE (CONT'D) And we think maybe you're acting a little hasty to reject the job. Rory nods. Lorelai looks back and forth between them, perplexed. LORELAI Sookie, nothing's changed since I last talked to you. (to Rory) And you. Dirty-fingered people in your room, remember? RORY No one said anything about leaving my room. LORELAI So you'll protest as a shut-in? RORY No, I'd just watch it while you were away. LORELAI (more perplexed) Right, because Mommy's new job lets her afford two houses. SOOKIE What she's saying is maybe you could try out the job for a few weeks, a month, then come home. RORY You wouldn't have to take, take the job -- SOOKIE Just do it over your paid vacation time, which lord knows you haven't used in forever. LORELAI Right. I get it. But why? SOOKIE Because you said you wanted to stay here. But she and I can see that sad look in your eyes when you think about what you're giving up. Lorelai looks at Rory. Rory makes a "sad puppy face." SOOKIE (CONT'D) We love you, Lorelai, but we don't want to hold you back from anything. RORY So this way, you get to have the crazy life, and Stars Hollow. LORELAI The crazier life. She looks at Rory and Sookie and smiles, profoundly grateful. LORELAI (CONT'D) Guys, I'm really tempted. But Rory, I can't leave you alone in the house while you're in school. RORY Sookie and Jackson could look after me. SOOKIE And everyone else in town. RORY Besides, we'll be apart a lot longer eventually. Lorelai smiles, acknowledges this sadly. RORY (CONT'D) Mom, I told you, you're not that old. But someday you will be, and do you want to look back and think that you missed your big chance? LORELAI (faint sarcasm) Gosh, when you put it that way. SOOKIE (CONT'D) If you decide not to take this job, please just promise you won't turn your back on other offers you might get. Beat. LORELAI (CONT'D) Okay. I promise. RORY Great! LORELAI (growing eagerness) You know I'll bet if I called, I could get a hold of the guy. He's supposed to be back from his vacation today... She pulls out her cell phone and punches in numbers. But before sending out the call, she pauses. LORELAI Guys? What happens if I do the job and at the end of the month, I want to stay? Rory and Sookie glance at each other. RORY (to Lorelai) That brings us back to Square One, I guess. SOOKIE Which we're okay with. We can work something out, just as long as you tell us, okay? LORELAI (sheepish) Got it. SOOKIE (CONT'D) I mean, if we're not meant to run an inn together, we're not meant to. But at least we'll know for sure. Lorelai smiles. She is about to send out the call again, when Paris appears. PARIS (to Rory) Terrible news! RORY What? PARIS I just heard Mary Andrews, rival school at the conference, had a major fire. RORY Oh wow, is everyone okay? PARIS Yes. Everyone's fine. Thanks to the "student council's repeated emphasis on fire safety drills," not one student was harmed. (angry) They'll be the talk of the convention now. We're ruined! She storms off, leaving a dazed Rory to stare after her. Meanwhile Lorelai presses the "Send" button on her phone. EXT. STARS HOLLOW INN - BACK - NIGHT (NIGHT 4) The benefit has been going on for a while. Lane and the band are really into it, weaving between rock and jazz. Lorelai now sits alone at one of the tables, watching. Just then Luke approaches. LUKE Hey. LORELAI (pleased) Hey there, stranger. LUKE Took me a while to close up shop. Also had to go buy you this. He reaches into his coat pocket and retrieves a small paper package, which he hands to Lorelai. She opens the package, gazes at it. LORELAI Looks like a compass. LUKE It is a compass. LORELAI It's beautiful. LUKE Thought you'd like it. LORELAI I most definitely like it. (then) But Luke, didn't anyone tell you I wasn't leaving? LUKE They did. But I figured you would. Lorelai smiles. LORELAI Just for a little while. LUKE Figured that, too. That's why there's the compass: to help you find your way back. Since you have zero sense of direction. Lorelai makes like she's going to smack him. LORELAI (CONT'D) You know I can't wait to tell my friend Mel about you. LUKE What, and make her not want to come here? Lorelai looks down at the compass. LORELAI Nah. I think she will. She invites Luke to sit down next to her, and then gazes out at the other Stars Hollowites at the festivities. FADE OUT. END OF SHOW