SCENE 1 (Morgendorffer house, evening)
(outside shot of the house. music plays -- the old, but classic, "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun." cut to shot of Helen's darkened closet as seen from the inside. Amy's hands reach in and part the clothes straight through the middle. We see her head. She glances around, frowning mildly. cut to close-up shot of closet as seen from the outside. Amy's back is to us. She turns, looks over her shoulder.)
AMY: Um, Helen?
(cut to a wider shot, with Helen in the foreground. We see that the clothes in the closet are perfectly divided between Helen's business suits and her leisure wear.)
AMY: Don't you have any casual dress-up clothes?
HELEN: Casual -- what?
(Amy shakes her head.)
AMY: Never mind. (walks toward Helen, pats her on the arm) I'll lend you something.
(fade-out. fade-in to: )
SCENE 2 (drivin' around)
(Shot of Helen and Amy riding in Amy's car. Helen sits in the front passenger seat, wearing a leather jacket and some variety of skirt-dress. She gazes at the jacket with an expression of wonder, and fingers it as if to say, "So this is what one of these things looks like!" Amy's driving. Up to this point in the episode, we've only seen her in variations of the same jeans-sweater-glasses combo. But now, she's one hundred percent "da bomb" -- her glasses are off, and she's wearing an outfit similar to Helen's.)
AMY: (smirking) So where to?
HELEN: Do you have a preference?
AMY: Well, the girls pretty much gave me the whirlwind tour, so I don't know of any place offhand.
HELEN: Well all right, then, let me see. (Pause. tries to think of suitably "hip" places to go) There's..... well, there's..... or there's..... um, Chez Pi-- ugh, no. (scrunches nose. Amy glances at her with amusement. finally Helen sighs) You know, I don't think I ever took the time to get to know this town.
AMY: Office, car, home, is that it?
(Helen glances at her with a "yeah, yeah, you have a point" expression.)
AMY: Well, we'll play it by ear, live on the edge.
HELEN: (scoffing, amused) The edge? Hmph -- in Lawndale??
(Helen and Amy share a chuckle, then glance at each other as if to say, "This might not be so bad.")
(fade-out. fade-in to shot of car stopping at a stoplight. On the corner there's a cafe. cut to close-up shot. It's Cafe Lawndale from "Cafe Disaffecto," revamped since its last disastrous outing. Painted on the window in bright colors is a list of desserts offered. At the bottom -- Flan. cut to close-up Helen and Amy in the car. Amy's reading the list. sees last word, face brightens.)
AMY: Flan! I haven't had that since I was a kid.
(Helen looks at Cafe Lawndale and frowns.)
HELEN: (to herself) Funny, I thought they shut this place down....
(Amy turns to Helen.)
AMY: So what d' you say, Helen? How 'bout doing dessert before dinner?
(Helen twists her hands with indecisiveness.)
HELEN: (hesitant) Well, I don't know...
(Amy gets a knowing smirk on her face.)
AMY: Oh, come on -- live a little. (Bt) I think you used to tell me that in your madcap hippie days.
(Helen rolls her eyes in an amused manner -- Amy knows just the right buttons to press.)
HELEN: All right, fine. (Bt) I guess it couldn't hurt......
(cut to: )
SCENE 3 (Cafe Lawndale)
(close-up shot of the door from the inside. Amy enters, walks straight ahead off screen. Helen follows. She pauses, glances to the right. pan to show an armed guard standing stiffly at attention next to the door. cut to wide shot of Helen and the guard. Helen gasps.)
HELEN: Oh my --! (claps a hand to her mouth)
AMY: (off screen) Hey, Helen!
(cut to shot of Amy standing off to the side, surveying the room. In the background are a bunch of small round tables, occupied by a mixed crowd of young and old. They cluster around a stage -- which we know from our first encounter with Cafe Lawndale. Amy points to an unoccupied table near the stage.)
AMY: Up there looks like a good spot.
(fade-out. fade-in to show close-up of the stage, a microphone in the foreground. From off screen right, we see Brittany walk on stage, clutching a sheet of paper. She goes up to the mike.)
BRITTANY: (sound of throat-clearing) Hgm-hgm. (The microphone gives an ear-piercing shriek. Pause) A poem. By Brittany Taylor.
(cut to frontal shot of Amy and Helen watching. Amy sits on the left, Helen on the right. From off screen, a waiter appears and serves them two plates of round, yellow, jiggling custard -- flan. return to shot of Brittany. She reads from the sheet of paper and twirls a lock of hair.)
BRITTANY: What is a flower? (Bt) Is it, um, like a pink thingy with pretty petals? (Pause) Or, um, is it like a, um, something a certain guy was s'posed to give you but he didn't 'cause he, like, forgot and now you think he's a big stupid jerk and you never wanna see him again! (Pause) Um, The End. (Pause. looks off screen. spacy cheerful) How was that, Kevvy?!
KEVIN: (off screen) Good one, babe!
(cut to shot of Amy and Helen, both frowning a "what was that??")
AMY: Ugh. I guess that's what passes for poetry these days.
HELEN: (muttering) I guess.
(Amy glances at Helen's plate. She's already managed to work her way through some of her flan, but Helen's remains untouched and jiggling.)
AMY: So, how's your flan?
(Pause. Helen touches a spoon to the surface and watches, disconcerted, as the flan jiggles uncontrollably. She finally rolls her eyes with frustration.)
HELEN: I'll tell you when it stands still long enough for me to taste it. (Bt. sigh) Now I know why I stopped eating this stuff after childhood.
(She and Amy both chuckle. then an awkward pause. Both glance down at their plates, then gaze at each other shyly.)
AMY: Helen, um, I --
HELEN: (at the same time) I just wanted to --
(They both stop, smile, and nod. briefly look down again, then at each other.)
AMY: Well as I was --
HELEN: (at the same time) You know I wish --
(They stop again, smile, and this time chuckle with embarrassment. Helen smirks wryly.)
HELEN: I wish we could talk to each other in complete sentences.
(Amy wears an understanding and slightly wistful smirk.)
AMY: Well, let's face it: we haven't talked to each other often enough to build a rapport...
(cut to shot of the stage. Kevin is ambling toward the microphone. cut to frontal shot of Helen and Amy)
AMY: (continuing) I mean, we were born ten years apart. We've never had that much in common. (Bt) Other than the fact that we both resent the hell out of Rita.
HELEN: (wicked) That alone could keep us in conversation for decades.
(cut to shot of the stage. Kevin, wearing his usual goofy grin, taps the mike. The mike shrieks. cut to close-up the armed guard. The guard winces. resume previous shot of Kevin.)
KEVIN: Um, like, my poem is, like, this cool epic poem I wrote about knights and dragons and, like, army tanks 'n' stuff. I call it: "Ratboy Kicks Shakespeare's Ass!" (Bt) True story.
(Kevin starts to read the poem. voice fades into the background. cut to frontal shot of Helen and Amy. Both are frowning, wrinkling their noses. Then Helen sighs.)
HELEN: (resigned) Well, you're right, we don't know a lot about each other. (Bt) You know my kids better than you know me.
(Pause. Amy leans toward Helen, wears a knowing smirk.)
AMY: (gently amused) Listen, Helen, I didn't want to say anything before, but I've been getting the vibe from you since I arrived --
(Helen claps a hand to her forehead, mortified.)
HELEN: Ugh, is it that obvious?!
(Bt. Amy's face takes on an awed, somewhat triumphant look.)
AMY: At first I didn't know what it was. (Bt) You've never been jealous of me before.
(muffled booo's heard off screen. cut to brief shot of the stage. Kevin's rambling on about nonsense. A couple of people have thrown things at him. cut to close-up Helen and Amy. Helen is still embarrassed and resigned.)
HELEN: Well, what do you expect? (Bt) You visit us for the first time in years and Daria falls all over you. (Bt. bitter) Whereas I bust my butt every day trying to be a good parent, and I'm lucky if she gives me a lukewarm compliment every blue moon.
AMY: (sympathetic) Helen, I think there's something you have to keep in mind: I'm Daria's aunt, not her mother. (Bt) Were you nice to Mom when you were her age?
HELEN: (admitting) No.
(Amy shakes her head.)
AMY: Neither was I. (Bt) Look, it's just a phase she's going through. She and Quinn will both grow out of it.
(sound of booo's, this time louder. cut to shot of the stage. Kevin's getting pelted by napkins, ashtrays, coffee cups -- you name it. He's cowering and trying to dodge them. Finally, he shrieks and runs offstage. People cheer. cut to close-up Helen and Amy, amused.)
AMY: This is better than the circus.
(Bt)
HELEN: (returning to their subject of conversation. sighs) Yes, you do make a good point. (Bt) I guess I just have to be more patient with Daria.
AMY: You're a good mom, Helen -- I'm sure of it. (Bt) I mean, in spite of whatever teenage hang-ups they have, Daria and Quinn are both great kids.
(Helen smiles gratefully.)
HELEN: Well thanks for the vote of confidence. (Bt. wry) You know, for someone who's single and childless, you sure seem to know a lot about child-rearing.
(Amy smirks, flattered.)
AMY: Thanks. You're not so bad, yourself. (Pause. she glances down briefly, suddenly shy again.) Um, Helen?
HELEN: What is it, sweetie?
AMY: Remember that guy you spoke to on the phone last week? Well he's -- (interrupted by a loud, nearby voice off screen: )
UPCHUCK: Laaaaaaaaaaaadies!!!
(Amy and Helen's eyes widen, startled. cut to shot of Upchuck on the stage, arms curled around the microphone. Upchuck leans toward them and does his little tongue rattle. cut to close-up Helen and Amy. They look at each other, horrified. return to shot of Upchuck. He peers around the room mischievously at all of the women.)
UPCHUCK: Tonight's your lucky night, gals! (Bt) The Chuckster's in a hooow-oooool, and I'm looking for someone to spread the love with. (Bt. leans toward Amy.) Especially you, Curly-haired! I hope you love younger men as much as I dig older women! (gyrates his hips)
(cut to close-up Amy. expression of disgust. turns toward Helen)
AMY: (hushed voice) Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
(pan to Helen, her dish of untouched flan poised in her hand.)
HELEN: (briskly) I'm way ahead of you.
(cut to wide shot of Helen and Amy. Amy cocks an eyebrow seductively at Upchuck. cut to close-up Upchuck)
UPCHUCK: Grrrrrrrrrrrr... Feisty!!!
(cut to wide shot of him jumping off the stage. cut to shot of him coming toward Amy. cut to close-up Amy, still wearing her seductive look. cut to side close-up Upchuck. He does his tongue rattle. Suddenly, from off screen left, the dish of flan splatters in his face. cut to a wider shot. Helen is leaning forward, holding the empty plate. Upchuck reels backward, gasping. Amy watches with amusement and appreciation. Sounds of clapping and cheering are heard off screen. pan over the audience. People are standing up, clapping, shouting, and waving their arms. cut to close-up the armed guard. He's clapping. cut to shot of Helen, pleased and surprised by the response. She has one hand against her chest as if to say, "Who, me?!" She glances at Amy. Amy's clapping, too. cut to wide overhead shot of the clapping room, a staggering Upchuck, and Helen taking a bow.)
(cut to: )
SCENE 4 (parking lot of Cafe Lawndale)
(Shot of Amy's car in the foreground, door to the cafe in the background. cut to close-up of the door. Amy and Helen come out, smirking at each other.)
AMY: Great execution, Helen! You got him right smack on his weasely little nose.
HELEN: Well you weren't too bad, yourself, with your "come and get it" expression.
(Pause. cut to close-up shot of car. Helen stands beside the passenger side, while Amy stands beside the driver's side, poised to open the door.)
HELEN: Who'd've guessed we could work so well together?
AMY: Yeah, who knew? (Pause. frowns an amused "what's up?") Helen? (Bt) What are you thinking??
(Helen wears a wicked, reflective expression on her face.)
HELEN: I'm wondering whether Linda and Tom Griffin are still at the Blue Velvet Lounge.
AMY: Who?
HELEN: My arch-nemesis and her husband.
(Amy cocks a brow.)
AMY: Arch-nemesis? Sounds intriguing.
HELEN: (crafty) Oh believe me, it will be. (Bt) Say, Amy: how would you like to help me teach this woman a lesson?? (Bt) Care to do a little playacting??
AMY: Why not? I've been getting a lot of practice, today.
HELEN: What???
(Amy opens car door, shakes her head.)
AMY: Uh, nothing. (Bt) Listen, you fill me in on the details, and I'll take it from there.
(cut to: )
SCENE 5 (Blue Velvet Lounge)
(outside shot. cut to inside shot, close-up Linda Griffin, sitting in a high-backed chair. She's talking and wearing her usual sunny expression.)
LINDA: ...And then he said, "Linda, a bonus of five thousand? No-no-no. I insist you take nothing less than ten thousand for your efforts."
(cut to wider shot. Tom's sitting in the opposite chair.)
TOM: Well that's just --
(Linda cocks a brow.)
LINDA: Tom, don't interrupt.
TOM: (cowering) Sorry.
LINDA: (continuing) And so I told him, "Stewart, if that's how you feel, how can I --
(voice fades into the background. cut to shot of Amy and Helen, standing near the front entrance, observing. Amy's brows are furrowed in a "there's something familiar about her" manner. She finally shakes her head, turns to Helen.)
AMY: You're right. The bitch vibes are strong on this one.
HELEN: (crafty) Think you can handle her?
AMY: (smirking) I'll see what I can do.
(cut to shot of Linda and Tom. Linda's still talking.)
LINDA: ... And before I knew it, he was giving me luxury box seating at the football stadium. I said "Stewart, what do I look like???" And so he gave me a box at the baseball stadium as well. I mean, if I hadn't stopped him, he probably would've -- (interrupted by the sound of laughter off screen)
(Linda frowns. Tom looks stunned. cut to shot of the two of them, zoom through to show Amy sitting at the table next to theirs. She lounges in her chair, staring at them and smirking. cut to wider shot. Linda glares at Amy.)
LINDA: Something amuses you???
AMY: Oh, I was just remembering the good old days. (Bt) Listening to you brings me back to when I was starting out in business.
LINDA: What do you mean, starting out??!
(Amy's face takes on a faux incredulous look.)
AMY: Well, aren't you a beginner?
(cut to hyper close-up Amy's face. She glances in Tom's direction, raises an eyebrow seductively. resume wider shot. Tom's mouth drops open. Linda sees this, then looks at Amy, her eyes practically shooting knives.)
LINDA: No, I am not a beginner. I'm with the Lawndale Businesswomen's Alliance, for your information. (Bt) I don't remember seeing you at any of our meetings.
AMY: (unfazed) Oh, right. That's for Lawndale businesswomen, isn't it?
LINDA: Hence the name.
(Amy pauses, as if thinking.)
AMY: Well, I guess technically I'm a Lawndale businesswoman. (Bt) But, when you divide your time between a flat in London, a house on the Riviera, and a loft in New York, Lawndale suddenly seems a little... (wicked) insignificant.
(As she says this, Linda's teeth are bared. She looks like she's ready to pounce on Amy.)
LINDA: Oh really??!!
AMY: (still placid as ever) Besides, I've always thought Lawndale businesswomen were, well -- let's just say I've heard they wear the pants in the family, if you know what I mean.
(Glances in Tom's direction. cut to hyper close-up of Amy's lips. She runs her tongue across the top lip. resume wider shot. Tom falls forward, gasping, his tongue hanging out of his mouth. Linda sees this and now becomes fully enraged. She springs up out of her chair and heads over to Amy's table. cut to Amy's POV. Linda stands over her, hands on her hips, menacing expression.)
LINDA: What is it you do again??!!!
(Amy pauses briefly to consider -- she and Helen hadn't rehearsed this part.)
AMY: Uh, what you do, (smirks) only better.
(cut to shot of Linda from Amy's POV)
LINDA: Why you -- !!!
(cut to wide shot. Linda starts to lurch toward Amy, arms outstretched. Amy looks a bit worried. from off screen: )
HELEN: Amy, there you are!
(Linda pauses. Helen enters the shot, places her hands on Amy's shoulders.)
HELEN: (cheery. affectionate) Well hi, Linda, I see you've met my little sister. She's such a kidder, isn't she??? She does this all the time at parties!
(Linda straightens up, looks at Amy, dumbfounded.)
LINDA: So you're not --?
(Amy shakes her head.)
AMY: Nope. (Bt) I don't even live here.
(Linda's now recovered. She tries to sound civil.)
LINDA: Oh, I see. (Pause) So you're Helen's sister, are you?
AMY: 'Fraid so.
(Bt)
LINDA: Hmm. (Bt) I guess it's finally nice to meet that girl's mother.
(Helen removes her hands from Amy's shoulders. Amy suddenly looks a bit pale.)
HELEN: (to Linda. confused) What do you mean? What girl's mother?
LINDA: The one with the glasses.
(Pause. Amy looks very uneasy. Helen gazes down at her with a dark frown.)
HELEN: (muttering) Daria?
LINDA: If that's what her name is.
(Amy tries to chuckle. makes "Ix-nay" gestures.)
AMY: Oh no, you must've misunderstood, somehow. (Bt) I'm Daria and Quinn's aunt. I'm just here for the weekend.
(Linda raises an eyebrow bitchily.)
LINDA: My Sandi never misunderstands anything.
(Pause)
AMY: (weakly) Sandi. (Bt) Quinn's friend. (Bt) She's... your... daughter?
HELEN: (to Amy. faux sweetness) That's how Linda and I met.
(If looks could kill, Amy would have died about five times by now. She smirks nervously.)
AMY: Oh.
(Helen and Amy gaze at each other -- Helen wearing a vicious expression, Amy nervous and apologetic. Linda watches them. She doesn't know what happened, but somehow knows she's won. Smirks victoriously.)
(cut to: )
SCENE 6 (driving home)
(Shot of the car, with its top up, driving through the darkened streets. cut to frontal shot of Helen and Amy inside. Amy drives, wearing a solemn expression. Helen sits with her arms folded, frowning darkly, looking toward the window. Amy glances at Helen.)
AMY: Helen, I --
HELEN: Just don't talk to me, Amy!!!
(Pause. Amy glances at Helen, tries again.)
AMY: (subdued. concerned) Helen, I don't understand what you're so upset about.
(Helen throws her hands in the air, looks at Amy with a disgusted expression.)
HELEN: (dripping sarcasm) Oh you don't, do you??!! (Bt) Well let me see -- first there's the fact that you humiliated me in front of my arch-nemesis --
AMY: Actually, I think you --
(Helen glares full-on at her.)
HELEN: -- Then there's the fact that you told me a bunch of lies at the cafe earlier this evening!
(Pause. Amy glances at Helen questioningly.)
HELEN: You told me I was a good mother. (falsetto) "Oh you're a good mother, Helen!" (normal voice. bitter. hurt) When in fact you knew all along that Daria preferred you over me.
(Pause. Amy shakes her head.)
AMY: Helen, you've got it all wrong. That's not how it was. (Bt) Daria, Quinn, and I were playing a little game this afternoon --
HELEN: (bristling) What game?! "Reject Mom"?!!
AMY: No. (Bt) Quinn was pretending to her friends that Daria was her cousin. (Bt) I played along, though I've been regretting it ever since.
(Pause. Helen looks slightly placated.)
AMY: (continuing) Look, Daria stuck up for you. You should've heard some of the things she thought up --
(Helen gets enraged all over again.)
HELEN: Thought up??! Ohhhh, you mean she had to make up good things to say about me??!!
(Amy heaves a big sigh.)
AMY: No, that's not it. (Bt) Listen, I'm sorry I didn't mention all this sooner, but (pause) I didn't feel it was my place to get involved in you guys's personal lives.
HELEN: (mutters) Didn't feel it was your place to get involved... (sharp laugh) ha! Well there's the Amy Barksdale catchphrase if ever I heard it!
(Pause. Amy frowns.)
AMY: (anger creeping in) What's that supposed to mean??
HELEN: (cutting sarcasm) It means that you're not exactly the giving type, Amy. (Bt) You close yourself off from everyone around you -- no family, no relationship, and probably no friends, unless you count that Steve fellow.
(During this speech, Amy's frowning darkly.)
HELEN: (continuing) In short, you're about the last person Daria should look up to as a role model!!
(Pause)
AMY: (sarcastic. angry) Oh, and I suppose you'd rather she be a stressed-out, overbearing, insecure, nut case like you.
HELEN: (bristling) Now you just hold on a minute there -- !
AMY: No you hold on, Helen!
(cut to overhead shot of the car. It screeches to a halt to emphasize Amy's rage... and because she and Helen at a stoplight. resume shot of Helen and Amy in the car. Amy turns to face her.)
AMY: For your information, I do have a relationship. (Bt) My boyfriend, Joel, and I have been going out for over two years.
(Pause)
HELEN: (calmed down, but still scornful) Well you'd certainly never know it.
(Amy utters a sharp laugh.)
AMY: Yeah. That's because I don't want him exposed to you. (Bt) You and Rita and Mom, you're all crazy!
(Pause. Helen looks chastened.)
AMY: (continuing) And as for you and Daria, I'm sorry your relationship isn't any better, but whatever's the problem, it's between you and her. Leave me out of it.
(Pause. Amy lapses into silence, and she and Helen just sit there. cut to wider shot of the car. We see another car in back. It gives two loud honks. Then a guy leans out the window, shaking his fist.)
GUY: Hey! Move it or lose it, ladies!
(resume close-up Helen and Amy. Helen bristles, then leans out her window and shakes a fist back at him.)
HELEN: Oh will you shut up, you misogynistic neanderthal??!! Honest to God, are all the men in this town -- ??!!
(Amy looks at her.)
AMY: (flatly) Helen. (Bt) The light.
(Helen turns around and faces front.)
HELEN: Huh??
(cut to shot of the stoplight. It's green. cut to frontal shot Helen and Amy. Helen settles back in her seat.)
HELEN: Oh. (Bt. grumble) Just drive.
AMY: (icy sarcastic) Gee, the thought never occurred to me.
(She hits the gas hard, producing the nasty squealing sound Daria was making earlier. cut to overhead shot of car. They leave.)
(fade-out. fade-in. A short time has passed. The car is now traveling down residential streets, not far from home. frontal shot of Amy and Helen reveals that they are angry and silent. Finally Helen breaks the silence: )
HELEN: (quiet. admitting) All right, so it's not your fault Daria and I don't have a better relationship. (Bt) But you know what? It's not my fault, either. (Bt. voice rising) And dammit, I am sick and tired of her hiding behind her sourpuss faŤade and her "I'm a teenager" excuse to avoid showing me any respect or-or affection!
(long Pause. Then Amy glances in Helen's direction.)
AMY: (quiet) Maybe you should tell her that.
(cut to: )
SCENE 7 (Morgendorffer house, night)
(Music plays. shot of the upstairs hallway and Daria's door. From off screen left, Helen walks up and stands beside it. She pauses for a while, twisting her hands together, wondering whether to knock.)
(cut to shot of Quinn's door from the inside. We hear the sound of hard knocking. cut to shot of Quinn, lying on her stomach on the bed, in such a way that she faces the door. She's doing her nails.)
QUINN: Come (sound of door flying open) in? (She looks up, cowers a little.)
(cut to Quinn's POV. Helen is standing over her, glaring.)
HELEN: (bristling) Quinn, come Monday morning or maybe sooner, I want you to march right up to your friends and tell them the truth about Daria being your sister!
(cut to close-up Quinn. stunned)
QUINN: But --
(cut to shot of Helen from Quinn's POV)
HELEN: No excuses! (Bt) Oh, and if I find out that you haven't been wearing your glasses like you were supposed to, I'll start sending you to school with an au pair! You got me?!
(cut to close-up Quinn.)
QUINN: (sound of gasping) Hgh. (her expression is a mixture of shock and betrayal)
(cut to: )
SCENE 8 (outside the Morgendorffer house, next morning)
(Shot of the house. cut to close-up of the driveway, where Amy's car is now parked. Daria stands unobtrusively in the background, beside the hood, while Amy walks up to the driver's side in the foreground. She's followed by Jake, who's dragging her cumbersome bag behind him. Amy looks at Jake.)
AMY: Need a hand, Jake?
JAKE: (sounding winded) Oh no, no, I'm fine. (lays the bag on the ground, straightens up, and brushes his hands together) Well, it was nice havin' you here, Amy. (Bt. suddenly looks sheepish) I'm sorry about Helen -- terrible migraine, hit her real sudden. (says it like he doesn't quite believe it.)
(Amy nods.)
AMY: I understand. These things happen.
JAKE: I'm sure she'd be out here if she could. (awkward Pause. finally leans over to lift the bag.) Well... allee-oop! (tosses the bag into the back seat. cringes) Gah! (grabs his back.)
AMY: (concerned) Jake?
(Jake rubs his back, straightens up a little.)
JAKE: (voice a bit falsetto) I'm fine, I'm fine.
AMY: You sure? (Jake nods rapidly, a pained look on his face. Amy smiles.) Look, thanks for everything.
JAKE: My pleasure. (Bt. can't keep the pain at bay. winces) Now if you don't mind, I gotta go find some painkillers! (starts to leave)
AMY: Yeah, you do that. (Bt) Oh, and Jake?
(He turns to look at her.)
JAKE: Uh-huh?
(Bt)
AMY: I think you'd do great on a jet ski.
(Jake's face brightens.)
JAKE: Aw, gee, really?! (starts to straighten, then winces) Gah!!! (hobbles off screen)
(Amy winces and waves goodbye to Jake. Meanwhile, Daria, who's been observing all this, walks up to Amy and stands beside her.)
DARIA: Think your car'll hold up after the workout it's had the past few days? (pats the car door)
AMY: (looking down at the car fondly) Yeah. But I plan to give her a long rest after I get back. (Pause. slightly disappointed) So Quinn's not coming out to say goodbye, I take it?
(Daria shakes her head.)
DARIA: (sympathetic) Nope. She's pretty mad. (Bt) But don't worry: I'm sure hell will freeze over soon.
(Amy forces a slight chuckle. Pause.)
DARIA: So what happened with you and Mom?
(Pause)
AMY: I don't really want to talk about it.
(Daria shrugs an "Understood". Pause.)
AMY: Well listen (leans over to hug Daria) you take care of yourself, okay? (draws back) Tell all those idiots who act like you're not worth their time to shove it.
(Daria chuckles.)
DARIA: I will.
(cut to shot of Amy from Daria's POV. She opens the car door, is poised to climb in.)
AMY: It won't last, you know. That stuff with Quinn and her friends. Eventually you'll get past it. (Pause) You'll get past everything. (last sentence has a slightly hollow ring to it)
(Amy climbs into her car. cut to high overhead shot showing the driveway and front lawn -- as seen from a window. resume close-up Amy and Daria. Amy shuts the car door, leans toward Daria.)
AMY: Hey, do me a favor -- be nice to your mom, okay?
DARIA: (not fully understanding) Um, okay.
(cut to slightly wider shot of Daria and Amy. Amy starts her car. the motor purrs. She backs out of the driveway. Daria waves.)
DARIA: Bye, Aunt Amy.
(cut to close-up Amy, now straightening her car out in the street, preparing to take off. She waves back.)
(Music plays. cut to shot of Helen standing at her bedroom window, her back to us. She's been watching this entire scene. She now turns to the side, and we can see that her face is deeply melancholy. Pause. cut to side angle of Amy driving away. cut to close-up Amy. She wears the same melancholy expression. cut to close-up Daria, her back to us, watching Amy go.)
THE END [roll the credits......................... end song: "Brick" by Ben Folds Five -- "She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly..."]
A moment of silence...
Okay, now we can get down to business. COMMENTARY (Warning, warning -- it's loooooong! Get your peepers ready...)
First, the question that's probably on everyone's mind: why Joel? Aw, come on -- did you honestly think that "da bomb" wouldn't be dating anyone?????? It'd be weird if Amy didn't have some variety of "significant other." Besides, I felt that by giving Amy a boyfriend, I was adding an extra dimension to her life. I wanted it to seem like she had her own stuff going on, like her purpose in life wasn't to sit by the phone and wait for Daria to call her. However, for those of you who can't stand the thought of "da bomb" being spoken for, I'll hint that there's a wee bit of trouble in paradise...
Secondly, you're probably wondering: why did Amy go so easy on Quinn? You could debate into next season (since we know she's not coming back in Season 3) whether Amy would have really let Quinn take shotgun in her car. I almost thought of leaving that part out, because I worried that people who see Amy as Daria's defender might feel betrayed. But then I thought, "Nah!" Here's my take on the subject:
I don't see any strong reason why Amy would be against Quinn. Sure, she would disapprove of most of what Quinn stands for, and sure she'd favor Daria, but it's not as though Quinn poses a threat to her. Hostility would be understandable if Amy's life while growing up had been an exact mirror of Daria's (i.e. popular and bratty younger sister), but it wasn't. Whatever hostility Amy may feel, it seems she'd be more likely to channel it toward her own sisters (which she does in Act III) than toward their kids. I'm saying, in a nutshell, that Amy is somewhat distanced from Quinn, so she can afford to be "above it all" and act as the mediator in Quinn and Daria's conflicts, as opposed to taking an active role. That's what happened in this case: Quinn called shotgun and got to the car faster than Daria; technically, she did nothing wrong. Amy knows that she did do something wrong, but she figures that it's such a minor issue, it wouldn't be worth it to "screw up the entire day" by harping on it.
Plus, maybe it's just my personal prejudice, but I feel that if you're really a cool aunt, no matter how much you favor one of your nieces, you're not going to fawn all over her and scorn her sister. "Hey, it's my favorite niece... and that other one." The same logic applies to Amy's relationship with Jake. Yeah, Jake can be annoying, but he's done nothing to earn her disdain.
Now, another question that comes to mind: would Quinn dig Amy? The same answer applies: I don't see why she wouldn't. The only things Quinn could object to are that Amy's "old" and that she doesn't know how to dress -- and that second one could pretty much apply to anybody. In spite of Quinn's aversion to her "geeky" family, she seems to accept that she has to do "family stuff" (see "The Teachings of Don Jake," "I Don't," etc.), like spend the weekend with an aunt instead of with her friends. Besides, Amy's got a convertible! :-)
All this talk about would Amy or wouldn't Amy brings me to a crucial point: thus far on "Daria," we've seen two Amy's. First we saw the caustic one from "I Don't," then the much more laid-back one from "Through a Lens Darkly." While writing this fanfic, I took my cue from TALD. Because Amy was in her home environment there, I figured that for the most part, she's probably pretty mellow -- unless she has to deal with her whole family at a major event, like a wedding or a funeral (eh, C.E.?). I also figured that if she were the mellow type, she'd be more likely to mediate in a conflict than take sides (even if while doing so, she mentally pelted one of the parties with stinging remarks).
Overall, I wanted to portray Amy as just a regular human being with her own issues and hang-ups -- someone who was in Daria's corner and could lend her support, but who, at the same time, was not Daria's mirror image, nor her savior.
That brings me to Helen. I wanted to explore relationships Amy might have with people other than Daria, and to me, her relationship with Helen is loaded with tension and juicy potential. If Amy comes to play a greater role on "Daria" (and we don't know, dammit!), my feeling is that a clash between her and Helen is inevitable. After all, Helen wants to be "super-parent"; she's spent the past 2.5 seasons chiseling away at Daria's rock-hard shell, and is finally starting to make some headway (see "Monster," "Write Where it Hurts," and, arguably, "Through a Lens Darkly"). Naturally, if she saw Amy effortlessly cut through to Daria's inner core, her hyper-competitive spirit would be inflamed. While portraying the clash that I think will happen between Helen and Amy, I also wanted to bring to the surface some feelings that Helen must surely harbor within: namely, resentment toward Daria for her lack of gratitude. Helen's attempts to "help" Daria are often misguided, but she at least keeps on trying with every episode, and only rarely does Daria acknowledge this.
In fact, in my follow-up episode to "The Tie That Chokes," I plan to explore Daria's convoluted relationship with Helen...
Eek -- I will say, the hardest part of writing TTTC was doing Act III, which is almost all Helen and Amy. It required imagining what their rapport would be like if they were alone together, and, gasp, how Helen would behave if she were forced to have a little fun. Actually, neither turned out to be as difficult as I expected; in the case of Helen and fun, I just decided to make her act as though it were an exotic world that she was getting to see for the first time. Oooooooh...
Okay, you've managed to wade through my analysis. I appreciate it. :-) Now here are some points of interest:
I have a new game for those of you who are still reading. In the "Rose-Colored Lenses" postscript, I suggested that people count the number of "Um's" if they were ever bored on a rainy day. I didn't seriously think anyone would try... yet C.E. Forman took me up on the challenge. Way to go! Told me there were 29 "Um's" and one "Umm." Cool, C.E. -- for your prize, you get to be mentioned in my postscript (a few times, actually, tee-hee). Now for the new game: How many times do people smirk in this episode? And who smirks the third-most???
I also have to call attention to a new feature I added to the commercials: Next Wednesday on the Ten Spot. With each fanfic, I intend to use this section to give a few hints about the fanfics to come...
And last but not least, thanks so much to all you guys at Lawndale Commons who gave me geographical clues about Lawndale. Let's see: it was Martin Pollard, Bob Marley, and Emily Rosen, wasn't it? Sorry if I left anyone out! And thanks, Guy Payne, for giving me some clues about vision for "Rose-Colored Lenses" (sorry I didn't mention you last time!)...
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah....... if you're not blind by now, thanks for reading!
This fanfic is the property of Kara Wild, copyright May 1999. All rights reserved.