This is the fourth fic in my chronology. Although I don't have to list the others in order anymore, I will:
I'd give this fic a 1.5S, maybe even a 1S. It's a fairly quick read...
Moreover, the tone of this episode is strikingly different from that of "That Thing You Say" or even "The Tie That Chokes." It's lighter... and, some would say, more wicked. If you're a hardcore 'shipper who can't bear to see Trent or Daria with anyone else, my message to you is as follows: Get away! Get awaaaaaaaaaay!! Don't read this!
The rest of you.....................enjoy!
Ten Spot Promo: The freaked-out woman is standing in the dark, holding a candle. She looks around, quivering, "W-who's there??" Then the scary looking guy shows up behind her. Eek!
[intro theme music...................]
SCENE 1 (a land unknown)
(Pink clouds swirl around. Soft New Age music plays. In the distance, we see a silhouette of Trent. Suddenly, the clouds part, and Trent walks forward into the foreground. He stares straight ahead off screen, smiles a crooked smile.)
TRENT: (purring. voice echoing) Daria?
(Pause. cut to close-up Daria. She's standing there, wearing her dreamy-eyed "Trent" expression.)
DARIA: (sweet. vulnerable) Yes, Trent?
TRENT: You know, I've never said this before, but I think you've really grown on me.
DARIA: Really, Trent?
TRENT: Yeah. In fact, I'd really like it if we could (pause) get together.
DARIA: Get together?
TRENT: Yeah, get together.
DARIA: Cool. (Pause. frowns slightly and speaks in her normal reasonable tone) But, by getting together, wouldn't we be violating several statutory rape laws?
(Beat)
TRENT: What's "statutory rape"?
DARIA: I dunno.
(cut to close-up Trent. We see only his face and upper torso, which is bare. He cocks an eyebrow. cut to close-up Daria. We see only her face and upper shoulders -- also bare. Daria wears a smirk that is about as close to a smile as she can get. Suddenly, from off screen, we hear a piercing beep. Daria frowns and glances sideways...)
(Suddenly poof, everything vanishes. We find Daria in bed, opening her eyes. She glances at her alarm clock, a confused expression on her face. Her confusion quickly turns to irritation . She glares at the alarm clock, then reaches over and whacks the snooze button with her fist. Sits up, puts a hand on her forehead, realizes she's all sweaty.)
DARIA: (stunned and a little breathless) Whoa.
(cut to: )
SCENE 2 (walking to school the next morning)
(Shot of Daria and Jane walking down a residential sidewalk.)
DARIA: I had that dream again last night.
JANE: The one where we burst into song?
(Beat. Daria makes a sour face.)
DARIA: Ugh -- God, no. (Bt) But this one was almost as bad. It --
(Jane puts her hands up.)
JANE: Wait -- say no more. (Bt) Daria, if you're gonna say what I think you're gonna say, please spare me the details. He's my brother, remember?
DARIA: Sorry.
(Pause)
JANE: (hushed) Wow, second one in a week. (Bt) You've really got it bad for him, haven't you?
(Daria looks embarrassed to be talking about this.)
DARIA: (muttering) Yeah. I've gone from petty crush to committing penal code violations. What's next?
(Jane shrugs.)
JANE: I dunno. But do yourself one favor: next time you dream about ugh (shudders to indicate the act) with my brother, dream yourself a few years older, okay??
(cut to: )
SCENE 3 (O'Neill's class)
(Shot of O'Neill, his back to us, scribbling stuff on the board. We see the title Othello with arrows pointing downward to "Othello" and "Desdemona," along with some other names. cut to frontal close-up Daria and Jane, sitting at their desks. Daria stares at the board impassively. Jane leans toward her.)
JANE: (hushed) Remember what I told you about hitting him with the megaphone and floodlights??
DARIA: (resolute) No.
JANE: But think of the possibilities!
DARIA: (deadpan) Yeah -- the possibility of me being dragged off in a white coat without sleeves because no one in their right mind would do something that stupid.
(Jane tosses her hands in the air, sits up straight at her desk.)
JANE: (a bit exasperated) Okay, fine. Do you have any better ideas??
DARIA: (mumbling. uncertain) Um, well I was just, um...
(Jane smirks with satisfaction.)
JANE: I thought not. (Bt. more serious) Listen, Daria, I'm really starting to think you should just tell Trent how you feel about him, the sooner the better.
DARIA: And if I choose to suffer in silence?
(Jane shrugs, looks a tad resigned.)
JANE: Well, then, there's the possibility... I don't know, that he could meet somebody.
(Pause. For a second, Daria just sits there, blinking her eyes and looking startled. She's never thought about this before -- has never wanted to.)
DARIA: (somewhat distressed) You're not serious??
(Jane realizes that she's stumbled into delicate territory. Tries to make light of it.)
JANE: Well, no... hey, I'm just speculating... (bursts out a chuckle or two) I mean, this is Trent we're talking about.
DARIA: (relieved. smirking) Yeah -- it's enough he manages to clothe and feed himself. Dating would kill him.
(Cut to shot of O'Neill in the front of the room. He turns around and faces the class, hands clasped together in an "oh boy, goody" manner.)
O'NEILL: Class, today we bid farewell to our beloved incompetent monarch, King Lear, and start our focus on one of Shakespeare's most famous couples --
(Brittany waves her hand.)
BRITTANY: (spacy cheerful) Romeo and Juliet??
(Pause)
O'NEILL: Uh... no, Brittany. (gestures at the blackboard) Othello and Desdemona.
JANE: (hushed. to Daria) To think how much that poor girl must've had to strain her brain to come up with that.
DARIA: (barely comprehending murmur) Mmmm...
(She wears a reflective expression. Jane sees that she's not entirely "with it" and turns her attention back to O'Neill.)
O'NEILL: (taking this too seriously tone) Othello and Desdemona -- such a lovely pair, yet everything went so wrong. Why is that??
(Cut to close-up Daria, still reflective.)
O'NEILL: (off screen) Why were two people from such different worlds drawn together in the first place? Othello, a black Moor in a white society.....
(O'Neill's voice fades away. Suddenly, the whole scene fades out. fade-in to a fantasy scene taking place several years later. Daria and Trent are standing with Helen and Jake by the Morgendorffers' front door. Daria, Helen, and Jake all look the way they did in the "Write Where It Hurts" fantasy future sequence. Trent looks about the same as we're used to seeing him -- only he's got a full goatee, a receding hairline, and a bit of a spare tire. Helen and Jake appear distressed, while Daria is calm, but determined.)
HELEN: But you two are so different!
JAKE: Yeah! (gestures at Daria) You're a successful columnist at a major national newspaper and are on tenure track at a world-class university, while he's, he's a -- (gestures at Trent)
TRENT: (deadpan) A musician.
(Daria puts her arms around his waist.)
DARIA: (defending him) An artist. A poet about life.
(Trent looks at her questioningly. Then his face goes reflective.)
TRENT: Hmm... (likes the way "poet about life" sounds)
(Beat)
HELEN: (still distressed) But what about that nice boy, Marcello? Weren't you two going out??
DARIA: (scoffing) Marcello's a pompous intellectual sealed away in his ivory tower. Whereas Trent's out where life is happening. He tries to change society through song.
TRENT: Um, yeah. (a slightly puzzled look on his face)
(Meanwhile, Jake's going into his explosive mode.)
JAKE: Well I'm not gonna stand for it!!!
HELEN: (cautioning) Jakey, your heart...
JAKE: I don't care, Helen! (to Daria) I'm telling you, Daria, if you marry this jerk, I'm cutting you out of my will!!!
HELEN: (resigned) Jake, don't bother -- it won't make a difference. (Bt) She's already earned millions of dollars from her three award-winning best sellers, not to mention thousands more on the lecture circuit.
JAKE: (realizing she's right. resigned, too) Hmm, oh yeah.
(Daria turns to Trent.)
DARIA: C'mon, let's go before the chapel closes.
(Trent cocks a brow.)
TRENT: Yeah, we are there, baby.
(A slight frown passes across Daria's face. fade-out.)
(fade-in to: )
SCENE 3 (Lawndale High hallway, the present -- toward the end of the day)
(Close-up Jane.)
JANE: Earth to Daria.
(Cut to wide shot. Daria's standing by her locker, in a daze. She shakes her head, comes to.)
DARIA: (startled) Huh?
JANE: (puzzled. amused) Geez, you've been a space cadet all day. What's up?
DARIA: (still a bit dazed) Uh, what time is it? (looks down, checks her watch) Oh -- time to leave.
JANE: I see your watch finally works.
(Daria shakes her head.)
DARIA: Actually, I bought a new one while Amy was here. (holds it up for Jane to see) You know, sometimes shopping does have its advantages.
(Jane looks. Her face lights up with awe.)
JANE: Whoa! That's a watch?! You sure it's not a mini nuclear explosive device?
(Daria shrugs.)
DARIA: Whatever gets me through life. (Bt) Check out the stun feature.
(Jane examines it. Then, from off screen: )
BRITTANY: Yoo-hoo?? Daria? Jane?
JANE: (to Daria. hushed. wry) And here's your chance to use it.
(Brittany and Kevin walk on screen. Brittany, of course, wears a vacant expression and is twirling a lock of hair. Kevin, of course, is his goofy self. Daria points her watch at them as if prepared to take Jane's advice.)
BRITTANY: (spacy cheerful and oblivious to Daria's intentions) Gosh, you guys, Kevvy and I were talking and we think Othello's, like, a super-romantic play. Don't you think so??
(Daria lowers her watch.)
DARIA: (deadpan) If, by "romantic," you mean pathetic and sad, then yes.
JANE: The part when Othello kills Desdemona always gives me a warm and squishy feeling inside.
BRITTANY: Me too!
(Daria and Jane groan.)
JANE: Listen, we'd love to stay and discuss the play's parallels with modern inter-racial dating, but -- (nudges Daria)
DARIA: (looking at her watch) Yeah, but...
JANE: -- we have to go. Don't we, Daria?
DARIA: Yeah, we're late for our, uh, meeting.
(Kevin scratches his head.)
KEVIN: (confused) Gosh, for nerds who, like, don't belong to anything cool, you guys always seem to gotta go somewhere.
BRITTANY: (to Daria) Yeah. You're always checking your watch.
DARIA: (deadpan) Actually, we do belong to something "cool": we're part of the Conscientious Objectors Society.
JANE: Very exclusive. Takes up almost all our time.
BRITTANY: Gee, where is this Conscious Objectors Society?
(Daria cocks an eyelid.)
DARIA: We'd tell you, Brittany, but I'm afraid your and Kevin's kind just wouldn't be accepted among us.
BRITTANY: Eap!
KEVIN: But we're popular!
JANE: (faux apologetic) I know, and that's what makes it so hard to understand.
DARIA: Happy reading.
(They leave, while Brittany and Kevin scratch their heads with wonder. pan shot to follow Daria and Jane walking. Jane leans toward Daria.)
JANE: (mischievous) How 'bout we swing by my house? You-know-who will be there practicing.
DARIA: (uncomfortable) Um, didn't you hear what I said? Conscientious Objectors Society meeting?
JANE: Oh no -- you're not playing conscientious objector this time around.
DARIA: (mildly annoyed) Well if that's your attitude (sighs. shrugs), fine. Let's go.
(They walk silently. Then we hear an off screen voice-over: )
TRENT: There's no way we're like Kevin and Brittany.
(Cut to a shot of the older Daria and Trent riding in a car. Trent lounges in the front passenger seat, looking half-asleep, wearing a crooked smile. Daria's driving and smirking.)
DARIA: Yeah. Theirs was a marriage gone horribly, horribly wrong.
TRENT: Ex-actly.
DARIA: What with Kevin busting his knee in college and having to take a price checker's job at the local mini mart.
TRENT: And Brittany having never finished high school 'cause Kevin got her pregnant on prom night. (Bt) They're not like us, Daria. I'm me, and you're a sexy, courageous, intelligent woman with an amazing ability to see life for what it is and deliver that ever so apt line to describe it.
(Daria smirks, flattered.)
DARIA: Thanks, Trent! (Bt) Oh, and by the way: did I mention that my mom said Quinn delivered the twins safely this morning?
(Trent rolls his eyes.)
TRENT: (amused. condescending) How many does that make, now??
DARIA: A litter.
TRENT: That's pathetic.
DARIA: Yeah, and maybe some day, Dr. Jamie'll find it in his heart to do the right thing: give them away to good homes, and have my sister spayed.
(Trent bursts out chuckling, coughs.)
TRENT: Good one. (Bt) You know, while some may find your witty barbs to be in socially poor taste, I think they're entirely appropriate.
DARIA: (more flattered) Thanks. (Bt) I guess that's why we make such a good team.
TRENT: Yeah. I can't wait to take you out to L.A. with me and the rest of Mystik Spiral.
(Pause. Daria frowns a little.)
DARIA: Um, L.A.?
TRENT: That's where you go if you want to make it in the music business.
DARIA: (frowning more) Oh, um, you do?
TRENT: Mmm-hmm. We really wanna share our message with the world.
(Daria looks slightly mollified.)
DARIA: Oh, well, when you put it that way. (Pause) I guess I can take a leave of absence from my teaching.
TRENT: Hey, cool. For however long it takes.
(Daria glances at him with a vaguely wary expression. fade-out.)
(fade-in to: )
SCENE 4 (walking to the Lanes' house, afternoon, the present)
(Shot of Daria and Jane walking down a residential sidewalk.)
JANE: (uncomprehending) So when she tried to hug you, you ducked under her arms and ran into the bathroom??
DARIA: You make it sound so immature.
JANE: (sarcastic) Gee, I don't know why -- it's something any mature, sound-minded adult would do.
DARIA: I thought as much at the time.
(Beat. Jane rolls her eyes, sighs a little.)
JANE: Daria, I don't get it: I thought you an' your mom were cool, now. After you poured your guts out to her in that song --
(Now it's Daria's turn to roll her eyes.)
JANE: -- which I'd like to hear, sometime, by the way.
DARIA: You will -- some day, when the four horsemen of the Apocalypse are beating down our doors, I might hum you a few bars.
JANE: You're too kind.
(Beat)
DARIA: Look, I'll confess that I do feel closer to my mom since I wrote that song. (Bt) But she has to realize I'm not ready for warm-and-fuzzy girl talk over cafe au lait.
JANE: (deadpan) Rome wasn't built in a day, right?
DARIA: Which is exactly what I told her. (Bt) I think she's getting the idea.
(Jane chuckles slightly.)
JANE: Yeah, and compared with a relationship between you two, Rome was probably a lot easier to build.
(Daria frowns mildly at her. Off screen, we suddenly hear a huge bang and the loud sound of an electric guitar. Jane smirks wickedly at Daria.)
JANE: Well look who's home.
DARIA: (annoyed) Gee, I'd've never guessed. (Bt. tries vainly to weasel out of going to Jane's.) You know, with all the vibrations from that guitar, your T.V. reception's probably pretty distorted. We'd better go over to my place. (starts to turn around)
(Jane puts an arm on her shoulder.)
JANE: Not so fast. Your fate awaits you in that house, my dear friend.
(Daria glares at her.)
DARIA: And hopefully yours, as well. Maybe you'll meet your maker.
JANE: Don't try to be cute with me, now.
(Shot of the Lanes' house. Jane and Daria walk up the front walkway, Daria dragging behind.)
JANE: (still wicked) You know, a song would be the ideal way to show Trent you care.
DARIA: Not a chance. My humiliation reached its peak with the last one.
JANE: A stanza?
DARIA: Nope.
(They reach the door. Jane's about to open it.)
DARIA: The music seems louder than usual today --
(As she says this, Jane opens the door, and they're greeted by a wave of loud music that almost knocks them off their feet. cut to shot of Trent, sitting on the stairs in the foreground, strumming an electric guitar -- different from the one he played in "That Thing You Say." Daria and Jane are in the background. They walk up to Trent, wearing pained, peevish expressions.)
JANE: (yelling) Yo, Trent! You're scaring the whole neighborhood with that racket!
(Trent stops playing.)
DARIA: (right as he stops, so he can hear) Or at least giving them permanent hearing loss. (claps a hand over her mouth, reddens a bit, when she realizes what's happened)
TRENT: Sorry. (smiles a crooked smile) Hey Janey, Daria.
JANE: Hey. (glances at Daria, nudges her)
DARIA: (still embarrassed) Uh... hey.
TRENT: School's out already? (Bt) Man, I've been on a tear. Lost all track of time.
JANE: (disbelief) You stayed awake for more than an hour?
(Trent shrugs slightly.)
TRENT: Just about.
(Pause. Jane looks at Daria again, who still appears somewhat embarrassed.)
JANE: (pointedly) Gosh, Daria, would ya look at that. Trent's just sitting here. Right here. In front of you. Easy to talk to. (more pointedly) Really easy.
(Pause. Daria opens her mouth slowly, as if to speak. Then she shakes herself out of her trance.)
DARIA: Uh, but easier to listen to. (Bt) So, Trent, was that a new song you were playing?
TRENT: Yeah. It's called "You're a Liar, I'm On Fire." (Bt) Say, Daria, you're good with words. Could ya help me out with something?
DARIA: Um, sure. What d' you need?
TRENT: Which d' you think sounds better? "I'm slow-cooking, watch me burn," or "I'm slow-roasting"?
JANE: (deadpan) Tough choice.
(Pause. Daria frowns with thought.)
DARIA: Well, er, slow-roasting, I guess. It has more sizzle.
TRENT: Cool. Thanks.
(Pause)
JANE: (glancing at Daria) So now that we're past the formalities --
DARIA: (purposely cutting her off) Trent, why don't you play the song for us?? (glances sideways at Jane, frowns)
(Trent cocks an eyebrow.)
TRENT: Sure. Be glad to.
(He strums his guitar, launches into the song. cut to close-up Daria, wearing a relieved expression. fade-out.)
(fade-in to a flashback, taking place a little more than a week ago -- the afternoon Daria wrote her song with Trent in "That Thing You Say." Daria's sitting on a beanbag chair in Trent's room. Trent sits on the bed, holding the guitar he played in TTYS. Daria hums a few suggestive notes, then Trent strums them on the guitar. Daria nods. Trent strums them a second time, sings: )
TRENT: (softly) "And this feeling I can't fight it... 'cause it's growing ev'ry day... so I guess I'll have to write it... and let-it-show-some-way." (Pause) This is nice.
DARIA: (muttering. embarrassed) Hmm, yeah.
(Beat)
TRENT: Your mom'll like it.
(Daria sighs.)
DARIA: I hope so.
(Trent starts strumming the chords again. Suddenly Daria's face takes on a look of horror.)
DARIA: I just realized something. (Trent stops playing.) I'm gonna have to sing this to my mom.
TRENT: Hey, no problem. I'll take care of it.
(Daria's horror changes to bewilderment.)
DARIA: You mean you'll sing the song??
TRENT: Sure.
(Pause. Daria can't believe her good luck. She smiles/smirks.)
DARIA: Thanks, Trent. (Bt. glances around) I guess we need a tape recorder, then...
TRENT: Or better yet, how 'bout I just come over and sing it later? Hearing it live'd make it, I dunno, more personal.
(Beat. Daria frowns slightly.)
DARIA: (deadpan) Personal. My song sung by someone else in front of my entire family. (Bt. shrugs) Your idea has merit.
TRENT: Cool. So let's do it, then.
(Beat. Daria nods, smirks.)
DARIA: Yeah, let's.
(Trent starts strumming the melody again. Daria nods her head slowly to the music. fade-out.)
(fade-in to the present. close-up Daria, still listening to Trent playing his song. She wears a dreamy expression. From off screen: )
TRENT: "I'm in flames!!!!! Burning-burning hell, burning-burning heeeeeeeeelllll...!!!!!"
(Cut to wider shot. Jane leans toward Daria.)
JANE: You just had to encourage him, didn't you??
(Daria glances at her briefly, shakes her head. Turns her face away, launches into another daydream. fade-out.)
(fade-in to shot of a living room in an apartment. The older Daria sits at a table in the foreground, looking as though she was just typing something on her Mac laptop. Her chair is turned aside a little, and she leans toward the older Trent, who is lounging on the couch in the background. He's holding a guitar.)
TRENT: And to think, it was that song that set it in motion.
(Daria smirks, nods.)
DARIA: Yeah.
TRENT: Our working together to create "Through Rhyme" enabled me to see through your stand-offish exterior to the strong, sensitive woman within.
DARIA: Uh-huh.
TRENT: And now... it's our song.
(He starts to play it. Daria looks sort of uncomfortable.)
DARIA: Um, Trent?
(Trent stops.)
TRENT: Mmm-hmm?
DARIA: Actually, that's my mom's song. I wrote it for her. Could you play something else?
(Beat)
TRENT: Oh. Sure thing, baby.
(Daria frowns. Trent starts strumming music to the Lightning Seeds' "You Showed Me" from "Road Worrier.")
TRENT: (singing) "You... showed me how to do... exactly what you do, how I fell in love with you... oh-oh-oh --"
(Daria interrupts him.)
DARIA: Um, Trent?
(Trent stops.)
TRENT: Yeah?
(Beat)
DARIA: Um, could you not call me "baby"? (Bt) My dad just stopped calling me "kiddo." I'd like to leave the infantile name stage behind me.
(Pause. Trent shrugs.)
TRENT: (nonchalant) Yeah, sure. It's cool.
(He starts playing the "Road Worrier" song again. Daria wears an uneasy half-smirk. fade-out.)
(fade-in to the present. Close-up Daria, wearing that same expression. Off screen, we hear the sound of Trent finishing his song. cut to wide shot.)
JANE: (deadpan) Marvelous, Trent. Another winner.
TRENT: Thanks. (Bt) It's gonna be part of Mystik Spiral's first album. (Bt) Hey Daria, you wanna see the cover design Janey made for me?
DARIA: Sure.
JANE: (to Daria. sarcastic) Oh yes, do have a look.
(Trent reaches into his pocket and pulls out a crumpled sheet of paper. He straightens it out, then holds it up to Daria. It's blank, except for a symbol drawn in black ink. Daria examines it and frowns.)
TRENT: So, what d' you think?
(Pause)
DARIA: It's, um... (long pause) very... (scrunches her nose) symmetrical?
(Trent nods.)
TRENT: Yeah. Pretty cool, huh?
JANE: (sarcastic) Yes, after all my hours of hard work, he picks the design shaped like the head of Hello Kitty.
(Trent shrugs.)
TRENT: Whatever works.
(Bt. Jane changes the subject.)
JANE: So Trent, what brings you above ground during daylight hours, anyway? (Bt) Did the bats fluttering around your room distract you from your work?
(Trent chuckles, coughs.)
TRENT: No. (Bt) I just came up here to say goodbye to Denise.
(Pause. Jane and Daria exchange wary glances.)
JANE: (to Trent. trying to sound nonchalant) Who's Denise? (Bt) A new back-up singer?
TRENT: Naw, she's this girl I've been seeing for the past few weeks.
(Pause. Daria's eyes widen. Jane glances at her uneasily.)
JANE: (to Trent) You're dating again??
TRENT: Yeah -- finally. (chuckles, coughs) Ya know, it's funny, Janey --
(Cut to close-up Daria, still looking stunned.)
TRENT: (off screen) -- I was starting to think I'd never meet anyone right for me. But Denise just kinda fell into my lap...
(With that, Daria lowers her face a little. We hear a few chords from the "Road Worrier" song, followed by a huge crashing sound of someone loudly hitting the wrong chord.)
[Split screen of present Daria sitting in Trent's beanbag chair and older Daria looking at Trent from the table.]
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