SCENE 1 (Jane's house, afternoon)
(Outside shot of house. cut to inside shot of Jane's room. Jane's standing at her easel, painting in the tradition of Picasso instead of Goya. Daria lies on Jane's bed, reading The Bell Jar. cut to close-up of Jane's painting. We see it's a face with multiple eyes, each with some major distortion. resume wide shot of Jane and Daria.)
JANE: So explain to me again what made her cave in?
(Daria's holding the book up over her head and flipping through.)
DARIA: I'm not sure I know. My mom said it's because she wanted to be more like me.
JANE: I see, brain damage. (Bt) What happened -- did she almost suffocate on her Mr. Smiley pillow again?
DARIA: No. Though that would explain a lot. (Bt. lays book on her stomach) The weirdest part is that my mom told her being like me is a good thing.
JANE: Hey, haven't I always said you're the favorite one in your family? (Bt, mischievous) Too bad they don't know you like I do.
DARIA: (deadpan) Ha.
JANE: Admit it, your twisted mind's taking heightened pleasure in Quinn's suffering.
DARIA: Why admit the obvious? (Bt) Anyway, it'll be interesting to share my designer egghead apparel with my sister. (Bt. smirks) If we work together, we could confuse the hell out of our parents.
JANE: Or maybe you can be the pretty and popular one of the family, now.
DARIA: (scoffing) Yeah, right.
JANE: Hey, at least you can wear contact lenses. She can't.
DARIA: (uncomfortable) Oh... right. (searches for a different topic. looks at the painting) Hey, um, you really captured the keratoconus of that cornea.
(Jane gets a wicked expression on her face.)
JANE: Wish I could be there when the real Quinn comes back with her glasses.
DARIA: Well, it's pretty much a family affair. But trust me, it couldn't be much worse than the stuff of your imagination. (nods at painting)
(cut to: )
SCENE 2 (optometrist's office, that same afternoon)
(close-up shot of Helen sitting in one of the waiting room chairs, absorbed in the "Erotic Eyewear" issue of Glasses World. Wears a bemused, aroused expression.)
HELEN: Hmmmmmm... (flips a page)
(Meanwhile, off screen, Quinn's picking out frames for her glasses.)
QUINN: (off screen) Cute... cute... cute... possibly cute... cute... cute... maybe -- oh, why not... cute... cute... cute. (Pause) Mo-om!
(Helen gasps, looks up from the magazine.)
HELEN: Huh, what?! (sees Quinn. eyes narrow) Quinn!
(cut to shot of Quinn. She's holding about twenty different frames and smiling her blissful, oblivious smile.)
QUINN: (chipper) Okay, I think I've found the frames I need to co-ordinate with most of my outfits, some of these are just possibilities but I'm keeping them anyway --
(cut to close-up of the receptionist.)
RECEPTIONIST: (enthusiastic) Great! I'll put it on your bill!
(cut to shot of Quinn.)
QUINN: (continuing) Although I may have to come back another time and --
(cut to close-up Helen, bristling.)
HELEN: (interrupting. no-nonsense) Quinn, you are not keeping all those pairs of glasses. You're getting one pair and one pair only, so you'd better choose wisely!
(cut to shot of Quinn, now crestfallen.)
QUINN: One pair??!!
(cut to: )
SCENE 3 (Morgendorffer house, early evening same day)
(Short musical interlude. outside shot of the house. We see Daria walking up the path to the front door. cut to shot of the front door as seen from the inside. Daria opens it. Stands there. Pause.)
DARIA: (deadpan) You're both home. I guess that means the fun's about to start.
(cut to shot from Daria's P.O.V: Helen and Jake seated on the center of their three couches.)
HELEN: (briskly) Daria, come sit down.
(Pause. From off screen right, Daria walks over to the right hand couch.)
DARIA: So where's our main attraction? (sits down, nearest Helen)
HELEN: She's upstairs, trying on some new outfits that go with her glasses.
(Daria cocks an eyebrow... or eyelid.)
DARIA: New?
(Helen sighs heavily, telling Daria that she was somehow coerced into letting Quinn buy new clothes. Jake, meanwhile, looks hyper-charged.)
JAKE: (enthused. clueless) Well I think it's great! Imagine, Quinn's so happy about getting glasses, she felt like buying a new wardrobe to celebrate!
DARIA: (deadpan) Yeah, my thoughts exactly. (Bt) Say Dad, random question: have you ever thought about getting your hearing checked?
JAKE: What for, kiddo? I hear just fine!
(Daria rolls her eyes. Bt. Helen looks sideways off screen. Her face brightens.)
HELEN: Here she comes! (Pause) Oh Quinn, you look lovely. (Pause. leans toward Daria. hissing whisper) Now, I'm counting on you to be supportive, Daria!
(cut to close-up shot Daria. She nods apathetically, then glances upward. resume wide shot of the couches. Quinn is standing with her back to us in the foreground, arms outspread. Her hair is done up in the same style as in "Daria Dance Party." She's dressed in a pink blouse and "slenderizing" capri pants, and carrying a black purse over one shoulder. We can't see her face.)
QUINN: Okay, what d'you think?
(cut to close-up Daria, looking at her. She frowns mildly.)
DARIA: So where are they?
(cut to full frontal shot of Quinn, glasses-free.)
QUINN: (sentimental) I just wanted you all to have one last look at the old me, the real me, before it's all (gasp) gone.
(resume wide shot of the couches. Helen looks slightly exasperated.)
HELEN: Quinn, no one here's going to treat you any differently once you put your glasses on.
JAKE: No way, hon! (pointedly) Right, Daria?
DARIA: (blasé) Uh-huh.
(Quinn suddenly gets a nervous look on her face.)
QUINN: Um... okay, then.
(Quinn glances in Daria's direction, then draws a small black case out of her purse. She opens the case and lowers her face. cut to close-up shot of Jake, Helen, and Daria watching expectantly. A silhouette of Quinn's hand and the glasses passes over the shot. Pause. Then we see Jake, Helen's, and Daria's reactions. Jake and Helen break out into smiles and murmurs, while Daria just stares.)
(cut to close-up Quinn's face. She's wearing glasses that are smaller and thinner-rimmed than Daria's -- think Amy's in "Through a Lens Darkly." The frames are dark brown instead of black. resume wide shot.)
JAKE: (enthused) You look wonderful, sweetheart!!!
HELEN: Oh, Quinn, they're just perfect!
(Meanwhile Daria continues to stare. Quinn smiles timidly, then glances in Daria's direction.)
QUINN: (nervous) Um... so what do you think, Daria?
(Daria frowns slightly.)
DARIA: (thought voice-over) Be supportive. Tell her something she won't take too hard. (Bt, aloud) Uh... they stand proudly and proclaim, "I am."
HELEN/JAKE/QUINN: What?!!
DARIA: Um, kidding. (Bt) Let me think....
(Pause. Helen, Jake, and Quinn exchange subtly irritated looks.)
DARIA: Well, they're pleasingly symmetrical. (Pause) And... they flatter the face, yet manage to avoid detracting attention from the outfit. (Pause. Meanwhile, Quinn's face is brightening from the praise.) In short, when I look at you, (smirks) I feel like I'm looking in a mirror.
(Pause. Quinn's expression changes to one of fury. She utters a sharp cry and lunges at Daria. Daria manages to roll away and jump off the couch just as Quinn hits it. She stands there, watching Quinn and smirking. Then Helen intervenes. She wears a glaring expression.)
HELEN: (angry) Quinn... (looks at Daria) Daria, what did I tell you? Go to your room.
DARIA: I'm gone. (to Quinn) Later, brainiac. (She leaves.)
(Meanwhile, we see Quinn holding the glasses as though she's ready to hurl them across the room. Helen reaches out to stop her.)
HELEN: (still angry) Quinn, you break those, you buy them. And believe me, you don't want to know how much they cost!
(Quinn slumps forward, clasps her legs.)
QUINN: (to herself. self-pitying) I can't wear these things! How'll I face my friends at school tomorrow?
(The shrill sound of an alarm clock ushers in the next scene: )
SCENE 4 (next morning, on the way to school)
(Music plays. side shot of Quinn and Daria walking down a residential sidewalk. Except for her glasses, Quinn's dressed in her usual attire. She walks several paces behind Daria. cut to frontal close-up Daria, with Quinn in the background.)
DARIA: (to Quinn) You know, school only lasts until three. You may want to pick up the pace.
(cut to close-up Quinn -- shoulders sagging, miserable. She doesn't respond.)
(cut to: )
SCENE 5 (Lawndale High)
(Outside shot of the school. Some people mill around near the building. cut to close-up of Quinn, watching this scene. She glances around nervously, then takes off her glasses. cut to shot of school from her P.O.V. It looks completely fuzzy. cut to close-up Quinn. She frowns a "Why didn't I realize this before?" frown. Looks down, and is about to put her glasses back on when, off screen: )
JOEY: Hi Quinn!
JEFFY: Hi Quinn!
JAMIE: Hi Quinn!
(The 3 Js approach, smiling fawningly. Quinn quickly shoves her glasses back into their case.)
QUINN: (surprised) Uh, guys, where did you come from?
JOEY: What's that you're holding?
JEFFY: Want me to carry it for you?
JAMIE: I'll carry it for her!
(Quinn's face takes on a serene expression. She hides the glasses case in her purse.)
QUINN: (cheery) Guys stop fighting! You can all take turns carrying me!
(cut to: )
SCENE 6 (Daria and Jane's lockers)
(wide shot of Daria and Jane. Jane's leaning against her locker, Daria's opening hers.)
JANE: I was waiting for you. What happened?
DARIA: Sorry, had to play escort. My mom wanted me to walk Quinn to school to make sure she wore her glasses. (fiddles around in locker)
JANE: (mischievous) Ah, so at last the moment of reckoning has arrived. I can't wait to see her. (Bt) Say, your family loyalty wasn't spurred by a little bribery, now, was it?
DARIA: Yeah, bribery in the form of: "If you do this for Quinn, I won't ground you for two months." Let's just say I wasn't the good big sis last night.
JANE: You made fun of her glasses.
DARIA: Yep.
(Jane shakes her head with mock disapproval.)
JANE: Daria, Daria, Daria, what are we going to do with you?
DARIA: You could put me in one of those overseas adoption programs.
(As she says this, Jane looks off screen to the left, a semi-confused expression on her face. We hear the 3 Js arguing.)
JOEY: You're pressing too hard!
JEFFY: You're not giving her enough back support!
JAMIE: You're not stuck with the legs!
(Daria and Jane stand in the background while, from off screen left, the 3 Js appear in the foreground, carrying Quinn. Her expression's still serene, her arms outspread a la "Titanic". Daria hardly bats an eye as they move across the screen and disappear.)
JANE: So, are these glasses of Quinn's the new invisible kind I've been hearing so much about?
DARIA: (shaking her head) Didn't take her long to find an excuse not to wear them, did it? (Bt) Some people just can't handle the thought of their image being messed with.
JANE: Not like you.
(Daria slams her locker shut.)
DARIA: Definitely. (then realizes Jane's playful sarcasm and frowns.)
(cut to: )
SCENE 7 (DeMartino's classroom)
(Extreme close-up shot of DeMartino's head, bulging eye and all.)
DeMARTINO: (to his class) PEOPLE, PLEASE!!!
(cut to a wider shot of the classroom, DeMartino standing in front of the blackboard.)
DeMARTINO: (continuing) Pay attention! We're STARTing our little journey through Manifest DESTINY today --
(Shot of Quinn and Stacy sitting in the back of the classroom. Stacy's chewing gum and flipping through an issue of Waif. As DeMartino carries on, cut to shot of the classroom from Quinn's P.O.V. DeMartino looks like an animated blob and the markings on the blackboard are indecipherable. cut to close-up Quinn. She peers down at her purse on her left hand side. Then she reaches into it, draws out the glasses case, and removes the glasses. Slowly, covertly, she lifts the glasses to her face. cut to a new shot of the classroom from Quinn's P.O.V. DeMartino looks normal and the markings on board the legible. resume close-up Quinn. She gasps.)
QUINN: (to herself) So that stuff he writes does make sense!
(cut to wider shot. Stacy's blowing a bubble.)
STACY: Huh? (bubble pops in her face)
(Quinn yanks off the glasses and hides them before Stacy can look in her direction.)
QUINN: Umm....
(cut to shot of classroom from Quinn's P.O.V. Everything's fuzzy except for the desks. Quinn sees an empty desk towards the front of the room. Turns to Stacy.)
QUINN: Uh, I think I'm gonna take Jeannie's old seat for today, the girl next to it looks like she's having a major fashion crisis.
(Stacy gazes in that direction with her 20/10 vision.)
STACY: Um, Quinn, I think that's a guy.
QUINN: Even worse. (gets up) See ya. (leaves)
(cut to side shot the desks. Quinn creeps up the row to the empty desk, then sits down and settles in. Suddenly, DeMartino's head bursts into the shot, causing Quinn to cower.)
DeMARTINO: Weeeeeeell, Daria!!!
(Quinn quickly recovers, looks cross.)
QUINN: Quinn! (not the first time this has happened)
(DeMartino sneers, his eye bulging.)
DeMARTINO: Right, Quinn -- got conFUSED for a moment. MAYbe since you've actually decided to JOIN us in class, Quinn, you could give us the PHILOSophy behind Manifest DESTINY!!!
(Pause. Quinn frowns with thought.)
QUINN: (hesitant) Um... okay... it's where all of us have futures that are, like, already picked out n' stuff?
(Pause)
DeMARTINO: Interesting observation, Quinn... unfortunately WRONG!!!
(Quinn cowers a little.)
QUINN: Oh.
DeMARTINO: AMERicans used Manifest Destiny as an excuse to settle in Mexican territory! (Bt) Would ya tell me something, Quinn?
QUINN: Uh, what?
DeMARTINO: How come your SISter --
QUINN: (compelled to sound pissed off, in spite of herself) Cousin!
(DeMartino sends her a full-on glare.)
DeMARTINO: Your RELATIVE knew this when I asked HER, but not you??!!
(Quinn now looks pissed off.)
QUINN: Because I'm not Daria!
DeMARTINO: I'LL say you're not!!
(Quinn folds her arms. Now she's really pissed off.)
QUINN: Well what's that supposed to mean?!
DeMARTINO: Figure it OUT!!!
(Quinn looks a bit wounded.)
(sound of a bell ushers in change of scene: )
SCENE 8 (cafeteria -- lunch)
(Wide shot of cafeteria. cut to close-up of the Fashion Club sitting at its usual table. Quinn and Stacy sit on the right hand side, Tiffany and Sandi on the left. Sandi, Stacy, and Tiffany are gazing around the cafeteria. Quinn sits slumped over, picking at her lack of food.)
STACY: (with her 20/10 vision) That girl over there -- her pores are, like, totally clogged.
(Tiffany and Sandi look at the girl to whom Stacy's referring.)
TIFFANY & SANDI: Ewwww!
STACY: And she's got a mole the shape of a snail on her collarbone.
TIFFANY & SANDI: Ugh!!!
(Bt)
SANDI: Stacy we are so lucky to have you with us. You can see all the disgusting people ahead of time and warn us to stay away from them.
STACY: Thanks, Sandi!!!
(Quinn raises her fists in the air.)
QUINN: (enraged) Oh rub it in, why don't you?!! (pounds fists on the table)
(Sandi, Stacy, and Tiffany look shocked. Quinn quickly looks chastened.)
SANDI: (cocking a brow. haughty) Quinn, you've been acting very strangely today.
TIFFANY & STACY: Yeah.
SANDI: Are you experiencing some sort of fashion crisis?
(Quinn looks embarrassed.)
QUINN: (trying to sound normal) Uh, gosh no, Sandi, I mean I was just -- (tries to change the subject. talks fast) Um, have you ever noticed how many people go to this school? I mean, you walk down the halls and there are, like, tons of them ever --
SANDI: Quinn, save it. (faux noble tone) If you're having a crisis, you can tell us.
TIFFANY: We're your friends, Quinn.
(Pause. Quinn looks slightly encouraged.)
QUINN: Um, okay. (Bt) Remember when I told you I had perfect vision?
F.C: (nodding) Uh-huh.
(Pause)
QUINN: Well, it's not perfect. In fact (Pause, almost afraid to continue. dejected tone) I had to get glasses.
(Pause. The F.C.s don't respond. They sit there, stunned.)
QUINN: (off screen) Uh... guys?
(Pause)
SANDI: Uh, I see. (best authoritative tone) Well, Quinn, why don't you, um, show them to us? (Bt. slightly ominous) Put them on.
(Quinn laughs nervously.)
QUINN: Um, 'kay.
(She leans over so that her back blocks our view of her face. Sandi, Stacy, and Tiffany exchange looks of anticipation. After a few seconds, Quinn sits upright, wearing the glasses.)
F.C: (sound of gasping) Hgh!!!
(Quinn slumps over, face burning.)
QUINN: (melodramatic) Oh God, I knew this was a mistake!
(Bt)
SANDI: (struggling to sound calm) Quinn, they're not that bad.
(Tiffany and Stacy can barely nod in agreement. Quinn buries her face in her arms.)
QUINN: Oh, you're just saying that!!!
SANDI: No really, I -- (cut off by the off screen voices of the 3 Js saying a triple "Hi Quinn!")
(The 3 Js appear side-by-side at Quinn's end of the table. Quinn lifts her face to look at them. The 3 Js expressions change from fawning to horror when they see Quinn's glasses.)
JOEY/JEFFY/JAMIE: Argh!!!! (they run off screen)
(Quinn reaches after them.)
QUINN: (calling) Guys... Guys?! (enraged) Dammit! (yanks off the glasses and sits there, dejected.)
(The F.C.s are now silent, except for Stacy, who starts making her little hyperventilating noises. Suddenly, Sandi puts up her arms in a "calm yourself" motion.)
SANDI: Stacy. (Pause. Stacy stops hyperventilating.) It's all right. The Fashion Club can handle a little diversity in its ranks. Quinn can be in charge of showing nerds -- uh, I mean, people with glasses -- how to dress cool.
TIFFANY & STACY: (nodding limply) Yeah.
(Quinn looks at them gratefully.)
QUINN: (timidly) Thanks guys... you're real friends.
SANDI: (well "duh" tone) Of course we are.
(Bt)
QUINN: Um, I'm gonna see if I can track down Joey, Jeffy, and Jameel. (stands up) I'll be right back. Uh, carry on. (exits left off screen)
(cut to frontal shot of Quinn walking away from the table. She pauses, glances to the side, knowing that the rest of the Fashion Club will start talking about her once she's gone. In the background, the other F.C.s sit innocently at the table, watching Quinn. Finally Quinn exits the screen. cut to close-up of the table with Sandi, Stacy, and Tiffany.)
SANDI: (low voice) She has got to go.
TIFFANY: Definitely.
(Stacy's eyes widen with horror.)
STACY: What do you mean "go"?
SANDI: (to Tiffany, not paying attention to Stacy) I can't even look at her. She looks like that girl who lives with her.
TIFFANY: Totally.
STACY: (desperate) But you told Quinn --
(Sandi and Tiffany look at Stacy, Sandi with her megabitch expression.)
TIFFANY: Sorry, Stacy.
(Stacy starts trembling and hyperventilating.)
STACY: No... NOOOOOOOOO!
(Sandi stands up and pounds the table.)
SANDI: Stacy!! (sits down) We have to be strong about this!
TIFFANY: It's for Quinn's own good.
SANDI: (faux moral tone) She has to understand that fashion draws a line between the normal people and the freaks. Quinn has crossed over to the freaks. She can't be one of us, anymore.
(Pause. Stacy lays her head on the table and starts sobbing. Sandi eyes her with obvious irritation.)
SANDI: (to Tiffany. faux noble tone) It hurts me the most -- Quinn was like a sister to me.
(Suddenly, from off screen, Quinn walks over and stands over the table.)
QUINN: (nervous) Well I couldn't find them, I guess they went outside somewhere.
(cut to shot of the F.C. from Quinn's P.O.V. They all look at her. Sandi and Tiffany seem embarrassed, Stacy looks devastated. cut to close-up Quinn.)
QUINN: (sees the writing on the walls) Um, so how are things... here?
(cut to: )
SCENE 9 (Quinn walking home after school)
(Melancholy music plays. We see Quinn walking alone down a residential sidewalk, in the opposite direction from which she came that morning. Her glasses are off, and she walks with her head slumped forward. cut to overhead diagonal shot of Quinn walking across a street without a crosswalk. A car slams on its brakes and skids to a stop right before it hits her. Another car rams into the side of the first one. Sounds of honking and yelling. Quinn continues to walk on, oblivious. Her face looks pained and saddened.)
(fade-out. fade-in to: )
SCENE 10 (Morgendorffer house, evening)
(Same music plays. outside shot of the house. cut to shot of Helen sitting on the center couch in the foreground, rifling through papers, and the kitchen in the background. Helen, holds up a piece of paper and studies it. We hear sounds of rapid page-flipping from off screen. Helen turns her head toward the kitchen. cut to shot of kitchen table. Quinn sits there, wearing her glasses. She's flipping through the pages of a textbook without bothering to read them. resume shot of Helen, getting a thoughtful look on her face.)
(music ends. cut to: )
SCENE 11: (Daria's room)
(Shot of her door from the inside. We hear the sound of knocking. cut to shot of Daria lying on her bed, still reading The Bell Jar. She hears the knocking, rests the book on her chest.)
DARIA: (deadpan) The no vacancies sign is on.
(cut to shot of the door.)
HELEN: (outside, concerned) Daria? Can I speak with you for a minute?
(Daria sighs.)
DARIA: (resigned) Come in.
(Helen opens the door and walks toward the bed. Stands over Daria.)
HELEN: Daria, was Quinn wearing her glasses at school today?
DARIA: That depends. (Bt) Do you mean in a literal or a theoretical sense?
(Helen sighs, shakes her head.)
HELEN: I didn't think so. (sits down on the bed.) Sweetie, I wondered if you'd do me a favor?
(Daria cocks an eyelid at the word "favor.")
DARIA: Oh?
(cut to frontal shot of Helen)
HELEN: I thought if you wore something you were afraid of, like, oh, your contact lenses, Quinn would feel it was okay to relax about her insecurities.
(Daria frowns mildly.)
DARIA: I'm not afraid of my contact lenses.
HELEN: Well, but I never see you wear them --
DARIA: (flustered -- for her -- and insistent) I like my contact lenses... um, so much so, that I reserve them for special occasions.
HELEN: (wheeling and dealing tone) Well then how about making one of tomorrow? Wear your contacts and show Quinn that you don't mind if people treat you differently.
(Daria sits up a little and gives Helen a "you're three bricks short of a load" look.)
DARIA: Let me get this straight. You want me to show Quinn that it's okay to wear glasses? (Bt) By wearing contacts? (Bt. Helen nods.) But by doing so, wouldn't I just be drilling nails into the coffin of her self-esteem by giving myself the one thing she can't have -- a glasses-free existence?
(Bt. Helen sighs.)
HELEN: I thought you might try some of your sneaky double-talk on me. Which is why I decided to offer you a cash incentive. Twenty dollars.
DARIA: (without batting an eye) Fifty.
HELEN: Thirty.
DARIA: Forty.
HELEN: Thirty-five.
DARIA: Done.
(cut to close-up Daria's face. She gets an "I can't believe I'm doing this" expression.)
(cut to: )
SCENE 11 (Morgendorffer house, next morning)
(Shot of outside. cut to shot of Daria standing in front of the bathroom mirror, still in her pajamas... her hair mussed-up in that way I know people love! She's putting the second contact lens in her eye. Meanwhile, a rumpled Quinn trudges into the bathroom to do her business. She takes her place beside Daria in front of the mirror, then looks at her.)
QUINN: What're you doing?
(Daria blinks rapidly to settle the lens. Glances at Quinn.)
DARIA: What does it look like I'm doing?
(Quinn stares at her, confused and sleepy. Then, slowly, realization grows on her face. Gets an expression of horror, then fury.)
QUINN: (tantrum mode) You can't wear your contacts!!!!! There's no way, you traitor!!!!! I'm staying home!!!!!!!! (runs out of the bathroom)
(Daria watches her go, then looks at herself in the mirror.)
DARIA: Oh yeah, that went well.
[Split screen of Daria, smirking, telling Quinn what she thinks of her glasses, and Quinn in glasses, her expression turning to rage.]
You are now entering commercial HELL. Please keep your seat belt securely fastened. You thought you could escape, didn't you? hahahahahahahahahaha
A Mentos commercial would have been too easy. Next time....
You are now leaving commercial HELL. Aren't you happy you survived?