This is a revised version of "Rose-Colored Lenses" [June 1999]. I've weeded out most of the annoying camera angles, allowing for easier reading... which means a pain-free introduction to my chronology. :-)
This is my first fanfic, so I hope I don't sound as though I've been stealing from other fanfics that I've read. If so, I'm sorry... I'll develop a more unique style in time.
Oh, and those who are visually-challenged who read this may want to leave their judgment at the door...... Enjoy!!!
[intro theme music..........................]
SCENE 1 (lockers after school.)
(Shot of Quinn and the Fashion Club standing there, chattering on about their favorite subject.)
SANDI: I hope Cashman's has those capri pants I saw in Waif. I would look so cute in those.
TIFFANY: You would.
SANDI: And Quinn, maybe we could try on -- oops! (pats her face, fakes a memory lapse. Bt) That's right - you can't go 'cause you have that thing.
TIFFANY: Oh yeah, that eye thing.
QUINN: (a bit annoyed) Yeah, you keep reminding me.
SANDI: (faux remorse) It's just such a bummer you can't be with us, that's all.
QUINN: (downcast) I know! I tried to get out of it, I mean he's my geeky cousin's optimist guy, so why should I go to him?!!
F.C: Right.
QUINN: (continuing) But he lays this big guilt trip on my mom, saying how my chart shows I haven't had an eye exam in, like, six years, so my mom freaks out and now I'm stuck getting my eyes experimented on when I should be where I belong -- hunting down the latest fashions with the rest of you guys!
F.C: Right.
TIFFANY: Those eye machines are so creepy.
SANDI: (smirking) And they make you look like a big geek.
(Quinn shudders a little.)
QUINN: All they'll find out is that my eyes are fine. Unlike some people, I've got perfect vision.
SANDI: (faux modesty) I know what you mean. When those eye people did their experiments on me, they found out I had 20/15 vision.
QUINN: (wary. a little jealous) Really?
TIFFANY: Whoa, that's amazing, Sandi. They found out the same thing about me when I went last year.
(Quinn frowns.)
QUINN: Hmmmm...
STACY: I've got 20/10 vision!
F.C: (genuine surprise) Whoa!!!
SANDI: (coolly impressed) So I suppose that means you can see through walls, or something.
STACY: No, but I can read those little labels on clothes, the kind that tell you whether the all-cotton you bought is really all cotton, or just a poly-blend.
F.C: Wow...
QUINN: (to Stacy. encouraging) An untapped talent. This could mean big things for you, Stacy.
STACY: (thrilled at the validation) Thanks, Quinn!!! (looks for another way to impress her, sees a girl down the hall, off screen, and points in her direction) Hey Quinn, do you think the polka dots on that girl's sleeve are this season or last season?
(Quinn looks, squints. Cut to shot from her P.O.V. -- the girl looks like a fuzzy blob. resume wide shot. Sandi notices Quinn's difficulty and smirks.)
QUINN: (scoffing. a little embarrassed) Who cares, the whole outfit is last season.
SANDI: (still smirking) Oh really?
(Quinn laughs nervously and glances behind her. She then notices Daria, who has sneaked up behind her during this conversation. )
QUINN: Agh!!! (She backs away. Daria smirks.)
F.C: Ewwwwww!!! (They back away a couple of steps)
QUINN: (fuming) I told you, Daria -- you have to keep five feet away from me at all times, at least. Ten if I'm with a guy!
DARIA: (devilish, feigning innocence) Oops, must've slipped my mind, siiiiiiiiii (sees Quinn's alarmed expression)... coz.
(Bt)
SANDI: (a bit unruffled) Well, Quinn, now that that girl's here, maybe you should go to your eye thing and leave the rest of us to try and survive in your absence.
DARIA: (to herself) Shopping -- a life of despair, death, and superficiality cast over an abyss of sorrow. [see postscript]
F.C: (not hearing her) Bye, Quinn! (They walk away.)
STACY: We'll miss you!
(Daria rolls her eyes. Quinn calls out to the F.C., now off screen.)
QUINN: Bye guys! I'll be fine, I mean my vision's probably improved with age -- lots of things do!
DARIA: (deadpan) Like hair color or skin.
(Quinn turns to her, irritated.)
QUINN: Ha-ha, Daria, very funny. (Bt) And would you get away from me?!!
(cut to: )
SCENE 2 (a residential sidewalk)
(Shot from the side of Quinn and Daria walking, Quinn several paces ahead. Music plays [I don't know what because I don't follow the latest trends!] Cut to frontal shot with Quinn in the foreground, Daria in the background.)
QUINN: (still fuming) I still don't see why you have to go with me! I mean everyone already knows you have vision problems!
DARIA: (calling out) What?! I can't hear you!
(Quinn sighs, exasperated. Turns around, walks toward Daria.)
QUINN: I s'pose we're far enough out of range that no one from school will see me with you.
(Cut to frontal shot of Daria and Quinn walking.)
DARIA: (deadpan. slightly annoyed) That's a good thing for both of us.
QUINN: So do you plan to just drop me off and leave?
DARIA: Noooo, believe it or not, I've got business with Dr. Gordon myself. I'm changing my contact lenses.
(Quinn utters a short laugh.)
QUINN: (sarcastic) To one's you'll actually wear?
(Daria frowns at her.)
(cut to: )
SCENE 3 (optometrist's office)
(Shot of the outside of the medical building -- the same one from "Through a Lens Darkly." Cut to shot of the inside of a waiting room, Daria and Quinn standing with Dr. Gordon. At their left is a receptionist's desk. Along the back wall: a corridor which leads to the exam room and row-upon-row of glasses frames. At their right is a magazine-covered table and several chairs.)
DR. GORDON: (to Daria) So, your contacts have worn out with use, have they?
QUINN: (muttering) Unuse is more like it.
DARIA: (turning to Quinn. phony sweetness) Touché, sis. You're really nailing the one-liners today.
(Dr. Gordon sighs.)
DR. GORDON: You know, Daria, if you just --
DARIA: Nope.
DR. GORDON: But if you just thought --
DARIA: I have.
DR. GORDON: You know, you could really... (gives up. exasperated). Well, have it your way. I've got a softer pair in my office. Maybe that (cut to frontal shot of Daria as he says this) will make you change your mind.
(Daria smirks knowingly.)
QUINN: (to Dr. Gordon. hopeful) Yeah, and then after that she can just head on home, right?
DR. GORDON: Actually, Quinn, I'd rather she stick around and help you walk home. We've gotta dilate your eyes -- you haven't had that done for a while, have you?! (He says this last bit in a jolly tone, gives Quinn a phony jab in the ribs.)
(Quinn gasps, horrified. Daria sighs -- she doesn't want to stay, but sees she has no choice.)
DARIA: Fine. Why see vampire dentists on "Sick Sad World" when I can watch my sister stumble around with zombie eyes, instead?
DR. GORDON: Come on, Quinn...
(Quinn follows him, terrified expression.)
(fade-out. fade-in to waiting room a short time later. Daria is pacing around, obviously bored. Cut to close-up of male receptionist at his desk.)
RECEPTIONIST: (helpful tone) There are some really nice magazines on the table if you want to read them.
(cut to close-up Daria, looking at receptionist. She shrugs, unenthused, then trudges over to the magazine table. Stands over it, reads aloud titles on the magazine covers.)
DARIA: (reading) Waif... Capri Pants, the new slenderizer. (Bt) T.V. Land Special Fall Preview... 1986. (to herself) A hallmark year in entertainment. (Bt. resumes reading) Va--
(Sees that it's an issue of VAL. Close up shot of the words "bummer culture." resume shot of Daria by the table. Glances around, then stacks other magazines on top of VAL.)
DARIA: (resumes reading. slightly sarcastic) Glasses World. (Pause. eyes widen. surprised tone) Erotic Eyewear?!
(cut to close-up receptionist)
RECEPTIONIST: That's one of our favorites.
(cut to close-up Daria. She turns around, unnerved that the receptionist was listening. Hesitates, then reaches toward the magazine. Is about to turn a page, when off screen, she hears sound of Quinn screaming. Pause, then: )
DR. GORDON: (off screen) Daria!
(Daria snatches her hand back)
DARIA: Last time I checked.
(Dr. Gordon walks quickly toward her.)
DR. GORDON: (nervous) I need your help. Um... I couldn't talk your sister into looking through the refraction machine.
DARIA: So you tried shock inducers instead?
DR. GORDON: Could you please just come with me and convince her to stay in the chair?!
(Daria sighs.)
DARIA: I guess. (follows Dr. Gordon out of the waiting room) That's why they pay me the five-fifty an hour...
(cut to: )
SCENE 4 (Dr. Gordon's exam room)
(Shot of a chair and refraction machine in the foreground, a door in the background. Quinn is cowering behind the chair. We then see the door open, and Dr. Gordon and Daria walking through. Daria stops, looks at Quinn, and frowns.)
DARIA: Quinn, what are you doing?
QUINN: (freaked) I can't look through that thing, Daria. It's all creepy and it's got big bug eyes and it makes me look like a bug and if Sandi, Stacy, or Tiffany ever saw me here I'd just die!
DARIA: (to Dr. Gordon) Vanity crisis. I'll handle this. (Daria walks over and stands by the chair.) Quinn, your friends won't see you here. They're braving the foxholes at Cashman's, remember?
(Quinn nods, somewhat encouraged.)
DARIA: So why don't you just sit in the chair and get the eye exam over with? Then we can forget this day ever happened.
(Quinn nods.)
QUINN: Okay....
(She creeps out from behind the chair and slides in. Dr. Gordon rewards her with a goofy thumbs-up.)
DR. GORDON: Now there's a girl!
(Meanwhile, Quinn's looking more relaxed. She swings her legs.)
QUINN: This isn't so bad. (stops swinging legs, gets an alarmed expression. turns to Daria, worried) You won't tell anyone what I looked like in this thing, will you??!!
DARIA: (droll) Not a chance. (flashes her thumbs in an imitation of Dr. Gordon)
(Quinn smiles at her timidly. Then Daria lays down her arms and smirks.)
DARIA: And if Spiderman crawls by looking for a date, I'll tell him to take a number.
(Quinn gets horrified expression, which quickly changes to a glare. Dr. Gordon groans and rolls his eyes.)
(fade-out. fade-in reveals short passage of time. Shot of Quinn sitting in the foreground, looking through the refraction machine, Daria sitting unobtrusively in the background. She's in the room to lend support in case Quinn freaks out again, and also because she thinks that this could be even more entertaining than "Erotic Eyewear.")
DR. GORDON: (off screen) Okay, Quinn, why don't you read me the letters in the second-to-last row?
(cut to shot of the eye chart)
QUINN: (off screen) Um... okay. Q... P... Z... um, I... um... three...
(cut to close-up of Daria, watching Quinn)
DR. GORDON: (off screen) Quinn, there are no numbers on this chart.
QUINN: (off screen. insistent) Well it looks like a three!
(Daria turns to look at the eye chart. Her eyes widen, indicating that Quinn is completely wrong.)
(fade-out. fade-in shows another short passage of time. Close-up shot of Daria gazing in Quinn's direction, frowning and shaking her head.)
DR. GORDON: (off screen. sounds exasperated and tired) Okay, Quinn, now I'm going to cover your right eye, and then you read me the letters in the second-to-last row.
(cut to close-up of Quinn looking through the refraction machine. From off screen left, a hand reaches up and flicks a switch near one of the lenses. Pause. Quinn is silent.)
DR. GORDON: (off screen) Okay, Quinn.
(Quinn is still silent. cut to close-up of Daria, watching her expectantly. resume close-up of Quinn.)
DR. GORDON: (off screen) Quinn, you can read the letters out now.
QUINN: (exasperated) Well I will once you put the eye chart back up!
(fade-out, fade-in. Close-up of Daria. She has a hand clapped to her forehead, wears a "this is unbelievable" expression.)
DR. GORDON: (off screen) O-kaaay, Quinn, now just follow this pen with your eyes. Follow... follow... follow... f -- damn!
(final fade-out, fade-in. Daria and Quinn sit at a large desk, their backs to us, across from Dr. Gordon. Dr. Gordon wears a serious expression.)
DR. GORDON: (hesitant) Well, Quinn, these are some very interesting results.
(Before he can go any further, Quinn breaks in. Her eyes are enlarged -- think "glitter berries" look in "The Teachings of Don Jake" -- from pupil dilation.)
QUINN: (on a different track) So these eye drop thingys will wear off in a few hours, right? 'Cause I have outfits I need to try on for tonight and it's important that I see the shade and texture of the clothes or else I --
(Meanwhile, Daria gazes sideways at her, looking sheepish because she knows what's coming next. Dr. Gordon interrupts.)
DR. GORDON: Quinn, I'm afraid I have some bad news. (Bt) Your tests indicate that your vision has suffered a decline since your last exam.
(Quinn suddenly looks nervous. She utters a little nervous laugh.)
QUINN: Oh really? How much of a decline?
(Pause)
DR. GORDON: Well, when you were ten, you had 20/20 vision. (Bt) Now you have 20/100 vision.
(Quinn gasps.)
QUINN: (freaked) So what does that mean??!!
DR. GORDON: It means you can only see at twenty feet what everyone else can --
QUINN: (waving her arms in the air. shouting) I know what it means!!! I just didn't want to hear it!!!
(Bt)
DARIA: (to Dr. Gordon) I think you've rubbed enough salt in her wounds.
(Dr. Gordon sighs.)
DR. GORDON: The bottom line to this, Quinn, is (Bt. cut to dramatic close-up of his mouth) you're going to need glasses.
(cut to close-up of Quinn. She looks horrified.)
(cut to: )
SCENE 5 (Morgendorffer house, evening)
(Shot of the outside. We hear Daria's voice-over. While she speaks, cut to shot of the family eating the usual for dinner. Helen's listening to Daria, looking stunned and chastened. Meanwhile Quinn, her eyes still a bit dilated, is slumped over and looks depressed. The whole time Daria's been saying: )
DARIA: ... So then he said, even if it does have over a thousand mall locations, Glasses in a Half-Hour isn't exactly the most reliable place to get your kid an eye exam.
HELEN: (recalling. futile despair) But dammit, I only had a half-hour! The Morrisons' lawyers were breathing down my neck and if I didn't cut a deal with them soon they said they'd --
DARIA: (patient) Mom, the point is that they probably messed up when they checked Quinn's vision six years ago. It's probably been going downhill for a long time.
(Quinn moans.)
HELEN: (still upset) Well I just don't believe -- Jake, pay attention!
(Jake's been making a smiley face with his bacon and lasagna. He looks up, startled.)
JAKE: Huh? I was!
HELEN: (to Daria) I mean, can't she at least get contact lenses???
DARIA: (deadpan, but clearly finds humor in the situation) He said, not with the astigmatism she's got.
(Quinn suddenly explodes.)
QUINN: I don't see why, then, he won't let me get the freakin' laser treatment!
DARIA: (frank) Quinn, no laser invented could cure all the stuff that's wrong with your eyes.
(Helen glares at Daria.)
HELEN: Daria, try to be a little more sensitive.
(Quinn's also glaring at her.)
QUINN: Oh no, Mom, let her talk. You know she's enjoying this. She gets to see me become a freak like her!
(Daria smirks innocently. )
HELEN: Listen, Quinn, I -- (interrupted by the phone ringing nearby) I'll get back to you in a second. (picks up phone)
DARIA: (under her breath) Saved by good ol' Eric.
HELEN: (crooning voice) Helllloooo? Hi Eric! No of course I don't mind you calling at this hour -- (voice fades into the background)
QUINN: (bitter) I don't care what that stupid doctor said. There's no way I'm gonna wear a pair of geeky-looking glasses!
DARIA: I'm sure there are enough pairs of cute looking glasses around that you wouldn't have to make that choice. May I suggest wire rims?
QUINN: Just shut up, Daria!
(Bt)
DARIA: (getting serious) Look, Quinn, how do you plan on getting by without glasses, now that Dr. Gordon says you need them?
(Quinn suddenly backs out her chair and stands up.)
QUINN: The same way I always have! (cringes at the brightness of the room -- her eyes are still dilated.) And dammit, can't someone dim the lights in this freakin' house?! I can't stand it anymore!! (runs off screen)
(Jake and Daria watch her go.)
JAKE: (calling) Quinn, honey, why don't you tell ol' dad your problem?
(Daria gives him a "too little, too late" glare. Meanwhile Helen, in the midst of a pause, has managed to observe this turn of events. She decides to do the unthinkable -- interrupt her call.)
HELEN: (apologetic tone) Eric, can I call you back?
(cut to: )
SCENE 6 (upstairs of Morgendorffer house, later that evening)
(music plays. Shot of hallway outside of Quinn's room. Her door is slightly open -- we hear her talking on the phone to Sandi. From off screen left, Helen walks over to Quinn's door and stands beside it. She looks uncertain about what to do next.)
QUINN: (from inside room) She did?... I can't believe that, I mean she knows that's about three years out of style -- why would she do something like that?!
(cut to inside shot of Quinn's room. Quinn is lying on her bed, balancing the cordless phone on one ear while flipping through an issue of Waif.)
QUINN: Uh-huh... yeah, well I was, but I can't go out with my eyes all blurry can I, I mean how would I co-ordinate my wardrobe? Uh-huh... Sandi, I told you they're normal. The exam was, like, a total bore, but at least I avoided that creepy eye machine you all were talking about. Uh-huh... uh-huh... mmm-hmm... 'kay, well have fun without me, Sandi. Bye. (hangs up)
(cut to shot of Quinn's door. Helen peers through.)
HELEN: Quinn, can I come in?
(resume shot of Quinn in her room. She looks startled. Thinks her mom wants the phone.)
QUINN: (exasperated) O-kay Mom, I get that you really need to use the phone -- here. (holds it up)
(Pause. Helen walks over to her, makes a motion that tells her to lay the phone down.)
HELEN: (serious) Actually, Quinn, I wanted to have a one-on-one with you about glasses.
(Quinn looks down at her magazine, frowning slightly)
QUINN: (subdued) I stand by my decision.
(Helen sighs.)
HELEN: Quinn, you can't go without glasses, not when -- (realizes this won't get through to her, decides to use a different approach. Helen sits down on Quinn's bed. Her voice takes on intimate tone.) You know, Quinn, sometimes I think you and Daria shortchange yourselves.
(Quinn's eyeing the magazine, looking bored.)
QUINN: What d'you mean?
HELEN: I mean... well, what I mean is, you two cling so tenaciously to your social identities, and --
QUINN: (interrupts, flatly) In English, Mom.
(Pause)
HELEN: Quinn, you used to be a good student.
(Pause. Quinn frowns.)
QUINN: Not as good as Daria.
HELEN: Well n-- (realizes this admission could get her in trouble) But, you still did very well until you reached your teens. That's when your grades started to slip.
(Meanwhile, Quinn's still frowning, but her eyes drift toward Helen, showing she's listening.)
HELEN: (continuing) I just assumed it was because of social worries -- peer pressure, trying to look good in front of the boys... (eyes narrow, goes off on a rant), so that they can do better and get ahead while the girls get left behind in their entry level positions because they lack experience! How do they think we got a glass ceiling --
QUINN: (interrupts. exasperated) Mo-om, where are you going with this?!!
(Bt)
HELEN: (gets back on track. apologetic) Quinn, my point is that I feel partially to blame for the problems you've had with school. I assumed it was a popularity issue and never once thought that maybe your problems were medical.
QUINN: (solemn) Oh.
(Helen reaches over and puts a hand on Quinn's shoulder.)
HELEN: I don't want to see you underestimate yourself in the same way. If glasses can expand your choices in life, then I think you should give them a try.
(cut to close-up of Quinn. Pause. Then Quinn sighs an "I'll think about it" sigh.)
[Split screen of Quinn cowering behind the optometrist's chair and Daria snatching her hand away from the "Erotic Eyewear" issue.]
You are now entering commercial HELL. Please keep your seat belt securely fastened. You are about to see three of the lamest commercials put on television.
You are now leaving commercial HELL. Aren't you happy you survived?