This is the eighth fic in my chronology, and the concluding part of "None in the Family." It follows
I'd give it a 2.5S..... Ugh, why even pretend these scripts could fit into a half-hour????
Ten Spot Promo: An old one, in which you see the numbers, from 1 to 10, materialize in water. That one always frustrated me, because it seemed to take forever for the 10 to appear, and I was like, "Dammit, just let me watch 'Daria'!" Nonetheless, I'm using it here because I'm running out of other promo options...
(Black background. Suddenly we see Daria walk on screen and stand facing front, so that she's staring at us from the T.V. screen. Her demeanor is its usual deadpan.)
DARIA: Hello. Let me start out by saying that I'm not here to show clips from last week's episode. You know what happened. You read it. And if you haven't read it, it's not hard to find: look right above, and you'll see it's under the same title.
(Pause. Daria stands there impassively. Finally she sighs.)
DARIA: All right, all right, I'll humor you. Here's a brief run-through of what happened:
Dad, Quinn, and I have just returned from one explosive family reunion at Grandma Barksdale's house, where --
Mom blew up at Dad for not supporting her when she got humiliated by an old neighbor.
Dad blew up at Mom for humiliating him in front of the people at Grandma's party.
And Quinn and I got stuck in the middle.
Meanwhile, Quinn's mad at Erin for outdoing her in the popularity department.
And Erin's mad at Brian for being such a jerk. Surprise, surprise.
Grandma's mad at Aunt Amy for not involving her in her life.
I'm a little mad at her, too.
Amy seems like she's mad at Grandpa Barksdale for stuff he said to her when she was younger.
And Aunt Rita just seems like someone who's easy to irritate.
Well that should be enough to get you into the second half. So just sit back and enjoy. Or at least be glad this isn't your family.
[intro theme music...................]
SCENE 1 (Morgendorffer house, picking up where we left off in Part One)
(Shot of outside. Cut to shot of Daria, Jane, and Quinn sitting on Daria's bed. Jane glances at Daria's clock.)
JANE: I'd better call Trent to let him know I haven't dropped dead. Or at least to make sure he hasn't.
(Beat)
DARIA: And we'd better tell our mom the same thing. Assuming the coast is clear.
(She nods to Quinn. They jump off the bed and head over to the door as Jane starts to make her call. Cut to shot of the outside hallway. Daria and Quinn open the door, creep out, and glance around. Pause. Daria sniffs the air and frowns.)
DARIA: Smells like Dad's venting his rage in the kitchen.
JAKE: (off screen): Gah! This apron's not flame-retardant!
DARIA: Yep.
(Beat)
QUINN: (cringing) Eww! I hope he doesn't, like, expect us to eat what he's making.
DARIA: With a little cunning, we won't have to. I have an idea. (She nods toward her room, and they go back in.)
(fade-out. fade-in to a brief time later. Daria and Quinn are huddled around the phone, while Jane sits on the edge of the bed, watching.)
DARIA: (to Quinn) Just try to sound as upset as possible. Don't lay blame on Dad -- just tell Mom we really want her home.
QUINN: Okay.
DARIA: If we succeed, whatever Dad's making will ne'er pass our lips.
(Quinn nods. Daria picks up the phone and dials.)
(Cut to shot of the phone ringing in the living room of the Barksdale residence. Amy's standing closest by, so she picks it up.)
AMY: Hello?
(Pause. Then cut to split-screen with Amy on the left and Daria on the right.)
DARIA: (a little stiff, recalling their last words in the den) Um hi, Aunt Amy.
AMY: (warmly) Hey, Daria. (Bt. calls over her shoulder.) Helen, your progeny are still alive.
DARIA: Um, could I speak with my mom, please?
(Beat)
AMY: Sure. (picking up on Daria's stiffness and guessing the cause.) Hey listen, Daria --
(Suddenly Helen bustles on screen.)
HELEN: Give me that. (grabs the phone from Amy, who rolls her eyes and walks off screen. speaks into the receiver in an anxious tone: ) Daria, are you girls all right?? What has your father done to you?!
DARIA: Besides teach us the finer points of road rage, not much.
QUINN: (off screen) Ow, Mom! I think I have whiplash!
HELEN: Whiplash!! Is that Quinn?! (Bt) Quinn, baby, it's okay. Mama's right here. Dammit, I'll kill your father -- tearing out of here the way he did --!
DARIA: (patient) Mom, she's fine. (Bt. covering the phone, grumbling to Quinn.) What did I say about laying blame on Dad?? (Bt. uncovers phone, to Helen.) We're both fine. We're just sitting here in my room, calling to find out when you're coming home.
(long Pause)
DARIA: Mom??
(Beat)
HELEN: Well... I'm not sure.
(Beat. Daria rolls her eyes.)
DARIA: C'mon, Mom: you didn't really mean it when you said you and Dad would separate, did you? (Bt) It was just stress from your homecoming. (Bt. suddenly a little worried) Wasn't it?
(Beat)
HELEN: (uneasy) Daria... I don't know. What your father said to me...
DARIA: (rational) Now, Mom, as harsh as Dad was, surely twenty-three years of marriage, based on a solid foundation of love and support, can overcome it. (Bt) Besides, we miss you.
QUINN: (leaning in, trying to sound little-girlish) Yeah, Mommy.
(Pause)
HELEN: (maternal instincts kicking in) Ohhhhhh... my little angels. Just hearing your sweet voices is starting to --
(Suddenly she's interrupted by the clicking sound of another phone being picked up, followed by that of numbers being pressed.)
JAKE: (off screen. panicked) Is this 911?! Emergency! I think I just set my house on fire!!
HELEN: Jake, what on earth?!
JAKE: Helen?? (Pause. getting enraged) So -- you didn't trust me, did you?! Thought you'd spy on me and the girls!
HELEN: Jake, I don't trust you any farther than I can throw you. Which, considering how bloated your kiester has gotten since we were first married, means not at --
JAKE: Oh yeah?! Oh yeah?!
(Daria groans and shakes her head, realizing an opportunity's been lost.)
HELEN: I turn my back for one minute, and you set the house on fire!
JAKE: Oh yeah?! Shows you how much you know, Helen! I was just lying to test you. The house is fine!
HELEN: It damn well better be, Jake Morgendorffer!
JAKE: So don't go prying into other people's business the way you always do. Just leave us alone!
HELEN: Dammit, Jake, the first sign of any trouble --
JAKE: There isn't gonna be any! In fact, I was just gonna tell the girls that the soup's on!
DARIA: (mumbling) That's trouble enough for me.
(Beat)
JAKE: Daria?
(Beat)
HELEN: (fuming) Daria, tell your father if that's the way he feels, then fine. I'll just leave you alone. But remember: first sign of a problem, and you can get to Grandma's house by taking A24 --
JAKE: Oh no, you don't!
(Daria sighs.)
DARIA: Look, Mom, I'd better go. I'll talk to you soon.
(Beat)
HELEN: (uneasy, not wanting to get off) All... right... sweetie. Mom loves you.
DARIA: Um yeah. Me, too. (Pause) Bye.
(She hangs up. Pause. Cut to full screen of Helen, lingering on the phone.)
HELEN: Jake??
(Pause. We then hear the clicking sound of him hanging up, followed by the dial tone. Helen hold the phone a few seconds longer, then slowly lays it back on its cradle. She turns to Grandma Barksdale, Rita, and Amy, who have been eavesdropping from the living room couch. They're more or less alone; most of the guests at Grandma Barksdale's anniversary party left right after Helen and Jake's shoutdown. Helen walks over to them.)
HELEN: (wailing) Oh Mother, he's going to hurt my babies!
GRANDMA: (pacifying) Now sweetheart, aren't you being a bit overly dramatic?
(Helen drops into a chair beside her.)
HELEN: But who knows what kinds of horrible things he could be cooking for them?? Jake likes to experiment.
GRANDMA: (putting a hand on her shoulder) Now, now... he's their father. He wouldn't hurt them.
AMY: (under her breath) Unless arsenic's one of the experimental ingredients.
GRANDMA: (to Helen) You're getting yourself all tense and worked-up. Just relax.
RITA: Yeah, Helen, we'll get through this shattered-marriage thing together. God knows we've been waiting long enough for it to happen.
HELEN: (glaring at her) My marriage is not shattered!
GRANDMA: Of course it's not.
HELEN: It's just... a little... scuffed. (slumps forward.)
(Beat)
AMY: In the meantime, where were you planning to stay?
(Before Helen can reply, Mr. Norbert pokes his head through the dining room door.)
NORBERT: (to Helen) Don't worry, hon: the first realization that he's not getting any will make your hubby come crawling back to you.
(Helen veers around to look at him. Gets an expression of intense hatred.)
HELEN: Get out of here, you awful man!!!
NORBERT: Or to someone else.
HELEN: This is all your fault! Mother, make him leave!!!
GRANDMA: Harry, I'll see you at the next Homeowners' Alliance meeting.
NORBERT: I gotcha, Evie. (Bt. to Helen) And honey, if he doesn't come back to you, there are plenty of other fish in the sea. (nods to Rita and Amy, then exits.)
(Helen emits a loud, sharp groan and hangs her head. Pause.)
AMY: I'm really sorry I missed this one.
(Beat. Grandma Barksdale, Helen, and Rita all look at her, irritated.)
GRANDMA: You're not funny, Amy. (Bt. turns to Helen) Sweetheart, you can stay here for as long as you need to.
HELEN: (sniffing a bit. voice a little foggy) Thank you, Mother.
RITA: And I'll ask Erin and Brian to check up on the girls in a few days. If they need that long.
HELEN: (sniff, sniff) You will? That's so thoughtful of you, Rita.
RITA: Pathetic-ness always brings out my good side.
AMY: So that explains why you pick such winners to be your boyfriends.
(Pause. Again, Grandma Barksdale, Helen, and Rita give her irritated looks.)
AMY: Sorry -- couldn't resist. (Bt) I'll see if I can scrounge up a cell phone for you, Helen.
(Helen gets an expression of horror.)
HELEN: Oh my God! My phone!
(fade-out. fade-into: )
SCENE 2 (Morgendorffer house, late evening)
(Shot of outside. Cut to shot of the table, where Jake, dressed in a singed "Kiss the Cook" apron, is ladling broth into three soup bowls.)
JAKE: (calling out) Get it while it's hot, girls!
(Pause. We then see Daria and Quinn walk on screen. They sit down -- Daria in her usual place, Quinn in Jake's -- and peer cautiously into their bowls. Jake plops himself down in Quinn's usual spot.)
JAKE: It's matzo ball soup! A Morgendorffer family specialty.
(Beat)
DARIA: Chicken broth and bread crumbs. (Bt) I guess you can't go too wrong there.
QUINN: Ew, Daddy, what're these things?? (points to shriveled gray objects floating in the broth.)
JAKE: Mushrooms and anchovies, of course. Those were my addition.
DARIA: Of course.
JAKE: Regular matzo ball soup is so boring. This has much more flavor in it. (Bt) So go on -- eat up.
(Pause. Daria and Quinn just stare at their soup.)
QUINN: Um, Dad, I'd like to, but... I ate some of that yellow wiggly stuff at Grandma's house and I'm feeling kind of sick.
DARIA: Um yeah. Same here.
JAKE: Oh. (looks disappointed.)
(Beat)
DARIA: But, um, thanks for trying.
QUINN: Yeah.
JAKE: Aw nonsense! (does a fist pump.) It's something any with-it, take-charge kind of dad would do.
DARIA: Cool.
JAKE: I just want to be the type of dad you girls have always deserved.
DARIA: Can't object to that.
JAKE: And on top of cooking regularly for you, I'm gonna start boning up on some facts about your lives. With-it dads actually know stuff about their kids.
DARIA: You don't say.
QUINN: (looking worried) Everything??
JAKE: So I've heard! (Bt) For starters: Quinn, sweetie, how old are you now?
QUINN: (making a face) Not eleven, that's for sure. (Bt) I'm almost sixteen.
JAKE: (expression of horror) Sixteen?! That old?! (Bt) Bu-but you shouldn't be dating guys at your age. They've only got one thing on their mind, the lousy bastards --!
(Daria rolls her eyes.)
DARIA: Dad, you knew Quinn was that old.
JAKE: (whimper-mumbling) But I kept trying to block it out...
(Beat)
QUINN: Well now that you know for sure, (voice takes on a crafty edge) how'd you like to be a really cool dad and take me car shopping??
JAKE: Aw gee, honey... if I was the kind of dad I was yesterday, I'd say, "You betcha! Just name the color!" But now that I'm a take-charge kind of dad, I'll say -- no way in hell.
(Quinn slumps forward. Daria smirks -- "This being stuck with Dad might not be so bad.")
JAKE: Let's see, now: Daria, you're se-ven-teen. Right??
DARIA: Correct.
JAKE: All right!
DARIA: (smirking) Boy, Dad, nothing gets past you.
JAKE: You'd better believe it! (Bt. eyes bulge, starts speaking in a rage-filled tone.) Although some people would have you think otherwise. They just don't trust --
DARIA: Um, Dad, speaking of "some people": how soon'll you feel you've proven yourself enough to Mom to make up and return our house to its normal state of tedium?
(Beat. Jake loses his enthusiasm.)
JAKE: Gee... I don't know, Daria. (Bt. eyes bulge again.) Maybe when she stops calling me an idiot an' starts taking me seriously!
DARIA: Okay, that's a valid concern. (Bt) But wouldn't it be better if you and Mom talked this through in person? Like in front of a therapist?
(Beat. Jake slumps forward.)
JAKE: Aw gee, that would never work. Your mom's real good at that talking crap. She'd say everything, an' I'd get to say nothing!
DARIA: True.
JAKE: An' in the end, the therapist'd just side with her. (Bt) I hate to say it, kiddo, but this separation's the only way we can work things out.
(Beat)
DARIA: I see. (Bt. heaves a sigh.) Well, then, I just hope it doesn't last too long. Quinn and I like having two parents.
QUINN: Yeah, Daddy. I miss Mom.
JAKE: (paternal instincts kicking in) Ahhhhh... I'm sorry, sweetie-pie. Daddy knows how hard it must be for both you girls. (Bt. resolute) But you gotta give me a chance. Would ya do that for me, huh?
(Pause)
DARIA & QUINN: (weary) Sure.
JAKE: Thanks! (Bt. leans over, takes a sip of the matzo ball soup, makes a sour expression.) Ewww!!
(He jumps up, takes all three bowls of soup, and goes over to dump them in the sink. Meanwhile Daria looks at Quinn, cocks an eyelid.)
DARIA: Grandpa Barksdale must've really put a hex on Dad. He could actually resist your megadose of cuteness?
QUINN: (stunned) Yeah.
(Beat)
DARIA: Well so far, so good. But I'm almost afraid to see what other surprises the new Dad has in store for us.
(Jake reappears at the table.)
JAKE: Say, girls, I was thinking: since you're saving time by not eating, why not use it constructively? Your rooms could sure use a good cleaning.
(Beat)
DARIA: An interesting suggestion.
QUINN: Yeah, we'll give it serious thought, Dad.
(Beat. Jake's cheerful façade fades a little.)
JAKE: Well, uh, it wasn't really meant to be a suggestion.
(Pause)
DARIA: (cocking an eyelid) So you're ordering us to clean our rooms?
JAKE: Well... yeah.
(Beat)
DARIA: Okay. Well how 'bout this: we'll clean our rooms, if you promise to--
JAKE: (looking frustrated) Ah, c'mon you guys. If your mother had asked you to clean your rooms, you'd be up the stairs in no time.
DARIA: Actually, I beg to dif--
JAKE: (getting more irritated) It's just because you two see me as an old softball isn't it?? You don't take me seriously, either!
QUINN: No, Dad, we're just really tired.
DARIA: It has been a pretty rough day.
JAKE: (full-on enraged) Rough day nothing. Dammit, when I tell you to do something, you do it! I'm not gonna take your excuses any more!
DARIA: (trying to be patient) Dad, maybe you should --
JAKE: That's enough out of you, Daria! I'm a man, dammit, and I'm not gonna back down! I say go upstairs!
DARIA: But --
JAKE: Now!
(Daria and Quinn sit there a few seconds longer, rather stunned. Jake stands over them in the same rigid pose he'd held during his fight with Helen, his eyes hard and glaring. One look at them, and Daria and Quinn decide not to test their boundaries any further. They stand up and quickly leave the room.)
(fade-out. fade-in to: )
SCENE 3 (Barksdale house, middle of the night)
(Shot of the outside. Cut to shot of the living room. We see Amy coming from the stairs, dressed in a tank top and boxers [lest you thought she wore nothing at all to bed], and wearing her glasses. Her hair's slightly 'froed in that way curly-hair does when it gets slept on. She's moving as if half-asleep, sort of stumbling around, when suddenly she looks off to one side and stops.)
AMY: Helen??
(Pan over to show Helen still seated in the same chair she was in earlier, looking as though she's in a daze.)
HELEN: (weary) Amy, sweetie, what are you doing up?
AMY: I should ask you the same thing. (Bt) Have you slept at all?
(Beat)
HELEN: No.
(Beat. Amy frowns with sympathy.)
AMY: Hmm, that's too bad. (Bt) Well if it's any consolation, I haven't been sleeping too well lately, either.
(Pause. Helen cocks a brow at Amy's words, and waits to see if she'll volunteer more information. She doesn't.)
AMY: I was just gonna head into the den and see if there was something worth watching on T.V. Care to join me?
(Helen sighs.)
HELEN: (deflated) No, I think I'll just stay here. (Bt) But thanks.
(Pause. Amy drops down on the couch next to Helen.)
AMY: Helen, don't beat yourself up about what's happened. Married people like you and Jake must fight all the time. (Bt) Did you really think you'd get through life without experiencing a blow-up?
(Pause)
HELEN: (a bit sullen) No. (Bt) But it was the way Jake blew up that bothered me.
(Beat)
AMY: (sympathetic murmur) Hmmm...
HELEN: It was so strange. It almost reminded me of... (sigh) oh, never mind. (Bt) The point is, it hurt. You just don't say things like that to someone you love, and until he apologizes... (can't finish, just sinks down lower in the chair.)
(Beat)
AMY: I understand. (Bt) But could I just ask: what exactly did old Norbert say to set this thing off?
(Beat)
HELEN: Oh... he told that silly story about how Daddy got mad at me for wrecking his stupid fishing pole, and Jake thought it was funny. And then I got --
(Amy bursts out laughing.)
HELEN: What?!
(Beat)
AMY: So that really happened? It sounded so far-fetched, I thought someone made it up.
(Beat)
HELEN: (glaring) Oh be quiet.
AMY: So what about it caused you to take offense? Other than the fact that you were completely humiliated?
HELEN: (rolling her eyes) That was the week Dad stopped talking to me.
AMY: (puzzled) Stopped talking? (Bt) But he started again, didn't he? I don't remember any long periods of silence growing up.
(Helen nods an "Okay, okay, true.")
AMY: So that's what got you the most upset about Norbert's story? Geez, Helen, it's not as though you and Dad never had worse times. Back when you were drifting around the country with Flower and Wolf --
HELEN: (annoyed) Willow and Coyote.
AMY: (rolling her eyes) Whatever. The point is, for years, Dad couldn't say your name without reaching for his heart medicine. Yet that never bothered you. Did it?
(Beat)
HELEN: No. (Pause) But the difference was... I was trying to upset him then.
AMY: Oh. (Bt. smirk) Well not to sound cold, Helen, but you don't know how good you had it.
HELEN: What do you mean?
AMY: You had one fight with Dad in your entire pre-college existence. Whereas if I had to count the number of times Dad yelled at or ignored me --
HELEN: Oh come on, you were always trying to provoke him.
(A frown passes over Amy's face.)
AMY: What do you mean provoke him??
HELEN: You know. Never smiled unless you had to, always so stubborn, always wanting to be alone...
(Beat)
AMY: (an edge in her voice) So being myself was grounds for Dad to take all his anger out on me??
HELEN: That's not what I --
AMY: So he didn't bear any blame for his behavior. It was my fault.
HELEN: I didn't mean it quite like that.
AMY: Hey, Helen, it takes two to freeze a relationship. (Bt. pointed look) Which is something you may want to keep in mind.
(Beat. Helen frowns at her implication of guilt.)
HELEN: And maybe you should, as well. (Bt. faux friendly) So, sweetie, while you're here, why not tell me more about your little personal crisis?
AMY: (somewhat flat) I completed that task yesterday.
HELEN: Yes, but why do I get the feeling you're keeping something from me?
AMY: Because I'm keeping something from you. (Bt) Why should I give you every detail about my life?
HELEN: Well I thought after that talk we had --
(Amy utters a sharp laugh.)
AMY: You mean our phone conversation over three months ago? The one which never had a follow-up 'til yesterday??
HELEN: (a tad uncomfortable) Um, yeah.
AMY: Well I'm sorry to break it to you, but when I said, "We need to work on our communication skills," I didn't mean become each other's confessor. My life is my business, case closed.
(Pause. Helen rolls her eyes.)
HELEN: Well I must say, Amy: talking to you is like talking through a stone wall. (Bt) Did your boyfriend ever tell you that?
(Pause. Amy's eyes narrow slightly.)
AMY: No. (Bt) And your prying goes way beyond the bounds of acceptable behavior. (Bt) Has Jake ever told you that?
(Helen pales, remembering Jake's words to her on the phone. Then her eyes narrow, too.)
AMY: No, but I'll bet the girls have.
(Pause. She and Helen glare at each other for several seconds. Then Amy closes her eyes and exhales sharply.)
AMY: (slowly, still with an edge) You know, all this talking's worn me out. I think I'm gonna go back up to bed. So sorry, Helen, my potshots were fatigue-driven.
HELEN: (grumbling) Mmm-mmm... sure. Mine, too.
AMY: Great. (Pause. stands up.) Good night.
(She leaves. Instead of replying, Helen sinks lower in her chair.)
(fade-out. fade-in to: )
SCENE 4 (Barksdale house, the next morning)
(Shot of outside.)
RITA: (off screen voice-over) She looks even worse than yesterday!
(Cut to shot of Rita and Grandma Barksdale peering at Helen from the dining room door. From their POV, we see she's sitting in the chair as she was earlier. Her hands are shaking and she looks like a wreck.)
HELEN: (babbling) My phone... my phone... must answer... clients'... messages...
(Resume shot of Rita and Grandma Barksdale.)
RITA: I'd normally take pleasure in this sort of thing, but this is just too sad.
GRANDMA: (gently rebuking) Oh, Rita. (Bt) Well maybe this is a sign that she's looking forward to going home.
HELEN: (off screen) Bastard, Jake -- drove off with it! Never... forgive... him!
RITA: Or maybe not.
(Grandma Barksdale sighs.)
GRANDMA: Well perhaps if you and I and Amy work together, we can make Helen see how silly she's behaving.
RITA: (vague surprise) What happened to "stay here as long as you need to"?
(Beat)
GRANDMA: Ohhh... her whimpering just gets so darn annoying.
(Rita nods.)
RITA: Well I'll help you, Mother. (Pause. innocent tone) Gosh, I hope I don't whine about my relationship problems.
(Beat)
GRANDMA: Let's go tell Amy about our plans.
(She leaves quickly. Rita watches her go, a little startled, then shrugs and follows. Cut to shot of the kitchen table. Amy's sitting there with her head buried in a newspaper. Grandma Barksdale and Rita walk over to her.)
GRANDMA: Amy.
(Amy lowers the newspaper, looks at her impassively.)
GRANDMA: Rita and I have decided that we're going to sit down with Helen and try to convince her to go back home.
(Beat)
AMY: Good luck. (starts to raise her newspaper.)
(Beat)
GRANDMA: (cocking a brow) All of us.
AMY: (lowering her newspaper) Why?
GRANDMA: (annoyed) What do you mean why? You and Rita are Helen's sisters, and it's your duty to help her out.
(Beat)
AMY: (frowning a little, remembering last night) Okay. (Bt) But what if she doesn't listen to us?
GRANDMA: Then we'll keep trying until she does.
AMY: Which could take how long?
RITA: What are you getting at, Amy?
AMY: I'm getting at the point that you, I, and she need to be at work on Monday. I was gonna drive home this evening --
RITA: (exasperated) Oh Amy, that is so like you. All you ever think about is "me, me, me." Your needs are the only ones that matter.
(Beat. Amy glares at her.)
AMY: And how is that any different for you?
RITA: Meaning what??
GRANDMA: Girls, settle down... (knows she won't get through to them.)
AMY: (coolly) You're being awfully selfless where Helen's concerned. Almost suspiciously selfless. Missing work to help her out?
RITA: So I care about her well-being!
AMY: You got laid off, didn't you?
(Pause. Rita looks at her, flabbergasted. Grandma Barksdale pats her on the shoulder consolingly, then frowns at Amy.)
GRANDMA: Now, Amy, it's not easy being a full-time receptionist in this age of the temporary employee --
RITA: (grumbling) Lousy little rodents get no benefits --
GRANDMA: (to Rita) You'll find something in no time, dearest, believe me.
RITA: (to Amy) Not like your job is so important, anyway.
(Pause. Amy frowns darkly at her.)
GRANDMA: Rita... (Bt) Look Amy, it's all right. If you feel you absolutely must go home, then do so. We can't keep you here.
(Pause. Now Amy appears to be mulling over some hidden meaning in her mother's tone. Finally she sighs and puts on a humoring smirk.)
AMY: Fine, Mom, fine. I'll stay put an extra night for Helen's sake. (Bt) But I just hope we can make it through this crisis without killing each other.
(Grandma Barksdale gets a smirk of subtle approval.)
[Split screen of Helen ranting on the phone to Jake and Daria groaning.]
You are now entering commercial HELL. Please keep your seat belt securely fastened. You are about to see some of the lamest commercials put on television.
They're baaaaa-aaaaack...
You are now leaving commercial HELL. Aren't you happy you survived?