This is the baker's dozen thirteenth episode of The Driven Wild Universe. It follows
I'd give it a 2S...
Let me start off by saying that I hate the title I chose for this episode. I don't usually go for titles that only make sense phonetically. But I since I'm not one to shed titles I've chosen, I decided to stick with it.
Let me also say that this isn't exactly Anti-'Shipper Two. While this has definite anti-'shipper undertones, it is more of an exploration of love and its effects. Well, you'll just have to read it to see. ; > Enjoy!
Ten Spot Promo: These are getting so monotonous -- I think I've used all of them twice by now. It's reaching the point where I'll have to start making some up. Hmmmm, how 'bout....... we see half of Daria's face, the way we do on the show's logo. The screen behind her is black, a la "The Blair Witch Project." Daria looks at us pleadingly and says, with none of her usual deadpan, "Help us! We've been trapped inside the TV for almost three years! We're not cartoons, we're people just like you! To Jane's mom, and Quinn's mom, and Helen's mom, and Jake's mom, I just want to say I'm sorry. The project was my idea. I am soooooooooooo scared!"
Okay, that was the first and last "Blair Witch" spoof I'll ever do...
[intro theme music...................]
SCENE 1 (Morgendorffer house, evening)
(Shot of the outside.)
JANE: (off screen voice-over) I'd say... Kevin Costner?
DARIA: (off screen voice-over) Too old.
JANE: Costner is? Yeah. And his career's on life-support...
(Cut to close-up shot of Daria and Jane sitting on Daria's bed. They're staring at a bunch of photos, which are positioned in such a way that you can't see who's on them. Jane's gazing at them with amusement, while Daria seems only mildly enthused.)
DARIA: If I must choose which overpaid movie star most resembles my aunt's boyfriend, I'll go with a Fiennes brother.
JANE: Yeah... but Joseph, not Ralph.
DARIA: He's not as attractive as either of them, but why not? (sighs.) At least she's got one of the Fienneses.
JANE: Yep. (Bt) So this is the Joel, hmm? That Amy can sure pick 'em.
DARIA: Mmmmm...
(She stands up and walks over to the chair by her computer, while Jane continues to look at the pictures.)
JANE: Oooh -- Speedos! He looks gooood.
DARIA: (sarcastic) Want the negative? You could use it to make a poster-sized copy of your very own.
JANE: (faux consideration) A poster of another woman's main squeeze -- that does sound appealing in a "Fatal Attraction" kind of way. But nah. (Bt. cocks a brow.) So care to tell me why these've been sitting around your house for two weeks and you never told me about them?
DARIA: What's to tell? (shrugs.) She got back together with him a whole month before these even arrived. They're living together.
JANE: Cool. (eyes Daria carefully, noting her dismal expression.) So why bother to bring them out now?
DARIA: With my cousin Erin appearing on the Guptys' marriage therapy show, today just felt like the right occasion. Why miss the chance to create a big family snugglefest?
JANE: (sardonic) You do so love to get warm 'n' fuzzy.
(Daria sighs.)
DARIA: I'd known for a while that Amy had a boyfriend, but until these photos, I'd never thought of him as a real guy. But now... it's... just weird.
(Beat)
JANE: (wry sympathy) Weird in a Tom kind of way?
DARIA: No. (Pause. reddens. blurts out.) Weird in an "everyone has a relationship except me kind of way."
(Pause. Jane looks at Daria with interest. Daria blushes even harder.)
DARIA: Forget it. Strike that from the record.
JANE: Now hold on. (Bt. delighted) Daria, would you happen to be thinking of making another play for Trent?
(Beat. Before Daria can respond, we hear off screen: )
JAKE: Kiddo! The show's about to start!
JANE: Y' know, he's not seeing anybody right now.
(Beat)
DARIA: Whoopee for him. Let's get downstairs.
(She jumps up out of her chair and quickly leaves the room. Jane lays down the photos and follows her, wearing an "I knew it" expression.)
(fade-out. fade-in to: )
SCENE 2 (living room, a short time later)
(Shot of the four Morgendorffers and Jane sitting on the couch, watching the Guptys' marriage therapy show. The angle is such that we see the backs of their heads and the glowing TV screen. Cut to close-up of the TV screen. We see Mr. and Mrs. Gupty sitting on two of many chairs, which are arranged in a typical talk show fashion. With them are several guests, including Erin and her husband, Brian, whom we recognize from "I Don't" and "None in the Family." The Guptys are in the midst of talking with them.)
MR. GUPTY: (irritatingly pleasant) Little did we suspect that our meeting with Brian and Erin Danielson at a local gas station would change our lives!
MRS. GUPTY: After counseling their marriage back to health, we decided to spread joy and cheer to the other crumbling marriages in Carter County by creating a television show! And the ratings and endorsements we've received these past two months have really shown your gratitude!
MR. GUPTY: Don't forget to eat your Gupty Frosted Flakes in the morning, kids. They're Gup-tacular!
(Cut to shot of the four Morgendorffers and Jane. Helen and Jake watch with delight, Jane with wicked pleasure, Daria with her usual deadpan expression, and Quinn with noticeable melancholia.)
JANE: (faux shock) Such blatant product plugs. Is public access television not sacred, anymore?
DARIA: In a country where textbooks double as Wal-Mart catalogues, I'd have to go with no.
(Resume shot of the T.V.)
MRS. GUPTY: And how does it feel to be back with us since our last meeting?
BRIAN: (mumbling) 'Sokay.
ERIN: (bubbly) Oh it's wonderful! I just want to say hi to my mom, who'd be watching if this channel were shown in more than one county, my pal Daphne who's always told me "Erin sugar, you've just gotta go after your little ol' dreams and..."
(Resume shot of the Morgendorffers and Jane.)
HELEN: Ohhh... Erin looks so attractive. We really should pay her and Brian a visit someday, Jake.
JAKE: (enthused) Yeah -- if ever there's a day when you don't have a meeting and I don't have a golf game!
QUINN: (desolate) She's too attractive! Gahhhhd, why does she have to be so perfect?? I feel like such a failure next to her!
DARIA: (to Jane. deadpan) At long last, undone by a female who's even more vain and shallow than herself. Too bad she's also family.
(Resume shot of the T.V.)
JANE: (off screen) And don't she and hubby make the perfect Ken and Barbie set?
DARIA: Hollow plastic heads to boot.
ERIN: ... and I especially want to thank my Uncle Jake and Aunt Helen, whose horrible separation forced me and Brian to come out to Lawndale in the first place!
(Cut to shot of Helen and Jake, who eye each other uneasily.)
HELEN: (grumbling) Dammit, I'll hear it from Linda Griffin on that one.
(Resume shot of the T.V. Brian's scowling, but Erin doesn't notice.)
MR. GUPTY: Wonderful, just wonderful! And now, if we might ask, do you feel as though your communication has vastly improved since our meeting?
ERIN: Oh yes! We talk about everything, now!
BRIAN: Yep, we sure do. I talk, and she talks... and talks... and talks...
(Erin closes her mouth part way and frowns at Brian a little.)
JANE: (off screen) Whoops. Looks like Ken just sucker-punched Barbie.
MRS. GUPTY: And, um, have you managed to satisfy other areas of your life?
ERIN: Definitely. We have sex every day, sometimes more than once a day!
MR. & MRS. GUPTY: Mmmmmm... ("Whoa.")
BRIAN: Erin!
ERIN: (surprised) What? Why can't I mention it? We do have a healthy sex life, and I think sex is one of the most important parts of a relationship.
BRIAN: Maybe the most important part of your mother's relationships.
(Cut to shot of the Morgendorffers and Jane.)
DARIA/JANE/JAKE: Ooooooooooh...
HELEN: (outraged) How dare he say something like that about Rita!
(Resume shot of the T.V. Visibly offended, Erin has now turned to face Brian.)
ERIN: What are you saying?? That your mother's better?? That heifer-woman?!
DARIA/JANE/JAKE: (off screen) Oooooooooooooh!
BRIAN: Hey, at least that "heifer-woman" can cook a decent meal and iron out the wrinkles in my shirts, which is more than I can say --!
ERIN: (voice rising) Don't you think I'm trying to do a good job?! Why do you always have to compare me to her?!
MR. GUPTY: (nervous) Kids, perhaps we can discuss this quietly, like rational human beings.
MRS. GUPTY: Yes, give us the chance to heal you.
BRIAN: (not hearing them) Can I help it if she's the kind of woman who chooses to spend every day doing stuff that's useful, while you --
ERIN: What?! Say it!
BRIAN: Do absolutely NOTHING!!
(Cut to shot of the Morgendorffers and Jane. All are completely absorbed except for Helen, who looks distressed.)
HELEN: This is getting out of control. I don't think I can watch anymore.
JAKE: (absently) Yeah... me neither.
(Suddenly we hear a sharp pounding from off screen. Helen turns her head toward the front door. Resume shot of the T.V.)
ERIN: That's not true, you stupid BLEEPhole! If you'd ever bothered to help me out once in while --!
MRS. GUPTY: (now really nervous) Please, children, no need to resort to unpleasant language.
BRIAN: BLEEPhole! Don't call me a BLEEPhole you BLEEPing BLEEP!!
(Erin bursts into tears.)
OTHER GUESTS: Ohhhhhhhhhh!
WOMAN GUEST: You don't have to take that from 'im, girlfriend!
MR. GUPTY: (distressed) We need a commercial!
MRS. GUPTY: But this is public access television, Lester.
(Cut to shot of the Morgendorffers and Jane. We hear the pounding again.)
HELEN: (irritated) Well I guess if no one else is going to answer the door, then I'll have to.
QUINN: (absently) Have fun, Mom.
(Helen stands up and walks away. Resume shot of the T.V., where we see that Erin and Brian are out of their chairs and are practically in each other's faces. Erin is openly crying.)
ERIN: Y' know these past few months, I kept wondering if things really had changed between us. Now I know they HAVEN'T!
MR. GUPTY: Oh God... oh God...
(He bursts into tears. Mrs. Gupty leans over and comforts him. Cut to shot of Helen at the front door. She opens it, and who do we see but Erin. She stands there for a few seconds, looking dejected, before hurling herself at Helen and overwhelming her with an embrace. Resume shot of the T.V.)
BRIAN: Yeah, well all this time, I've been sick and tired of your yacking! Yack-yack-yack-yack --
ERIN: Well you won't have to listen to me yacking, anymore!
BRIAN: YACK!
(Cut to shot of Daria, Jane, Quinn, and Jake.)
JAKE: That doesn't sound too good.
DARIA: Nope.
(Resume shot of the T.V.)
ERIN: I'm leaving, you BLEEP!
BRIAN: Oh yeah?? Well BLEEP you!
(Now both of the Guptys are crying.)
(Resume shot of Daria, Jane, Quinn, and Jake. We hear Helen clearing her throat off screen. They turn and see Helen coming toward them, leading Erin, whose face has puckered up at the sight of this last explosion.)
(fade-out. fade-in to: )
SCENE 3 (the kitchen, a short time later)
(Shot of the outside. Cut to close-up of Erin sitting at the table, her eyes swollen from crying, bearing little of the "attractiveness" Helen, Quinn, and the rest were talking about earlier. She gasps, hiccups, and sobs, gasps, hiccups, sobs. Cut to wider shot. Helen, Jake, and Daria are standing around her. [Jane's gone home -- she took Erin's entrance as her cue to exit, with the promise that Daria would fill her in on all the details later.])
JAKE: (hushed. to Daria) Geez, I didn't realize it was tape-delayed.
DARIA: (deadpan) You thought the censors just had really quick trigger fingers?
(Quinn comes over to the table, holding a steaming mug.)
QUINN: Here's your cocoa, Erin. (sets it down.)
ERIN: Th-tha-tha-nk-k-k-k-k...
QUINN: Um, you're welcome.
(Helen puts a hand on Erin's shoulder.)
HELEN: Now, sweetie, everything's going to be all right. You're with your loved ones, now.
JAKE: Yeah, you'll never have to go near that bastard ever again!
(At the word "bastard," Erin bursts into tears and starts crying even harder. Quinn rolls her eyes. Helen glances at Jake with a weary "We'll have to proceed with caution" expression, and keeps patting Erin's shoulder. Finally Erin takes a deep breath, gets a partial hold on herself.)
ERIN: I r-r-really th-thought he was the one, Aunt Helen.
HELEN: Oh sweetie, we all did.
(As she says this, she desperately tries to keep the corners of her mouth from twitching. Daria can't conceal a smirk. Luckily Erin doesn't notice.)
ERIN: Wh-why do these things happen to me?? Here I am, an attractive and fun person wh-who's good in bed, a-and I end up with these jerks!
HELEN: I know, honey, I know... I know you mean well. It's not your fault your mother's served as your primary role model.
DARIA: So much for sibling loyalty.
HELEN: She's always thought that the best way to behave is to let a man tell her what to do, when nothing could be further from the truth. Right, Jake?
JAKE: You bet, sweetheart!
ERIN: I l-loved Brian, Aunt Helen, b-but now... I don't know, all I want to do is find a really n-nice guy.
HELEN: And you will. Or at the very least, you'll show Brian that you're someone worth appreciating. All you need to do is boost your self-esteem.
ERIN: Boost my self-esteem? But how?
HELEN: Oh, it's really not so difficult.
ERIN: Could you teach me??
HELEN: Teach you? Well I --
ERIN: Please? You're always so good with being assertive.
HELEN: Awww, that's very sweet --
ERIN: And don't tell Mom I said this... (looks down modestly.) but I've always kind of looked up to you. I only hope my life turns out half as well as yours has.
HELEN: Aww... (Bt) Well in that case, I'd be happy to teach you. Stay here as long as you need to, sweetheart.
JAKE: Yeah, hon. Let ol' Uncle Jake set up the guest room for you!
(Daria and Quinn eye each other warily.)
QUINN: Um, just remember that it has its own bathroom, so there's no point in hog-- um, sharing one with me an' Daria.
ERIN: (brightening) Thanks, you guys -- this is so great of you! (to Daria and Quinn.) And I'm gonna love spending time with you two. We'll be just like sisters!
QUINN: (flatly) Great.
DARIA: I'm having fun already.
(cut to: )
SCENE 4 (Morgendorffer house, noon on a weekend, a few days later)
(Shot of the outside.)
JANE: (off screen voice-over) So? How're things with Barbie? Has Ken come crawling back to her yet?
(Cut to shot of Daria sitting at the kitchen table with the cordless phone against her ear. Split screen to show Jane on the other end.)
DARIA: Nope. But at least she stopped crying about it -- for now.
JANE: (faux maternal tone) Poor thing.
DARIA: (deadpan) Oh yeah, I feel real sorry for Erin. She's living in our house expense free until my mom can find the time to talk to her, which should be never.
JANE: Naturally.
DARIA: She's got the good looks and personality to attract any number of guys -- and to shed them like last season's designer outfits. Which she probably does.
JANE: No doubt.
DARIA: She may be crying now, but come next week, she'll have long forgotten Brian. People like her bounce right back from these types of problems. (grim.) Relationships come so easy to them, they don't appreciate their value.
JANE: (also grim) Yeah.
DARIA: Erin's already recovered enough to go on three shopping sprees with Quinn to buy a new wardrobe.
JANE: Did you say "with Quinn"??
DARIA: (rolling her eyes) Yes. They've been trading beauty secrets, shopping strategies, gossip, you name it. You know I thought I'd reached my limit having to put up with one spoiled, self-absorbed "cousin" in my house, let alone two.
JANE: Aww, poor amiga. Well at least you'll get sprung from the joint for a little while today.
DARIA: I'll be over just as soon as I convince my mom to give up the car.
(Cut to full screen. We see Quinn waltz into the room, still dressed in her pajamas. She slides into a chair next to Daria.)
DARIA: (to Jane) I'll see ya.
JANE: Later.
(Daria hangs up. As soon as she sets the phone on the table, Quinn instinctively grabs it and holds it protectively.)
DARIA: Calling to make a playdate with your fashion cronies?
QUINN: (chipper) Erin said she might teach us how to find the perfect smudge-proof mascara today.
DARIA: Sounds riveting.
QUINN: Y' know I was kind of jealous of Erin at first, but these past few days've taught me how cool she can be. I've already learned so much from her. She's kind of like the sister I wish I had.
DARIA: (sarcastic) Aw, thaaanks.
(Beat)
QUINN: (realizing that last bit sounded mean) Um, not that you're so bad, or anything.
DARIA: Forget it. (Bt) Come to think of it, this quality time with Erin hasn't given you much time to study, has it? Since she arrived, I haven't seen you crack a book.
QUINN: (frowning) There's more to my life than studying, Daria. (Just then, her face lights up as she sees Erin come in. She holds out her hand.) Hey, Erin!
ERIN: (chipper) Hey, girlfriend! Ooh, love the shade of your nail polish.
QUINN: Thanks. I figured pink lemonade brought out my skin tone better than tangerine.
ERIN: Good call! You have such great nail polish instincts. I'll have to try that one sometime.
QUINN: Thanks!
DARIA: (to Erin) And hi to you.
ERIN: Oh -- hey, Daria! Sorry I didn't say something earlier.
DARIA: (imitating Erin's tone) No biggie. (Bt) Oh by the way, another swarm of mostly male viewers of the Guptys' show called to give you their support, and said that they'd like to share your pain.
ERIN: How sweet! Um, I don't suppose Brian called, did he?
DARIA: No.
ERIN: Oh. (face falls slightly.) So... did any of the other people say what they looked like?
DARIA: (slightly annoyed) I didn't have time to establish a rating system.
ERIN: No, it's just --
(Just then Helen comes in, dressed casually and carrying several heavy files. She looks at them and gets an indulgent expression on her face.)
HELEN: Ohhhh... it's so nice to see you three getting along.
ERIN: Hi, Aunt Helen! (reaches over to hug her, but pulls back when she sees Helen's too loaded down.)
HELEN: Erin, sweetheart, I'm afraid I'm going to have to postpone our meeting to discuss bolstering your self-esteem -- I've got so much to do today.
ERIN: No problem. In that case, could I borrow your car for the afternoon?
HELEN: Well... I don't see why n--
DARIA: Um, actually, I was going to ask if I could borrow it. Jane and I are going to an arts and crafts fair in Scarsborough.
ERIN: I could drive you there... wherever it is.
DARIA: (resistant) Where's your car?
ERIN: Brian has it. (starts to get a desolate look on her face.) I had to take the bus here.
HELEN: (groaning) If Jake didn't have a golf game...
(At the mention of Brian, Erin's lips have begun to quiver, and whimpers threaten to spill out of her mouth. Quinn and Daria get wary expressions. Helen looks at Daria with an exasperated "Do you want us to go through this again??" Daria sighs, concedes.)
DARIA: All right. She can drive me to Scarsborough.
HELEN: Wonderful -- now everyone will be happy. Don't tell your mother I don't look after you, Erin honey.
(fade-out. fade-in to: )
SCENE 5 (drivin' around)
(Shot of the SUV driving along a residential street. Cut to frontal shot of Erin and Daria. Erin is singing along to Celine Dion's "Because You Loved Me," and she actually sounds pretty good. Daria seems to think so -- as unenthusiastic as she is to be alone with her cousin, she can't help but cock an eyelid with mild astonishment.)
DARIA: (deadpan) Your Grammy will arrive in eight to ten business days.
ERIN: Huh?
DARIA: Nothing.
(She fiddles with the channels on the radio until we hear "With Them Bones" by Alice in Chains. She and Erin drive along for several more seconds, not speaking, until: )
ERIN: Y' know Daria, me driving you to Scarsborough will give us a chance to talk and, like, get to know each other better.
DARIA: Get to know each other. Right. (Bt) Um, this is not the way to my friend's house.
ERIN: Oh we'll get there eventually. (Bt) So... do you... have a boyfriend?
DARIA: Why yes. He's a wealthy foreign exchange student from Italy. Next winter he plans to fly me out to Naples in his private jet so we can exchange wedding vows.
ERIN: Wow, really?? (Pause) Wait... you're being sarcastic, aren't you?
DARIA: 'Fraid so. People like me don't have boyfriends. We get laughed at by the girls that do.
ERIN: Oh... that's too bad. (Bt. slightly awkward smile.) But it must be neat being a brain, right? You are a brain, aren't you? That's what Mom and Grandma said.
DARIA: Yes, I've been told I fit that description. And aside from daily humiliation and some healthy loathing of my fellow human beings, there's not much I can tell you about it.
ERIN: Oh.
(Cut to shot of the outside. Erin pulls the SUV into a gas station. Resume inside shot.)
DARIA: (frowning) Why are we stopping here? The tank is full.
ERIN: I know. But I think I may've left my sunglasses here when I stopped to get gas.
DARIA: But I thought you --
ERIN: Would you mind waiting here for a few minutes? (turns off the engine, jumps out of the SUV.)
(Fade-out. fade-in to an outside shot of the SUV, sometime later. We see Daria sitting in the front seat with her arms folded, looking as impatient and irritated as she possibly could. Several minutes have passed since Erin disappeared into the gas station store. She checks her watch. Suddenly, from off screen: )
BOY: Hey, it's you!
GIRL: You made our mommy and daddy cry!!
BOY: And you made them lose valuable endorsements!
GIRL: Take that, you big meany!
(Beat)
ERIN: Aghhh!
(Daria turns and sees Erin rushing toward the car, Tad and Tricia Gupty pursuing her with water guns. She can't help but smirk as her cousin hops into the SUV, one side of her body dripping wet, and quickly puts the key in the ignition.)
ERIN: (gasping) Ugh, let's get out of here!
(They speed away onto the street.)
DARIA: So, did you find your sunglasses?
ERIN: Um... no. (gets an uneasy expression.)
DARIA: Somehow I suspected you wouldn't. (Bt) Why would you forget your sunglasses after pumping gas when you supposedly took the bus to get to our house?
(Beat)
ERIN: (wilting a little) Oh... I did say that, didn't I?
DARIA: Yep. Either you have a really bad memory, or something's up. (Bt) In fact, it sort of brings to light this question I've had since you arrived -- why are you staying with us?
ERIN: Huh? I told you --
DARIA: (cocking an eyelid) Why are you really staying with us? Your mom would've treated you better than we could, and with a little arm-twisting, you could've talked Grandma into buying you a car.
ERIN: Oh, I couldn't ask her to buy me another one... (glances at Daria. sighs.) All right, all right, I'll confess. I did take the bus to get to your house, that's the truth. But... I didn't decide to stay with you just because I totally admire your mom.
DARIA: Well duh. From the moment the words flew from your mouth I knew they were as phony as your press-on eyelashes.
ERIN: Oh. (Bt. insistent) But the reason I'm here does have to do with that gas station. You see, it started when I was on the bus, and I was upset and depressed and wanting to go home to Mother, when suddenly I realized: hey, now I'll finally have the chance to see him again!
DARIA: Him who?
ERIN: This guy I met at the gas station. Back when your parents were separated, Brian and I stopped there to fill up his car, and...
(Fade-out. fade-in to a flashback. We see Erin standing next to Brian's Range Rover, looking really ticked-off -- she and Brian have been fighting. Her gaze trails off sideways.)
ERIN: (off screen voice-over from the present) I was just standing there, when out of the corner of my eye, I see the guy come toward me...
(Pan over to where he is. The screen is hazy, so it's difficult to tell what he looks like, but there's something familiar about his outline.)
ERIN: (off screen voice-over) And he says to me --
GUY: (echoing... yet familiar) Hey, you might want to put on a jacket, or something. It's cold.
ERIN: Thanks.
GUY: Mmmmm...
ERIN: (off screen voice-over) I was going to say more, but then Brian got finished pumping gas and we started arguing again. The next time I turned around, the guy was gone.
DARIA: (off screen voice-over) Back to the sunset whence he'd come.
(Cut to shot of them in the present.)
DARIA: (with some disbelief) So you actually remember someone that vividly with whom you exchanged maybe two words?
ERIN: Yeah. I mean, in that one minute, he showed more concern for me than Brian did the entire time we've been married. (Bt) Besides, he was hot.
DARIA: I see. (her tone is quite skeptical, but the look on her face shows grudging, very grudging, respect.) And you visited the gas station with the hope that you might, by chance, run into him again?
ERIN: Or else maybe find out some stuff about him, like where he lived. (sighs.) I was gonna drive around town looking for him -- that's why I wanted the car.
DARIA: Uh-huh...
ERIN: Guess that was kind of a stupid idea, wasn't it?
DARIA: You could've waited until after you'd driven my friend and me to Scarsborough.
ERIN: Oh... yeah. I'm sorry -- I guess I just wasn't thinking. It's hard, you know, when you think you've found someone to care about. And you want more than anything to hold on to that person and form a life with him and love him and have him love you -- y' know what I mean?
(Pause. Daria gets a skeptical look on her face and prepares a mocking response. But then, slowly, her expression changes to reflective.)
DARIA: (mumbling) I'd like to.
ERIN: But geez, I guess it's hopeless. I'll just drive back to your house and drop myself off. You can have the car.
(Cut to shot of the outside. The SUV makes a sharp turn onto another residential street. Resume inside shot.)
DARIA: Okay. But I wouldn't give up just yet, if I were you. What did the guy look like? Did he give you a name?
ERIN: No... but let me see. He was tall... dark... sexy.
DARIA: Which narrows you down to about five people in Lawndale. And one of them goes to high school. Try being more specific.
ERIN: He... um... had this wild hair... and a goatee... Oh, and he was carrying a guitar. Can't believe I forgot that one!
(Pause. Daria gets a stunned expression on her face, as who Erin's talking about sinks in.)
DARIA: Uh-huh. (Bt) Um, I wouldn't worry if I were you. Your knight in shining armor should appear before too long.
(fade-out. fade-in to: )
SCENE 6 (Morgendorffer house, a short time later)
(Shot of the outside. We see the SUV in the driveway. Erin has just gotten out, and Daria has slid into the driver's seat. Just then, from the left, we see a familiar car drive up and stop next to the curb. Jane pokes her head through the front passenger window.)
JANE: (to Daria) There you are. Didn't know if you had the car, so I roped Trent into giving us a lift to Scarsborough.
(Now Trent leans his head toward the window.)
TRENT: (smiling his crooked smile) Hey, Daria.
(Erin has been moving toward the house, when the sound of Trent's voice causes her to stop. She turns around, looks at him.)
TRENT: (seeing her) Heyyyyy.
[Shot of Erin and Brian shouting at each other on the T.V.]
You are now entering commercial HELL. Please keep your seat belt securely fastened. You are about to see some of the lamest commercials put on television.
You are now leaving commercial HELL. Aren't you happy you survived?