This is the fifth fic in my chronology, and the first true follow-up to "Rose-Colored Lenses." It follows
I'd give this fic a 2S, maybe even a 2.5S. Gasp, I thought nothing could be longer than "The Tie That Chokes," but I was wrong!
I tried to keep it short... I really tried............ Enjoy!
Ten Spot Promo: Then woman's being chased by some guy in a car. She runs into a forest, falls down near a tape player, and turns it on. Then she gets up and runs away. Weird... and in some way, strangely reminiscent of "Austin Powers." Least I think so...
[intro theme music...................]
SCENE 1 (DeMartino's classroom)
(Shot of him standing in front of the class, lecturing. Among the students, we see Kevin, Brittany, and Andrea seated in the front row, and Daria and Jane seated in their usual spot in the second row, off to the side.)
DeMARTINO: (eye bulging, as always) President KENNEDY and President REAGAN were two of the most POPular leaders of this CENTURY. (Bt) Class, do you know what they had in COMMON to make them so??
(Beat. Brittany raises her hand.)
DeMARTINO: Brittany??
(Brittany twirls a lock of hair, wears a typically vacant expression.)
BRITTANY: Um... they both had really good hair?
(Pause)
DeMARTINO: (looking like he's trying to make a useful point from this) Brittany, you may have actually stumbled ON to something. (Bt) APPEARANCE made a difference. (Bt) Would anyone else care to eLABorate on what she said??
(Pause. No one volunteers except Kevin, whose waving hand DeMartino ignores. He glances briefly at Andrea, but sees she's not about to respond. Finally his eyes travel over to Our Heroine.)
DeMARTINO: Daria! Why don't YOU enlighten us??
(Beat. Daria sighs. Starts to speak: )
DARIA: They were both -- (interrupted by a voice off screen: )
MS LI: Class! I have a veeeeeery important announcement!
(Jane leans toward Daria.)
JANE: (hushed) Saved by the shrill.
(Daria smirks. Meanwhile, Ms. Li's walking into the room and standing in front. DeMartino moves to the side, looking ticked-off at being interrupted.)
MS LI: I wanted to inform you --
(She stops abruptly as she and we see Andrea get up and walk out of the room without so much as acknowledging her.)
DARIA: (to Jane) Damn. She just stole my Plan B.
(Jane smirks in agreement. Ms. Li looks flustered and vaguely outraged .)
MS LI: Well I never -- of all the rude... (turns to DeMartino. accusing tone) Mr. DeMartino, is this the way you conduct discipline in your class on ciiiiiiiiivic behavior??
DeMARTINO: (through gritted teeth) I'll destroy her when you're through, Ms. Li. (Bt) PLEASE, continue.
MS LI: Very well. (Bt) Students, I'm hear to remiiiiiiiiind you that today is the due date for all clubs at Laaaaaaaaaawndale High to turn in their charters. (Bt) In fact, while I'm here, let me just take a few minutes to enlighten you on the importance of student participation...
(Her voice fades into the background. Meanwhile, DeMartino's gritting his teeth so hard, they look like they might shatter. Jane leans toward Daria again.)
JANE: She couldn't've just made this announcement over the P.A. instead of walking into each and every classroom to give the same speech?
MS LI: Ms. Lane!
DARIA: (to Jane) Busted.
(Jane rolls her eyes as Ms. Li comes over and stands in front of her and Daria.)
MS LI: Are you making a mockery of the way I conduct buuuuusiness at this school??
JANE: Of course not. (Bt. shrugs) Well, no more than usual.
(Daria can't conceal a slight chuckle. Ms. Li picks up on it, glares at her and Jane.)
MS LI: (to Jane) Perhaps you and Ms. Morgendorffer aren't aware that I make my rounds to keep an eye on callous, trouble-making delinquents who pose a threat to the sanctity of this illustrious institution.
(Beat. Jane and Daria exchange unfazed "Whatever" glances.)
MS LI: (continuing) Which brings me back to clubs. Clubs are an important means of instilling feelings of pride and commitment to your school. (Bt. looks at Daria) Ms. Morgendorffer.
(Daria cocks a wary eyelid.)
MS LI: (continuing) A young lady with as much brains and talent as yourself ought to be the beacon of this establishment. Instead --
DARIA: (deadpan) I'm on a road straight to hell.
JANE: And there's no going back.
(Beat. Ms. Li glowers at them.)
MS LI: You two think you're very funny, don't you?? (Bt. ominous) But bewaaaaaare of what you say. (to Daria) Especially you.
DARIA: (deadpan) Oh I will, ma' am. And your inspiring words have given me much to think about. Which I'll be happy to do in the bathroom. (starts to stand up)
MS LI: You plan to leave now??!
DARIA: (pausing) Would you rather I hold it in?
JANE: (to Ms. Li) I wouldn't risk it if I were you.
(Beat. Ms. Li rolls her eyes and purses her lips together.)
MS LI: Very well. (Bt. turns to DeMartino) But if she comes back with any powdery substances on her person, march her straight to my office.
DeMARTINO: (glowering) Yes, ma'am.
(Ms. Li turns back to face the class. Spies Brittany.)
MS LI: (dripping with pride) Ahhh, I see we have Laaaaawndale's head cheerleader seated before us. (Bt) Ms. Taylor, why don't you enliiiiiiiighten the students about the benefits of cheerleading...?
(Her voice fades into the background. Daria smirks at Jane and walks toward the door.)
JANE: (wry whisper) Damn you!
(Daria leaves.)
(cut to: )
SCENE 2 (the bathroom)
(Shot of the door and the stalls. Daria opens the door and walks in. Immediately she's stricken by the acrid smell of smoke coming from the middle stall, which causes her to freeze and wrinkle her nose. She coughs a couple of times, then waves a hand rapidly to disperse the odor. Finally she makes her way past the stalls, shaking her head in a "Let me guess" manner.)
(Cut to shot of the mirror and sinks. Daria walks up to one of the sinks, stands before it. She does nothing for several seconds, then finally checks her watch. She doesn't really have to use the bathroom -- it was just an excuse, and now she's wondering how long she should stall. She eventually reaches over and turns on a faucet in the sink. Washes her hands.)
(During this time, we hear the faint sound of a stall door opening and closing. Daria finishes washing her hands, pauses, and then decides to wash her face. cut to close-up of Daria. She removes her glasses, leans over and splashes some water on her face. Reaches for a paper towel, wipes her face dry. Puts on her glasses, then cringes with surprise. resume wide shot. We see Andrea standing behind her, leaning against the wall. Every so often, she lifts a cigarette to her mouth and takes a puff. She's staring at Daria. Meanwhile, Daria is staring into the mirror back at her, trying not to seem too unnerved.)
DARIA: Um... hi.
(long Pause)
DARIA: (thought voice-over) Oops -- I've said too much.
(She glances at Andrea, waiting for a response. When she doesn't get any, so as not to seem like she's been frightened off, Daria decides to wash her hands again. As she does so, she keeps glancing through the mirror at Andrea, who's still staring at her. Finally Daria dries off her hands on her jacket and turns to leave.)
DARIA: Um... the sink's all yours.
(long Pause. Then Andrea shrugs a shoulder. Daria heads toward the door, a puzzled look on her face.)
DARIA: (thought voice-over) Nice talking to you, too.
(cut to: )
SCENE 3 (Quinn's math class, a short time later that day)
(We hear Ms. Li's off screen voice-over. Close-up shot of Quinn sitting at her desk. Her head is balanced on one hand, and she's rolling her eyes, looking supremely bored. cut to wide shot. Quinn is sitting toward the front of the room, while Stacy sits not too far behind her, and Sandi and Tiffany sit in the back. [They're all together -- how convenient.] Meanwhile, Ms. Li's wrapping up a drawn-out lecture about clubs. Mr. Phelps, Quinn's balding, fifty-something year-old teacher, stands off to one side. He looks resigned and impatient, and now and then checks his watch. Suddenly we hear the bell ring.)
MS LI: Oh goodness! (glances at the clock) I'm sorry, students -- I have to go. I have many, many more classes to inter-- I mean visit. Carry on. (leaves quickly)
PHELPS: Yes, thank you, Ms. Li. (wipes his forehead. turns to the class.) Class, before you go, please wait until I've passed back your tests.
(Quinn rolls her eyes.)
QUINN: Great. (Pause. sees Stacy approaching her.) God, I thought she'd never shut up.
STACY: (subservient as always) Me neither. But at least we got to skip the entire lesson.
(Quinn stands up, takes her backpack.)
QUINN: (blasé) Hmph, yeah.
STACY: I just flipped through a magazine while she was talking. What d' you do?
QUINN: (exasperated) I couldn't do anything! I was too close.
STACY: (nodding) Yeah. (Bt. sympathetic) It's too bad you're stuck up front. But maybe now that Louise is no longer here to give fashion tips to, Mr. Phelps'll let you move to the back again.
(Beat. Quinn suddenly looks unnerved at the thought.)
QUINN: Oh, well, um yes, maybe he will, but...
(Just then, Phelps comes by and hands Stacy and Quinn back their tests.)
PHELPS: Nice job, Ms. Morgendorffer. (leaves)
(Beat)
QUINN: Huh? (looks at the test)
(Stacy quickly hides her test and also looks at Quinn's. Her face brightens.)
STACY: Wow, Quinn! You got a ninety-six!
QUINN: Agh!
(She drops the paper as if it were laced with poison. Then she quickly kneels down, picks it up, and shoves it into her backpack. Stands up and looks around frantically, hoping no one else overheard what Phelps said. Unfortunately, Sandi and Tiffany are approaching, Sandi smirking wickedly.)
QUINN: (weakly) It was just luck. I copied off a really smart nerd that day.
SANDI: You sure you're not the nerd, Quinn? Why else would you sit at the front of the room??
(Quinn chuckles nervously.)
QUINN: (trying to make light of it) Sandi, haven't I explained it to you before?? I sacrificed my place in the back to help the less fortunate. (Bt. voice rises, takes on a faux noble tone) And even though Louise is gone, there are still so many, many I can reach out to.
STACY: (idolizing) You're so giving, Quinn.
QUINN: (smirking) Thanks.
(Beat. Sandi looks pouty -- she doesn't like in when Quinn receives compliments.)
SANDI: (haughty. faux noble) Gee, if Quinn's such a good fashion advisor, maybe she should be president of the Fashion Club.
QUINN: (flinging a hand at her. faux humble) Oh no, Sandi, I could never take your place. Perish the thought. (Bt) Now let's get out of here -- this room gives me the creeps.
(They leave. cut to shot of the door as seen from the hallway. All of the F.C.'s walk through into the hall. Sandi hesitates a little. We see she's holding a cream-colored sheet of paper.)
SANDI: You guys go. I'll catch up with you later.
TIFFANY & STACY: Why? / Where're you going?
(Quinn looks at the paper.)
QUINN: What is that?
SANDI: (trying to act nonchalant) Oh, it's just our club charter. I gotta take it to the principal's office.
TIFFANY: Cool.
STACY: Can we see it??
(Sandi holds the paper close to her chest. Looks even more hesitant .)
SANDI: Oh, you wouldn't want to. It's kind of boring and legal --
(Quinn reaches over and snatches it away.)
QUINN: Here, let me see.
SANDI: Hey!
(Quinn skims over the paper, humming a little to herself. long Pause. Stacy and Tiffany glances at Sandi, bewildered. Sandi looks irritated and impatient. Finally Quinn raises her head, smirks with satisfaction.)
QUINN: Hmm, it says here that the Fashion Club is s'posed to hold annual elections.
(Pause. Now Stacy and Tiffany looks at Sandi with expressions of shock.)
STACY: Elections??
TIFFANY: (slightly peeved) You said officers were chosen based on the will of the president.
SANDI: (uneasy. trying to make excuses) Oh, well, um, that was under the old charter.
(Beat. Quinn's smirk has grown wicked and calculating.)
QUINN: Well now that we have a new charter, maybe we ought to, like, observe the new rules.
SANDI: (vague outrage) You mean hold elections??
QUINN: (faux nonchalant) Yeah. I mean, unless you don't want to, Sandi.
SANDI: (ticked) Why should I not want to??
QUINN: Oh. No reason. (eyes trail away)
(Pause)
SANDI: Are you saying I'm afraid I won't get elected president??
QUINN: (faux innocent) Did I sound like I said that, Sandi?
(Sandi doesn't answer, but instead gets in Quinn's face. Quinn glares back at her.
SANDI: (through gritted teeth) Very well: we'll hold elections. And just to show how not worried I am, I'll even let you run against me. How does that sound??
QUINN: (also through gritted teeth) Great. We'll probably all elect each other to the same offices, anyway.
(They continue to glare at each other like predators. Stacy and Tiffany exchange "This could be good" glances.)
(cut to: )
SCENE 4 (Daria and Jane's lockers)
(Shot of Daria leaning against hers, while Jane fiddles around in hers.)
DARIA: I'm still a little creeped-out.
(Jane shuts her locker.)
JANE: Don't be --you just had an "Andrea encounter," that's all.
(Beat. Daria looks at her, stunned.)
DARIA: There's a term for it??
(Jane shrugs.)
JANE: Sort of. (Bt) It happens every so often, like blue moons or crop circles. Happened to me in fifth grade.
DARIA: Why? What d' you do to her?
JANE: Dunno. Maybe asked to borrow her pencil. (Bt) What d' you do?
(Daria shakes her head.)
DARIA: Nothing. We never talk. (Pause. frowns, remembering.) Although there was that time we exchanged glasses. [*] see "Rose-Colored Lenses"
JANE: Maybe she thinks it's brought you closer together.
(Beat. Daria cocks an eyelid, annoyed.)
JANE: Hey, it's Andrea we're talking about!
(Beat)
DARIA: True. (Bt. thoughtful) It's kind of funny we know nothing about her.
JANE: No one knows anything about Andrea. She's totally closed off in her sadistic little world.
(Pause. Daria glances at Jane, a bit surprised she'd use a strong word like "sadistic" about someone they don't know, even playfully.)
DARIA: Aren't you even a little curious?
(Jane shrugs.)
JANE: Maybe once I was. But I've learned to let go.
DARIA: I don't know... I'd kind of like to talk with her sometime. Maybe about poetry -- she writes some pretty intense, dark stuff.
(Jane smirks wickedly.)
JANE: Ah yes, I can see it now: Daria and Andrea, two fiendish minds coming together to create the most twisted, socially anarchistic poetry mankind has ever known.
(Daria rolls her eyes.)
DARIA: (peevish) I just want to talk with her -- not subvert the world order.
JANE: Not yet, anyway.
(Pause. Daria glares at her.)
JANE: What??
(Daria shakes her head, directs her eyes off screen. Suddenly she sees something and cringes. cut to her POV: Andrea's standing a distance away, in the middle of the hall, staring right at her. She then slowly turns and walks away. cut to close-up of Daria. She runs a hand through her hair, rattled.)
(cut to: )
SCENE 5 (walking home)
(Shot of Daria walking home, slumped forward and lost in thought. Her gaze is directed downward. Suddenly she notices that her shadow seems to be a bit long. She shudders, and quickly turns to look behind her. There's no one there. Daria sighs with relief and keeps on walking. A short time later, she notices a shadow with a spiky top coming from the side. Looks again, sees that it's not Andrea -- it's a spiky bush. Daria closes her eyes and groans. fade-out.)
(fade-in to: )
SCENE 6 (Morgendorffer house, evening)
(Shot of the outside. cut to shot of the Morgendorffers at dinner. Quinn's in high spirits, and is telling the family, especially Helen, about her life's recent developments. Daria's poking at her food, looking half-contemplative, half-annoyed at Quinn. Jake's oblivious, as usual. Helen is listening intently to Quinn and wearing a proud "my little protégé" expression.)
QUINN: ... So we're holding them at the end of next week so, like, Stacy and Tiffany can know their options. Real democratic-like.
DARIA: (deadpan) Like China.
(Helen and Quinn ignore Daria's comment. Helen is still absorbed in what Quinn just said.)
HELEN: So sweetie, what do you plan to do for this election? (crooning) Any campaign strategies Mom can help out with?
QUINN: Oh, that won't be nec--
HELEN: You know, I remember when I was running for school secretary against that conniving bitch, Laura Winters --
(Quinn rolls her eyes. Daria smirks a little. Jake looks up from his food, a bit bewildered.)
HELEN: (ranting) -- I had that damn election in the bag until she started spreading rumors about me streaking naked through the quad. Dammit, it was one time --!
QUINN: Mo-om!!!
JAKE: Honey, I think... (gestures at Quinn)
HELEN: Oh. (looks chastened, then cocks an annoyed eyebrow at Jake.)
(Beat)
QUINN: We're not gonna have a stupid campaign -- Stacy and Tiffany already know who we are.
DARIA: But do they want to know?
QUINN: (ignoring Daria. continuing) Instead, we've decided to square off in a forum that reflects our true abilities.
DARIA: You mean pull some sucker off the street and see who can give her the better makeover?
QUINN: (rolling her eyes) Puh-leeese! If Sandi and I didn't have impeccable fashion sense, we wouldn't be in the Fashion Club. (Bt) I'm talking leadership abilities, Daria! Deep stuff.
DARIA: Ooh, I get it. Pass this girl the Nobel Peace Prize.
(Beat. This time Helen looks at Daria with a slightly peevish expression. Turns to Quinn.)
HELEN: Well, Quinn, I think it's fabulous to see you so involved in your club. (looks at Daria) You know, Daria, it wouldn't hurt you to get more involved --
DARIA: (rolling her eyes) Are we having this conversation?
HELEN: Now come on, I'm sure there are plenty of --
DARIA: Because if so, I think my time could be better spent elsewhere. Like up in my room.
(Helen groans.)
HELEN: All right, all right.
(Beat)
QUINN: (peevish) Don't feel too bad, Mom. (Bt) It would take a bomb blast in her room to get Loser-girl out in public.
HELEN & JAKE: (warning) Quinn.
QUINN: (ignoring them. to Daria) You're always sitting around, all mopey with your head in a dumb book. Why d'you have to be like that??
DARIA: Yes, why? When I could be a pampered socialite whose life is a sham.
QUINN: (frowning) What're you talking about??
DARIA: You know. (cocks an eyelid)
(Pause. For a moment the animation drains from Quinn's face. Then she frowns defiantly. Meanwhile, Helen and Jake are glancing at each other, seeing that the conversation is getting slightly out of hand.)
HELEN: (pacifying) Now, Quinn, you're sister is not a loser just because she chooses to avoid school activities. (Bt. looks at Daria) I'm sure she has plenty going on in her life.
JAKE: Yeah, kiddo! How's your day been?
DARIA: Glad someone finally asked. (Bt) Same old, same old.
HELEN & JAKE: Oh. (the animation fades a bit from their faces)
(Beat. Daria cocks and eyelid.)
DARIA: Although there is this girl I want to get to know.
HELEN: (face brightening) A girl??
JAKE: (excited) What's her name??
DARIA: Andrea.
QUINN: That freaky girl?!
HELEN & JAKE: Huh?? (look at Daria)
DARIA: (to Quinn. defensive) Hey, she's no freakier than the fashion victims you call friends.
(Quinn's eyes narrow.)
HELEN: (straining to sound nonchalant) Um, so who is this girl, Daria?
QUINN: She belongs to a cult that blows up schools!
HELEN & JAKE: What??!!
(Daria heaves a big sigh.)
DARIA: No. She doesn't. (Bt) Andrea's a Goth chick, but she's not into that stuff. (Bt) Least I don't think.... [*] see postscript
(Beat)
HELEN: (again trying to sound nonchalant) Well, um, what does Jane think of her?
(Daria shrugs.)
DARIA: She's not really Jane's type. (Bt. slightly defensive) Besides, why should Jane have to check up on the people I meet?
HELEN: Oh no, sweetie, I didn't mean it like that...
(Beat. Daria cocks an eyelid.)
DARIA: Anyway, we haven't exactly bonded over blood and gore video games. (Bt. thoughtful) I haven't even talked to her, yet...
(fade-out. fade-in to: )
SCENE 7 (school, a few days later)
(Shot of outside. cut to close-up shot of Daria fiddling around in her locker. As she shuts her locker door, she feels an unnerving presence. Turns around. cut to her POV -- Andrea's standing a distance away from her, staring. She then turns and walks away. resume close-up of Daria. She sighs a resolute sigh and cocks an eyelid.)
(Cut to shot of Andrea pausing to pull out a cigarette. She then reaches into her other pocket for a lighter. We suddenly see Daria walking up and standing across from her.)
DARIA: Um, hi.
(Pause. Andrea looks at her with an impassive expression.)
DARIA: (uncomfortable. hesitant) I was just wondering... (Pause. rolls her eyes. sighs. flings her hands.) Forget it. Never mind.
(She turns and walks away a short distance. Pause. Andrea watches her, then: )
ANDREA: (quiet. expressionless) What d' you want?
(Daria stops, startled. She slowly turns around and walks back over to her.)
DARIA: I... was... (shakes her head. spits it out.) I notice you've been watching me the past few days.
(Pause. Then Andrea shrugs a shoulder.)
DARIA: (uncomfortable) Um... any special reason?
(Pause. Then Andrea shrugs both shoulders.)
ANDREA: Just felt like it.
(Pause. Now Daria's blushing, she's so uncomfortable.)
DARIA: Could you be more specific?
(Pause)
ANDREA: It's fun.
(Pause. Now Daria is glaring.)
DARIA: Fun??
(Pause)
ANDREA: Yeah. (Bt) You're kind of weird.
DARIA: Hey look who's talking!
(Pause)
ANDREA: You're, like, this conformist who tries to be different.
(Pause. Daria now gazes at her, speechless. Finally she gets hold of herself.)
DARIA: What d' you mean??
(Pause. Andrea shrugs both shoulders.)
DARIA: Hey don't give me the silent treatment!
(Beat)
ANDREA: I meant what I said.
(Beat. Daria rolls her eyes.)
DARIA: C' mon -- conformist?? This isn't my sister you're talking to. I'm not Quinn.
(Pause. Andrea shrugs a shoulder.)
ANDREA: She's fun to watch, too.
(Beat. Daria purses her lips together.)
DARIA: You know what I mean.
(Pause)
ANDREA: I don't know. You guys seem kind of alike. (Bt) I mean, if you didn't have her around, you'd probably be her.
(Pause. cut to close-up of Daria's face. She's so stunned, her mouth has dropped open.)
[Shot of Daria standing in front of the mirror while Andrea stares at her.]
You are now entering commercial HELL. Please keep your seat belt securely fastened. You are about to see some of the lamest commercials put on television.
You are now leaving commercial HELL. Aren't you happy you survived?