Creative Writing
Mr. O'Neill

Cafe Lawndale
A song parody by Daria Morgendorffer
(under duress)
(to the tune of 'House Of The Rising Sun')

There is a house on Degas Street  They call Cafe Lawndale
And it's been the ruin of many a poor girl 'cause it's run by Tim O'Neill.

My mother, she's a lawyer.  She gets me out of jail.
My Father is a consultin' man  down in old Lawndale.

Now the only things a lawyer needs  Are a briefcase and a phone
And the only time she's satisfied  is when she's not at home.

My father sells baloney,  he sells it by the tub.
My sister is a fashion fiend  in the Lawndale Fashion Club.

One time I went to Grove Hills,  but I can't go there again. 
I'm goin' back to Lawndale High   to wear that ball and chain.

Ms. Li, she is the principal.  She won't let the students go.  
She tortures us with Janet Barch  And Anthony DiMartino.

DiMartino teaches history.  He's got the evil eye.
Ms. Barch she is a feminazi,  down at Lawndale High.

Old Tim O'Neill teaches writing.  He has a rope and cage.
He drags young girls to Cafe Lawndale  to bare their souls onstage.

O mothers, tell your children,  "Say no to Tim O'Neill!
Or you'll spend your nights in shame and misery  at Cafe Law-wndale."

There is a house on Degas Street  That Tim O'Neill does run
And it's been the ruin of many a poor girl, And gods, I know, I'm one.