Vegas, Highland Pawhuska

• Jane carrying an unconscious Jodie over her shoulder.
• The fashion club is in the bus bathroom, doing their grooming rituals, outside the door, a line is beginning to form.
• Jane, Daria, and Jodie standing back-to-back-to-back in fighter's stance, they appear to be in a bar, and judging by all the broken furniture/people laying on the floor, you might assume they're in a bar fight.
• The fashion club is STILL at it, and outside we see the line has grown longer, and the people in it look more impatient.
• A shot of a cemetary, the camera moves in on one particular tombstone. The ground is still heaped out, so we know this is a fresh grave. The inscription on the tombstone reads "Here Lies Thomas Barch". Their is a single red rose laying on top of the grave.
• The line outside the bathroom is now HUGE. Ms. Li pushes to the front, opens the door with a key, and pulls the fashion club out. Pan to the front of the bus, where Daria has just come down the steps. She gets her "Mona Lisa" smile, then the logo surrounds her and the screen goes blue.

Daria:		(from offscreen)  Jane.  Wake up Jane.

Jane:		(Jerks awake.  Looks around wildly.)  What the... Where are you?

Daria:		Look up here, Jane.

	we see Jane look upwards.  Then we see from her viewpoint.  We
	see a TV attached to the roof of the bus.  On the screen we see a black
	and white digitalized version of Daria's face.

Jane:		What the heck happened?

Daria:		There was an accident Jane.  The bus was sucked into a space/
		time warp.  We were flung several billion light years into another
		galaxy.  The aliens who lived there were mad, so they stormed
		the bus.  They killed everyone except you.  Then they realized
		that we weren't hostile, so they recorded all of us digitally.  Except
		for me.  They downloaded my mind into the guidance system for
		the rebuilt bus, which now has space travel capacity.  They also
		installed a holographic projector, so that recorded people could
		interact with you.  

Jane:		You mean I'm all alone here?

Daria:		Unfortunately, no.  Several spores that lived on the makeup kit
		of Quinn have been rapidly evolved into people.  Said people live
		in the downstairs area.  They rarely leave the bathroom, though.
		Here's a view from our surveillance camera.

	We see four people (they look like the fashion club, only green) preening
	around a mirror.

Jane:		Dear god!  This can't get any worse!

Daria:		Guess again, Jane.  Guess who the aliens chose to make a
		hologram to keep you company?

Jane:		Oh, NO....

	Suddenly we see Upchuck enter.  He is dressed in a uniform and has a
	big 'H' across his forehead.

Upchuck:	Hello foxy lady...

Jane:		AHH!

It's cold outside
there's no kind of atmosphere
I'm all alone
more or less.
Let me fly, far away from here.
fun, fun, fun in the sun, sun sun.
I want to lie, shipwrecked and comatose
drinking fresh mango juice
goldfishes nibbling at my toes.
fun, fun, fun in the sun, sun sun.
fun, fun, fun in the sun, sun sun.

Jane:		GAH!  I just had the freakiest dream!

Daria:		Don't tell me about it.

Jane:		Ok.  Why are you watching this?

Daria:		It's the one with the wax Elvis.^1^  I'm trying to get into the
		'Vegas' mood.

Jane:		Oh, yeah...Vegas.  PARTY TIME!

Daria:		(extreme sarcasm voice) woo, yeah, let's party.

Jane:		Oh come on Daria!  It'll be fun!

Daria:		And as you know, I'm opposed to fun.  I think I'll just stay in the hotel room
		and watch TV.

Jane:		Can't do that.  We're in the bus tonight.

Daria:		Well then I'll watch TV here.

Jane:		Actually, you can't do that either.  I rented this room out to some guys
		for a meeting.  (we hear a knock at the door of the bus)  And there they
		are now.

	Jane goes downstairs and opens the door.  Artie, the UFO freak from 
	The Lawndale Files and Esteemsters.  He and several other
	geeky looking types come in.  They all file in and go upstairs.  They sit around
	the TV.  Daria glares at them nervously.  Artie comes up to the front.

Artie:		OK, guys.  This week we'll be discussing the theory that Elvis was
		cloned.  What we need to do is interview as MANY of the so called
		'Elvis impersonators' as possible and see if any of them have memories
		of the lab.  But first, we'll watch the alien autopsy again!  (He puts a
		tape in the VCR.

Daria:		(to Jane) Ok, you've talked me into it.  Let's go.

Jane:		You lasted longer than I thought you would.

Jane:		Is that your Aunt Amy?  Or is the resemblance just an odd coincidence?

Daria:		Looks too young to be Aunt Amy...

Lady:		BLOODY HELL!  BOLLOCKS!  Line up ya little wankers!

Jane:		But she SOUNDS more like Posh Spice.^2^

	Suddenly another woman approaches the first.  This women bears a striking 
	resemblance to Jane.  She is wearing a Mulberry T-shirt, jeans and boots like
	Jane's.  She approaches the first lady, who is now pounding on the slot machine
	in frustration.

Lady 2:		Canadibrit!  Calm down!  (gives Canadibrit a big hug)

Canadibrit:	Bloody Hell Diane,^3^ do you have to keep hugging me?

Diane:		But Canadibrit you're just soo lovable!

	Camera pans back to Daria and Jane

Jane:		This is really scary.

Daria:		Maybe that's you from an alternate universe.  A universe where you're
		sickeningly sweet.

Jane:		Let's run away, before the day gets any weirder.

Diane:		That's it?  Thats our whole cameo?

Canadibrit:	Bloody 'ell Crazy!  We didn't even get to interact with the
		cast!

Diane:		I want a scene with Trent...ROWLR!^4^

Canadibrit:	And I want a scene with Daria and Jane!

Kara:		And I want a scene with Quinn!  (notices Diane and
		Canadibrit looking at her)  WHAT?

Canadibrit:	How'd you get in here?

Kara:		Don't ask me it wasn't my idea.^5^

CN:		(offscreen) You'd better ALL get lost, or you'll all have a scene
		with Upchuck.

Canadibrit:	EEP!

Diane:		EEP!

Kara:		EAP! (BT) (they're looking at her again)  WHAT?

Diane:		Never mind, let's get out of here!

Jane:		Now aren't you glad I forced you to come?

Daria:		Yep.  I gotta admit that was pretty cool. 

Jane:		I knew you'd like it...(looks sharply to the left) HEY!  Isn't
		that Ms. Defoe over there?

	The camera pans to a blond lady seated at a nearby table.  She has a
	lot of empty drinks in front of her, and appears to be crying.

Daria:		Yeah.  Let's go see what's wrong with her.

	Daria and Jane go over to Ms. Defoe's table and sit down with her.

Jane:		Ms. Defoe?  Are you OK?

Ms. Defoe:	<sniff> I'm...OK, Jane.  AH!  (starts to cry again, puts her head down
		on the table.)

Jane:		(patting Ms. Defoe on the back) It's OK, Ms. Defoe.  Why don't you
		tell us what's wrong.

Ms. Defoe:	(pulls herself together, blows her nose) Well, Ms. Li said when we
		started this tour that she's been thinking of cutting the arts department
		back.  And since my contract is up this year...

Jane:		So that's why you've been hanging out with Ms. Li.

Ms. Defoe:	Yes.  But today I overheard her talking on the phone to someone, and
		she said she was going to slash the arts department, and get rid of
		me!  (starts to cry again.  Camera pans to Daria, who is looking quite
		angry.)

Daria:		(voice holds just a hint of that anger.  She puts a hand on Ms. Defoe's
		shoulder)  Don't worry Ms. Defoe.  We'll talk to Ms. Li, and then she'll
		renew your contract.

Ms. Defoe:	That's nice of you to say Daria, but I doubt...

Jane:		You're going to use the tape, aren't you?

Daria:		(to Ms. Defoe) Remember that strip bar in Pittsburgh?  When Ms. Li
		got on stage and sang with the village people strippers?^6^

Ms. Defoe:	But how do you know about that?  You weren't there then.

Jane:		Daria hired someone to go in and tape it.  You know, for posterity.

Daria:		So when I say your contract will be renewed, I know what I'm talking
		about.

Ms. Defoe:	Do you think I could get a raise while you're at it?

Daria:		(Mona Lisa smile) I believe that can be arranged!

Daria:		And so, I'm SURE you will agree that it would be horrible
		if this tape would fall into the hands of the school board, or even
		worse, the media.  So I would suggest you renew Ms. Defoe's
		contract, along with the minute raise we discussed.

	Ms. Li just sort of nods, and wanders back downstairs, looking shook up.

Jane:		Well that went well.

Daria:		Yes, we're getting pretty good at blackmail.

Jane:		Well, now that we're leaving Las Vegas.  How do you feel?

Daria:		Tense, afraid, nauseous.  Next stop Highland.

Jane:		OH!  Think you'll see those two idiots you're always telling
		me about.

Daria:		I am NOT leaving the bus while we are in Highland, for any
		reason.

Jane:		So you're just gonna sit here in front of the TV
		until we leave Highland?

Daria:		That's the plan.

Jane:		Maybe we should watch music videos and make
		smart comments about them.

Daria:		Maybe I should find out if you'll fit out that window.

Trent:		(camera pans to show him entering the scene) Hey Daria,
		can I talk to you?  In private.  (He glances at Jane).

Jane:		(nearly rupturing herself in her haste to leave.)  No problem,
		big Bro.  I'll just close the curtain...(makes an elaborate wink
		at Daria, who frowns at her) so you'll be private.

Trent:		(sits down on the couch next to Daria) Daria I need your help
		with something.

Daria:		Yes Trent?

Trent:		Well, you know that show we have in Highland?  The one at
		Bob's Country Bunker?^7^

Daria:		Let me guess.  You haven't told the rest of the band they're
		doing a country show.

Trent:		I don't think those guys could do a country show.  Even
		if they wanted to.  Which of course, they don't.

Daria:		And you want me to fix this how...?

Trent:		Geez, I don't know.  That's why I made you our manager.  I wanted
		someone who knows how to get us out of jams running the show.

Daria:		OK, Trent, I think I can figure a way out of this, but you'll have to
		come along.

Trent:		Ok, excellent.  I'm there.  (As Trent is leaving, he gives Daria another
		platonic kiss on the cheek, like he did in Jane's Addition.)

Jane:		(coming back in) Sooo....what was that all about?

Daria:		(Sighs) I guess I will be leaving the bus after all.  And Anti-teen^8^ is
		having another gig.

Bob:		Now hold on there misseys, I thought...

Daria:		(interrupts) Just a minute.. (to Stacy)  Stacy, hon what's this Garth
		Brooks crap doin' in here?  I keep tellin' you we're a country
		band.  (turns back to Bob)  Now what's the problem?

Bob:		Oh, well nothin' I guess.  Just wanted to wish you gals luck.  (he
		walks away.)

Daria:		Hi, we're Mystik Spiral, (she gets her 'Mona Lisa' 
		smile, and looks right at Trent) but we're thinking about changing the
		name. (to the rest of the band) 'Rawhide', right?

	The band breaks into 'Rawhide', then we see that time has passed, and they're
	just finishing 'If you want to play in Texas'.

Daria:		(waits for applause to die down) Thank you, we're Mystik Spiral, good
		night!  (to rest of band) Let's get the hell out of here.

	later, backstage, we see the girls getting everything ready to leave.  Trent 
	is helping, when a familiar person comes back.

Buzzcut:	Daria!  I thought that was you. 

Daria:		Mr. Buzzcut!  I didn't know you liked country music.

Buzzcut:	Why sure!  I can't say as I recognised you myself, but the boys 
		said 'That's Daria', so we just had to come backstage and check.

Daria:		the boys?  I didn't know you had any sons.

Buzzcut:	I adopted them a few years ago.  (He steps aside and we see two 
		boys.  They both have crewcuts, one is blond and the other has black 
		hair.  Their both wearing country clothes, like Buzzcut, and they're 
		standing very straight.  They look vaguely familiar 	but I just can't 
		place them...)  You remember Travis and Bob, don't you?^9^

Daria:		Travis and Bob?  I don't think...(we see Travis and Bob, and for just a 
		second, they're transformed into Beavis and Butthead, then they return 
		to normal) have I met you guys?

Bob:		We used to call you 'Diarrhea', remember?  Heh heh heh heh.

Travis:		Yeah, heh heh heh heh (note, these are NOT the annoying trademark laughter of
		the dorky duo, but a slowed down and mellowed out version of it.)

Daria:		What happened to you guys?

Buzzcut:	Well, when the authorities discovered that their moms had run off, they 
		put them into a foster home.  I felt that with a little discipline and tough 
		love, they could become model citizens.  And I was right.

Bob:		Can we help you carry stuff out to your van?

Daria:		(still in shock) Sure.

	We see the girls, and 'Travis and Bob' carrying all the band's stuff out to a van.
	suddenly...

Todd:		Ok, ladies.  We'll be taking the stuff AND the van.

Travis:		Hey Todd!  We warned you that if you came around here again we'd kick
		your ass.

Bob:		Yeah!  Now you're gonna get it.

Todd:		Oh, no.  I didn't want to rumble with you guys again.  (he runs away, and
		Travis and Bob take off after him.)

Jane:		You know, those guys are actually kinda cu...

Daria:		(interrupting) DON'T say it Lane.  I don't want to hear it.  I just want to get
		back on the bus, before Rod Serling shows up.

Daria:		(responding to the sign) Don't count on it.

Trent:		(Cough, cough) good one, Daria.  Say, your band isn't bad.
		you should keep them together.

Daria:		Sure, Trent.  Maybe we could open for you on your next
		world tour.

Trent:		You mean you're gonna do another tour with us next year?
		That's great.  Wait till I tell the guys.  (He heads back to where
		the rest of Mystik Spiral is.  We hear them celebrating
		in the background)

Daria:		What just happened?

Jane:	 	2 things.  Number 1, you just agreed to set up another tour for
		"the Spiral".  And 2, Trent left in such a hurry, he forgot your
		kiss.  (Jane gets a wicked grin on her face, Daria glares at her.)

Daria:		I knew you were spying on us.

Jane:		Hey, what do you expect when all you've got for privacy is a flimsy
		little privacy curtain?  Next time, get a roo...WHOOF! (She is cut
		off by a big pillow smacking her in the face.)

TV announcer:	Fanfic writers who fall in love with skinny, pale, narcaleptic
		animated characters on the next:  Sick, Sad World.

Jane:		Where do they find these weirdos?

Daria:		Who knows?  Say is this another one of those dumb
		public service announcements?

Jane:		Yep.  I can't believe he hasn't run out of ideas yet.

Daria:		He did, but he keeps doing them anyway.  This one's for milk.

Jane:		Ah Milk.  That yummy, mucus that give you strong bones.

Daria:		And on a hot day, it can give you an instant heart attack.^10^

Jane:		I am not going to wear a milk mustache!

Daria:		Me neither.  Trent?

Trent:		(comes in carrying a milk carton, the same one as in the last commercial.
		He takes a big swig from the carton, and now has a milk mustache.)
		Milk, it does a body good!

Daria:		Look out!  CLIFF!

Paul:		Oh, we can fix it right here, but it'll take 2 days to get the parts.

Ms. Li:		(to Otto) 2 days?  That is not acceptable!  You are 
		contractually required to provide us with transportation
		to our next show.  (she walks off in a huff)

Daria:		Don't worry, Otto.  We'll figure something out.  (to Paul)
		is there another bus we could use around here?

Paul:		Well...Old lady Andrews has an old bus.  Maybe you can
		ask her about it.  

Daria:		Great.  All we need now is to get Upchuck's wheels!

Daria:		So, Andrea how'd you con Upchuck out of his van this time?

Andrea:		A simple threat of violence was all that was required.

Daria:		Mack, will you be able to tell if this bus is in shape to run?

Andrea:		If he can't, I can.  I'm an ace mechanic.

Mack:		She is a good mechanic Daria.

Andrea:		So then why do we need you?

Mack:		I'm just along to enjoy your sunny disposition.

Jodie:		OK, guys enough.  Get in the van.

Jane:		I call shotgun!

Daria:		Actually, Jane we've put all the tools on the front seat.  Why don't
		you sit in the back with Danny.

	At this, Danny perks up and looks noticeably more happy.

Jane:		I'll get you for this.

Daria:		Payback's a bitch ain't it?

Jane:		And so are you.

Daria:		(more loudly) If there's not enough room back there, maybe
		Jane can sit on someone's lap?  Danny, your
		lap seems to be free.

Jane:		There's plenty of room Daria.  Let's just go!

	They drive off into the countryside.  We see 'amber waves of grain'
	as they drive through the country.

Daria:		Well, here's the driveway.

	Daria turns into a gravel driveway.  Immediately, we see the van bumping
	up and down.

Jodie:		Do you think you could miss a few of the potholes, Daria?

Daria:		I'm TRYING, but this driveway is ALL potholes.  (After a few minutes they
		reach a smaller driveway off the main one.  A red SUV is parked in it.  
		Daria pulls into this driveway and parks.  Everyone gets out.)

Mack:		So should we just knock or...EEP!  (Mack has glanced away from the house,
		toward the barns, we see a look of terror on his face, and he quickly 
		scrambles onto the roof of the van, pulling Jodie along behind him.)

Andrea:		What's your problem?  (she turns toward the barns) EEP!  (She quickly
		leaps up on the roof too.)

	The camera pans back to show all of them on the roof of the van.  Then it pans to show
	the barns, then it pans down.  We see a LARGE sow.  Since the 'Lawndalites' are 
	'cityfolk', they have never seen a sow, and are unaware that they get this big.  This 
	particular sow weighs about 750 lbs, and has a long horn sticking out from her snout.  
	She slowly approaches the van, snorting loudly.  Meanwhile, the camera pans to show 
	a kitchen window of the house.  A rifle is suddenly thrust out of the window, and we 
	hear and see several shots.  Then the camera pans to the back door of the house.  A 
	middle-aged woman comes out the door, holding a rifle in her hand, and cackling like 
	'granny' from The Beverly Hillbillies.^12^

Lady:		HAH!  That'll teach you varmits to get into my garden!  (sees the
		gang on top of their van)  Well, a vanload of young `uns.  You aren't 
		Jehovah's Witness's are you?

Daria:		No, ma'am.

Lady:		(Walks up to the sow)  Annabelle!^13^  You get your curly little tail 
		back to the barn!  (she pats it on the head, it turns around and she slaps it 
		on the ass) Go on!  GIT!  (The sow heads back toward the barn)  Annabelle's 
		harmless.  She is good for scarin' people off though.  What can I do for 
		you kids?

Daria:		Well, um (crawling off the roof of the van) we heard you had an old bus,
		and we were wondering if we could rent it.

Lady:		Why I don't know if that old thing even runs anymore.  Come on and take a
		look.  (she walks around toward the barns.  The Lawndalites follow her.)

	They all walk around the side of a white, newer looking barn.  At the far end an
	old bus is parked.  It is painted blue and white and says 'Hoosier Bells' on the side.

Lady:		I haven't started it in a while, and my son drained all the oil out of it.  
		You can look at it though, if'n you want.

Mack:		(opens the hood) Looks like it was well taken care off.  It's very clean...

	as he is talking, we see Daria turn around.  Then we see her face light up, the way
	it did in Pierced when she was talking to Trent.  The camera pans to show an
	old, crappy looking car.  But it seems to have a glow to it, and the song Dream Weaver
	by The Steve Miller Band, plays.  Daria slowly approaches the car.  She puts her 
	hand on it, as if she doesn't believe it's real.

Daria:		(awed voice) It's...perfect.

	We get a closer look at the car.  It is a light blue car, but the doors are dark blue,
	the hood is black, and the trunk is dark blue.  It has quite a bit of rust on it.  
	There is a skull sticker beneath the door handle on the driver's side, and a 
	'radiation' symbol sticker beneath the door handle on the passenger side.^14^

Daria:		(To the lady) What about this?

Lady:		Oh, that was my son's car.  He moved to the big city and left it here.
		Tell ya what, I'd have to pay the junkyard to take this bus off my hands,
		so if you're interested in that car, I'll sell it to ya for $260^15^,
		and I'll let you have the bus.  That's assuming you can get them running.

Daria:		SOLD!

Andrea:		(Looks at the car appraisingly) 1978 Chevy Nova.(Looking under the car's hood.)
		An 8!^16^  This things got some legs!.

• Mack, Jodie, Andrea and Danny carrying oil, sparkplugs and other automotive junk.
  
  
• Jane is carrying a bunch of spray paint. Daria frowns at her and points, indicating she should put it back.
  
  
• Mack working under the hood of the bus while Jodie holds a light so he can see.
  
  
• Andrea working on the Nova. Daria holds the light for her, Jane is handing her tools, and Danny is handing tools to Jane.
  
  
• Andrea and Mack both reaching for a hose to clean themselves off at the same time. They glare at each other, then Jodie takes the hose and sprays the both of them. Then they both chase after her.
  
  
• Mack starts up the bus, and drives it away to the cheering of everyone. Daria starts the Nova and gets the same reaction.

Otto:		I just want to thank you guys for this!  I'll get
		them to their concerts in Knoxville with time to spare!

Daria:		And by the time you get back, the bus'll be fixed.

Otto:		Yeah, and I can pick them up in Knoxville, and take them to their last concert
		in Richmond.

Daria:		And then it's back to Lawndale.  (Sighs) AW, HELL.

Otto:		At least you got yourself some bitchin' wheels, Daria.  (he drives off 
		in the bus)

Daria:		(looking at her car) I did, didn't I?  (she gets into the car, Jane gets in, 
		then Andrea gets in and shoves her over)  Are we ready?

Andrea:		Let's see what she'll do!

	Daria drives the Nova down the driveway, she's going pretty fast...

Jane:		Don't you think you're going a little fast Daria...

	Daria tries a high speed turn off the driveway, but the car does a 360°
	turn and ends up back in the driveway.  We see she's laid quite a bit of rubber
	on the road.^18^

Jane:		Are you trying to kill us?

Daria:		(Mona Lisa grin) Let's go!

1. Red Dwarf IV. Episode 'Meltdown'. One of my favorites!
2. Can you believe that Canadibrit actually ASKED me for a cameo in one of my fanfics? She must be a glutton for punishment!
3. Diane Long, on the other hand, DIDN'T ask for this, but she didn't object either.
4. That's more of a Homer Simpson 'Rowlr' then an Upchuck 'Rowlr' FYI.
5. True, Kara is appearing without her knowledge or consent. Lucky for me she doesn't read fanfics, or I could get sued, her bein' a lawyer and all!
6. It happened in Excess. Collect them all!
   
   
7. Name stolen from The Blues Brothers movie. Steal from the best, I always say!
8. Anti-teen is Daria's band from Never mind the bollocks... don't you READ fanfics?
9. These names come from Beavis and Butthead DO america. See it with someone you love!
10. Stolen from a Saturday Night Live skit with Chevy Chase.
11. Stolen from the final episode of The Young Ones. British humor at its finest.
12. Any resemblance between this fictitious lady and the author's mom is PURELY coincidental.
13. Any resemblance between this sow and any real sow either living or dead is also PURELY coincidental.
14. Any resemblance between this car and any real car formerly driven by the author is also PURELY coincidental. GOD I miss that car!
15. Any resemblance between this dollar amount and the amount of money the author theoretically paid for said car is also PURELY coincidental.
16. It's gearhead talk. It means it's a real fast engine, that probably uses a lot of gas.
17. Don't you remember on the A-team, how they'd take an old, beat up vehicle and a bunch of junk, and fix it up into a tank? Like that!
18. Any resemblance between this and something that actually happened to the author is also PURELY coincidental. And any way, it wasn't me.