Plan 9 From Lawndale

The fifth in yet another fanfic Series, called the Senior Year Series.

By

Crazy Nutso

(Instead of the traditional Daria intro, you get the Senior Year series intro instead. The Music is Anti-Social by Anthrax. The intro is Red Dwarf style, ie. it features scenes from the upcoming season (called teasers) actually, I stole the idea from Canadibrit, but DON'T TELL HER!)

• Daria, Jane, Nora, Andrea, Stacy and Cecily leaning against their lockers, looking like the 'Sweat Hogs' from Welcome Back Kotter.
• Daria and Sandi Griffin sitting together at the pizza parlor.
• Jake and Helen in a hospital. Jake is talking intensely to a Korean woman in a hospital bed.
• Daria, in a black dress, stepping out of a hearse.
• Daria flying out of the back of the Tank.
• Tricia Gupty being carried away by zombies.
• Daria wakes up, madeover, and in bed with Trent.
• Daria onstage with the rest of Anti-Teen. Camera zooms in on her face. She gets her "Mona Lisa" smile, then the logo surrounds her and the screen goes green.

The Logo screen reads: Daria in: "Plan 9 From Lawndale"

We see Diane Small driving in her white convertible. Judging by how her long, flowing hair is trailing behind her, we can assume that she's going pretty durn fast. I Went To The Dangerzone by Whoever the hell sings that plays on her car radio. Suddenly, a red convertible zooms by. We see Aunt Amy (Who, oddly, looks a lot like Diane) in the red convertible. Her car radio plays Get Your Kicks on Route 66 by The Cramps. Diane speeds up, and they start driving right next to each other. (NOTE: This is a two lane interstate kind of road, one way) They race along for a while, both pull ahead for a few seconds, then even out or fall behind again. Suddenly, a blue Nova and a black Firebird (the firebird has been replaced with a grim reaper) pass both cars using the run-off lanes on either side of them. Just as they speed in front of the two convertibles, both cars suddenly backfire, leaving a long trail of black smoke out of their tailpipes that covers both convertibles. Both screech to a coughing, wheezing stop. Camera pans back to the interior of the Nova.

Daria:

Did those old people look familiar to you, Jane?

Jane:

(Has her hands over her eyes) I'm NOT opening my eyes until we've stopped!

Daria:

Uh-oh. (Camera pans to show the road ahead. It merges down to one lane, and there is a big semi in Andrea's lane.) Hold on!

Jane:

I don't want to know. I don't want to know. I don't... (Jane suddenly opens her eyes. Daria accelerates. She hits the concrete barrier at the side of the road, and goes up on two wheels. She then passes the semi on two wheels, leaving Andrea stuck behind the big truck. They drop back onto all four wheels in front of the semi, who honks his appreciation of their insanity) Still alive.... Still alive.....

Daria:

Hey, at least I remembered to signal. Besides, if we get to the Pizza King before them, they have to pay.

Jane:

My life is worth more to me then the cost of several pizzas! From now on, I'm driving myself!

Daria:

Ok, but with that Gremlin, you'll be buying a lot of pizza.

Fade out.

We see the Pizza King interior. Tiffany, Brooke and Quinn are sitting in a booth with Kara Mild.

Kara:

Look, Quinn, I think it's great that you're taking charge of the Fashion Club. In fact, I think you could have done so a long time ago,¹ but why do you want me to join?

Quinn:

(Sounds nervous) Well, you do have your own... ah.. sort of style...

Tiffany:

Yeah..... style.

Quinn:

Plus we think, with a little bit of guidance, you could be way popular. Right, Brooke?

Brooke:

I thought we just wanted her in so we'd have six members and could get into the yearbook?²

Kara:

Ok, that's it, I'm gone.

Kara gets up and leaves the booth. Tiffany looks confused, and Quinn glares at Brooke.

Quinn:

Nice going, Brooke.

Brooke:

Sorry Quinn.

Kara walks over the the table where Daria and her amazing friends are seated.

Daria:

So... are you a Fashion-clubber now?

Kara:

Of course not!

Andrea:

Dammit!

Daria:

Pay me.

Andrea gives Daria a fiver. Kara glares at Daria and Andrea.

Kara:

You guys had a bet over whether I'd join the Fashion Club?

Daria:

Eh, we were bored.

Just at that moment, the front door slams open, and Aunt Amy and Diane Small walk in. Their faces are a bit sooty from the exhaust, and they look a bit peeved. They approach Daria's table.

Daria:

Oh look, it's the sootsy twins.

Aunt Amy:

Daria, you wouldn't happen to know who owns that beat up Chevy Nova or that Firebird outside, would you?

Daria
and Andrea:

(Glance at each other, then say together) No idea.

Kara:

Actually Daria, that sounds like you guy's cars.

Daria and Andrea both glare at Kara.

Kara:

Eap!

Aunt Amy:

(Puts an arm on Kara's shoulder) Don't worry dear, I'll make sure you're buried in a nice dress.

Kara:

Huh?

Aunt Amy:

It's Sarcasm.

Kara:

Sarcasm?

Aunt Amy:

Yes, Sarcasm... It's a great way to deal.

Daria:

But you wouldn't know about that, would you, Kara?

Kara:

(Looking at Amy with worshiping eyes) That... is the most... profound thing I've ever heard.

Aunt Amy:

Um... OK.

Kara exits, Aunt Amy turns back to Daria and co...

Aunt Amy:

Now you girls weren't drag racing, where you?

Daria
and Andrea:

(Glance at each other, then say together) Of course not.

Daria:

Anyhow, what where you two doing?

Diane and Amy:

(Glance at each other, then say together) She started it!

Fade Out.

We see The Morgendorffer home, with Daria's and Amy's car parked on the curb. Helen's SUV is laden with suitcases. We pan to the inside, where Jake is standing, waiting impatiently for Helen to get done so they can head for the Airport. ³ Helen is giving the last minute instructions to Amy and the girls. Leavin on a Jet Plane as covered by Me First and the Gimme Gimmes plays in the background.

Helen:

Now remember girls, your Aunt Amy is in charge. What she says goes. You will do whatever she says.

Daria:

But what if she says 'Get out of the house so I can make out with my biker boyfriend.'?

Helen:

Daria! Now Amy, I've left you a list of phone numbers where we can be reached, as well as a list of the girl's chores and rules. Make sure they don't stay out late.

Amy:

But... what if I need them out of the house so I can make out with my biker boyfriend?

Helen:

(sighs)Honestly, Amy you're as bad as she is.

Jake:

C'mon Helen, we've got a plane to catch!

Helen sighs again, and she and Jake exit. Daria, Quinn and Amy watch as the SUV pulls away.

Daria:

(dry) Free at last. Free at last. God almighty, we're free at last.⁴

Amy:

(watching Television) Hmm.

Quinn:

(Walking through toward door, dressed for date) Full schedule tonight, see you later. (She exits)

Amy:

(watching Television) Hmm.

Daria:

(Phone begins to ring, Amy doesn't budge.) I guess you don't answer phones either....

Amy:

(watching Television) Hmm.

Daria answers the phone. The screen splits to show her talking with Mr Gupty.

Mr Gupty:

Daria! Thank goodness. I know this is last minute notice, but I was wondering if you could do us a giant favor. My mother has fallen ill, and my wife and I have to go. But we can't take the children, so I was wondering if you could maybe stay here with the children, and watch them and the house for us. I know it's short notice, but this is an emergency. Please Daria, you're our last hope.

Daria:

Well, I guess I can...

Mr Gupty:

Great! Get here as soon as you can! (He hangs up, Split screen goes away)

We see a Montage sequence of Daria going up to her room, selecting a multitude of stuff, packing said stuff into her pack and a suitcase and then lugging it back downstairs. As she passes Aunt Amy, the montage ends.

Daria:

(sets her suitcase down)I'm going over to an older man's house to be his mistress. I'll try to stop by a few times a week, so you know he hasn't killed me.

Amy:

(still watching Television) Hmm.

Daria:

Babysitting. Why does it have to be babysitting? (Glances at her oblivious Aunt, shakes head) I only hope I can live up to your fine example.

Amy:

(still watching Television) Hmm.

Daria steps out the front door. Fade out.

Black screen. Then we see Jane, who looks slightly pale and scared. Her breath is visible. We see the back of Daria's head, as she is facing Jane.

Jane:

Daria?

Daria:

Yes Jane?

Jane:

(Whispered) I see dead people...

Daria turns around, and gets a look of terror on her face. Fade out to black screen, then large red letters appear: ALL MISERY CHICKS GO TO HELL coming sometime, maybe to fanfic sites everywhere... if I ever get around to it.... (actually, it's already out... go fig.)

Back to the show!

Daria approaches the Gupty household. It's every bit as bad as you remember.... As Daria steps up the sidewalk, Mr Gupty rushes out, headed for the family car.

Mr Gupty:

Daria! Perfect timing. Mrs Gupty is in our bedroom, she'll give you all the information you need.

Daria:

This should be good... (She enters their house, and heads for the bedroom. Mrs Gupty is frantically packing, but she freezes when she sees Daria) Mrs Gupty. Long time, no see.⁵

Mrs Gupty:

Uhm... Daria, I feel that I must explain my behavior...

Daria:

No, really, you don't have to explain...

Mrs Gupty:

You see Daria, I may be a parent, but I still have needs...

Daria:

You really, really don't need to...

Mrs Gupty:

and, well my husband and I haven't really been ... intimate very much lately, and I just...

Daria:

(Putting hands over her ears) I see. Walking away now, with too much information.

Mr Gupty:

(Back in the Living Room, he comes back in) Are we all set? (Daria and Mrs Gupty look at each other, then back at Mr Gupty and both nod) Great, because we've got to be going. Thank you so much for this Daria! The kids are in bed, but we've explained the situation to them. You'll just have to see them off to school in the morning. G'bye (He and Mrs Gupty rush out)

Daria:

(now all alone) Ok, now where do I sleep? (Walks into master bedroom) She did say they haven't been intimate for a while... (touches the bed) NAH! (Finds a spare bedroom) Why do I have a feeling I'll regret this? Aside from the fact that I regret most decisions I make. And why am I talking to myself? Isn't that a sign of insanity?

Daria:

No. That's only if you answer yourself back.

Daria:

Oh. Thank goodness. (Lays down in bed, shuts off lights.) DAMMIT!

Fade out.

Daria, Jane, Stacy, Andrea and Jodie, collectively known as the GRRL band Anti-teen⁶ are sitting together in the cafeteria.

Daria:

So, we've got to get ready for this rock challenge thing that Andrea (Glares at Andrea) got us into⁷ and that means lots of practice.

Jane:

But we've got to be careful because... (lowers voice) I think we're being watched.

Jodie:

What makes you think... (trails off, narrows eyes and looks at the 'centerpiece' sitting on their table. Andrea reaches into it and pulls out a microphone.) But who... Upchuck!

Camera pans to show Upchuck, across the cafeteria, with headphones on. He is not looking toward them.

Daria:

Ok, so here's what will do... (Daria talks more and more quietly. Camera pans to Upchuck, who is adjusting a dial on his equipment, assumedly he's increasing the sensitivity of the microphone and increasing the volume of his headphones. Daria then points at Andrea, who is still holding the mike.) Now!

Andrea:

(Evil, satanic grin, yells into the mike at the top of her lungs) DON'T SPY ON US CHARLES!!

The effect is rather spectacular. Upchuck suddenly squeals, tears the headphones off, and then collapses.

Jane:

Now that we're private again, where can we practice?

Jodie:

It's got to be someplace where they can't find us.

Andrea:

It should be someplace they'd never expect to find us.

Daria:

I think I know just the place.

Daria smirks, fade out.

Daria enters her house. We see Aunt Amy still sitting on the couch, working on a notebook computer, just like she was when last we saw her.

Daria:

Hey Amy. Just gonna grab a few things before I head back to the crack house, OK?

Aunt Amy:

Hmmm.

Daria:

(sounds slightly annoyed) Are you aware that Quinn wasn't in school today?

Aunt Amy:

(Never looks away from the computer screen)Yeah, she got in pretty late, so I called her off. I think she's off with her friends now though.

Daria:

(Now looks more annoyed, stomps upstairs. She goes into her room, gets some things, puts them in her bag, and comes back downstairs.) Well, I'll see you in a few days, I suppose.

Aunt Amy:

(again, not looking away from her notebook computer screen) Whatever.

Daria:

(exits the house, then stops at the front door with a thoughtful look on her face)What are you up to, Amy?

Daria gets into her car, then we fade out.

The Gupty Home. Closeup on a group of cute garden gnomes. Suddenly, they begin to sway a bit, and we hear a funky rendition of Twisted Sister's song We're Not Gonna Take It playing. Camera zooms in on a basement window, and we see Anti-Teen playing. Jodie is singing, then they stop.

Jodie:

Why the heck are we doing Twisted Sister covers?

Jane:

Because it's fun!

Andrea:

Yeah!

Daria:

You'll all have to leave soon anyhow. Tad and Tricia should be home soon, and I've got to get dinner for them, put them to bed, Etc.

Andrea:

Didn't you tell their parents you were in a GRRL band?

Jane:

Must have slipped your mind.

Jodie:

(rolls her eyes) You guys. Come on, we'll all help you.

'The Gang' precedes to clean up, fix dinner, etc. Then the Gupty children come in. Their clothes are ripped up, and they both look beaten up.

Daria:

OK, what happened to you two?

Tad:

(not meeting her eyes) We fell down a hill.

Daria:

Your parents believe that?

Tricia:

(near tears) Yes.

Stacy:

(serious tone) Who did this to you?

Andrea:

(the voice of death) ...and where do they live?

Fade out. Fade back in, Andrea, Stacy, Jane and Jodie are sitting around a kitchen table, drinking coffee. Daria joins them.

Andrea:

(all business) Who's the bully and where does he live? I've got some brass knuckles I've been dying to try out.

Jodie:

Now Andrea, there must be some more sensible way to deal with this problem.

Andrea:

There's only one (eye bulge) way to deal with a bully.

Daria:

If you two are quite finished doing your DeMartino/O'Neill impressions...

Jane:

Wait! (clears throat) There's only one thing to do with the male scum...

Stacy:

Yes, and we must do it in such a manner as to bring honor and glory to... LAWNDALE HIIIIIIIIGH.

Daria:

(puts her head down on the table) With helpers like you guys, we'll never solve this problem. Look, violence is out of the question. His dad is a cop and his mother is a lawyer.

Jane:

Eww, Lawyer mom. No wonder this kid's messed up.

Daria:

You'll die later. Reasoning has been attempted with no success. What we need is a plan, something that will make this bully fear the Gupty kids. (Everyone at the table turns, camera pans to show a picture of the Gupty kids. Pan back to Daria) Which, of course, will not be easy. However, the bully does have one weakness... he's superstitious. Several of the other children have successfully convinced him that they practice witchcraft, and he leaves them alone. So all we have to do is convince this bully that Tad and Tricia are witches. (Camera pans back to the picture of Tad and Tricia again... gosh they look sweet) Well, I didn't say it'd be easy.

Jane:

We need a plan!

Montage sequence, to the tune of The Mission Impossible theme.

• Daria pacing, Jane sketching, Jodie talking and Andrea ranting.
• Jane making a presentation, complex sketch which seems to involve the dropping of anvils.
• Andrea making a presentation, her drawing is full of blood.
• Boris Badinoff outlining a plan to get moose and squirrel. Camera pans back to show the girls watching 'Bullwinkle', taking a break from brainstorming.
• Jodie making a presentation, then sees her 'audience' is asleep. She throws something at them.

Daria:

Ok, which plan are we up to?

Stacy:

(Hands Daria a sheet of paper.) Plan 9.

Daria:

(Silently reading) This is insane. (continues to read) Completely and utterly insane. We'll use it.

The five girls huddle around Daria to discuss the plan, then we fade out, Bumper (one of the funky season 5 bumpers, even!) shows the camera pan of Aunt Amy on the couch, Anti-Teen rocking out, Tad and Tricia entering, bruised and battered.

Ok, so they spent tons of taxpayer $$$ on a couple of new stadiums here in Pittsburgh. Then they spend even more taxpayer $$$ imploding the old one, so they can build parking and roads leading to the new ones. Isn't progress wonderful? (it was kinda cool watching them blow that thing though...)

Back to the show!

Gupty House. We see Kara Mild walk up to the front and knock cautiously. The door is opened by Daria, and Kara cautiously enters.

Kara:

Wow, this is the last place I would expect to find you.

Daria:

That's the idea. Anyhow, I need you to stay with the kids tonight, I've got (beat) other things to take care of.

Kara:

Other things?

Daria:

It's best you don't know. Oh, what the heck, you see, for Halloween, we're...

Kara:

NO! Don't tell me! (Puts hands over ears) I know nothing... NOTHING! ⁸

At this point, the Gupty children come out, and stare at Kara with a bit of dismay. Daria sees them and tries to reassure them.

Daria:

Don't worry, she's a little (well, more then a little, really) odd, but she's a good babysitter. (Kara plops down in front of the TV) I'll be back before long anyhow. (Daria exits)

Tricia:

(Glancing at Kara with some trepidation) Please hurry back Daria.

Ominous music, then we fade out.

The Morgendorffer abode. Aunt Amy's car is parked in front. Daria's Nova slowly pulls up behind it, and Andrea quickly jumps out and begins to inspect Amy's car. Daria watches the front of the house and Andrea somewhat nervously.

Daria:

Um, are you sure about this? I mean, she does have an alarm and everything...

Andrea:

(Underneath Amy's car, we see her snipping some wires) Not anymore. (She gets in and fiddles with some more wires, and we hear it start) Daria, I studied with the masters. You want me to bring it back to Dega street in three hours or so?

Daria:

Yep. Have fun.

Andrea:

You too.

Andrea drives off in Amy's car. Daria waits a few minutes, then goes inside the house. Amy is, of course, sitting on the couch working on her laptop. Daria fakes surprise at seeing her.

Daria:

Hey. What, are you getting your car worked on or something?

Amy:

No, why?

Daria:

Because your car isn't out front.

The effect is spectacular, as Amy suddenly tosses her laptop aside and rushes to the front window. When she sees her car is gone, she gives a gasp of dismay.

Amy:

(nearly hysterical) Oh my God, my car has been stolen! What's the number for the Lawndale Police?

Daria:

It's in the phone book. (As Amy pages through the phone book) Of course, even if they find your car, they'll just keep it impounded for days on end. And they'll tow it from wherever they find it.

Amy:

A towtruck? GAH!

Daria:

You know, the last time a car was stolen from this neighborhood, it was just someone looking for a ride to the Mall of the Millenium. Either that or some place local. Why don't you take my car and check?

Amy:

Thanks, Daria. (She takes Daria's keys and rushes out the door)

Daria dashes to the window, and watches Amy drive off. Then she gets to the couch and retrieves Amy's laptop, opens it, and begins typing on it.

Daria:

Lets just see what you've been up to Amy.

Fade out.

Gupty living room. Tad and Tricia are in their pajamas, looking nervously at Kara Mild, who appears to be ranting at the TV. In fact, she is ranting at the tv.

Kara:

Ooh that Homer Simpson makes me so mad! All he does is whine and complain and bitch at his wife. Honestly! I don't know why she doesn't just dump that big jerk! She does all the work, and he just goes out with his friends to get drunk.

Tricia:

(Nervous, trying to calm Kara down a bit) Now Kara, he is just a fictional character...

Tad:

Yeah, besides, this show is a comedy, and that character specifically is tailored to be purely for comedic effect. It's grotesquely unfair to judge him as if he was a realistic character.

Kara:

Oh it is is it? Aren't you kids suppose to be in bed?

Tad & Tricia:

Eap! (They dash to their rooms)

Kara:

Hmm... I wonder if Nelson is secretly smart and sensitive, and just hiding it?

We see a huge college campus. A sign proclaims 'The Fashion Institute'... then the music begins... (Tune is the Mystery Science Theater 3000 theme)

In the not so distant future
Next Sunday AD
There was a girl named Quinn
far superior to you and me

During this bit, we see Quinn strutting on a runway, wearing high fashion clothes.

She worked at The Fashion Institute
just another model in the fashion group
she did a good job classing up the place
but her boss didn't like her, so she shot her into space.

During this bit, we see Quinn strutting some more, then Sandi sneaks up, bonks her on the head, and then we see a cheesy rocket flying into space.

We'll send her cheesy fashions
The worst we can find (la la la)
She'll have to wear and model them all
and we'll monitor her mind.(la la la)

We see Sandi and Daria picking out cheesy fashions and looking diabolical.

Now keep in mind Quinn can't control
when the fashions begin or end (la la la)
because she got really bored
and built some robot friends

We see an exterior shot of Quinn's ship, Daria and Sandi pop up for the 'la la la's, then Quinn working with tools.

Robot Roll call:
Tif-bot! (does... this make me look fat?)
Brooke-bot (is my nose crooked)
3-js-bot (Quinn! Hey Quinn! Over here Quinn!)
Mirror

We see the robots, one that looks like Tiffany, one like Brooke, one like all three Js conglomerated into 1, and... a mirror. Yup, a mirror with little wheels so it can follow Quinn around and let her look at herself. This is the bot you can most see Quinn actually building....

If you're wondering how she eats and drinks
or if she's secretly smart (la la la)
repeat to yourself it's only a cartoon,
and you shouldn't take it so much to heart... It's Mystery Fashion Theater 3000.

Stock footage of the spaceship. Then we suddenly see Quinn's room, she sits up, waking from this horrid nightmare.

Quinn:

I was using tools! Ugh! What an awful dream!

We see Quinn get out of bed. The 'Jaws' music begins to play (the shark is coming music) building up as she closes on the mirror of her dresser. As she slowly turns to admire herself, the music switches to the psycho theme (music from when the girl in the shower is getting stabbed) as Quinn turns.... to reveal a series of what appears to be hickeys on her neck. The camera pans back to show the whole house, and we hear Quinn's awful cry...

Quinn:

ohNO!

Fade out, then fade back in, still on the Morgendorffer home, but some text across the screen says:

A few minutes earlier

Camera now shows Daria on the couch, working at Amy's laptop.

Daria:

So this is what you were doing, Amy. I'm shocked... This is immoral, unprofessional, and probably a felony in most states ⁹ I guess I shouldn't judge, after all, I've done it. Plus, this thing she did to Quinn is kinda funny. (At this moment, we hear Quinn's blood curdling scream) Ah, looks like she noticed.

Daria goes upstairs into Quinn's room. Quinn is still looking in the mirror in dismay. She sees Daria and looks embarrassed, but Daria simply gestures for her to follow. Daria leads Quinn into the guest room where Amy's stuff is. She reaches into a box, and pulls out an odd looking apparatus. She plugs it in, then places a piece of the gizmo on her hand. Then she yanks the plug and shows Quinn her hand... and the red mark on it, which looks just like a hickey.

Quinn:

I've been doped!?

Daria:

Duped. Yes. This machine is used in dairies to milk cows automatically. The suction of it can be used to create a hickey-like mark on the neck.¹⁰ Aunt Amy is doing an article for a scholarly journal, and this is her research on the effects of removal of discipline from people who are used to it.

Quinn:

I thought she was an art critic or something?¹¹ What was the point of giving me artificial hickeys?

Daria:

To study your response to an unexpected situation, IE loss of control. You would have believed that you had done something, and couldn't remember it.

Quinn:

So, basically, she's been playing with my head?

Daria:

Yep.

Quinn:

I......want...... REVENGE!

Daria:

(smirks) And you shall have it, dear sister. You shall have it.

Ominous Music, fade out.

Back in the Gupty living room, Kara is now typing furiously at a computer, and still seems to be ranting a bit. Daria comes in and stands behind her.

Daria:

Ok, Kara. You've done a great job of babysitting, but I think you should go home now.

Kara:

Oh, Ok. They've been really quiet. I've not heard a peep out of them.

Daria:

That's because they're cowering under their beds.

Kara:

Huh?

Daria:

Oh, nothing. Thanks for filling in for me. (Kara exits) It's safe to come out now. (Tad and Tricia come out of hiding)

Tad:

She scared us, Daria.

Daria:

Yeah, I'm sorry about that, I forgot her show was on tonight. She's normally very nice, she's just a bit obsessive over some things, like this show. (Daria steps over to the computer to shut it off. One of the aforementioned obsessive people might freeze frame and see a certain popular internet message board for fans of a certain show, but I'm sure most would never notice such detail. Daria steps away from the computer and shakes her head) and the internet allows such people to meet. It's kind of frightening, really.¹²

Fade Out.

Halloween Night. We see Aunt Amy in Helen and Jake's bedroom. She is speaking into a micro cassette recorder.

Amy:

While subject one continues to stay away from the home under the flimsy excuse of 'babysitting', subject two is exhibiting typical teenage excesses. Her reaction to the 'hickeys' has yet to be seen, but she is taking advantage of my alleged 'absence' to host a party. It will be interesting to see how much care she takes of the house, and what her reaction will be when and if it is trashed, and she realizes her irresponsible babysitter won't be helping her cover up.

At this point, the 'music' begins: (try to imagine really loud heavy metal influenced punk music... in other words... Mystik Spiral)

We see Amy cowering on the floor with her hands over her ears. Camera moves to show Daria and Quinn outside the house.

Quinn:

So how long will they play, anyhow?

Daria:

For several hours, or until they fall asleep, whatever. I needed to borrow the Tank anyhow.

Quinn:

Good, because my date is going to pick me up soon, and I'd hate for him to see that thing they drive. Speaking of which, would you mind moving along? (Beat) What do you need the van for, anyhow?

Daria:

It's best you don't know, and I'm out of here. (Daria gets into the van and starts it up. Quinn comes up to the window)

Quinn:

It's kinda moronic...

Daria:

Ironic.

Quinn:

Whatever. If we had a different kind of relationship, I'd have to thank you for helping me.

Daria:

Yeah, and I would have came back out of concern for you, and not just to see what Aunt Amy was really up to. (Daria drives away)

Quinn:

(Looking after Daria thoughtfully) Huh.

Fade Out.

We see a group of children walking in 'cutesy' costumes, carrying bags of candy. It is the Gupty children, as well as several other dorky looking kids (some might resemble Bobby Hill, Dexter, and/or a few of the dorks from 'The Simpsons', but not too much like them, we don't wanna get sued) walking around, obviously in the process of 'Trick-or-treating'.

Dweeb #1:

Are you sure about this, Tad?

Tad:

Just be sure to follow the plan, and everything will be fine.

Tricia:

There they are! Get ready!

We see another gang of kids, this one more sinister. The leader bears a slight resemblance to 'Nelson' from the Simpsons. They spot the Gupty group, and head toward them.

Dweeb #3:

(sounds like a kid reciting a part in a school play) Oh no. It is the bullies. We must run.

The dweebs run from the bullies. The bullies give chase, into a spooky forest. Then they come out in what appears to be an old abandoned cemetary. The head bully (the Nelson-a-like) corners the Guptys, who cower against the wall of a mausoleum. Suddenly, Thriller by Michael Jackson begins to play, and zombies begin to emerge from the ground. The bully freaks, and runs. He turns back to see Tricia and Tad being carried away. Then we see Jane Lane. It appears as though she's speaking into a handheld camera, and she looks scared.

Jane:

I'm the only one left. Our investigation of the Lawndale hauntings has turned deadly...

Daria:

(Offscreen) What the hell are you doing?

Jane:

C'mon Daria, The Blair Witch Project made millions!

Daria:

Forget it.

Suddenly, the camera is shut off, black screen.

Morgendorffer residence, the next day. We see Aunt Amy, with some suitcases in the living room. Daria is also present.

Amy:

Well, Jake and Helen are on there way home from the Airport, so I'll be on my way.

Daria:

Not so fast. I believe you owe me some money.

Amy:

Money? Why?

Daria:

Yes, research is much less unethical if the subjects are paid.

Amy:

Oh, you found out about that?

Daria:

Yep, and the only reason I didn't erase your hard disk is because I prefer more subtle revenge. Plus the hickey thing was mildly amusing.

Amy:

Well, I guess I could pay you $500.

Daria:

Five Thousand.

Amy:

Five Thousand!? Where would I get that kind of...

Daria:

I saw the amount of the grant you got for this. My price is non-negotiable.

Amy:

And if I refuse to pay?

Daria:

Mom just loves these kind of lawsuits. And such a lawsuit would be so damaging to a budding young career.

Amy:

Fine. (Whips out a checkbook, writes a check, and hands the check to Daria) Here. You know, my ears are still ringing from your little concert the other night.

Daria:

Maybe you can write about the hazards of field research.

Amy:

You really are a lot like I was at your age. Man I was evil.

Daria:

You're still plenty evil. Bye.

Amy leaves, Quinn comes downstairs.

Quinn:

Remember our deal Daria.

Daria:

Right, we split the money I get from Amy 50/50. So here's your share (Daria reaches into a wallet and pulls out some bills) one thousand dollars. You'd better hide it before Helen gets home and confiscates it for your college fund.

Quinn:

Right!

We see a shot of the Gupty children from the back. The bully rushes up to them and spins them around. Their eyes have an eery green glow.

Tad:

(odd, 'zombie' voice) What is it?

Tricia:

(odd, 'zombie' voice) Yes, have you come for our lunch money?

Bully:

GAH! (Runs away from them)

The Gupty kids smirk at each other, then the end credits begin. Revenge of the Nerds Theme performed by Violent Femmes plays over the end credits.

• Makeovers: (Monster Movie themed).
• Daria as the creature from the black lagoon, carrying Jane.
• Jodie, Stacy, Andrea, Nora and Cecily as Zombies.
• Diane Small as The bride of Frankenstein, with Trent as Frankenstein.
• Jake as a vampire, about to put the bite on Helen.
• Upchuck as Chucky.

1. Running Gag. Since many of Kara Wild's fanfics focus on Quinn, I like to joke about her obsession with Quinn.. back
2. The Fashion Club was put on notice way back in Welcome Back Daria, and the 'more members' requirement was added as of Love is in the Air (Pass the Air Freshener). Don't ya just hate to see popular girls discriminated against? back
3. Helen and Jake are off for Korea, to meet someone who may be Jake's long-lost half sister. This was revealed in Welcome Back Daria. And they say the show is turning into a soap opera... back
4. It Seemed appropriate to use this quote, which is from Martin Luther King Jr, since it was written on his day (Jan 15, 2001). back
5. Daria encountered Mrs Gupty in a strip bar, of all places, in Love is in the Air (Pass the Air Freshener). back
6. The band was formed in Never Mind The Bollocks Here´s Anti-Teen!. back
7. It happened in the aforementioned strip club, in Love is in the Air (Pass the Air Freshener). See, you're suppose to read them in order. They almost make sense that way. back
8. Why yes, I have been watching too many reruns of Hogan's Heros on TV Land. Got a problem with that? back
9. At least, that's what Mr DeMartino says in The Pinch Sitter. Keep reading, it still won't make sense, but you might see what we're referring too... back
10. This is true, but don't expect your girlfriend to believe it, fellows. back
11. Perhaps from those wonderful fanfics by that delightful Kara Wild? Collectively known as the Driven Wild Universe go read them today! (see Kara, I'm plugging your stuff, don't you feel less like killing me now? No? Damn!) back
12. Hey, stop constructing gallows over there! I'm mocking myself too, y'know! back

Yep, this was suppose to be released in October 2000, but my muse took a vacation, and Real Life ™ took me away from fic writing for a bit, but at long last I finally finished the <krunk>ing thing! Special thanks to Kara Wild for inspiring some additional stuff in this. The next fic might be a long time in coming, and will be mostly about Jake and Helen's adventures in Korea, and the surprises they bring back to the states with them....

My apologies go out to Kara Wild (please don't kill me!), Diane Long, Canadibrit and, of course, Robbie. Poor, Poor Robbie. - Crazy Nutso