All Misery Chicks Go To Hell

By Crazy Nutso

This fic is dedicated to PAVEL from IRC chat, who nagged... err... encouraged me to write another one of these things. Nice goin' Pav!

Chapter One: Daria VS Godzilla

We see Daria and Jane sitting on a couch, watching TV.

Jane:

That... was the most bizarre movie I've ever seen. How'd they get Mr T to appear in a dress?

Daria:

Or Brooke Shields at all. Still Freaked is one of my favorite 'cult classic' movies. So what do you want to watch next?

Jane:

How about Shakes the Clown? It can be a Bobcat Goldthwait double feature.

Daria:

Works for me.

Suddenly we see the TV flash, and a serious looking Japanese man appears on the screen. A few seconds after his lips start moving, a voice comes from the speakers, suggesting some kind of translation device, but giving the appearance of a badly dubbed movie.

Japanese
Man:

Mamano Hunter. Godzilla. Is attacking. The city. Can you fight him?

Daria:

I am on my way. (She bows at the TV, and it goes blank) C'mon Jane.

Without waiting, Daria races down a hallway. Jane changes to wolf form until she catches up, right at an elevator. She changes back to human as they get into it. Daria presses a button, and they begin to descend.

Jane:

Wait a minute! Godzilla?! Big, cheesy movie monster Godzilla? You have got to be kidding me!

Daria:

They made those movies so no one will believe he exists. He's real alright. But he hasn't escaped from Monster Isle for over 20 years now. Wonder how he got out?

Jane:

I wonder how you're going to kill a monster that's thirty stories high.

Daria:

I'm not going to kill him.

Jane:

Hubba-WHAT?

Daria:

I can't kill him. He's an endangered species protected by the Japanese government. I've just got to capture him and return him to Monster Isle.

Jane:

Capture a giant fire breathing monster? How the f<KRUNK!>k are you suppose to do that?

Daria:

(The elevator opens, Daria and Jane step out into a large open room) With this.

Jane:

(Jane looks up... and up.... and UP!) Wow. I guess size does matter.

Daria:

(Approaches what appears to be a giant combat boot, a door opens in it) Quiet you clown. You enter through the other boot.

Jane:

What makes you think I can even drive this thing?

Daria:

You know that video game we've been playing, Giant Robo? (Jane nods) That's this things training manual. Get to your control room and suit up.

Jane:

And may the force be with us!

Daria:

That had better be the last Star Wars ref, or you'll find yourself floating home. (beat) DAMMIT!

We see a split screen of two control rooms. Jane and Daria each enter one of them, dressed in high tech-looking outfits. They have complex looking targeting gear over their eyes, they both sit in chairs set in the middle of each room. Immediatly, control panels slide into place, so they are both completely blocked in. They both begin pressing buttons and pulling switches.

Jane:

All systems check out. Everything's ready. Let's go kick some giant, radioactive lizard butt!

Daria:

Very well. Activate boot boosters. Blast off.

Jane:

(pressing buttons) Boot blasters activated!

Suddenly the scene changes, to show an attractive college girl. She is wearing a T-shirt that says "I solved CN's spell code, and all I got was this lousy death scene." A name-tag identifies her as 'P. Moriarity.' Suddenly, a giant shadow falls over her. She looks up, and sees a giant green clawed foot descending upon her. Then she's paste. Another college girl emerges from a store just in time to see this gruesome sight. Her T-shirt says "How'd I get into this?" and a name-tag identifies her as 'Dralafi." She screams "Oh my god, you killed the Professor! YOU BASTARD! (beat) Oh well, at least now I get to keep this." She holds up a copy of Obsidian Butterfly, by Laurell K. Hamilton. The girl giggles with glee, and goes back into the store.

Suddenly a crowd of screaming people run by. Camera pans back to show GODZILLA King of the monsters chasing them. He tosses a bus, which the camera follows until it crashes into the street. Suddenly, the crushed bus is flattened by what appears to be a giant combat boot... The camera slowly pans back to reveal a giant robot, that is shaped to look like Daria. MECHA-DARIA!

Daria:

He's going to flame us. FLIP OFF SHIELD!

Mecha-Daria places its hand in front of it, and extends its middle finger. Godzilla seems enraged by this gesture, and breathes fire at it. However an energy shield generated from the finger blocks his flame. Mecha-Daria is unharmed, much to Godzilla's surprise.

Daria:

Let's press on the attack. BOOT TO THE HEAD!

Mecha-Daria leaps into the air (assisted by rockets) and flies at Godzilla, kicking him in the head. He falls back, but doesn't fall over. He instead grabs Mecha-Daria and tries to crush it.

Jane:

Um, Daria that creaking doesn't sound good. Plus the exterior hull stress monitors indicate we're about to be crushed like an aluminum can.

Daria:

Oh. Any other problems?

Jane:

Yeah, why the hell do you keep yelling out the attacks? I'm on speaker! You don't need to shout!

Daria:

I'm aware of that, but these attacks require many complex actions by both of us, as well as some processes that are automated. Those processes are voice activated, however, and thus I have to shout.

Jane:

Of course! It all makes sense now. Oh, by the way, the exterior stress monitors indicate that we'll be crushed in 10 seconds. Might want to do something.

Daria:

Oh, right. The fight. I almost forgot. COMMON RUTTHEIMER DEFENSE!

We see Godzilla and Mecha-Daria still locked in a grapple. Suddenly, Mecha-Daria brings its knee up into Godzilla's groin. Godzilla releases Mecha-Daria and bends over in pain. Then he spins around and smacks it with his tail. Mecha-Daria flies across the way, smashing into a tall building. The building collapses around Mecha-Daria. After the dust clears, we see Mecha-Daria lying flat on its back, half covered with the rubble from the building. Godzilla lets out a roar of triumph, then approaches to finish it off.

Jane:

This is really bad Daria. Practically everything is damaged, we can't move, and I think I chipped a nail.

Daria:

Dammit! And he'll be here any second to finish us off. What do I... Suddenly, a ghostly presence appears behind Daria

Aunt Amy:

Use the Uppercut, Daria!

Daria:

Huh?

Aunt Amy:

The Tiger Uppercut! Use the Uppercut, Daria! (beat) He's got a glass jaw.

Daria:

Nothing to lose... Jane, transfer all power into this last attack.

Jane:

Ok, (presses some buttons) Done!

Daria:

Here goes nothing. TIGER UPPERCUT!

We see Godzilla approaching the damaged Mecha-Daria. Just as he's about to stomp on it, it raises its arm. Its hand forms into a fist, and detaches from the main body at the arm. A rocket ignites, and the fist flies at Godzilla, catching him right on the chin with great force. He drops like a stone, and lays flat, unconscious. View returns to a split screen of Daria and Jane, both look a bit battered from the fight, and the control room is sideways.

Jane:

(weakly) Great shot kid. That was one in a million.

Daria:

Are you OK?

Jane:

Of course I'm not OK! Even my hair hurts! But the damage control computer says that we'll be able to stand in about 20 minutes, and the boot rockets weren't damaged at all, so I suppose we'll be able to leave. What about sleeping lizard over there?

Daria:

I'll call Monster Isle for a pickup. (Presses some buttons, a screen moves in front of her face, and a Japanese woman in a uniform appears on the screen) Hello. I'm mamano hunter Daria, and I'd like you to come pick up your escaped monster.

Woman:

Ah Mamano hunter! What an honor to meet you! A transport is en route to retrieve Godzilla.

Daria:

How did he escape?

Woman:

We're not sure. One moment he was here, the next he was gone, as if magically transported.

Daria:

Magic, you say? Hmmm. (Glances at another screen) Well, I see your transport has arrived, so we'll be on our way.

Woman:

Thank you for your assistance, Mamano hunter. (Screen goes blank)

Daria:

Jane, are those repairs finished?

Jane:

Looks like, what's the hurry?

Daria:

I'm afraid the sorcerer who released Godzilla may have done so to get us away from our base, so they could get into it for some reason.

Jane:

But don't you think Trent and the guys can handle... (Breaks off) What am I saying, of course not! Let's GO!

Exterior view. We see Mecha-Daria shakily stand, then ignite its rocket-boots. It soars into the sky, and a mystical portal opens in front of it. It flies through and disappears. Fade out.

Chapter two: The Barch is back

We see Daria and Jane emerge from Mecha-Daria. Daria draws and ignites her lightsaber. Jane morphs into her Jane-wolf form.

Daria:

Someone is here. I sense something...

Jane:

A trembling in the force, that you've not felt since you were in the presence of your old master?

Daria:

We really have to knock off the Star Wars refs.

Jane:

You're holding a lightsaber Daria.

Daria:

Dammit!

Daria and Jane enter the elevator. When the door opens, they both wear looks of shock and disgust. Camera pans to show the dismembered body parts of Mystik Spiral. At the far end of the hall, in the shadows, a figure stands.

Daria:

Nice to see you again Ms Barch.

The figure steps out of the shadows. It is Ms Barch, dressed in a black gown.

Barch:

How did you know it was me?

Daria:

I recognized your dismemberment style.

Barch:

Ah.

Jane:

(Whispered, to Daria) Really?

Daria:

(Whispered, to Jane) No, not really. I recognized her portly silhouette. But I didn't think it would be polite to mention it. (Louder, to Barch) What do you want?

Barch:

I want you to journey to hell, and retrieve the soul of my beloved.

Jane:

And if we refuse?

Barch:

Then I release the Fashion Vampires and Linda Griffin upon the earth.

Daria:

Suppose I slay you instead?

Barch:

The spell is deathlocked. If you kill me, it is cast. But if you do this for me, I will return their ashes to you, and never trouble you again.

Daria:

You leave me little choice. But why don't you do it yourself?

Barch:

If only I could! Nothing would please me more then getting my revenge on Li... (Flashback sequence, we see Mrs Li, standing in a pentagram in her office, doing a spell.) I discovered her interest in the dark arts. She promised me power in exchange for my silence. I know she was up to something, I didn't trust her, but if I'd known what she was up to... I studied the dark arts myself, but my powers were too weak. (We see Mr O'Neill, strapped to an altar. Barch is being held by Linda Griffin, and led away, as Li cackles evilly) She used me to lure my beloved into her trap, so she could use his innocent soul to open a gateway into hell, and bring forth her evil minions. But I used all my arcane skills to cast one spell, before they could drug me, and send me to labor in the caves. (We see Linda attempting to put a needle in Barch's arm. Barch struggles, and suddenly throws her arm, as if tossing something. A glowing ball appears in her arm, and flies away. We see Mr. O'Neill's body, lying on the altar with a knife in it. Suddenly, the glowing ball strikes him. The knife pops out and rolls aside. The wound heals up, and we see his chest move up and down. Then the body disappears.) I teleported him to a safe haven outside of Lawndale. After you freed me from the caves, I went there to see him. (We see Barch entering a sparsely furnished cabin. Mr O'Neill lies on a couch. He is breathing, but he doesn't move, and his eyes are closed) I realized my spell was keeping his body alive, but his soul was still in hell. If I leave this earthly plane, his body will expire. So I had to find someone else to journey to hell for me.

Jane:

So basically, you're telling us to go to hell. (Daria and Barch glare at her) What?

Daria:

We'll go, but I'm going to bring in some friends to help.

Barch:

NO MEN.

Jane:

Well, duh.

Daria:

As soon as they arrive, we'll go to hell.

Fade out.

Chapter three: Daria's Inferno ™

We see Daria, in a small room, gathering various implements of destruction. She is dressed in black jeans, her combat boots, and a black leather jacket. Suddenly, the ghostly visage of her Aunt Amy appears.

Daria:

Guess I'll pack an extra lightsaber... it'll be mostly hand-to-hand, right?

Aunt Amy:

Yeah. I.... can't go with you, you know.

Daria:

Yeah, I figured as much. You'd be vulnerable there, right?

Aunt Amy:

Yes. I'm... sorry.

Daria:

It's not your fault. What the hell (pardon the pun) is the matter with you?

Aunt Amy:

It's October the first.

Daria:

Ah... The anniversary of your death. I forgot.

Aunt Amy:

Well, that's ok. Hallmark hasn't got a card for it, you know.

Daria:

Not yet anyhow. The others will be here any time now, so...

Aunt Amy:

OK, Daria. Take care, I don't want to have to train one of the other candidates.

Daria:

You've got other candidates? Who...

Jane:

(offscreen) Dar-ia! Jodie's here!

Aunt Amy:

Fight well Daria. Farewell. (after Daria is gone) We have to have backups, because if you would die...

Daria:

(offscreen) You know, talking to yourself is the first sign of senility.

Aunt Amy:

Ah, go to hell!

Daria:

(offscreen) On the way there now.

We see Jane, in Jane-wolf form, conversing with Jodie. Jodie is dressed like 'Xena', right down to the funky round sword thingie. They both look up as Daria approaches.

Daria:

Glad you could make it, warrior princess.

Jodie:

Don't start with me. This weapon is awesome, the uniform is functional, and if I may say so, I look good in it.

Daria:

Everyone has their own methods. What about you, Jane? Armed?

Jane:

I've got all the weapons I need (Pops the claws in both hands, shows fangs) right here, Amiga.

Daria:

So where's Andrea?

Jodie:

She had to get permission to undertake this mission from her superior.

Jane:

(amused) Mother Superior?

Jodie:

You'd better not joke around her. She's reached second circle already, and you don't do that as quickly as she has without being devout.

Daria:

Not to mention extremely good at what she does. You don't sneer at the Warrior Nuns Jane.

Suddenly there is a bright light, which forms into a cross. The light cross widens, and Andrea steps out. She wears a uniform similar to a nuns, but it is clearly made of sturdier materials, possibly body armor. She wears a sword, and is much more muscular and imposing then before.

Andrea:

So, we are assembled. This venture has the blessing of the church, so we may be on our way.

Jane:

Question: Is this the hell we're going to? I mean, the one in the Bible and all that? Will we get to kick Hitler's ass?

Andrea:

No Jane. 'Hell' is merely an alternate dimension. In theory, there are many, many different dimensions, some alien and strange to our world, these are the places that the demons and monsters come from to plague the earth. It is also theorized that there are alternate dimensions, that differ from our reality only a bit, and are created at each decision we make. But I leave such subjects to the theologians. I'm a warrior. The hell we'll be going to is the dimension that Ms Li contacted in her attempt to take over Lawndale 4 years ago. It is ruled by the demon Y'curiste, and occupied by a score of demons, as well as the souls of many of our former classmates. We will have to cleanse the place of evil. An innocent soul like Mr O'Neill's is a great prize, and Y'curiste will not give it up without a fight. We must be prepared for the greatest battle of our lives.

Daria:

On that note.... Shall we go?

They enter the living area, where Barch stands, next to the body of O'Neill, which she has teleported here. She makes some arcane gestures, and a portal opens.

Barch:

This portal will set you in the outermost area of hell. You must journey to the center to reach the soul. When you have it, I will open a portal for you to return. You cannot use your own portals in this hell, as it is protected from them.

Jane:

Doesn't this remind you of that video game?

Daria:

Only this won't be as easy. And you won't be able to consult the hint book.

Jane:

Go to hell, Morgendorffer.

Daria:

You go to hell.

Jodie:

Let's all go to hell.

Chapter Four: Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter In

Daria and company are in a foggy area. It is apparently very cold, as their breath is visible.

Jane:

Brrr. I thought hell was suppose to be hot.

Daria:

It comes in all types. And keep alert. Anyhow, you've got that nice fur coat to keep you warm. Imagine how poor Jodie feels in her outfit.

Jodie:

I'm fine, thanks for asking. Sheesh. The movie The Fog didn't have this much fog in it.

Jane:

Daria?

Daria:

Yes Jane?

Jane:

(Whispered) I see dead people...

Indeed, a large group of former classmates, now zombies, emerge from the fog and head toward the mamano hunters. They are led by.... Tommy Sherman.

Tommy S:

Well, if it isn't those Misery Chicks. At last I shall have my rev- Without warning, Jodie's flying sword slices Tommy's head off. He drops to the ground, dead.

Jane:

Geez Jodie, you could have at least let him finish his speech.

Jodie:

Hey, you didn't have to write a speech that praised this jerk, ok?

Andrea:

Ladies, I hate to disrupt your argument, (Draws glowing sword) but I believe it's time to do the Lord's work. (Rushes at zombies) HAH!

Jane:

(also rushes at zombies) RAH!

Jodie:

(Rushes at zombies, too) EEEYAH!

Daria:

(dry) Hork. (Rushes at Zombies, too)

Soon the 4 women stand amongst the remains of their slain enemies.

Jane:

Ok, all I want to know is... what the hell kind of battlecry is 'Hork'?

Andrea:

An ancient one. Used by the children of Israel as they went into battle.

Jodie:

Even your battlecry is obscure.

Daria:

Whatever. Let's try to stick together and stay alert people. This is hell, not a walk in the park.

Jane:

I'm ready for anything.

Suddenly, a spray of webbing flies at them. They are immediatly encased in webbing. Then the whole pile is dragged away.

Jane:

Well, almost anything.

The ball of webbing and women is tossed into a pit. As it falls, the webbing spreads out a bit, and right before hitting the bottom, the webbing catches on the walls, leaving the four suspended over the bottom. At the bottom, we see a similarly bound Brittany Taylor. A giant spider comes into view. A light falls on it, and we see it has the face of.... Charles Ruttheimer!

Chapter Five: Charles' Web

Daria and friends, as well as Brittany are now all bound tight in a large web.

Charles:

Well, well, well. If it isn't all my favorite feisty babes all in one place! And wrapped up so thoroughly. I feel like a boy in a candy store! Where to begin? With the foxy wolf-babe?

Jane:

I'll castrate you Charles, if I have to use my teeth....

Charles:

feisty! Or perhaps with the warrior nun? I could live out the catholic schoolboy fantasy...

Andrea:

That sin will cause you to be cast into the fiery pit that much sooner, Charles.

Charles:

Very feisty! Perhaps our overachiever would like to taste the gift of Charles?

Jodie:

If you touch me Charles, when I get loose....

Charles:

Extra feisty! I've grown a bit bored with my cheerleader plaything, so... how about the woman who beheaded me, and sent me here? It would be sweet revenge, indeed.

Daria:

Cut the crap Upchuck.

Charles:

(angered) That name no longer holds any meaning to me.

Daria:

It is your true name, and don't forget it. But the point I'm trying to make is this: only female spiders can spin webs. You're a woman.

Charles:

(now very angry) I most certainly am not.

Daria:

Bullshit. C'mon then. Show me. If you can.

Letting out a bellow of rage, Charles rushes at Daria's bound form. He crawls on top of her. Suddenly there is a flash of light between the two, and a lightsaber blade emerges from Charles' back. Daria rolls left and right, and Charles is neatly quartered. The saber blade extends from within Daria's cocoon of webbing, in both directions. She spins about a bit, and is soon free. She is also covered in ichor from killing Charles. She quickly frees Brittany, Jane, Jodie and Andrea.

Jane:

So, was that a lightsaber in your pocket, or were you just glad to see him?

Daria:

You know, aside from constantly being dowsed in gore, I think the thing I hate most about this job is the wise-cracking sidekick.

Andrea:

Double-edged lightsaber, eh?

Daria:

Saw Phantom Menace and just had to have one. Very useful when combating a room full of monsters.

At that moment, Brittany bursts into tears and runs to Jodie, who holds her, pats her back and makes comforting noises.

Brittany:

Oh Jodie, it was horrible! First Ms Li killed all the cheerleaders, then she just gave me to Upchuck! It was horrible.

Jodie:

It's OK, Brit. You're safe now.

Jane:

Not to be the party pooper, but what do we do with her? I mean, we can't just leave her here....

Daria:

Andrea?

Andrea:

Yes. Her soul is an innocent one. She belongs here no more then O'Neill does. (She approaches Brittany) Brittany, I free you from this place. Go to your reward. (A bright light appears in the sky, Brittany begins to float upwards) Head toward the light.

Daria:

(after Brittany has disappeared into the light) Stay close and alert. This passage (indicates a narrow path out of Charles' pit) should take us into the very center of hell.

They enter the passage. When they emerge, they see...

Chapter Six: Army of Darkness

Stretched out before Daria and friends is a huge bare area. In this area is assembled all the demons of this hell. Behind them is a castle. Directly in front of Daria is a huge demon, obviously the Captain of the demon army, and Kevin. Kevin still has his football uniform and shoulder pads on, but also wears a big pointed hat with planets and stars on it, and a flowing sorcerer's robe.

Demon
Captain:

You will surrender, or be destroyed. Choose n-

Kevin:

Dude, I got it. Check it out! Slee vede htf oemoh eh tot airad dn aen ajdnes! (there is a puff of smoke, and Daria and Jane disappear) See, told ya!

Demon
Captain:

I'm impressed sorcerer! Where did you send them?

Kevin:

(Proudly) I sent them to hell!

Demon
Captain:

But... sire, we're in hell.

Kevin:

Huh, yeah, I guess we are. Wonder where they went?

Suddenly, there is a POP sound, and Daria reappears. She is now clad in leather pants, a leather blouse, and a leather overcoat. She has various things hanging from her belt and from her jacket. She has an eye patch over her left eye. She is holding a stick-like object, with a round thing at its top. When she sees Kevin, she puts it away, and draws her lightsaber.

Daria:

You!

Daria rushes at Kevin, and hacks off his head with her first swipe. Not content with merely killing him, however, she continues to hack away at him, until nothing remains of him but a pile of parts. Andrea, Jodie and even the Demon Captain look a bit sickened by this. Before the Captain can recover, however, Daria turns and slices off his head. She then stands before the massive army of demons. Jodie and Andrea move up to flank her.

Jodie:

O generation of vipers, who hath warned you to flee from the wrath to come?

Andrea:

Matthew Chapter 3 verse 7.

Daria:

(tersely) Apt. (Beat, ignites her double-sided lightsaber) Lets do this.

The battle would live on in infamy. It would be spoken of in tense whispers by other demons, and in awed tones by other hunters. Some would say the battle raged for days, others claim it was merely hours. But the end was the same. The Misery Chicks (as they became known, but never to their faces) emerged victorious.

Chapter Seven: The Final Battle

Daria, Andrea and Jodie stand before the castle.

Daria:

Y'curiste! Send out your final champion, that we may slay her, before we storm your castle and kick your demonic backside!

Jodie:

Flowery.

Daria:

Thank you.

Suddenly, in the skies above, we see a large harpy. It is Ms Li. She begins to descend on the women.

Daria:

Who wants her?

Andrea:

She's mine.

Daria:

Okey-dokey. Fastball Special?

Andrea:

Works for me.

Andrea rushes away from Daria and Jodie, then rushes back toward them. Jodie and Daria clasp their hands together. Andrea leaps into their hands, and they toss her into the air, straight at Ms Li, who is diving with her claws extended. Andrea and Ms Li exchange a rapid succession of blows, then are separated. We see Andrea land neatly. Then Ms Li burst into pieces. They gather in front of the castle.

Andrea:

As long as this castle stands, Y'curiste has access to all the power of this realm.

Daria:

Easily repaired.

Daria pulls a sawed-off shotgun from her overcoat. She pumps it, aims at the castle gate, and fires. The shell flies out and strikes the gate. It explodes, destroying the castle with a mushroom-cloud effect. As the dust clears, we see a demon floating in the middle of the destruction. He is a tall horned demon. An energy shield protects him from the destruction. He holds an ornate box in his hands. He floats down to a spot a few feet away from Daria and friends. He sets the box down, and faces them.

Y'curiste:

So it is down to you, and it is down to me. Will you fight me as a group, or will you choose a champion? It makes no difference to me, as you're all going to die either way.

Andrea:

Daria, I choose you as our champion. Here is Demonslayer entrusted to me by the church, now I entrust it to you. Use it well.

Jodie:

I've got your defence, Daria, you concentrate on offense.

Daria:

Very well. (Takes the sword from Andrea, turns to Y'curiste) Hello. My name is Daria Morgendorffer. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

Y'curiste:

Killed your father? I didn't kill your father.... In fact, isn't he still alive? (Notices Daria charging him with sword raised) HEY! (Raises his own sword, blocks her first blow) A dirty trick. I like your style.

The two combatants circle each other, exchanging blows. It is clear that Daria has the edge in skill, but Y'curiste has more power. Suddenly, Y'curiste knocks Daria's sword from her hands, and causes her to fall over backwards. The sword lands neatly sticking up in the ground. He brings his sword in for the kill, but inches from Daria's face, the sword stops, caught on a mystic shield. We see Jodie, concentrating on maintaining it.

Y'curiste:

So, this is how it ends. You can't maintain the shield forever (Pan to Jodie, who is starting to sweat under the strain) and when it falls, so falls your chances of victory. (Daria appears to be looking at Y'curiste and concentrating, but in fact she's looking behind him, at Demonslayer. We see it begin to tremble, then pull out of the ground, and fly at Y'curiste. It stabs into his back, and he disappears in a flash of light. Daria gets shakily to her feet.)

Andrea:

How did you do that? The force?

Daria:

A long story, and I'm not in the mood to tell it right now. (Daria picks up the box containing O'Neill's soul.) We've got it Barch, now open the portal back.

A portal appears, and the worn out warriors step through. Back in Limbo, Barch immediatly snatches the box from Daria, and hands her a pouch with vials of ash in it.

Barch:

You have done well, Daria. At last I can live in peace. (She begins to make gestures to teleport herself and O'Neill to her home, but Daria grabs her arm)

Daria:

One last thing. NEVER trouble me again. EVER. It will be the last thing you ever do.

Barch backs away from Daria cautiously, seeing the anger in her eye, and teleports herself and O'Neill away. Jodie approaches Daria with some trepidation.

Jodie:

Daria, what happened to you? Where's Jane?

Daria:

(Pulls the stick-like object out of her overcoat. On close examination, we see the round top part looks as though it has been added on, and it looks like a complicated piece of equipment.) It's a long story, but I suppose I'll have time to tell it, while I wait for this thing to recharge. It all started when Kevin teleported us away to another dimension....

Daria's voice trails off, and the scene fades out.

The End

Yes, as you may have feared, this is the first in a new 'sub-series' of fics, as we find out what happened to Daria and Jane, where they went, what they did, how Daria lost her eye, and what the heck happened to Jane. All this and more crossovers then you can shake a stick at in 'The Misery Series'.... coming soon.... or not, whatever. ~CN

What has gone before....

Not so long ago, in a fanfic not very far away...

Daria's infamous Aunt Amy was killed by savage monsters. Because her job was protecting earth from evil monsters, her soul remains on earth, to haunt her chosen predecessor.... Daria. A somewhat reluctant Daria agrees, and is trained. We learn that Ms Li was behind the attack on Amy, and that she's made the Fashion club, Sandi's Mom, and Monique into vampires. On top of all that, the always evil Tom is a werewolf, and he's changed Jane into one in an attempt to assassinate Daria. However, Daria overcomes these obstacles, as well as some others, and with some help from fellow mamano or monster hunters Jodie, Mack and Andrea, she triumphs over Li, and literally sends her to hell. Oh, yeah and Trent gets turned into a vampire, too.

Practically the next day Daria learns that 'The Spiral' still live... sort of. Too mangled and broken to be live, Daria uses arcane knowledge, and some bolts and stitches, to piece them back together. Just in time, as Lawndale gets nuked by that evil villain.... UPCHUCK. However, Daria travels to his castle, and promptly kicks his butt.

A year passes. Then Stacy strikes. Driven mad with power, she's taken over the Fashion Club, and wants Daria to be her human agent. After a lengthy battle, Daria manages to slay Stacy, and reclaim the ashes of the Fashion Vampires. Except for Quinn, who helped out at the last minute, and was allowed to escape...

back