Dear Ms. Carrie D. Wildly:
First and foremost, I am a big, big, BIG fan of your TV show "Abruptly Amy". There, I said it.
Now, where shall I begin? Let's see--this ep you wrote contained an epitome of exaggerations, from Amy's outrageous perceptions of Andrea's ("real") mom being a "threat" to her over taking Andrea (which proved to be incredibly true, blasted religious fanatics), to your depiction of that witch, Helen Morgendorffer.
Your lunacy in having Kristovo watching Mrs. Hercuba's place and using the FBI agents on her was hilariously ludicrous. "Overkill" is too good for that scene.
Amy's "caring" of Rita over Rita's alcoholism fit right in with what I called the "light-heartedness" of this ep (despite the seriousness of the subject), a marked reversal from E. Charlton Fuhrmann's ep (Corona, Corona), which had your standard explosions, car chases, and the like. Will this be a trend, something like serious-light-serious-light-serious-light...you get the picture don't you, Ms. Wildly? Which is "Abruptly Amy"? Serious? Light? Both? I prefer the shoot-em-up-blood-and-guts "AA" myself, though I guess this ep passes for ok. I just don't like the touchy-feely stuff to be too much of a stamp on "AA", ya know?
Hey, yeah! Now, the scene with Amy coming up Kristovo's torso and "wiping her mouth" was really pushing it! I'm surprised you guys got that past the network censors!
Huh, Helen almost got what she deserved, ya know. That woman needs to be *shot*! I hate her guts! You should've done that, ya know--shot her, that is! Poor Jake needs to find a woman who can really appreciate him! How about that Li lady?
Anyways, I want to thank you for the ep, Carrie. I hope your show will last for many years to come. I gotta make sure I set my VCR to record the next one on Lifetime!
Sincerely,
Geven Stalloway, Your Show's #1 Fan
Dear Sunto Czyra:
Hiya! I'm a BIG, BIG, BIG fan of your show "Abruptly Amy", and I'm writing you because this episode did so much for me! It had EVERYTHING!! I was overwhelmed by the romances, sarcastic humor, cameo roles, family love, you name it!!
I liked the addition of an audience laugh-track in this episode, which made the show appear to be more...oh, it's at the tip of my mind...yeah, more accessible to me, like it really reached out from the tube and grabbed me by my shirt, and made me understand what was going on here! Will that stay in the show, huhhuhhuhuhuh?
Oh, isn't our Rita such a lovable little former alcholic slut? And how about the exciting chase scene with the ninjas? I was on the edge of my seat, and nearly choked on my popcorn while shouting at the screen! God, I thought Amy was doomed, but, whew, she got out unscathed! Silly me, I should've known! The torpedo fights between the subs reminded me of Green..no, wait, that's "Red October", but I think you did a far, far, better job than the directors of that movie ever did!
I'm looking forward to even more of this show, I tellsya! Yeah, I read about the *stupid* bad reviews, such as "Phew, someone put this show out of it's misery", and "Someone put *us* out of *our* misery for watching this drivel", and the dumb ol' Nielson ratings, which placed "Abrutly Amy" dead last, not only in it's time slot, but *all time*, but so what? I LOOOOOOVE this show, and the ratings will go through the roof! The acting is first class, and the plot is superb, the best on TV! Keep up the good work Czyra, and thanks!
Your Biggest Fan,
Geven Stalloway
Dear J. Michaelis Quinn:
Hiya! I'm a HUGE fan of the show "Abruptly Amy", and I just had to write to you to let you know what a great job you did in directing this gem of an episode. It wan't too much action in it, so I'm guessing it was a filler ep, am I right? Well, as far as I'm concerned, it was TERRIFIC! I loved the way how you really fooled me by making it look like Amy wanted to work there in that bar just to keep an eye on preventing Rita from falling off the wagon again and give up her temptation to drink as a bartender, only to see Amy's *real* motive--to break up a diamond smuggling scheme! It's nice to know Amy has her priorities in order!
Grrr--that "Jimmy" character was so sleazy. He was obviously a pervert from the get-go, with his "fiesty" remarks, and of wanting to see our beloved Amy in that scantily-clad outfit, leering at her lustily. He reminded me of someone, but who? It's at the tip of my mind...give me a second, now...it's coming to me...Up...Up...Up...UPTON SINCLAIR! No, wait, that's not right...oh, who care's? He's a jerk, and should've been shot at the end for using poor, poor, Amy like that!
The choice of Gordie Howe was FANTASTIC! I never knew a former hockey player could act so well like that! If he doesn't get an Emmy for his work here, then there is no justice. The scene where he goes to upchuck that oatmeal--upchuck, hmmm, is that what I...nah...anyhoo, it was a classic scene! I was awed by the pained expression on his face, and the way he held his stomach while running out of the room. Magnificient! Bravo! I gotta see more of Gordie on TV, and I hope on the big screen, too! I can see him in "Macbeth"...
Overall, for a filler ep, "Raiding the Bar" rocked like nothing I've ever seen on the tube! Keep up the good work, and I hope you direct some more eps. Thanks again.
Your Show's Biggest Fan,
Geven Stalloway
Dear Mr. Hans Tojki:
I, sir, wish to salute you for your fine direction in the episode "Hot Head, Cold Fetus" concerning my favorite TV show, "Abruptly Amy". I must say this episode (sniff) really touched me in such a deep way, that I almost cried and cheered throughout all of it. The subject of sex has always terrified me, but after the way you presented it on this particular episode, I'll never quite see it in any other way again.
Thank goodness for Amy! She came through with flying colors when she stopped that --that--(sob) filth from being teached to those students! So what if those poor, misguided students didn't get the entire message? My, er, our Amy is never wrong!
Even the (formerly alcoholic) slut Rita touched me, when she was included in Amy's crusade. I cried out "Fantabulous!" when I saw her come up oh that roof with our heroine! The little tramp even found romance in Sven!
WAH! Poor, poor, Andrea! That scoundrel Jesse got her preggers, then took off for greener pastures! No, wait, in the end, Andrea wasn't preggers, right? Well, I still think he was a total jerk! It's my right, isn't it? It did my heart good to see how the gang rallied around our innocent and saintly Andrea in support at the end! I ran out of my Kleenex tissues, and had to go to the store to get some more during the commercials!
Oh, heh-heh, that Kristovooooo! Don't get me started about him! He provided the perfect comical relief in his fear of Bugs Bunny! I rolled on the floor at his ludicrous antics! Of course, for some reason, I think he would've been the perfect person to discuss the birds and the bees with that dastard Jesse...
And, oh, wow! You got the same preacher/minister/rabbi from the "I Don't" episode in 'Daria'! My God, man, he's the perfect fellow for that sex-ed teaching job! I can just envision what the students will acquire from him...
Overall, another great "Abruptly Amy" ep. I'm becoming quite attached to these characters, who will go down in history as the greatest TV performers on the greatest TV show ever. Thanks for the great work, Mr. Tojki.
Your Show's Greatest Fan,
Geven Stalloway
P.S.: I have all of the copies of your animated Porky's on video, the same for your "Top Banana" series. The network suits should be shot at dawn for cancelling that show! Bill Murray rocked!
================================================================Hans Tojki's response:
================================================================Dear Gaven,
What are you, some kind of freak? You think I need my episode read back to me or something? Geez! Get a f&*$#%n' life!
> P.S.: I have all of the copies of your animated Porky's on video, the same > for your "Top Banana" series. The network suits should be shot at dawn for > cancelling that show! Bill Murray rocked!
Those better not be those f&*$#%n' bootleg videos! Damn it, I got in some serious s#!t for that! You better keep your nose clean, you little f&*k, or you'll be hearin' from my lawyers!
Hans
P.S. What kind of a dumb-ass name is "Gaven?" Freak.
Dear Shawn Perry:
Hello dere! I'm an awfully big fan of the "Abruptly Amy" show, and I wanna say that I throughly enjoyed this episode. It reminded me of that movie with Tommy Lee Jones in it, called, lessee--hmm--"Eruption"? No wait--"Spew", no, "Lava, Not the Soap, But the Movie Movie"? Ah, you know what I mean.
Anyway, I thought Tom was fantastic in this episode, his "evil" character was simply brilliant. You know, I wonder why the suits don't develop a spin-off from this episode, called "Terrible T(h)om", in which he wreaks havoc in the town of Lawndale, almost ruining the friendship between Daria and Jane by first going with Jane, then getting bored with her, and turning to Daria, and--waaaait a sec...that sounds familiar! Ah, you know what I mean.
That lovable ex-alcholic-now-being-alcholic-again-slut Rita was, as usual, being a wonderful pain to Amy, the same for Andrea and Ruth in their brilliant roles as supporters to my heroine. Kristovo more than keeps up in this, somehow or another, ah, you know what I mean.
Great cameo from Trent! He should be in more of "A.A."! Trent brings a spark to this series! His laid-back slackness calmed everyone down, and inspired them somehow--I just haven't figured out how yet. Ah, you know what I mean...
Overall, this show gets better and better as the season wears on. Looking eagerly forward to the next one. Thanks!
-Your Show's Biggest Fan,
Geven Stalloway
Dear E. Charlton Fuhrmann:
Howdy! I'm a big, big, BIG fan of "Abruptly Amy", and I wanna tell you that this may have been THE best "A.A." yet! My God, man! There was everything in this! Action, romance, betrayal, long-lost reunions, boring F.B.I. Men In Black wanna-bes, you name it! THIS IS "ABRUPTLY AMY", DO YOU HEAR!!??
Kristovo is Coronada's BROTHER?! Wow! I had to pick myself up off the floor of my one room apartment when I saw that one off the tube! Sniff--I cried when I heard about Kristovo's muddled past. It warmed my heart to see the F.B.I. guy reunited with his blood-thirsty sister after all these years. Coronada does have a heart!
Oooh. Tension between Kristovo and Amy over Coronada! This was quite a twist in the road if I ever saw one! Can you sing Jonny Mathis' and Denise Williams' "It's Over"? I know I can!
Seeing how the former alcholic slut Rita finally got lucky with Kristovo, I can also sing Trent Lane's "Betrayal", too! Wanna hear that? You don't? Okay.
It's nice to see Andrea get romantic. I saw a soft side to her that I never did before.
Daria and Jane made an appearance, too! It really made this ep look just like and ep of 'Daria', if not only for a few seconds! Brought back some deeply-repressed memories of delight...
Anyhoo, Charlton, I gotta say you did a right good job on a series that seems to mimic aging wine--it just gets better and better. Congrats, and thanks!
Your Show's Biggest Fan,
Geven Stalloway
Dear Carrie D. Wildly:
Hello again! My, but this was a touching Christmas episode of "Abruptly Amy", especially since it had little to absolutely nothing to do with Christmas, but who cares, it's ABRUPTLY AMY! It doesn't matter!
This episode was like an amal--amalg--bah, it had a mixture of a lot of things going on in it. Things like, an evil Frosty the Snowman meets the Ghostbusters, meets the X-Files, meets It's A Wonderful Life, meets Scooby Doo! Hey, we didn't know who the culprit was 'till he was exposed, right?
Speaking of exposed, Ol' Big Harv came back! I missed that fat sonavagun! I wondered what happened to him. It was good to experience his diabolically complex plan of getting kids to buy that Super Duper Space Armor. The fiend almost got away with it until my heroine Amy stopped his plans, even though she shrewedly allowed herself to be tricked into Harv's little spirit-induced tricks.
It was a relief when Rita helped Kristovo and Amy get back together, and I know she subconsciously wanted for them both to do so, even though you couldn't tell on the surface. It's what's underneath that counts! Whatta unselfish, former alcholic, slutty gal!
Andrea was Andrea, and Ruth was Ruth, and the town was the town, and the show was the show...hold it, oh, yeah. My point is that "A.A." is as great as usual, and hasn't even reached it's peak yet! Man, I can't wait for the next one! My heart is aflutter with excitement, and I'm getting goosebumps in anticipation! Thanks again!
Your Show's Biggest Fan,
Geven Stalloway
P.S.: I've heard rumors there's gonna be "A.A." action figures, with will include all of the characters. Do you know anything about it, Carrie? I've heard they'll be several Amy action figures, like the Muddy Amy and Coronada from "Double In Paradise", complete with helicopter, and a half-naked Kristovo from almost all the episodes, and the "Amymobile", all weapons included. There's a scowling Andrea, complete with her arsenal of knives, guns, and earrings, a Rita figure with a bottle of liquor and dressed in a nightgown (play bed sold separately), and Grandma Ruth with a rocking chair (separate Bake Sale set sold separately). I'm looking forward to the regular Big Harv, and the Marshmellow Harv. I've heard they're gonna be the rare ones. Mint-condition packages, here I come!