This is the episode that effectively divided Abruptly Amy viewers into two camps: Supporters of Amy's side of the argument, and supporters of Kristovo. The people who disliked Kristovo to begin with absolutely slammed him following this episode, while Amy detractors, who claimed the character of Amy had already been ruined in "A New Beginning", supported Kristovo, one of the few characters they felt was being handled halfway realistically (in some episodes). A sampling of posts to alt.tv.abruptly-amy within 2 hours of the airing of this episode illustrates the fans' dissention:

By the following morning, the newsgroup had deteriorated to the point where nothing relevant about Amy, Kristovo, or Rita was being posted at all anymore. Spinoff threads included politics, religion, is Ryan a virgin, is Corona a lesbian, is Andrea a lesbian, is Ruth a lesbian, politics, insipid inside jokes only understood by about 2% of the group, religion, posts consisting of nothing but giggling at another poster's witty remarks ("LOL!", "hehehehehehehehe!"), knowledge-spewers showing off their extensive collection of useless facts, politics, religion, where is Rutherford, when is the AA movie coming out, religion, religion, and politics.

Gawd, how thoroughly degrading! Amy doing a striptease, Amy mud-wrestling in her underwear, Amy dangling topless from a helicopter... I've taken Kara's original mockery of Daria's favorite aunt and elevated it to an art form! Kristovo sleeping with Rita because he's mad at Amy for ruining his chance to get to know his long-lost twin sister, who turns out to be the same evil villaness who kidnapped Amy's adopted daughter... What a freakin' soap opera! This one was even more fun to write than my first Abruptly Amy script, "Corona, Corona". To the other writers, I say: Ha! Top this! B-)

The setting: We've already seen Amy versus Corona in Rutherford, so I decided it was time for a more exotic locale. Shipping the two agents off to Europe allowed me to test their relationship, and to concentrate on what Andrea and Rita are like when Amy's not around. Why Ibiza, of all places? It's actually an obscure inside joke. Ibiza has long been hailed as the techno-dance club capital of western Europe. Well, awhile back I was browsing music on Amazon.com, and discovered that there actually is a dance diva out there named "Corona". It was too perfect, you can't make stuff like that up! The club setting worked beautifully: It provided Amy and Kristovo with some cover when infiltrating Corona's mansion (which I knew I wanted to have them do in this episode), and it gave me an excuse, albeit flimsy, but that's the point, for the unequivocally gratuitous striptease sequence.

Baxter: She's the absolute stereotype of the "gonna get killed" character. One, she's a minority sidekick (a black minority sidekick, the worst kind to be in an action movie). Two, she mentions not once but twice how close she is to retirement. And three, as if one and two weren't enough, she wears a red uniform, the outfit of choice for every low-ranking Star Trek peon who's ever met an untimely demise. Seriously, if you didn't see Baxter's death coming a mile away, you haven't watched enough movies and TV.

Product Placement: The introduction of Corona in this script, the slow pan revealing her on the beach, imitates the "Change Your Whole Latitude" commercials for Corona. (Cuz her name's Corona, see. Like the Mexican beer.)

The Society: The alchemy / Elixir of Life idea is a really dumbed-down version of a leftover from a horror / techno-thriller novel I started years ago but abandoned after about 11 chapters. (No, you can't see it, please don't ask.)

Play That Funky Music: Yes, I have actual music for the Corona dance number. Unfortunately, it's all in my head. Hope to try laying it out on my mixing software when I have time (which I have a feeling won't be for a good long while). Originally I'd planned for the song to be longer, but... *tch*... there just aren't that many words that rhyme with "Corona".

Marcus: Note his last name, Marcus Pietropinto. Observant Daria fans will note that if Rita had married him, we'd get Rita Pietropinto, the maiden name of the voice actress on Daria who plays... Amy! (No real point to this, just another obscure inside joke.)

"Kiss My Asphalt, You Freaking Load of Spit": Baxter's line, "The spit hit the fan", and Andrea's frequent use of "freakin'", are intended to mock the cheesy TV technique of replacing naughty words that can't be used on TV with ones that sound similar, and trying to pass them off as the same word. Happens all the time when R-rated movies are ported to prime time, but the idea itself came from one particularly painful "E.R." subplot involving an ex-military patient who supposedly swore nonstop, but it was hard to take seriously because the show's writers used the above technique to excess. I felt hideously embarrassed for the actor, but at least he got paid for it.

¿Que?: The English-Spanish translations are courtesy of AltaVista's "Babel Fish" utility. They're not perfect, but that's kind of the point. (American TV shows never get other languages quite right.) If you decide to go through and nitpick the Spanish, there's no need to share your findings with me, as I refuse to learn anything from this. ¿Comprende? (Hee, those li'l upside-down question marks are neat!)

Continuity:

• References to Rita's previous relationships (the sculptor, skydiving instructor, Bruno) from the Daria episode "I Don't" (which is pretty much the entire basis for Abruptly Amy, if you think about it).
• Amy's line, "What's the point of a senseless tragedy if you can't find a little humor in it?" Also spoken both here and in "I Don't".
• Amy's passion for cheese fries.
• Amy introduces herself as "Special Agent Doctor Amy Barksdale" in both A.A. #1 and #7.
• Amy's dislike of techno music was carried over from J. Michaelis Quinn's script, when she's in the car with Rita.
• Stantonville International Airport was first mentioned in Hans Tojki's script.
• Andrea getting banned for life from local businesses.
• Plain bagels: The breakfast pastry of choice for tattooed clandestine operatives. (Both Corona and Amara have walked into Barksdale Bake Sale and ordered one.)
• Corona using Amy's catchphrase (it's originally hers, remember).
• Corona calls Kristovo "handsome" in both scripts.
• Corona chains her prisoners up with manacles.
• Reappearance of Ryan, the Coronada island mansion, Amara, the Timepiece, etc.

• Agents White and Black seem quite eager to pursue the Coronada case. Yet in A.A. #1, Kristovo has said no one in D.C. believed there was anything there.
• Corona teases Amy about her implant scars, but in episode #1 Amy says her breasts are natural.
• Corona smiled at the joke about her name in the first scene in episode #1, indicating she hadn't gotten sick of it yet. But here it's stated she hated the joke as a child.
• Andrea's one-night stand with Jesse in A.A. #5 is conveniently forgotten during her date with Ryan.

• Hero gets a high-tech gadget at the beginning of the movie that proves essential at the climax (many James Bond pictures -- the song about the villain was a Bond influence as well... in fact, the whole script plays a lot like a third-rate spy thriller).
• The Ticking Clock (TM): There's some sort of all-encompassing time limit that the hero must beat to survive. Hero always beats said limit, but Just Barely (TM). (The lightning strike two seconds after the chopper takes off parodies this.)
• The storm. In movies and TV, thunder and lightning occur at precisely the same instant, despite the fact that light travels far faster than sound. (It must just look cooler that way.)
• Hero is able to operate any vehicle if the situation requires it (Kristovo flies the chopper after Baxter is shot).
• The twin siblings dichotomy: One is good, the other is pure evil. Always.
• The evil family member revelation (also known as "Luke, I Am Your Father" Syndrome): Your very worst enemy turns out to be directly related to you or someone close to you.
• When infiltrating villain's hideout, perimiter guards can be dispatched with incredible ease, and without anyone ever noticing their absence from their posts.
• Ultra-secure computer system can be hacked on the third try.
• Also on computers, Kristovo's comment: In movies and TV, word processors and text command shells never have a cursor! (Actors tend to be pitiful typists, I guess.)
• Speaking of computer command shells, in movies they're surprisingly intelligent, recognizing commands in plain English and always taking the user exactly where s/he wants to go. (Amy types "open all secret files", and it works.)
• The G.U.S. (Gratuitous Underwear Scene). In this case, the whole third act.
• DNA test completed in a matter of seconds. "You want fries with that?"
• Villain reveals organization's Evil Plans (TM) to Rule The World (TM, U.S. patent pending).
• Hero escapes villain in vehicle, but villain latches on at the last possible second to continue pursuit.
• Hero hanging from a great height.
• Villain dies a Spectacular Death (TM).
• Even after said Spectacular Death (TM), villain still turns out to Not Really Be Dead (TM).

The fake newsgroup posts: Just a little something I'd wanted to do for awhile, to poke fun at things I've noticed on a certain real-life newsgroup for a certain other TV show... B-)

And that's about it, for both these author's notes and my part in the Abruptly Amy series. The last episode, #8, is Kara's, then it's over. Unless... we happen to get a large number of messages urging us to put together five more for a full season (and possibly beyond). It's up to you, the viewers at home. Please call, and show your support for the quality educational and cultural programming of public television. Pledge only $50, and get this free "Abruptly Amy" soundtrack featuring Sixpence None the Richer's "There She Goes", and... that's about it.

Remember, sarcasm is a great way to... something...

Ha-ha, Kara, my author's notes are even longer than yours!