I was first exposed to the work of Alan Smithee when I was watching the sci-fi channel, and his remake of David Lynch's second-rate film Dune came on. I was blown away by the depth and artistry Alan had shown, even as he reshaped and gave knew life to the work of that bloated, overrated hack! So I did some research. Turns out this guy's been around FOREVER! He's a titan in the cinema! You should see how many quality pictures from fifty, sixty years back got this guy's name on 'em! This is the visionary who colorized Casablanca! This is the man who invented the romantic slasher biopic genre! (find the entire catalogue at www.chicksnchainsaws.com I knew I had to work with him. But how do you approach a genius? Well, they say great minds think alike. He came to me.

After a brief stint adapting original dramatic plays based on improv monologues by the Olsen twins, I'd begun dabbling in television. I bounced around from genre to genre, writing failed pilot after failed pilot. Then I hit it big, with an animated series based on the Porky's film franchise, which was a runaway hit in my native Northern Sweden. For several years, I was riding high -- I even got a grammy nomination!*

It was my unfortunately short-lived series Top Banana, which starred John Travolta as an streetwise organ-grinder who gets drafted into Vietnam, that first caught Alan's attention. The show featured an all-star supporting cast that included the now-legendary Kate Mulgrew as the native medicine woman/love interest. Unfortunately, not even Bill Murray's moving and dramatic portrayal of Richard Nixon could save the ratings. I can only conclude that the subject matter was ahead of its time. But it wasn't all in vain: Alan Smithee saw it. And then he called me. We began working together for a while, then drifted apart as he moved on to other things. But then he got the call from MTV, and he needed help.

I was honored and delighted to join the Abruptly Amy crew. Alan and I both agreed that the characters and situations had the potential for some really deep, insightful drama. With that in mind, he set me to work preparing an episode that would shed some light on the tough issues today's teenage girls face. I knew lots of teenage girls in high school, and I used to know some women, so I was uniquely qualified to tell this tale. I won't be modest ... if we haven't hooked a solid fan base before this episode airs, we will now.

Alan Smithee and me. What a concept!

* King John 1985, best use of a fart sound-effect in a made-for-TV Shakespeare film

Wow. Wow! When media consultant and fellow Daria author Kara Wild recruited me to work on the Lifetime Network's new show "Abruptly Amy," I never expected this! This ... this ... this was beyond hell.

Not that I blame Kara, mind you! I need all the work I can get! Still, the little alarms should have gone off when I saw that I would be working for Alan Smithee. I've viewed Smithee with a skeptical - and slightly fearful - stare since I first saw his name in front of David Lynch's flawed but adequate film Dune on the Sci-Fi network. What warped mind could produce such mind-blowingly misguided works?

I found out. I never expected collaboration to be easy, but let's just say that Mr. Tokji was about as pleasant to work with as a dyspeptic porcupine. What really shocked me was the minimal level of creative control I was allowed. Tokji had produced an absolutely HORRIBLE script! Aiming to be heartfelt and dramatic, it was, rather, offensively bad. I had no idea how to salvage it, and even if I had I wouldn't have been allowed to act. The title for example. BLEARGHH!!! What in the name of all things holy is a undigestible pun like that doing at the beginning of anything!? In all my years, I have yet to see a WORSE way to kick off a work of fiction. And it got worse. Tokji evidently has no concept of gender in America ... or anywhere else! Not to mention those ridiculous subplots ... Unfortunately, Smithee loved Tokji's thinking, and Smithee trumps Takis. At least, if Takis wants his paycheck. And after going through *that*, trust me - he does!

The one bright spot in this whole sordid affair was Andrea. What an actress! What commitment! She was determined to take this out-of-character swill and attempt to make it meaningful for any of her fellow teens that might be watching! What a trooper. Compared to me, her patience was infinite. She even did a nude scene with Jesse! Well, that is to say he was nude. We told him he could wear boxers! That we wouldn't see him from the waist down! Oh how we begged and implored him to remember that he only needed to take off his vest. But NO! Mr. Prima-Donna Moreno had to be IN-CHARACTER! (shudder) My eyes still bleed...

Yeah, Andrea really came through on this one. I was ready to fight to scrap it permanently except for the effort she'd made. Let that console you as you attempt to comprehend the sheer badness of this episode. I won't even mention the massively troubled production of the episode. Let's just say that the process of putting the film together ran until minutes before the episode aired (several weeks late!) with no time for re-editing. This is partially because I was delaying until the last possible second attempting to tweak the script with desperately-infused irony (notice my lack of author credit ... that was MY idea), and partly because the art department was still only working from storyboards and not dialogue. Well ... I called them storyboards. Minderbender called them stick-figures hastily scrawled onto the backs of "Hooters" napkins. (Well he was there! And he owes Mike a shirt.)

Anyway, I'm just glad the whole hairy mess is behind me!

Except ... the phone just started ringing ... and I'm trying to remember just how many episodes that contract I signed allowed for ...

Anyone have a good tranquilizer gun I can borrow?

In all seriousness, working on A.A. was a blast! I was so honored to be invited to join the team, and the whole experience was a lot of fun. It was a real challenge, though! Here was something new ... old characters and new characters, but with a fresh new twist, and operating in an entirely different vein of parody. Kara has always been able to impress me, and it was wonderful getting the chance to contribute.

My task was made easier by the army of helpful and supportive fellow contributors in the persons of C.E., Crazy, Mike, Milo, John B and Kara herself. Building and maintaining a semblance of continuity wasn't easy, but I think they did a terrific job. I had some great material to work with, and some great people behind it.

As for the episode itself, I knew from the beginning that I wanted to do a "controversy" episode. My idea was that the producers wanted to make a "very special episode" that took a sensitive and complex issue and portrayed it in a sensitive and insightful light ... and failed miserably. Hence the virtually eroded morality and internal contradictions. Chalk it up to irony, because if you take it seriously, you'll be offended. Which was my goal, of course: to offend as many people as possible. ;-) Your only defense is to submit!

One alternate idea I had was to do a "Full House" type family values episode, which would have featured a visit from Quinn creating jealousy between Andrea and Amy. But the "faux-controversy" idea was just too tempting to resist, and my co-collaborators agreed.

And now, some miscellaneous tidbits:

* I hope you caught the subtle ribbing of Mistress Wild in the "Math Brigade" reference and the ;> sequence.

* My personal favorite line was the one about "It's a High School ... it's not like they're going to come out shooting." Believe it or not, the sick irony of this line didn't occur to me until after I'd written it.

* The cameo of the "Minister-not-a-Priest" is funnier if you've seen "I Don't" and know his face and voice.

* Does anyone know the REAL name for those enormous car-carrying trucks?

Anyway, it's been a long strange trip. But it's also been a lot of fun. Once again, special thanks to Kara for being so patient and supportive. I really appreciated the chance to be a part of this. And thanks in advance to Milo, whom I'm sure will create some knock-out "screen shots." :-) Thanks again, guys, all of you. It's been swell.

And to you the reader: I hope you enjoyed it. Whether you loved to hate it or just plain hated it, I've done my job. :-) Thanks.